Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo;1680763 wrote: THANK YOU LOAMERS! Wow, do I feel great today! It's better than any birthday I can remember!

Wag, we do need to be reminded that long-term sobriety does mean a lot, but we're all only one drink away from disaster. You said you were fine years 3-5. What were the other years like?

j-vo - you sound so happy, and understandably so! 100 days is a huge milestone!

In answer to your question, I was pretty much fine the whole 15 years I was sober. I'm probably forgetting some occasional struggles, but it was really like my brain healed, I had enough other coping mechanisms, and I had a strong enough support system that drinking was mostly off my radar. It helped a ton that my partner didn't drink and neither did most of my friends, so temptations were few and far between.

When I broke down and drank in 2011, most of my life and my support system was gone due to my car accident, mom's illness/death, divorce, etc. Everything fell apart in very rapid succession, and I was stripped bare. Normally I'm a pretty resilient person, but this was just too much crap for any one person to deal with by herself over such a short period of time. When my dog died after all of the above happened, I had nothing left - no energy to cope. I wasn't anywhere close to suicidal, but I sure didn't want to feel any more pain for awhile.

All it took was one drink and I was right back in the struggle. It was literally like an ON/OFF switch for me. For 15 years my switch was OFF and it took little effort to keep it that way because I'd just made it non-negotiable and wasn't faced with temptation very often. When things came crashing down and I was emotionally curled up in a fetal position, my switch flipped ON and I drank pretty consistently from that time until May 1 of this year. I had several quits during 2011-2014 but none of them ever stuck. Now, my switch feels like it is OFF again but I don't trust it and I'm having to put a lot more energy and effort into protecting my quit. However, the biggest difference this time is that I'm not taking anything for granted, and I am putting in the work on a daily basis to stay AF. I'm also gradually working through the deeper issues that trigger my drinking in the first place.

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS - Thanks so much for the blog link. I just barely had a second to check it out, but will be going back to read more thoroughly later today. I really appreciate all of the resources you manage to find and share here - very helpful!

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi,

Quick drive by to say

CONGRATULATIONS J-VO on 100 days!!!

As you know, your invitation is the reason I am here on the LOAM thread, and your reaching out to me in my time of pain was VERY much appreciated. It is wonderful to watch it "click" for you, and to read your honest and insightful posts. Way to go, sister!

xo
Pav

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I wanna have a dance party! Any music goes for me. But this one from Pharrell Williams is what I'm singing today:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM&feature=kp[/video]]Pharrell Williams - Happy (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Wag, thanks for sharing that. Those kinds of posts are what we need to hear and read in order to realize that we're never free of this addiction. Like Byrdie says, if someone is allergic to peanuts, they must stay away from all peanut sources as they could die. Same with us and booze. Why would we purposely drink something that will eventually make us feel miserable. That had to have been a tough short period of time for you. I'm so glad you've found your way out of that abyss and are with us daily. I believe that more and more, that connecting to a group like this is so necessary to our survival and happy recovery. Helping others with the same problem is also another belief. We need to be recovery carriers as NS promotes. And you're certainly one. We all are here on this thread and that's why I love it.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava,
I didn't mention you up there in my thank you post. WTF, and FFS! Bitch I am! Thank you for all of your continued support. Thanks for not leaving me when I was a pain in the arse.:h

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh Jvo and here i was popping in before work to wish you a happy 100th and you ignored me. I will never forgive you now lol. Its the alzheimers hitting now that you are 100 so i will forgive you.

I am so glad you made it to this day, many a time i wanted to hit you with a brick, many a time i wanted to wipe away your tears of frustration and hurt and anger and this is why i am so proud of you for getting to 100. I know none of us do this journey easily but you seemed to want to do it harder than most. The toddler tantrum child in you just wanting to drink, getting its own way and succumbing to al. then you would pick yourself up, dust yourself off to start again and again.

You never gave up J, i dont think i could have been as determined as you my love and i am very proud to have you on this af journey.

Well i am off to work, still contemplating that sicky but one i am awake i may as well go to work. Im way too dedicated now. Bring back my hangover days so i dont give a shite i say. Well i dont want those hangover days but i never felt really guilty about having a sicky as i was way too sick in my soul to care.

love to all.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

available;1680830 wrote:
Well i am off to work, still contemplating that sicky but one i am awake i may as well go to work. Im way too dedicated now. Bring back my hangover days so i dont give a shite i say. Well i dont want those hangover days but i never felt really guilty about having a sicky as i was way too sick in my soul to care.

I was thinking about just this aspect of the whole thing just today, Ava (but, of course, in less colorful terms :H). We have "something to lose" again! For awhile when I was getting so discouraged about being unable to quit, I just stopped caring - about everything. Sometimes when I was home alone and in bed, it would occur to me that I hadn't locked the doors and I'd just think, who cares?, and roll over and fall asleep . I stopped being concerned about tornadoes and icy roads. I don't think I had a death wish, I just didn't care enough about myself or anything else to take normal precautions. It is really great to give a sh*t again !

"Sick in my soul" sounds like about the worst thing a person could suffer. I'm so glad you and I and the other Loamers are recovering from that :l.

[Kailey]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Just a quick check in as I'm exhausted! Very hectic day at work followed by a social commitment I didn't feel comfortable bowing out of. The best news, the wine was flowing and I couldn't have cared less! As I've seen others mention before most people just had one glass and didn't seem to take much notice of it one way or another. One guy, though, had some kind of a hard drink and then switched to wine, and was buying it for everyone. He was also the only one who even noticed I wasn't drinking.

Don't get me wrong, he wasn't out of control or anything, but I could definitely tell he fell in the camp of someone who pays a lot of attention to the drinking aspect of a get together, and no one else there did. In the past I would have joined him and not even been aware that I was drinking more that almost everyone else. Today, I just noticed that he was different than everyone else. I'll bet he went home and continued to drink. I, on the other hand, am going to go take a long bath!

[Ginger999]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Kailey, Another group win! Good for you. Enjoy that nice long bath. You deserve it!

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I'm going to bed in hopes of feeling well enough for work tomorrow.
Good going Kailey

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks, Pav. We started this journey (well I started many years ago) together, and I'm so thankful that you are here on Loamers. You provide such great comfort in your posts, not to mention resources, and thoughtful posts. You've helped me so much!:l

Ava, dear, what can I say? You are so special to me and I couldn't have gotten this far without you. I wished your arm was strong enough to throw that brick from Australia, because I deserved it at times. You said it exactly how it was for me. I'd throw those tantrums. I needed to be in time-out facing the corner until I came to my senses. Gosh I wish I could do that to some of my students! Bring back corporal punishment too, although I'm not hitting anyone...that's the principal's job! I love you!:h

NS, you're so instrumental in my quit. You freaking follow me everywhere, even in my dreams! I'm so lucky! What you bring to this site is priceless. Your wisdom, care, concern, and resources are invaluable. I loved my off-switch picture (forgot to mention). You, ma dear, have become a pro with those pics.:h

NS, in regards to "not caring," I didn't care about anything either. I did as little as possible, especially in my worst years. At work, I'd be on top of my game, but when I was home, I didn't care about anything. Everything was a disorganized mess, including my head. Well, I've got a long way to go with the 'head' thing. To be sick in the soul has to be the worst thing. It is. I was there. We all were to some extent.

Nar, I can't wait for your big party soon!!! You've been here from the get-go and we're so lucky to have you. Miss Bubbly...ooh, wonder if you got that from your past, too! Did your co-workers like the bubbles? Love you Nar.

Kaily, how great for you tonight! Yep. Another group win. And I'm also super aware of those people that are "like" us. We could pick an alkie out of a crowd anywhere. Hopefully more and more people reach out for the help they need...if and when recovery becomes less of a moral defect in the general population's eyes. It's ok to have any other disease or condition in the world, just not addiction. Oh well! So many other things are misunderstood in this world. We aren't the only ones. And that has to be ok.

LB, when are you taking SD back? How was your day off? You, sweetie, are also very close to my heart. You've been here from when I came back and you were already well on your way with sobriety time. I know you were going through hell, but didn't know you that well. You are such a strong, wise, and loving woman. I'm so happy your life is turning around and you're living a happy, peaceful life. Your posts have always been soothing to me. Love reading and hearing how you are. :h

I think I've probably said enough for now. DS should be home shortly, and if he isn't, his ass is in some big doodoo.

Love to all you Loamers.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Kailey, way to go! I bet you enjoyed your bath, how awesome

J-Vo, you make me laugh! I drink so much bubbly water these days my family is going start calling me bubbles!

Ava, have a great day at work.

NS, it's hard to believe you felt like that. Just didn't care. That's amazing because you are such a strong thoughtful woman who really makes a difference to all of us. I am so glad you got yourself out of that shiitty state. It's amazing what AL will do to a person. I remember feeling like that too.

There was a girl at work today, about my age, who was so hungover.. She said she went out for a couple of beer after work yesterday and then didn't get home until 2:00 am. She said she felt like throwing up and as soon as work was over she was going home to bed. I told her that was why I didn't drink because I couldn't only have 2 and stop. She said she was the same way. I hope she figures it out soon. Maybe she will talk to me about it sometime.
I was so glad it wasn't me who was hungover.

Anyway, I am tired ...oh Pav, I liked the drive by

Goodnight

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Ladies:

Good story, Nar. I was listening to THAT podcast today, the interview with Greg Williams who made The Anonymous People doco about the recovery movement. They talked about how hearing that someone was in recovery (vs. someone who is an alcoholic) opened doors for others to ask about how to get help. I hope your honesty does help that girl someday.

Ava - Sad imagery with your dead soul over there, but you are such a great and colorful writer! It is amazing how much more I care about things now, but I never really thought about it.

Way to go, Kailey! You CAN say no to anything, by the way. What if you had the stomach flu and couldn't go? I'm just saying that because if further down the line you are feeling wobbly about going to an event you feel you "have" to go to, think about it seriously!

I am logging in late again and can't go back. Spent the night with an old friend who moved away and is visiting. He had a beer and some red wine, but was definitely a drinking buddy who may or may not be one of us (I think he's ok). It was a great and sober evening, and we're still good friends who have a great time laughing together.

Good night everyone.

xo
Pav

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning, Ladies!!

J-vo, glad you had such a great day celebrating yesterday!

Nar, I'm so grateful not to be in your co-workers shoes anymore. Thank you for posting that story. It's always good to have the reminders of where we don't want to go!

I'm a little bummed because my boss has invited all of his employees (about 100) to join him in another city/country for the opening of an exhibition. He's paying flights and hotels and most everyone is going-- but I know, though it will be a beautiful opening/dinner, afterwards is all night partying. I have been working there for almost 9 years-- and there is NO way I could go and stay sober-- it would be so f******* boring, as most of the people party quite hard and impossible to retreat because of the group dynamic. So I declined the invitation. Not the end of the world.. but a bit of a let down. Thankfully it's during the school holidays, so there will be a few others who won't be going.

Nothing exciting here.. J-vo, your party and song cheered me up yesterday-- and today is cheerier.

Hugs to you all and a happy day...

[Guitarista]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Congratulations on 100 days J-vo!

Pat on 6 plus weeks!

Great stuff Kailey.

Sounds a smart move for now LC.

Take it easy y'all.

L8tr, Yo! :h