Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey guys... just reading through this thread and thinking how I have not been in a challenging situation, whatsoever, regarding drinking and I know I am not ready for that now. In fact I seem to do okay in social situation it is when I am alone that I get out of hand. When no one is around I think 'who cares?' Do what you want.
So, a social situation could very well get me going back on the path I do not want to take.
Now I understand how much better it is not to take that first drink. That is the one that gets me in trouble.

My husband told me last night how great he thinks I am doing. I do not make a big deal about not drinking, and I am fine with him having his occasional glass or two of wine. He has no problem with it, so I certainly am not going to make it into one.

Other good news is no headaches. I think it is eating small meals at regular intervals and the magnesium. Thanks NS and Ginger for your insights!!

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Its really not good to read these posts of people trying to moderate & take meds while continuing to drink. Reading this stuff has gotten me back to drinking in the past. More like given me an excuse to try to moderate. Craziness... And no way for me to get healthy.
This is was I was talking about Jvo when I mentioned I need to be careful what I read here.
Anyone else feel the same?
Probably should even open this kind of dialogue....

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi G-Man! It's so nice to have you here!!

Eloise, I know what you're talking about. For a long time I had to avoid the NN because I felt like it was bringing me down, making me wonder what the point of abstaining was, if we were all doomed to "fall off the wagon" at some point anyway. For awhile, I was greatly affected by what others were dealing with, more than having empathy, I somehow took the weight on my shoulders. I don't know why. I've been joining in the NN again for the past week or so and so far so good.. In the Loamer's thread I always feel comfortable because I know that even if one of us "decides" to drink, we all have the same long term goal and desire to be sober. I guess if I start to feel funny again, I will stick to the threads in the Abstainers area--
I was wondering if your Husband is Dutch? Are you having nice weather in your area? We just started summer break and the sunshine is out...

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Jane!! Good point with the Green light! I think I was probably doing that as well..

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Eloise

It's a good thing to talk about! Early on I learned to stay out of the moderation threads. What I read in there just gave credence to what my addicted voice was trying to tell me. I also was reading a novel about alcoholism someone on MWO recommended and had to stop because the descriptions of drinking sounded too good to me.

Getting free really does involve changing our brains - maybe it even is a form of brain-washing - so giving yourself mixed messages is dangerous business, in my opinion. Later you'll be able to be more objective about the whole thing but for now, I think it is best to surround yourself with the inputs that lead to your goal.

I'm now at the point that I believe that moderation works for some people but it takes about as much energy as I used to put into actively drinking so to me, that's not freedom from an addiction. I live with a normal drinker and know he rarely if ever thinks about the subject. Moderators think about it often every day.

Take care, NS

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Okay, so I am not alone in my thoughts. It isn't that I go looking for excuses... I just go looking.... and then happen upon conversations that are counter productive for me. And I am not criticizing ANYONE.
I fully understand how we cannot see things clearly sometimes, no matter how hard we try.

I am also happy to hear about the fact that it is often the heavy drinkers who pressure us into taking that drink. Something to keep in mind. I have stopped drinking in the past, as we all have, but I really think it is time to stop once and for all.

Jane: I didn't recognize the dangerous signs either when I first tried to really stop 7 years ago. Crazy. I used to be able to stop when I was in my 20s and 30s... I would stop for months with no problem. Not in my 40s though. I just couldn't do it. And even if I only had one or two I would feel bad about myself, so what was the point?! The point was I couldn't stop myself. Little Ms. Independent did not like that at all!!
Lifechange; My husband is Dutch and speaks perfect English. The weather has been spectacular this year. Okay, we had rain for 3 days this week but today is magnificent. The Netherlands is beautiful when there is sunshine.

NS: My lovely, lovely husband is a moderate drinker. He does not have that devilish little voice in his head like I do. "Goodie, it's 5 let's have wine!" "Today sucked let's have wine and make it better!" "You deserve a glass of wine!" You know what I mean.
No, moderating isn't freedom to me either. What sets me free is getting rid of that terrible little demonic voice!! Good grief, it was too much.
And I just do not want to spend so much time thinking about drinking! My goodness, there are so many more positive things to do and think about. And I was rather worried about my memory.
It is getting a bit better and I am less freaked out when I forget things. But, I still forget. I have been reading this is normal in your 40s. I am also thinking let us not make things worse by continuing to drink.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

MAE Girls,
Mein posted this video in the NN. I thought it was excellent and made a lot of good points.

How I Live With Addiction Every Day: Amber Valletta

Some things that resonated with me and I highly believe:

*If you do something long enough, you will change! So for us, the more AF days we have, the longer we're sober, we'll make permanent changes in ourselves.

*But...staying involved in a community is probably invaluable. Whatever it is...MWO, AA or whatever it is that makes you stay sober, do it.

*Being of service to others in recovery is huge. Just like we do here. We help each other. We are here for one another.

*Sit still in the moment and don't run away from it. Sheesh! That's gonna take some work. But I'm not running to numb now. Just create distractions, so maybe in the future, I can learn a way to stay in the present, as LC always mentions. Maybe you can help out with that one LC? :l

*Go inward to see what your needs are.

*Ask for help.

As I said in the nest, learning about sobriety, something everyday, is making sobriety look better and better.

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Nar - Seeing other people who are either drunk or hung over can be a great reinforcement, right? I'm so glad it wasn't you with the hangover! It will be interesting to see whether this woman talks with you at any time in the future.

Pav - Nice that you had such an enjoyable and sober evening with your friend!

LC - I can see why you'd be bummed about not joining the work trip out of town, but if you're at all concerned about it, that's probably the best decision. Good for you on seeing that in advance and protecting your quit.

Feeling really good today on my end. Today is 70 days AF for me, 10 weeks. It's hard for me to believe right now that around 71 days ago I was dry heaving into a bucket and lying awake all night with chills and sweats. I almost wish I had pictures or a video of myself at that time just so I never forget. I am thrilled with every AF milestone I reach - and believe me, I celebrate them all in my head - but my next major goal is to reach 100 days.

[Samstone]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Greetings Loamers,
I figure by the time you're wondering if you can moderate you already know down in your gut that you are drinking too much and that you can't. It is no more than that voice trying to suppress the need to stop drinking. It seems a constant struggle to keep the moderation boat afloat, always watching. For me what the hell good was one or two drinks. I liked the buzz! Please note past tense.

Bye ladies! Enjoy your day!
Sam

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

El,
That's where I ran into trouble also. Reading those threads. Sometimes i let myself sneak, and like Byrdie says, I usually see people failing at it because it's not for them. If you've come to this site, you've already crossed that line, so without the strong meds (in the meds section) moderation is for a very low percentage of the population on this site. And my DH is a moderate drinker as well. Must be nice! But it's not for us. He used to get so mad at me...daily. He would hide stuff, find bottles. Wow. It wasn't pretty here. Finally, I wanted to say that you may not have been challenged with alcohol situation, social situations, but your main drinking was at home, and you've nipped that in the bud. That's a huge win!

NS, on what Nar said...sometimes it is hard to believe you ever had a problem because you're so wise and stinkin' smart! But as we know, al does NOT discriminate, not even for those gifted and compassionate and lovely people like you.

Nar, I'm glad that you told the story of the girl from work. You got to see it first hand, and that's a great reminder of what we don't want to feel like ever. But it made me think about it as I read it and I could feel her pain.

LC, there are going to be some things that we need to turn down now. I didn't go to my after school party the last day. I didn't trust myself in that situation. Yea, I felt a little bad. Probably a little more than little. But these are the necessary changes we have to make in our new lives. We will grieve the loss, but gain so much more. We have to stay away from events where the main focus is alcohol. No doubt in my mind.

G-man, thanks!

Have a good day ladies.

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS and Eloise - I'm with you on moderation taking a lot of energy. I actually think it would take me way more energy than drinking with abandon did. I know other people choose this path and some are able to make it work. For me, it has been far easier to just take AL off the table completely. No internal negotiating, bargaining, calculating, planning, etc. Yes, sometimes it has been hard because I've had to face trigger situations (e.g., death of my uncle) with different coping strategies, and those strategies are far from well developed. Slowly but surely, though, I feel like I am becoming a healthier and more balanced and complete person.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

:happy::wd::yay::applaud:Wag,
Congratulations on your 70 days!!! You're rockin' it Lady! Sometimes it helps to leave those thoughts in our heads of the last days of hell...

Sam, I agree. And as Byrdie says, if you have to think about moderating, you're already past that point. People that don't know they're moderating are the ones that can.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh! I know I can't moderate! Regarding my DH...when he used to get really mad at me, he especially got really irritated when I drank his cooking wine. No sh*t. There was nothing else left in the house so I had no choice! I guess that means I can't moderate.

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey that was a great video, thanks for posting the link.

Love, compassion and tolerance for ourselves... Good things to think about!!

[Ginger999]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I get up this morning feeling a little mehh....but I come here to visit you guys and I'm feeling so much better. Back in the old days that feeling would continue all day and end with a bottle or two of wine. I always encounter so much wisdom here and appreciate each and every one of you!

Heading out tomorrow morning for a RV trip. Looking forward to some AF lake time. I'll have connection so I'll be lurking at least. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!