Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Starfish1]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Ladies,

You are all so sweet welcoming me back. I am just so relieved to be here again. I know MWO is my ticket out. It's up to me to use my ticket. It's that simple.

I really appreciate all the support I got yesterday, during and after my "trial"...I know for a fact that if I hadn't been using the site, yesterday would have been a drinking day for me....and for what reason??? None!!! Just trying to escape from normal, every day duties. Time to grow up, Star!!!

Waggie, I am so sorry to hear that the behavior of your paddling coach is messing with your enjoyment of your great hobby. I am sure if you feel the way you do about her, your team mates feel the same way. Maybe rather than letting her cause you heartache, you can just pity the bloody woman. She obviously has "issues" herself and (I am no psychotherapist, but) just maybe, she really envies you and does not like herself as much as she pretends to. We used to call that an "inferiority complex" where I come from. Is there a possibility that you could find an alternate paddling coach? I so hope you can continue to enjoy your hobby!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Starfish1;1685338 wrote:



Well my job, gals, is really stressful these days. We have been working this one project, almost daily, since February. The draft is due at the end of this week and we spend most days sitting in a DARK conference room for HOURS, reviewing and editing the document from a computer screen we can barely see. It's not fun. Today, the room was freezing, I was tense and had been at it for three solid hours before we broke for lunch (Late)...so I went to my cubicle and got my little lunch and decided to check in here. That's when the boss came to my desk and gave me that other assignment. Well, I am such a workaholic, when I get an assignment, I can't relax (like eat my lunch) until it's done. That's just the way I am and why I was so uptight when I messaged earlier.
I appreciated the quick responses from my loamers, gulped down my lunch and started on the assignment. I was still very tense and wanted to chew nails, not from anger or frustration, just tight jaw muscles and tense back. I think it was a combination of being cold, sitting still for so long and just the nerves being on edge at the first of the quit.
I tried to log back on the site after a while, but was locked out.
I will tell you, ladies, if I had not held myself accountable here, I would not have made it. I know that's why it is so important to quit lurking and start posting.
Sorry,this is a lame post, and all about me, but I just wanted to get it down here before I start helping my dtr and cooking dinner.

Star, this sounds so much like me and what I try not to do--push myself until I'm frazzled. As for the cold thing, always dress in layers. Have extra sweaters at work so you can be as comfortable as possible. I HATE being cold, and when my classroom is cold, I tense up, too, and am not productive. As for the boss giving you extra on top of the other big project, you know, I would have done the same thing. They give the "extras" to those who they know can handle it. This is where we have to learn how to say, "I need extra time if you want this done properly." It's not easy for me to ever say things like that to a boss. I know there are time constraints, but you also have to take care of yourself. Driving yourself into this state only leads down a road we have to avoid with everything we have. If there's any way that you can just take time for yourself at lunch, breath, eat slowly, and clear your mind, I encourage you to do that. My anxiety at work starts off low in the morning, and as the day progresses, it gets really high. Although it's summertime and I don't work, what I was doing was during lunchtime, I was just sitting and eating by myself (I need that time away from kids calling my name, constant chaos, doing a thousand things at once) then I would turn on the Calm app and deep breath a bit. It helped to clear out my head so I was ready and able to tackle the next part of the day. Take care of yourself, and try not to let yourself go beyond those limits. :l

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wags,
I think all of us can relate so much to this very issue of "wanting to be liked and accepted." Not just us alkies, but everyone. It's a normal thing to fee insecure when we get that bad vibe from someone. We try so hard (which is what we probably shouldn't do) but that's what we do. The things I have read lately helped me out with this. Not everyone will want to accept who we are. That's their problem, not ours. That's their business, and not our own. I'm so glad you have made so many other good connections with others on the team. Focus on those and let the rest go. I have a big feeling that your coach is a bit threatened by you. When this is the case, people turn away because they can't face a strong person. I know i've done that before - I'm extremely, although a little less now, intimidated and threatened by someone who "has it altogether." You belong to those that you connect with. Some people will just not be in your circle of friends and that's ok. That's how we were made. Just like on here. Some people click and are forever friends, and some people are just acquaintances.:l

[Starfish1]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks, J-vo.
I am eating right now and you just reminded me to breathe. I needed that. So far, I am having a better day, but as we all know, that can change in a split second. I think I will go outside for a minute or two and warm up. That will help too. I am so glad I have you all!

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NoSugar;1685546 wrote: Well, you seem to have figured out all of the things I would have suggested! It's harder when it isn't just another team member - but the leader. I've got the same issue, Wags, and want everyone to like me. That is another thing that being on MWO has helped me with - some people have made it pretty clear that they're not wild about NoSugar. My defensive mechanisms come into play even for an alias!! How can they not like her?? She is trying to help!! But here, it is easier to step back and think about how I meant what I said, I tried to say it nicely, and Oh well... if that isn't acceptable to someone, I have to let it go. It's good practice for real life!

Thanks NS - this is exactly how I feel and it's something I'd really like to get past. In this case, I am focusing not on actually getting the coach to like me (I can't control that anyway), but on not letting it bother me if she doesn't. I've been working really hard in the past year to let other people "own their own sh*t" and not assume it's about me. I've made progress for sure, but still have work to do. It helps to hear you share your experiences as well - maybe I'm not so weird after all!

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Starfish1;1685565 wrote: Hi Ladies,

You are all so sweet welcoming me back. I am just so relieved to be here again. I know MWO is my ticket out. It's up to me to use my ticket. It's that simple.

I really appreciate all the support I got yesterday, during and after my "trial"...I know for a fact that if I hadn't been using the site, yesterday would have been a drinking day for me....and for what reason??? None!!! Just trying to escape from normal, every day duties. Time to grow up, Star!!!

Waggie, I am so sorry to hear that the behavior of your paddling coach is messing with your enjoyment of your great hobby. I am sure if you feel the way you do about her, your team mates feel the same way. Maybe rather than letting her cause you heartache, you can just pity the bloody woman. She obviously has "issues" herself and (I am no psychotherapist, but) just maybe, she really envies you and does not like herself as much as she pretends to. We used to call that an "inferiority complex" where I come from. Is there a possibility that you could find an alternate paddling coach? I so hope you can continue to enjoy your hobby!

Star - Glad to hear you got such great support yesterday, and sorry I wasn't able to get on the site to contribute to that. MWO can really be a lifeline, can't it - during real crises and also during times we simply want to "escape from normal, everyday duties" with a drink. Yay for this thread in particular!

With regard to our coach, I think in some ways the team members have been self-selecting over time (she's been the coach for 8-10 years I think). Several people haven't stayed with the team for very long, while others are long-timers. From what I can see, the people who've been on the team a long time either fit the mold for her "buddies" or they just don't give a crap and kinda ignore her. My logical side knows that probably at least 80-90% of the disconnect I feel is due to her own issues, and I'm really trying to focus on just enjoying myself and connecting with my team mates.

The bummer is that I'd really like some good coaching so I can improve, and I'm not getting that. I will finish this season with this team, but I'm also gonna check out some other teams and consider switching at the end of the season (Oct). I'm going to be paddling with two different teams at a race event in Aug, and I'm pretty sure one of them is too much of a "party" team for my taste, the other one might be a good option. They've been super excited about having me join them for the race, which of course feels very good.

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo;1685573 wrote: Wags,
I think all of us can relate so much to this very issue of "wanting to be liked and accepted." Not just us alkies, but everyone. It's a normal thing to fee insecure when we get that bad vibe from someone. We try so hard (which is what we probably shouldn't do) but that's what we do. The things I have read lately helped me out with this. Not everyone will want to accept who we are. That's their problem, not ours. That's their business, and not our own. I'm so glad you have made so many other good connections with others on the team. Focus on those and let the rest go. I have a big feeling that your coach is a bit threatened by you. When this is the case, people turn away because they can't face a strong person. I know i've done that before - I'm extremely, although a little less now, intimidated and threatened by someone who "has it altogether." You belong to those that you connect with. Some people will just not be in your circle of friends and that's ok. That's how we were made. Just like on here. Some people click and are forever friends, and some people are just acquaintances.:l

j-vo - Great advice, as always I am a pretty confident person who has things pretty much together when I'm not drinking, and there have been other times in my life that people have been intimidated by that. I also do get the sense that our coach is insecure in some ways, and that her flamboyant attention-seeking behavior is somewhat of a cover for that.

You're right - I have to focus on the good things I'm experiencing with the team and let the rest go. This really is exactly one of the things I need to work on in life. It's hugely tied to drinking for me, as in the past I would have either had drinks to escape feeling bad, or I would have had drinks to fit in with a person or group. Doing things differently this time is uncomfortable, but I know it's what I need and want to do.

This reminds me of a quote from the fitness board I post on:

If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.

I love paddling way to much to let one person ruin it for me. As I mentioned to Starfish, I will embrace and enjoy the rest of this season to the fullest and learn as much as I can. If things don't feel better with the coach, I'll probably find another team to join at the end of the season. There are several others I could consider, and maybe one would feel like a better fit overall.

[rooniferd]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey there, ladies! Narilly told me about this thread, and I finally decided to have a look. I still need to read back to get to know everyone (although a lot of names are already familiar to me through the Newbie's Nest), but I wanted to pop in and quickly see if I can squeeze in and participate?

I'm on Day 3 of YET ANOTHER quit, and I am hell bent and determined to make this one stick. I finally woke up this morning without being on the verge of a major panic attack, and that is great. I feel so much better but know I have a long way to go. My 46th birthday is Friday, and I am determined for it to be a new start for me. A new year. A new year without benders, hangovers, lies, unproductive days, greasy food, and general unhappiness.

I need all the help I can get, and I really appreciate your support. I just have to do this. I really feel like it's now or never. It's time!

[Ginger999]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Roon! Welcome. I'm pretty new to this thread too and mostly read the post from all the wise ones here. I can say without a doubt that these ladies are a powerful group and reading their posts is one of my tools in my toolbox. Did you ever make a plan for what to do when the beast comes lurking at your door? If not, set out and do that now. These first few days are rough and you will need a good solid plan in place if you don't already have one.

[rooniferd]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks for the warm welcome, Jane and Ginger. Right now, my plan is antabuse. I've been taking it off and on for about a year now. But over the months, I would start to convince myself that my problem wasn't THAT bad, so I would taper off and start drinking again. Antabuse is great for taking away the temptation, but when I wasn't taking it, I felt like I had to make up for lost time. Hence, my benders have gotten worse and worse, although my sober time has increased.

Also, I'll be honest. I kind of think of antabuse as a cop out. I'm not learning how to abstain on my own. I'm forcing myself to do it with a pill. I mentioned that in the Newbie's Nest one time, and someone suggested that I look at it more of a tool to help me get some significant sober time under my belt. Then, after that period of time, maybe I can entertain thoughts of seeing if I can abstain without it. Right now, I don't think I can. I just need to take it and continue to take it until I get some sober time in. My sober record at this point is 49 days. I am proud of that, but I have a LONG way to go!

[Ginger999]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Roon, Whatever it takes to get you there, I say do it. Each of us has to find the path that works best for us. We are all so different. Mine is accountability. I think of all the people here that I would let down if I slip so that makes me hitch up the boot straps and push through it. After 80 days AF, I can tell you my health is better than it's been in years and that in itself is a BIG one for me. Oh and my memory.... its like a steal trap again!! Stay close...

[rooniferd]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Funny how I've never heard anyone complain about life getting worse after quitting drinking....only better and usually MUCH better. And yet I still pour that crap down my throat....

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ginger, congratulations on our 80 days! That's flippin' fantastic! And yes, isn't it amazing how our bodies and minds can be so resilient...not that I'm giving leeway for any slips, but it's a relief to know that we can eventually feel good again, especially in the beginning when this crap feeling seems like it'll never end.

Rooniferd,
So glad you're here. If you're a Lady or Gent on a Mission to kick Al out of your life, then you're in the right place! Please post as much as you can, as I know in the beginning, MWO (my iPad) was attached to my hip as my kid was when he was little. The drinking just gets worse, and we all know that. So you'll have a happy 46th on Friday free of any hangover. I agree with Ginger in making a plan, and I think Antabuse is a great tool. I had to take it once when I was feeling wobbly, but some people will take it more consistently so that they can ensure an al-free build up of days. I still have my pills and will take if I ever need it.

Speaking of feeling wobbly, I just logged on because I had a moment, or two. First was this morning. I found out my son will be traveling with his much older cousin to the beach to spend 4 days with my other nephews, my sister and my BIL. I'm fine with him going, but this is what I had a flash of worry. My son has been my security. I will not drink when he's around, and yes, I've been several places where he wasn't and al was and didn't drink. He's also slept over his friends numerous times and I didn't drink. But when DS wasn't around before I began to be successful as AF person, that would be the thing that set me off to a several day bender. I had a moment where I was a bit shaken to know he'd be gone for that long. I needed to get that off my chest. I need to learn how to be comfortable without him around and be accountable when he's not here. I know I can do it, but I guess this is the first extended time he'll be gone since my fall at the end of March when DH and DS went to Florida for baseball. They're just thoughts of what I did in the past. I need to recognize them as past thoughts, things I did in the past, but needed to get that off my mind. He's going in the beginning of August, not sure what day yet.

The second thing was my DH bought a big bottle of Jack D for a friend of his who's been helping out doing stuff in our house. Well, he cracked it open and those had a drink. He, not knowing I don't drink, wanted me to have one. I just said "No way." I used to do a shot of that here and there when drinking beer. So it shook me a bit, and I came here to talk about it.

A few things I just needed to say, now I have to get doggie to the vet for his annual check up.

Thanks for reading.

[Ginger999]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Roon, only for now my friend. You've seen the light and you are going toward it. you will get there. Knowing you need to is the first step to getting it done!

[Ginger999]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

j-vo, Doesn't it feel a bit like learning to walk? We are going along just fine and whoops something trips us. Things just keep coming up that we need to learn to navigate around. I suppose this will go on the rest of our lives. I'll tell you what though..... I'll take navigating around the triggers any day over the self loathing I was doing every day that I woke up with a hangover. Oh yes in deed!