Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks Byrdie. I have read posts from around the world, across all cultures, languages and sexes. Moderation once we have reached a point of noreturn is no longer in the stars for us alcoholics. For me life has just become much easier accepting this.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

We are alcoholics guys, plain and simple. i denied it for years, thought i was ok, i functioned, had 4 children and a husband. I started to lose that. I lost the husband (my choice), lost the functioning and i damn well was not going to lose my children. So for me i have no choice to drink. As i say, i'd like to think Pat that in a years time or so i could have that glass of drink but as you say "you opened the door to al" and thats not a wise choice to make.

Kailey it gets so much easier but for me even the thoughts are still there. It like someone dear to me that is dead, i miss them so much and i want them back. Just like al, it was a part of my life for years and i miss him.

i dont much want him back though as he did me no favours in the end and by the sounds of you guys having a drink, its safer to keep al as far away as possible. Just remember we are recovering alcoholics and it takes time and patience and dedication to being af. We are all after the same goal and we will get there.

Pat it is a pleasure to help you and i thank you for telling me. It certainly hurts to let your support people down, i've done it myself but not one of my support people walked away and i'm not about to do that either. Big hugs to you and J today. Im so damn tired from last night that a nap is in order.

My arm is a tad better but i should have listened when the dr said to rest it for two days, he didnt know i had a party to plan.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LB now I know I'm the same as well. I didn't know that before. I know I can't drink regularly.. That's imprinted in my head, I know I can't moderate, that's also imprinted in indelible ink in my head.. No probs there but NOW I know I can't even have one night of getting drunk, I just can't cos I want more. I honestly didn't realise that until this morning so time to put a knot around the whole thing, cross it out. Not one, not two, not five. None.. Ever

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

By ride, thanks for the post and the great reminder that moderation just isn't going to work for us. That's why we are here in the first place like you said.

Pat, it might be a good thing you had a bit of a learning lesson last night. Maybe it will help you next time you think you can drink and then stop.
Dr Kelly says we have a memory in our brain regarding AL and as soon as we drink we go right back to where we were when we quit. Our brain remembers.
I know the last time I drank on April 11th, I really saw how my drinking was not normal and the memory of that helps me to stay sober now.

Just coming here today is helping my mod thoughts go away. I want to make sure I don't drink this week when I go camping.

No moderation for us!

I read your posts, Ava, Tye is so lucky to have you. Kailey, Ginger, LilB- no moderating for us!
Pav- thanks for the link, I will listen to it tomorrow. You ar such help to me.
You all are.
Thank you:h

[giraffe1234]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-Vo I'm thinking of you and ditto to what others have said. xox

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Greetings from vacation.

Congratulations on meeting and surpassing milestones, Loamers. They matter.

Pat, get right back up with J-vo and don't let the pattern get re-established, ok?

I think this video says it all: The Physiology of Addiction | Dawn Farm
It is long, but worth it.

The premise of all this is that we are born with the potential to become addicted. That can be true but there also can be epigenetic changes (changes in gene expression due to environmental factors; e.g. abuse and meditation both can change the expression of several genes). So, for whatever reason, an addict became addicted because she or he could. Another person could engage in the same behavior and not become addicted because she couldn't. A person with this type of brain can become addicted to e.g. foods that have addictive properties - i.e. that act on the brain in certain ways. A food that does not affect brain chemistry in this manner cannot, by definition, allow the development of an addiction (compare doughnuts to cabbage). So, you have to have the potential to become addicted and be exposed to addictive substances or activities. Since we don't live in bubbles, the exposure is almost certain to occur.

This doctor states flat out (in the Q and A at the end) that the user cannot use again if s/he is an addict and by his criteria, most if not all people here are because we could not simply decide to stop.

He also states that the brain does not heal (to the extent that it can) for 2 years. I believe that as changes continue (thank goodness!).

One of the slides shows that at 100 days, very little brain improvement has occurred. We might feel fine, but we're not. It took a long time for this to develop and it takes time to heal. We've got to give that to ourselves, no matter what it takes.

:h NS

[Ginger999]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Bravo, NS for another great post! I just love the facts you share with us here.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thank you NS, I will watch this . Hope you are having a wonderful holiday !!
I've spent the day crying in between calling my support friends.. I have no support or friends ( real ones) here in Malaysia and mostly that's ok... Just times like this when I so need to drop round to a friends for a cuppa..
I'm back on track.. I drank until way past midnight last night so I won't call this day 1. That will be tomorrow but if it's ok with you guys, I'm not going to count days... I will say my milestones.. 30 days etc but the only way I have been able to get back quickly is to say 66 days with one relapse.... For me that works.. My lovely friend called me from London to give me the number of AA here in Penang .. Not sure I will go as apparently it's a small group and all men.. But guess it's another tool
Hey have a great day girls
Xx
Pat

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS I LOVE YOU!!

I am going to watch this video, this is what I really need right now. Thank you!

I am having huge pulls that are saying I can drink during camping. I am really trying to quash these thoughts. This will totally help.

Well, I'm getting my hair cut today, it is 2 inches past my ears which is WAY too long for me so I am going short again. Much easier for me to take care of.

J-Vo, Pat :l:l
Take care of yourselves.

Love you beautiful ladies:h

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

We're in the middle of a huge thunderstorm and we've lost power. I have my cellular data on ipad, so luckily for that, I can read here. But the problem is that I take notes on your posts and i can't see my notes!!!!

Pat, let's get back on together and with our wonderful support ladies here. You know exactly what went awry and I've been thinking lots about what happened with me. We know that we can't drink ever, and like Jane said, we're more important than alcohol. Let's put ourselves above that poison.

I'll respond more later when I can see. NS, thanks for that link. And hugs to all of you girls for your encouraging and loving posts.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, All:

I was thinking about your plight, Nar. I feel like you have posted enough about your thinking about drinking on this camping trip that maybe a more direct line of support is in order. On my weather app i have the weather for the places I know you ladies live - weird I know, but saved me the trouble of always converting to F when you listed temps in C (poor, backward Americans). Here are some suggestions I'll throw out:

-- Don't go camping. This doesn't sound like a realistic idea because I know you are a fun person and like to have fun with friends and family. At this point you have a lot of time sober - but if you think that this trip will be THE trigger, maybe you could develop the flu or throw your back out or something. I'm guessing you'll go, though, so...

--Make a plan for what to do during those HIGH trigger times. For me and camping that would be a)right out of the water on a hot afternoon and b)starting to make the campfire for dinner when everyone is having some. Maybe you could pack some expensive, indulgent drink to put in the cooler - savor it until you feel triggered and then have it. Like Coke but don't drink it? Pack one. Like Kombucha? Pick your favorite.

--Also maybe come up with alternative things to do. Rahul's description of being in India when he was first sober is a good one. He talked about everyone going to the bar while he went out and enjoyed a swim in the Indian Ocean. He came back for dinner, thus avoiding the "Happy Hour" time.

--Is there a hike you can go on alone (bring some podcasts to listen to - I like the Moth storytelling, This American Life (longer story telling), and WTF with Marc Maron (interviews with interesting people) or our favorite, The Bubble Hour! There is a good Bubble Hour on what to put in your toolkit...

-- Bring a GOOD book that you won't want to put down. Go read it for distraction - 50 Shades of Grey?? I read Tweak which is an unbelievable and heart wrenching account of a meth addiction. My favorite novel is Angle of Repose by Wallace Stegner - you won't want to put it down. Where'd You Go, Bernadette is a funny and engaging book. Hit your tent during happy hour for some recharge and avoidance.

-- Bring a fabulous food treat. You don't even have to share if you don't want. When you feel triggered, drink a ton of water and indulge - cookies? chips? a delicious cheese?

-- Bring a fun game. Ladderball? Frisbee? Aerobie? Cards Against Humanity? When the drinking starts, find the kids and play with them. I actually used this tactic when I was "moderating" and didn't want to start drinking when everyone else is. The kids will appreciate your attention (unless they're all over 16).

-- Make a list of all of the positive benefits of not drinking. Put it in your pocket and refer to it when needed.

-- Write an account of your feelings that last Day 1. Put it in your pocket and refer to it when needed.

-- Have a heart to heart with your DH about needing to stay away from alcohol. Have him go on a walk with you or talk with you during those high trigger times.

--Will you have phone reception? Keep connected to us.

OK - I'm sure all of those are things you've thought of, but I was thinking about you this morning. I hope you have a WONDERFUL trip. Remember - take care of yourself and no matter what, stay sober.

I'm sorry you drank, too, Patrice. Get back on that horse with J-Vo. What are some other ways you could deal with extreme stress? I'm sorry you don't have a network in Malaysia - remember Skype! You are building those sober muscles - coming right back here is a positive step.

J-Vo - Jane said in fewer words what I was trying to say. You seem to want to do it all sometimes. Really, really take care of yourself. Do what YOU want to do, not what you think is expected of you or what you "should" do. F&$k the basketball concession stand and take a bubble bath or a bike ride. Meditate, but only if you want. Read a good book instead of cleaning the extra room. Take time to indulge yourself as you heal.

Daisy - I am so farking proud of you - that is an amazing milestone to reach! AND to have reached your goal weight, too. Keep on keepin' on!

OK, ladies. I am off to drop son off for camp - a little bit of empty nest time for DH and me until they both come back. Too bad we have to work...

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES AND STAY SOBER NO MATTER WHAT!

xo
Pav

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

As I continue to look at how my last week unfolded and read the relapse info you posted Pav, it became more clear as to what happened to me. Having this information in front of me, I believe is important and another piece of knowledge and tool for me.

Before I had that mod thought, before I'd begun to read everything I could so that I could mod successfully, I had a problem with work which started out as textbooks and led into a back and forth rant between me and my department head. I forwarded all of these emails to my principal so that he knew what was going on, as I believed he was screwing us out of money and textbooks. Well, in fact, that is true. But the way I handled it was not tactful, professional, and I made an ass out of myself and the whole situation. My anxiety went through the roof, which it hadn't done that in a long time. I was so angry and felt I got the shaft in a deal that shouldn't have been handled the way it was. Not only that, I felt I let my principal down, who does think highly of me, and it bothered me that I thought I'd ruined that relationship and lost his trust. I don't know where I'll stand with him, but I've always had a good reputation as being a good teacher. The next thing I found out is that the two English teachers they brought back to 8th grade in addition to my position (language arts) is just another move forward for them moving me and my other colleague (another language arts teacher) out of those positions after this coming year. He bought the textbooks for the English teachers even though we'd told him we needed our other books replaced as they're falling apart. Then he said 8th grade will be revisited next year as to who will be staying in that grade. Well, it's obvious from his purchase that we're out and they're in. I don't know where I'll go next year (not this year) but it is like me to freak out a whole year early. Yes. Very much me. So this was what got my wheels spinning. I had to find a way to know that I could moderate. I had to figure this out. From the article Pav posted, I found these two things:

1. Feeling unable to cope...people feel overwhelmed and unable to think rationally and have a desire to escape.

2. A trigger event provides an opportunity for internal discomfort to rise to the surface. The individual over reacts because the tension has built up.

I wasn't even thinking of this event as a trigger. I was thinking it was just that mod thought that got me rolling as I delved into everything I could so I could try and moderate. Why? Because of this trigger situation that pushed my anxiety button to the top floor.

It wasn't worth getting upset, angry, and freaked out over. Work is work. We're gonna have to deal with whatever they tell us to do. If I get moved next year, so be it. I can work anywhere, with any kids and find happiness. I'm flexible and I'll work it out with whatever is thrown at me. Damn. I'm lucky I have such a great job. I'll be retiring probably within 9 years, and so what about this one little situation. It's a freaking bump in the road. A pebble in the sand. Until I read that article, I didn't see it that way. But now knowing how I am with my over reactions, and when this happens, I don't think rationally, I will be extremely careful how I handle upcoming situations at work. I won't let these issues stand in the way of my sobriety. My sobriety is much more important to me than what grade I teach. I will be more attuned to what's going on in my mind, not react impulsively. I need to step back and learn how to breath, think things through before I go and do something I'll regret later. It's not worth it!

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Checking in too - raining here:upset: we landed in rain, got soaked yesterday, woke to no rain and a clear forecast, but it is bucketing!!!
Nar - I am doing fine, even had supper in a brewery and was just fine. I was mentioning to j-vo that we plan and prepare for the big stuff ( I was really thinking my holiday would be an excuse at some level), it is the unplanned, unexpected that pulls the rug out from under us.
Hopefully you will be able to enjoy it and nail the challenge!

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Beach-Buddy! I hope you get some :sun: soon! :h NS

J-vo, it sounds like you've figured out some important stuff :l.

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey J-vo! I am reading and catching up, sorry to hear about what has been going on.
Tricky, but you did not drink! So regardless of how things went, it definitely would have gone far worse had you of given in and drank. Gosh, this is a hard journey, isnt it? I am a bit at the end of my rope (moving now) and could have drank this week-end too. But I didnt.
We are all just doing our best, and I think you are doing great. X

j-vo;1689408 wrote: As I continue to look at how my last week unfolded and read the relapse info you posted Pav, it became more clear as to what happened to me. Having this information in front of me, I believe is important and another piece of knowledge and tool for me.

Before I had that mod thought, before I'd begun to read everything I could so that I could mod successfully, I had a problem with work which started out as textbooks and led into a back and forth rant between me and my department head. I forwarded all of these emails to my principal so that he knew what was going on, as I believed he was screwing us out of money and textbooks. Well, in fact, that is true. But the way I handled it was not tactful, professional, and I made an ass out of myself and the whole situation. My anxiety went through the roof, which it hadn't done that in a long time. I was so angry and felt I got the shaft in a deal that shouldn't have been handled the way it was. Not only that, I felt I let my principal down, who does think highly of me, and it bothered me that I thought I'd ruined that relationship and lost his trust. I don't know where I'll stand with him, but I've always had a good reputation as being a good teacher. The next thing I found out is that the two English teachers they brought back to 8th grade in addition to my position (language arts) is just another move forward for them moving me and my other colleague (another language arts teacher) out of those positions after this coming year. He bought the textbooks for the English teachers even though we'd told him we needed our other books replaced as they're falling apart. Then he said 8th grade will be revisited next year as to who will be staying in that grade. Well, it's obvious from his purchase that we're out and they're in. I don't know where I'll go next year (not this year) but it is like me to freak out a whole year early. Yes. Very much me. So this was what got my wheels spinning. I had to find a way to know that I could moderate. I had to figure this out. From the article Pav posted, I found these two things:

1. Feeling unable to cope...people feel overwhelmed and unable to think rationally and have a desire to escape.

2. A trigger event provides an opportunity for internal discomfort to rise to the surface. The individual over reacts because the tension has built up.

I wasn't even thinking of this event as a trigger. I was thinking it was just that mod thought that got me rolling as I delved into everything I could so I could try and moderate. Why? Because of this trigger situation that pushed my anxiety button to the top floor.

It wasn't worth getting upset, angry, and freaked out over. Work is work. We're gonna have to deal with whatever they tell us to do. If I get moved next year, so be it. I can work anywhere, with any kids and find happiness. I'm flexible and I'll work it out with whatever is thrown at me. Damn. I'm lucky I have such a great job. I'll be retiring probably within 9 years, and so what about this one little situation. It's a freaking bump in the road. A pebble in the sand. Until I read that article, I didn't see it that way. But now knowing how I am with my over reactions, and when this happens, I don't think rationally, I will be extremely careful how I handle upcoming situations at work. I won't let these issues stand in the way of my sobriety. My sobriety is much more important to me than what grade I teach. I will be more attuned to what's going on in my mind, not react impulsively. I need to step back and learn how to breath, think things through before I go and do something I'll regret later. It's not worth it!