Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ya Pav! Well done on your 30! So pleased for you!
R4L - oh my, so sorry on so many levels....and your Cindy, that hurts - my first child was a golden - big hugs my friend and well done for coming back.

I did not sleep last night and did some reading, and on this site and thread too - I had to laugh, I ordered a shower curtain that arrived when I was away, on opening it I decided it was too green, my youngest said could that be because it is all folded together and once opened up will be very pale green - well it still sits in its wrapper, in the shower this morning I noticed how really yucky the old one is so I may just bite the bullet and put the new green one up!!

So comments about not losing the AF time we have, it was obvious to me how much had changed and habits overcome - I am ok not drinking at home and was able to slip right back into my new ways. if there was wine in the house I think it would be a very different story but there are definately new habits being formed - hanging onto those ones with a strong grasp...

Not even noon yet here on NYE, so lots of time still to do the back and forth, but committed to starting 2014 on a strong note....Happy New Year to those of you who have arrived, we will join you in about 12 hrs:H

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ya Pav! Well done on your 30! So pleased for you!
R4L - oh my, so sorry on so many levels....and your Cindy, that hurts - my first child was a golden - big hugs my friend and well done for coming back.

I did not sleep last night and did some reading, and on this site and thread too - I had to laugh, I ordered a shower curtain that arrived when I was away, on opening it I decided it was too green, my youngest said could that be because it is all folded together and once opened up will be very pale green - well it still sits in its wrapper, in the shower this morning I noticed how really yucky the old one is so I may just bite the bullet and put the new green one up!!

So comments about not losing the AF time we have, it was obvious to me how much had changed and habits overcome - I am ok not drinking at home and was able to slip right back into my new ways. if there was wine in the house I think it would be a very different story but there are definately new habits being formed - hanging onto those ones with a strong grasp...

Not even noon yet here on NYE, so lots of time still to do the back and forth, but committed to starting 2014 on a strong note....Happy New Year to those of you who have arrived, we will join you in about 12 hrs:H

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, all: Thanks for the kind words on my 30 days. Here is my speech! Never one at a loss for words! You Loamers have been amazing to me - you welcomed me in my desperation 30 days ago and I look forward to many happy, thoughtful conversations here over our next sober years...

How I did my 30 days and am armed to stay alcohol free – by Pavati (not an Italian pasta dish, but a Hopi word for “still water.”) Beware – long Pavati post coming.

1. Stop my denial. Face what I have become. I did this by telling my whole sordid story out loud to a therapist, which means I said it out loud to myself. I am an alcoholic – no two ways about it. I didn’t lose my job or end up in a gutter, but that doesn’t matter. This was EXTREMELY difficult – I do not like to admit “failure,” or admit that I don’t have control. The first step in this was finally posting here after lurking here and there for a long time.

2. Accept that I cannot drink. This was difficult, too. I spent a lot of time over the last two years in particular making deals with myself – if you go X days without you’ve proven you’re not in trouble. Just drink beer and wine. No more than two measured drinks on weeknights. Tonight is a Monday, but I’ll drink because (fill in name of reason). I drank Monday night, so I may as well drink the rest of the week. I’ll have AF weeks starting NEXT Monday. You know the drill. This time, I have accepted that I cannot drink, and that has brought a complete peacefulness to this 30 days that I have never had before. I didn’t have to white knuckle or count the hours (other than the first three days when I was in a haze). I have certainly had my ups and downs, but they were more related to “really, forever, how did I let this happen to me,” than “I NEED a drink NOW.” I have what I have heard called “mind peace.” I have stopped the bargaining and chatter in my head and that has made this so much easier. I didn’t understand the “acceptance” part of sobriety until I felt it myself. Many of us mothers have mentioned that we didn’t have a problem quitting for 9 months when we were pregnant. I have come to realize that the reason was there was NO CHOICE involved. We know what alcohol does to unborn children and we weren’t willing to do that to our babies. Well – we know what alcohol does to our own bodies – why would we be willing to do that to ourselves?

3. Read, read, read and post, post, post. Reading all I can on here serves a number of purposes. First, it lets me see that I am not alone. There are other intelligent, professional mothers here who have gotten in the same predicament I am in. It is so helpful to read the stories of others and to find fellowship in their company. I am shy about AA or face-to-face meetings in my small town, but I can truly let it all hang out here. Also, in reading I find great advice – from cultivating an attitude of gratitude to learning to forgive, I have found great techniques and tools here. Those who have paved the way and stay here to support us are of course helpful, and so are those who are at the same stage as me – they know what I am going through in the moment. In addition, many people on MWO post resources and ideas for further reading, all of which has helped me focus on the prize – sobriety. Not one, not ever. Posting serves to help me sort out my own feelings – it acts as a journal. I find that whether I am musing on my own or typing words to support someone else, I am thinking about sobriety in new ways every time.

4. Find a thread and attach myself to it, but look elsewhere, too. I found Ladies on a Mission through a recommendation. It is important for me to check in there with everyone who posts – I want to support the people who post there, but I also know that they have my back if I’m feeling down. I actually believe that I would be supported in any thread I attached myself to around here – there is so much acceptance and welcome everywhere I turn. I have ventured out a bit and am finding new connections all the time. Did I mention that posting a lot was one of my tools??

5. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Wow – this seems so simple. I have changed my focus from “I can’t have alcohol” to “I get to live my life with a clear head and no regret.” This helps most when I have the inkling of deprivation – I turn it around immediately to focus on what I am gaining by getting alcohol out of my life – not what I am supposedly “losing.” I can’t believe how well this works. I didn’t believe it, in fact, until I got to #2 above.

6. Work to become and stay sober. This is fact. You can’t hope or pray or wish to be sober, you have to actively work to be sober. That doesn’t mean it has to be your focus all day and night, but it means creating a plan and sticking to it. For me, this also means telling people out loud or in writing what my plan is. I have proven fairly good at lying to myself over the years, but not very good at lying to others. This has meant, for me, MWO as well as individual counseling. And a daily plan, written here or in my journal, to stay sober.

7. Understand one day at a time and the serenity prayer. I am not a religious person, but these words speak to me: “…grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.” Until now I have focused on the first part of that saying, but I have come to realize the importance of the second part, too. As a perfectionist I needed to learn to accept what I can’t change, but waking up from denial has made me realize that I also need to work on changing the things I CAN change. One day at a time was a revelation. Although I have heard it MANY times, I finally realize the power in that statement. I don’t have to worry about the camping trip next summer without AL – I just have to make it through today sober.

OK – I am sure there are a million more reasons that I am not just sober but happily sober right now, but I will stop here (and PS – I’m not reading back for typos or spelling errors). It has truly been a pleasure to get to know you all over the last 30 days – I am eternally grateful for the wonderful support and strength I have found here. You are all funny, honest, vulnerable and strong. Getting alcohol out of my life has been a gift that will influence the rest of my life in a positive way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Great post Pavati! Thank you for sharing. Happy New Year to all!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Running4life;1605750 wrote:
I am hoping you will welcome me back. I unfortunately fell back into my usual way of coping with stressors and I desperately need to find a way out.

We are going out to celebrate New Years Eve tonight at some big bash. I am hoping to stay AF so I can start the New Year tomorrow with a run. Wish me luck as it will be difficult to do with all that booze in my face but I am committed to trying.

We are so happy that you are back, R4L :l! I'm sorry you've had so many tough challenges lately. I'm sure the escape drinking offers helped temporarily but as we all know, makes things worse in the long run.

You've got some good goals to shoot for that should help you stay AF as you take it ODAT. It would be great if you didn't drink tonight - get a jump on the new year. The way you think about it matters: instead of hoping to stay AF, you've got to plan on it! And luck isn't going to cut it - unless you make your own luck by setting up the situation so that you can succeed.

If you're determined to get yourself past this addiction, and I promise you it is worth doing whatever it takes, skipping the party tonight might be a good start. Being surrounded by alcohol in an environment where you're expected to be celebrating would be too much for just about everyone on day 1.

If you do go, I wish you strength! NS

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pavati;1605779 wrote:
How I did my 30 days and am armed to stay alcohol free ? by Pavati (not an Italian pasta dish, but a Hopi word for ?still water.?)

1. Stop my denial.
2. Accept that I cannot drink.
3. Read, read, read and post, post, post.
4. Find a thread and attach myself to it, but look elsewhere, too.
5. Adopt an attitude of gratitude.
6. Work to become and stay sober.
7. Understand one day at a time and the serenity prayer.

Looks to me like you could write the book, Pav! If everyone kept your 7 points in mind and took them to heart like you have, they could be where you are.

I'm so happy for you and glad to have you as a friend. What a wonderful beginning to the New Year!

:h NS

[Running4life]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi
Thanks for the welcome back no sugar. I have to go to the party as it is to support a big business deal. I will make it my intension not to drink. I want to do a resolution run in the morning.
Wishing you all the best in 2014! Grateful for your support :0)

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I bet if Pavati was an Italian Dish it would be Delicious!!!

Pretty spicy, a little cheesy and tons of Zest! A perfect Dish of course

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Happy New Year Ladies!!!
I hope 2014 brings everything we need!
Great Pav on your 31 days.. thanks for the post!
x
Patrice

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey R4L, I was wondering how you were doing. I am so sorry about your sweety Cindy, we had a beautiful Golden. He was a big goofy fella who was the happiest guy ever. He lived to be 12 and has been gone for 4 years but it seems like he was just here yesterday.
Sorry about all the crap you have been going through. Glad you are back! I am sure AL did not make any of it better. Time to get back on the wagon with us and embrace this great life! (ok, not always great but it is real)

SL, have a great Sober night. You too J-Vo, Humble, Eloise, Ava, NS, G, Everyone!

No booze tonight!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pat, glad you are back, Happy New Year to you sweetie!

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hello all,
About 5 hours until 2014 and I have to say that 2013 has been the worst in so many ways.. I will NOT miss it at all. The stress levels this year were just off the charts...but I am also grateful that I have become AF and for the first time it stuck. And that I was able to retire from the job from hell...so I do have 2 things in 2013 that I am thankful for but the rest was a mess...
Happy New AF new year to us ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Well, my Christmas gift to me arrived today - one of you lovely ladies suggested the Prodyne fruit infuser on Amazon - I have it and now have my lemon, lime, cucumber and mint infusing for my NY drink, and hopefully the start of a healthier 2014 with some weight loss! I am dying to try it, but I suppose I need to leave it for a while to get some flavour:H:H

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning here LOAMers and a New Years done and dusted. I went to sleep early but was woken to fireworks, i could even smell the stuff and they were 26k's away and went on for damn ages. I was never into the fireworks, more into the getting blind drunk and passing out aspect. I just sent a PM and was about to type "i had a rotten HANGOVER" when i meant to type in HEADACHE. God even my fingers still think of AL. ha ha. It is definitely a headache, think i used too much bleach cleaning yesterday, well i did as my daughter kept burning incense. Note to self stop cleaning but oh i am so close to finishing yet something else i have started and it feels good.

First question is Pat are you still alive and your son? Just need to check that one. Not sure what i can do if you dont reply though. And yes guys i am sooo happy to have someone to chat with when you are all tucked up and snuggly in your beds. I seem to have gone off fb and randomly chatting up guys while pissed. funny that, i now have something they call respect in myself.

Jvo yes i love the testing but i love the look in their eyes when i say no and the words from my eldest daughter were so very special to me. God i am teary today for some reason. blah! If i ever have a desire for that one drink, i will look at their faces and remember why i dont drink. Funny but yesterday i was reading to them about the "I'm an alcoholic" thread and man some of them are so funny (sad also) and i said that i remembered when i would pass out at the computer and they would wheel me to my room. How sad is that, but they did it, they looked after me. I have told them about this site and i am forever talking about you all and they know if not for you all i would not be at this stage of sobriety. Oh dear i can feel a two page post this morning, maybe a good time to get a coffee or close the page!

Star so good to see you still posting on here, it makes so much difference to your af life. Keep doing what you are doing. As we all say we are not perfect in this journey but we have to do whatever works for us.

Nar how was your coffee? It probably froze before you could get it to your lips i reckon. Its windy here and yuk but it is melbourne and i dont mind the cool. Glad you liked our catch up, it could have gone on but i was so tired last night, asleep way before fireworks went off.

NS another great post to read with my cuppa. I am now i think in another stage of acceptance and learning to like the new me that has arisen out of the al existence and i am quite liking me. I know i did not achieve anything drinking i just thought i did, i really did the bare minimum in these latter years and its like i am working my way out of this cocoon i have been in and am finally seeing what its like in the real world. Thanks for the congrats, it wasnt hard, i had a thought but that is all. I was actually home alone and how easy would it have been for me to walk out that door and go to the bottlo and get a fill but the thought did not cross my mind, well maybe just a bit lol. Too much effort and i was way too tired and i dont even think i would like the taste anymore.

Hi Running, wow girl you sound like you are pushing yourself to the max. Slow down lovely. Sorry to hear about everything that has been going on. I to reached for the bottle before my daughters wedding, dragon mother visiting, etc etc but i always had that thought in my head to stop the madness of drinking. My son has had a crack addiction this year and i put the resources in place for him to help himself if he chose and he chose and this of course was still while i was guzzling wine like it was going out of fashion. Now i have to think of me and me only like you do Running, you need to get off the merry go round like we all have and be gentle to you. Hope this does not sound like a lecture as we have all experienced horrible things but we are all here for you. Hope your outing was af but its hard, f**k it everything hard giving up al but now i dont miss it and i definitely dont want it.

Well cuppa time again and oh guess what i will be back to finish off. Why do i need to answer every post lol. Oh because I WANT TOOOOOOO

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I hope you don't mind if I join in.
Happy New Year all.