Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wow, so much is happening here.
Moss I am so glad to see you safely back in the fold. We have all drankmand wished we hadn't. Giving up is the mistake. Glad to see you haven't.
Yes people DO die everyday from alcohol.
Families. I am just so excited to finally really connect with mine with no shame and guilt in the way. As some of you knoe, I was raised in foster care so missed out on that. It was like when i was young i slammed a door shut inside of myself. And when I was older, alcohol kept it shut. Now I am making up for lost time.
Daisy I feel your concern for your daughter. Mine drinks to excess also, but as we ALL know, recovery is a personal journey. And I have watched several family members drink excessively this visit.
J-vo I have been thinking about your sister being in that situation. My heart goes out to both of you. :l
Ava you ard such an inspiring lady. You have really shown us how it's done. Vacations, work stresses, illnesses, and you just keep on. Wel that's really all we can do is it. You were one of the reasons I didn't take that beer and throw it on ice and slam it down. I told myself if Ava can do it, you can.
And that's one of my main tools for handling those situations when I am tempted. I think of the way someone else has done it and I imitate them. I put a mental picture of their victory in my mind and then I think of posting I drank on here. It really works for me.

[MossRose]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Just wanted to say thanks again for the warm welcome back. I feel terrible today, but I guess that's a good thing. It reminds me how quickly AL can start to destroy our health in all ways. I think I'm going to be struggling physically for a few days so if I'm quiet, it's just because I need to concentrate on getting through withdrawal. I am back in the fight, and this time I have to win. I don't think I will survive if I don't.

I promise to participate more fully on this thread once I get steady and have something to give back. For now, I hope it is ok for me to just pop in and stay accountable.

[Kailey]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Happy Monday morning (here)! I love un-hungover Mondays more than anything! This is two in a row for me. After 20+ years of daily drinking I'd made lots of progress in the last few years, due chiefly to MWO. However, the pattern I was developing was not working for me. A daily resolution to quit forever that usually lasted a few days, maybe a few more, but with for few exceptions I was drinking by Thursday or Friday and often couldn't get a good streak going again until Monday morning. I feel like I'm over that, but it's early says and I will have to be vigilant.

SL, you've nailed my biggest worry right on the head. I have a two week long tropical vacation coming up in mid-November, and I will confess to thoughts about staying sober and then giving myself a "break"" then. I know that's crazy. I know I don't need a break from being happy and proud of myself.

I think the reason this is pulling at me so much is that I really don't know if I will have the strength to pull off a sober vacation, no matter how hard I try. The other thing is that we take these vacations a lot, and they typically are the one time I don't feel guilty about drinking. Anyway, that's a long time from now. I'm hoping to have built some sober muscles before then. SL, the fact that you are posting your concerns probably guarantees that you'll be successful! That will be my plan, too. And how fun for you to have a sober vacation buddy in NS. That will help!

Time to get off the couch and get ready for work. So glad to do it feeling like I've got the world by the tail!

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Well i am home and that is good, there is no place like home even if it is messy when i arrived.

Daisy i just want to say that you bought a tear to my eye when you said what you did. I am eternally grateful that i sent that message (even though i cant remember it). I just read to my daughter what you said and she said "mum dont cry" but thats just how it feels to realise that you can say something that does help on someones journey and you know how proud i am of you.

LB, well i am on a lot of peoples minds atm, it really does make one feel that this journey is worthwhile. I think of you also that with all you have dealt with sober that i can do it also. I was nothing but a drunk when my son came home with his crack addiction and here i was helping him when i really needed help myself. I wish i was sober like you to be there 100% but as we know we cant take back the past, we can only look forward to the future.

Moss, remember how you feel today and when you get a craving think of how you dont ever want to feel like that again. I certainly dont miss the blackouts which led me to finally stopping. I knew then that i was heading down a path that only i could change and thank god NS pm'd me reminding me that when my daughters wedding was over i was going to stop "modding" and completely stop. 4 days after that pm i stopped and i wasnt happy but i did say i was going to stop.

SL, i was talking to mum about our holiday in thailand and i was 100 days or something and she said that she didnt drink much since i had stopped but i said to her that everyday for an alcoholic is hard. there were pubs every 5 feet and sometimes i had to just look at the sky as that was the only place i did not see al and tell myself i could not drink, as much as i wanted to i had too much to lose. Some days were fine but others i could have committed murder for just one drink. That one drink would have killed me in the end, i know that. An alcoholic can never have one drink and that is what i am.

Moss, no no love to speak of, i had lunch with Petrel a fellow mwoer and my mum has me marrying him! its a "running" joke. but it was a lovely lunch.

Nar those al thoughts hit us like a brick dont they. Sometimes i think they have finally gone and then all of a sudden "boom" there it is and a couple of times the thought has been there for a couple of days, like a nagging headache that just wont leave then i wake up one day and its gone.

Well lots to catch up on and work tomorrow for me. Enjoyed my 4 day weekend. Mum was a bit hard to take today so my patience was tested for a bit. she did eventually tell me that she didnt want me to go which made me then realise why she was acting the way she was. I know there is still a way to go with us but its good and im good.

xxxx

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Nar and El, temptation like you described does pop up now and then but you wanted not to drink more than you wanted to drink, and that's the key. It's nice when we don't have any desire to drink because there's no internal conflict or feelings of deprivation. I think it's unrealistic to think that will never happen but if we can just keep the balance on the side of wanting not to drink, we'll be ok.

Moss, what I was trying to express to you about how participation and commitment to a group really seems to work played out here last evening - the thought of coming here and posting that we'd drank is a real deterrent! I've thought about how if I drank, I might want to just leave but now I don't want to give up these friends. All that really helps me when I'm tempted to drink.

This can be the last time you ever feel this particular brand of yucky - and even though there are worse ailments physically, being hungover is the worst because of the mental parts. Being done with that can be a powerful motivation, too.

Hey, Beach Buddy, you sound more positive already :l!

Have a great MAE, Loamers!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey, Ava - welcome back!

Kailey, I wish I could be your cruise-buddy! That sounds wonderful and luckily, you have plenty of time to get your head in the right place for your trip. Actually, I've seen people do really well on big things like that and then crash over some little thing like a night with friends like El and Nar described. In some ways the big things can be easier in that we know we need to psyche up. And once you've had a sober vacation, it just gets easier. I had 2 of them before I quit and those great experiences were part of what finally got me to do something as seemingly crazy as joining this site and taking the leap.

[Kailey]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NoSugar;1687173 wrote: In some ways the big things can be easier in that we know we need to psyche up. And once you've had a sober vacation, it just gets easier.

Great advice, NS! When I think about it that way it fits right in with my tag line! This would be a great challenge and an amazing success. Since we do a trip like this every year, I'm going to have to learn how to do it sober.

It's not a cruise, although those are fun. This is two weeks right on the beach in one of my favorite spots on earth. Going with my sister, her husband, my son and his wife, and of course my husband. All heavy drinkers, but they are still in the stage where it's fun for them, I guess. They all will understand and support me though, so no worries there. Anyway, that's a long time from now. I don't want to put the cart before the horse. Right now I need to focus on today!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning Gals.
So glad you are coming back Mossy. Even if it is just to stay accountable, whatever works right?

Ava, you have helped all of us stay sober. One of the reasons I did not drink on Saturday was because I could imagine you smacking me with that brick you talk about!
So nice that you are enjoying your mom these days. We only have one mom and its so nice to have a good relationship.
Lil B- big hugs from me. I can't imagine not having a family growing up. It is hard enough having a fairly normal family! You are one strong woman!
Ava- Make sure you invite us all to the MWO wedding

Kailey, your sober muscles will be stronger by then. Like you said, focus on today. Its great that your family knows and supports you in staying sober.

Pav, that was a nice post, I love that paraphrase from Mrs D. "alcohol is addictive" Ya, no shit eh? Maybe that is why we are "addicted" to it!
Have a great day at work!

NS, exactly, I wanted not to drink more that I wanted To drink. I am so glad I didn't. Really, thank you for helping me and being here on MWO. I could just see the disappointment in your eyes if I drank, seriously, I could not face you ladies.
The friend I was with that night (my next door neighbor) told me that she was really impressed that I did not drink on Saturday night and that she thought that was pretty amazing. She said it would have been really hard not to drink and she was proud of me. That was nice.

No hangover today!
Back to work.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Happy Monday Morning Ladies (isn't it great we can have those now?)

Thanks for all of your caring and encouraging posts regarding my sister and family. I'm feeling better today. I knew all it would take was a little time away from the situation.

Pav, good luck on going back to work! I know you have to feel like a million bucs after this extended and alcohol free vacation. I was thinking when I go back on teh 22nd of August, this will be the first year ever that I'll go back with a clear head, feeling confident, knowing I've accomplished the most important thing in my life, and a few lbs lighter and inches smaller!!!! I'm not even sad that summer's going to end. Bring on fall as I love the change in colors. We have a beautiful fall here. Lots to be happy about.

Ava, the way you've helped so many people here on MWO, you are a gem and I just wanna say we love you. I love you. Your sobriety and the changes that have happened to you since you quit are the best proof we're all doing the right things. The best of all is the relationships that have healed. You and Mum. You and your daughters and sons. You living through such difficult work ordeals. Physical pain with your arm. You keep going! You keep helping. You're the most unselfish person I know. You with your bag o' bricks. Thank you. This site is invaluable with you here. I see you helping the newbies in the nest all the time, taking so much time to respond and give them what they need. Wow. Incredible lady is all I can say. Lovely Linda. xxxooo

Wags, that's all we can do is model the best behavior. I'll keep doing that. Hope you're out of your funk.

Nar and El, yep, we'll face those times, but they're such a small bit of time in the overall scheme of things. We must continue to think about the people that we would let down. That's our biggest tool! Our families, and our Loamers. This group of women is so strong and growing in sobriety. I feel so blessed to be a part of it! And Nar, with your SIL, I've got similar issues. I've decided I can't try anymore to please her. I've tried for over 30 years and I can't change her or her ways. It's not even worth my time.

Daisy, that must have been a really hard night seeing all of the drunks. Sad, yes. But we can be thankful we're not there anymore. I wonder about my son who is 16 and I don't know what kind of drinker he'll be. I hope that I've taught him what he doesn't want to be. And now your daughter has you as a role model if she does find herself where alcohol is becoming more of a problem than just fun. I didn't have anyone to model but now I do here at MWO.

LB, that's what we have here at MWO. A great team of people that we can model. We can model their successes and do what they do. I know why connecting with others on a forum such as this is so necessary to our sobriety now. It keeps us accountable as we struggle in the early days, and even later. We need to always be one step ahead of this beast.

Kailey, great on two sober Mondays!!! Wow, I know that feels good! You can have that always.

Have a great Monday Ladies. It's unseasonably chilly here today. Going to get my exercise in, and my lists organized. Have to start planning for school!

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Doing my best and for now that is good enough!
it is evening here, so I can say today was pretty okay. My teaching went great and hopefully we will know tomorrow if we will actually have a new home tomorrow? It has been almost 2 years I do not feel like I have a home, except for my art studio. So thank god for that!
hm.
No wonder my drinking got worse, but my hd told me last night he thinks I am doing just great! He said 'you gave up the wine, and you are sticking to it. I am impressed!' That felt good. Sometimes it isn't so easy to focus on the good things when we feel the negatives outweigh them... they don't. I have a lot to be happy about these days girls!! And this forum is one of them.

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yes j-vo, feeling good on a Monday morning, even if it is a Monday, is a great benefit!
Kailey - I will do this (af beach holiday) with NS, and then you will be all set for yours!!
Reading back a bit now I have had my "its all about me" fix - sorry for everyone who continues to struggle - with family, with social situations, and with desire/deprivation - we are all facing things that give us pause to consider and we all take the right fork in the road. Exercising those muscles of absitence.
NS - you are so right that the big things are sometimes easier than teh creep up, inocuos situations - I have had many great times where I have got thru situations (like a work conf in Las Vegas with drug reps footing the drink ticket everywhere) that I did not dream possible to be floored by something so silly (PMS in the days that happened:H).
I will be trying to check in daily - maybe now Pav is back to work, she won't make me feel guilty for not mentioning everyone:l - got to get things shored up at work so I can really be away.....

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I was exposed to the quote now on my avatar and really felt it summed up my present state of mind - I cannot undo what has been done, so no point in continuing to look back - I have to forgive myself and that will feel so good, there are others I need to forgive too - for my sake, not theirs...

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Everyone:

SL - that Anne Lamotte quote brings tears to my eyes. Just perfect. Thanks for sharing it.

Ava - I concur with your greatness.

Kailey - November IS a long time away. I have been worried about two events (one happened in June and the other is in Sept.) since I quit, and I kept getting the "one day at a time" advice (that you keep giving yourself). It IS indeed true that the more time sober I had, the stronger I was at that event in June (a big family vacation). It worked out fine, and now the Sept. event (a yearly trip with friends that involves FUN drinking, like you describe). The problem is, as Ava puts so eloquently, alcoholics can't drink, and I am an alcoholic. I prefer to say "I am addicted to alcohol," but I'm more of a pansy than Ava. Even if I drank during that trip and kept it "normal," it would certainly set the course for downhill QUICKLY.

LB and Daisy - I worry about my kids, and they don't even drink yet (or at least I don't know about it yet...) People think I over react but I remind them that 50% of my grandparents and 50% of my husband's grandparents were raging alcoholics. My cousin is crippled from alcoholism. Another cousin is actively drinking in spite of health problems already. My uncle and aunt are alcoholics. Probably my mother is (although she is progressing a lot more slowly than I did). Too much destruction from alcohol to be over reacting in my book!

It's a love fest around here lately. So happy we can be here for each other.

xo
Pav

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pavati;1687408 wrote: Even if I drank during that trip and kept it "normal," it would certainly set the course for downhill QUICKLY.

Yes, this ^^^ I have to keep reminding myself of this whenever I'm tempted to drink at just one event, or for one day/weekend. No, no, no. Play it to the end, and the event or weekend either goes badly itself or leads downhill or both.

Pavati;1687408 wrote: I worry about my kids, and they don't even drink yet (or at least I don't know about it yet...) People think I over react but I remind them that 50% of my grandparents and 50% of my husband's grandparents were raging alcoholics. My cousin is crippled from alcoholism. Another cousin is actively drinking in spite of health problems already. My uncle and aunt are alcoholics. Probably my mother is (although she is progressing a lot more slowly than I did). Too much destruction from alcohol to be over reacting in my book!

Doesn't sound like over-reacting to me either! More like paying attention to very clear red (or at least yellow) flags. Not that these issues guarantee your kids will have problems, but most research suggests that there is a genetic component to addiction for many people. It sounds to me like you're being cautious, aware, and caring.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

wagmore;1687433 wrote:

Doesn't sound like over-reacting to me either! More like paying attention to very clear red (or at least yellow) flags. Not that these issues guarantee your kids will have problems, but most research suggests that there is a genetic component to addiction for many people. It sounds to me like you're being cautious, aware, and caring.

Agree Wags! I am asking DS lots of questions, even though I have a good feeling he isn't, but I will be having a talk about the family genetics at some point. Just like you, Pav, lots of alcoholics in my family. Some have admitted it and some have not. Hope you had a great first day back!

Nice quote SL. I've seen that one before and "it was what it was" and we can't ever change that but we can be in control of our future choices. Yep! Check in with us while away. For sure!

El, so glad you had a great teaching day. And even greater that your DH is recognizing how great you're doing and is supportive. That's awesome.

We gave up the wine, the beer, the other booze, but that's the only thing we need to give up in life. That's it. We need to give up something that beat us down. Sounds like a great exchange to me. Give up something that messed you up physically and mentally and have a great life in return. Hmmm....no brainer!