Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Starfish1]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

available;1685313 wrote: Star you can doing anything, you are sober girl. Dont stress about it and take each day as it comes. al solves absolutely nothing.

Thanks, Ava!

I made it home, gals. Had to stop by the grocery store on the way home and decided to look for a bottle of non Al beer. That was stupid. Here, me, standing in front of the beer cooler WTH.
I realized the error of my ways and got out of there quickly.
I also realized I didn't even want to taste that nasty crap in my mouth. I'm with you Ava...Al is foul!
What I really wanted was an ice cold Coca-Cola....non diet...I know it is full of sugar, and last quit, I avoided sugar, but that's what I wanted, so I got it. It really tasted good and satisfied my craving. I am going to follow advice of a lot of folks and not be too strict with my diet at first. Or FORCE myself to exercise. I will just pamper myself for a bit.

Well my job, gals, is really stressful these days. We have been working this one project, almost daily, since February. The draft is due at the end of this week and we spend most days sitting in a DARK conference room for HOURS, reviewing and editing the document from a computer screen we can barely see. It's not fun. Today, the room was freezing, I was tense and had been at it for three solid hours before we broke for lunch (Late)...so I went to my cubicle and got my little lunch and decided to check in here. That's when the boss came to my desk and gave me that other assignment. Well, I am such a workaholic, when I get an assignment, I can't relax (like eat my lunch) until it's done. That's just the way I am and why I was so uptight when I messaged earlier.
I appreciated the quick responses from my loamers, gulped down my lunch and started on the assignment. I was still very tense and wanted to chew nails, not from anger or frustration, just tight jaw muscles and tense back. I think it was a combination of being cold, sitting still for so long and just the nerves being on edge at the first of the quit.
I tried to log back on the site after a while, but was locked out.
I will tell you, ladies, if I had not held myself accountable here, I would not have made it. I know that's why it is so important to quit lurking and start posting.
Sorry,this is a lame post, and all about me, but I just wanted to get it down here before I start helping my dtr and cooking dinner.

And Jane :l It will get better. I promise! Please don't give up, Jane. You know, I had 8 months back in 2012-2013 and blew it (June of 2013) and here I sit, girl, still trying to get back. Please don't blow it like I did.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

It is not a lame post, Star. It was just right. And in the early days, it should be all about you. Later on, there isn't much to say . I don't write about myself much but it's not out of shyness or fear, it's because every day is pretty much the same, what problems I do encounter are easily manageable, and if I did give y'all a blow-by- blow account of my life, you'd likely wonder why I'm so easily content with such an unexciting life. I spent so long hating my life (and hating myself for not appreciating what a good life I had), this time of calm contentment and gratitude is just right. I'm in the habit of coming here everyday, though, so I won't be lost when I do need some help.

Star, when you're not so busy, maybe you could add your relapse stories in that thread. Remember you told me about your first one in a PM when I brazenly asked you what had happened? That was a key element in helping me realize that this couldn't be a 30- or 100-day experiment. So, thank you :l.

[Starfish1]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thank you, NS :l

I am so glad we have you, and so glad you are YOU!!

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Star post away, i was lunatic linda when i first started and look at me now. Like NS, my life is pretty mundane but i like it, sometimes i have done something interesting but i do enjoy helping mwoers get and keep sober.

We put such high expectations on ourselves especially when we were hungover and/or drunk that being sober is a totally new concept for us. Our emotions are all over the place (like permanent pms) and i know i dont deal with stress overly well. But you have to sit back and try to relax a bit Star. The project needs to be done, yes, but the other assignment, well the boss should know that you are still doing the project. tell him its too much atm. I find now i speak out more if i am unhappy instead of taking it all on as if i have to prove to anyone that i am capable.

[Starfish1]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks for your help, Ava. You are right. I am used to being very hard on myself. I need to give myself a little break and focus on doing better one day at a time. I will get there this time. I must. I am so happy to have so many helpful and generous friends here.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

we were all very hard on ourselves, our own worst enemies. At the moment i am in the process of looking for another job. There is no way in my drinking career that i would have had the confidence to move on. Now i know i will be appreciated elsewhere and i dont have to put up with my work colleagues bullying me daily. But to get there Star it is one day at a time. It has taken months for me to regain self respect, dignity and love for myself and it is the greatest gift i could ever give myself.

Yes i am at work but hey i prefer to chat on mwo.

[Kailey]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jane, I ordered Antibuse from River Pharmacy. I was scared to death to take it, but finally ended up just taking a quarter of a pill last Friday. I'm planning to do the same thing this Friday, first thing in the morning while my resolve is strong. For me it's been wonderful. I literally don't think about alcohol at all any more. Really not at all. I think it's because I was already "there" 100%., but when the drinking option was still theoretically on the table I tortured myself with thoughts about drinking just one more time and then I would quit. I really believe this is the last tool I needed. I am 100% craving free. (And please don't anyone say a quarter of a pill is not enough... for me it's enough to not consider drinking in a million years!)

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Goodnight sweet ladies. I am too tied to post so I will check in tomorrow.

Ava- so glad you have the confidence yo look for a new job.

Goodnight
Xo

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

available;1685353 wrote: Star post away, i was lunatic linda when i first started and look at me now. Like NS, my life is pretty mundane but i like it, sometimes i have done something interesting but i do enjoy helping mwoers get and keep sober.

We put such high expectations on ourselves especially when we were hungover and/or drunk that being sober is a totally new concept for us. Our emotions are all over the place (like permanent pms) and i know i dont deal with stress overly well. But you have to sit back and try to relax a bit Star. The project needs to be done, yes, but the other assignment, well the boss should know that you are still doing the project. tell him its too much atm. I find now i speak out more if i am unhappy instead of taking it all on as if i have to prove to anyone that i am capable.

Hey... thanks for posting this Available!
I do feel a bit like this... emotions all over the place with a general lack of control thrown in there for good measure. My teaching is going nicely and I do pop in here early morning and late evening. A good Wednesday to all.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I am doing a quick check in. Wasn't able to get on last night. I will check up later.
Thanks J-vo. You brought a tear to my eyes. :l
Star I am glad we are here to help you stay accountable.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Maybe if everyone records problems with logging in, freezing, etc. in one place, we could make them clear to the administrators: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...log-94100.html. I don't think they read the threads so don't know how pervasive this is. Thanks, NS

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Quick check in. Morning everyone! I have a busy day ahead of me today so might not be able to come back till after work.

Glad you are here Star.

Love y'all.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi girls,
I'm too just checking in quickly.. feeling quite tired but probably laziness!!
Hope you are all doing well.. I've still got 3 weeks of the summer holiday left which is greatl.. I don't really feel like I'm achieving a lot and I don't seem to have a huge motivation.. I'm cooking lots of good food, on the net a bit, watching a box set of Downton Abby, then it's time for reading and bed...But it's a sober holiday, my first one in forever so I don't care that I'm not really doing much.... Things will sure hot up once school starts again!!
Yes it really is great having a totally sober holiday... Some of you told me it was and you are right!
Have a great MAE
Xx
Pat

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good MAE everyone,

Had a lot of trouble getting on the site yesterday, same as some others it sounds like. I'll have to go back and read up.

In the meantime, I'm doing well but am facing some personal issues I need to work on as part of maintaining my quit. I am finding that I care far too much what other people think of me (although I definitely care less than I used to). It is most noticeable for me right now with my paddling coach. You've heard me say how much I am loving being part of the paddling team and that hasn't changed. I have connected with some team members more than others, which is fine and totally normal.

The coach is a different story. We just don't seem to connect on any level. I've tried to be friendly, but there's something wrong. I don't think it's me, but it's hard not to take it personally. Our coach is someone who seems to really want to be the center of attention, and she seems to focus her energy on those who focus on her (if that makes sense). She's about my age (mid-40s) but acts a bit like a teenager or even a kid in her clique-y friendships with some team members. I sometimes wonder if she's a bit intimidated by me. I am a pretty confident, fit, intelligent and happy person, and in spite of my internal insecurities, I tend to project a sense of self-assuredness. I'm friendly but a bit reserved, especially in comparison to our coach who seems to constantly want others to "look at her" and behaves accordingly.

My rational brain tells me not to give this an ounce of energy - that the coach isn't someone I'd naturally form a friendship with anyone (little in common, very different personalities, etc) but my heart hurts a bit because I want to feel wanted, to feel like I belong. I also want to honestly learn about myself and grow as a person if there's something I'm doing that is off-putting. However, as I said, I don't think this is about me - nobody else on the team is reacting this way to me.

This is obviously a deep need of mine and I need to sort through it as I think it's intertwined with some of my drinking triggers.

Sorry for the long self-centered message. It's just on my mind and I thought it might help to get it out in words.

Hugs to all of you. Thanks for the safe place to think out loud. :huggy

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

wagmore;1685542 wrote: The coach is a different story. We just don't seem to connect on any level. I've tried to be friendly, but there's something wrong. I don't think it's me, but it's hard not to take it personally. Our coach is someone who seems to really want to be the center of attention, and she seems to focus her energy on those who focus on her (if that makes sense). She's about my age (mid-40s) but acts a bit like a teenager or even a kid in her clique-y friendships with some team members. I sometimes wonder if she's a bit intimidated by me. I am a pretty confident, fit, intelligent and happy person, and in spite of my internal insecurities, I tend to project a sense of self-assuredness. I'm friendly but a bit reserved, especially in comparison to our coach who seems to constantly want others to "look at her" and behaves accordingly.

Well, you seem to have figured out all of the things I would have suggested! It's harder when it isn't just another team member - but the leader. I've got the same issue, Wags, and want everyone to like me. That is another thing that being on MWO has helped me with - some people have made it pretty clear that they're not wild about NoSugar. My defensive mechanisms come into play even for an alias!! How can they not like her?? She is trying to help!! But here, it is easier to step back and think about how I meant what I said, I tried to say it nicely, and Oh well... if that isn't acceptable to someone, I have to let it go. It's good practice for real life!