Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL, I will do my best, thank you. I hope you get some sun soon!

Pav, Thank You Thank You ThNk You! that was awesome, the best advice ever! I am going to get past these stupid mod thoughts and focus on staying sober by:
1. Reading a good book, thanks for the recommendations:h
2. Drinking something special I like, non AL
3. Doing something active like biking, hiking, swimming
4. Eating yummy things like ice cream
5. Maybe a bit of shopping- we will be in a small touristy town in BC for part of it
6. Walking my lazy dog

I really appreciate what you wrote. Just taking the time to do that is pretty amazing :thanks:

My kids are 18 and 19 and they love to swim so we probably will hang out by the lake a bit. Hubby is a total water rat. He turns 10 years old around water and is pure entertainment for all of us.

J-Vo, ya work, it can drive us nuts sometimes. It's good you figured it out. Next time you will deal with it differently. Chalk it up to learning right! Hope you are having a great day.

Talk soon.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav that is a really wonderful list. I will keep that in mind. It's good for around the house if I ever have time to get bored.
Narilly my favorite part of camping without drinking is waking up in tbe morning. It's wonderful. I feel so good and grateful that I don't drink.
J-vo I love that point. It's just not worth it. Drinking at our problems, stressors, people, situations. Nothing is ever changed or made better by our drinking.
SL sorry for so much rain on your trip. :sun:
Good luck with your move Eloise.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Lil B, yeah, the mornings. Oh those glorious mornings! I will remember that for sure.

NS, I just watched the video, it was really good. Hmmm, I wonder what my brain looks like? I will keep on my quest of protecting it! Thank you.:l

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Girls,
Have been reflecting a lot today, rereading my journal thread (up to page 18) and came across this really good article I'd either found or someone else posted:

My Reclaimed Life - Tools

I talked about the work issue, the two-day lunatic reading about moderating when I know that that's not for me, and these are two things that I had going on and didn't do the most important thing in recovery...The most important thing I didn't do was contact someone to talk about it. I could have contacted someone when I was beating myself up about the work thing. I should have. Discussing it, being honest about how I was feeling would have helped me. I kept it inside and in my head. My head then began stirring with unrealistic ideas of moderation. And I failed to contact someone yet again. I could have saved myself from the misery I was feeling, from the thoughts that ultimately put a halt on my sobriety, and could have avoided the whole mess.

If you're feeling like that, having unsettling thoughts, alcohol related or not, come here and post, or call someone as soon as possible. This is a reminder to me that i need to be more honest with what's going on in my head. If we leave it brewing in our head, it's bound to lead to something that we don't want to happen.

We often say we're sorry that this post is "all about us" but that's why we're here. To talk to one another and support and encourage one another. Not just giving kudos for building up days. The way we build up days is being honest about what's going on in our lives. Coming clean about not feeling that great. Post a fucking gazette all about yourself if it makes a difference in how you'll feel. I need to take one day at a time, focus on the present, and not worry about things that'll happen a year from now. My focus now is my sobriety and knowing how important it is.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jvo - I am with you!!
I also didn't talk to anyone how I was feeling.. I texted Linda after the fact and I tried to call my friend in London but the time diff meant I was already drinking by that stage.

I've done a lot of thinking too over the past 24 hours and have pinpointed more exactly where my weakness lies..It's binge drinking. I can forgo the wine with dinner easily, I can forgo the drinks on the beach and have soda water.. Over the past 9 weeks, social situations and my holiday weren't an issue. The problem is home alone and wanting to get drunk one time quickly and efficiently to release stress.. Problem I have had is no way to real ease it over the last few weeks, haven't been able to exercise because of extreme haze and breathing difficulties... Grrr went to Doctor, it wasn't the smoking or the flu.. Acute asthma.. Never had before!!.. This is what lead to my relapse over the weekend

So , I must post more regularly, I must call someone when I feel that extreme anxiety and stress and I must not be scared to take the anti anxiety meds when I need to. They work instantly but I've been so scared of addiction of them too. I realise that is crazy and they have been prescribed for me for a reason...

Thanks for everyone who contributes here.. It does make a difference . I finally realise support is essential in this game...
Have a great MAE
Xx
Pat

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

We're on a roll here Patrice! So glad you've pin-pointed your triggers! It's not all trial and error, but some of it is and we'll get there. Read the article I posted above. It's pretty lengthy as below the initial introduction, he gets into specific tools that I found excellent to refer to --maybe commit to memory!

Hang in there.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL and NS,
Have a great vacation! Enjoy the sun, sand, and relaxation. Be present in each moment...except when you're thinking of us!:l

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Jane, is that my name on your avatar!!!!!!!!!??????

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pat and j-vo, good realization - I have done it and it works! I have signed on and got lots of pm's and posts that made me not want to let everyone down - was not able to think of letting myself down at that stage, but everyone else tried to hard it made me stop and really think. I do have some emails and fb friends from here now, so ways to get hold of people .....please don't hesitate to reach out. I know it helps me in my healing when I can help others so please don't deny me that honor!!
Feeling a little deprived tonight - walked beach at sunset and lots of happy drinkers - also a little lonely for adult company......missing a partner.....know it won't last, but feeling a mite self-absorbed....nice to check in here when feeling like this - full day tomorrow and that will help, night all!

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

MAE all,

Just back from my "off the grid" weekend and I have lots of updates to share but am way too tired to try right now. Will read back thru everything and post more thoroughly tomorrow, but for now just wanted to post a few quick replies.

little beagle;1688846 wrote:
Wags that must mean you are ypu are toeing the line for your paddling diva. You gotta do what ya gotta do to get ya through.

LB - Not really toeing the line, but trying to do what I can to build some sort of connection. My feelings haven't changed, just my strategy. But yes, this is a case where I will do at least a little of what I've gotta do.

Pavati;1689007 wrote:
Wags - As for counting - I understand that some people like it and some don't. I'm a counter and measurer by nature, and I have found that keeping track of days is important to my system of rewards for myself - I get a little giddy when I pass those big milestones. In my reading, it seems that the brain heals after periods of time without alcohol, and that drinking can set that healing back (makes sense). I think keeping track of where you are in relation to your last drinking can help you understand where you are in the process in a helpful way. Not everyone is the same, but there seem to be some common experiences here around the same time.
Pav - Great post about the signs before a relapse - I will go back and revisit this. I wasn't saying I don't think counting helps - I do it myself and celebrate each and every milestone. I'm less than a week away from triple digits, and this has been very powerful knowledge for me this past weekend. All I meant was that a slip doesn't wipe away all the hard work done previously.

j-vo;1689017 wrote:
Wags, I like that 'blip' that reset my odometer but didn't erase my accomplishments. As NS said, I've been almost al-free since October. I've learned a great deal, learned how to live without alcohol in my daily life, learned how to handle stress, deal with life's difficulties, and learned how to love myself. I know that all of that would go away if I'd try to moderate, as I wouldn't be able to. I'd go downhill eventually, and who knows if i'd be able to put on the breaks again.

j-vo - I think this was really the crux of what I was trying to say. If you drove a few hundred miles since last Oct, and then your odometer reset, your miles traveled wouldn't disappear. Slipping with Al is more dangerous than an actual odometer resetting, but your mileage gives you loads of strength you can and should draw upon. Kudos to you for getting right back up and moving forward.

daisy45;1689113 wrote:
Trouble getting on here today.....day 82 for me, last of my personal goals, so after today will be my longest AF time....and I reached my goal weight, so a good day!

Daisy - Huge congrats on passing your last personal goal and also reaching your target weight - both are awesome achievements!!

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pat I too have that need to just get blind, stinking drunk. I don't know if that's what you are saying, but I am. Inam more afraid of that then anything. Itvwill open the door and I will justify just keeping on keeping on. And so I don't.
I want to not drink more then i I want to drink. Pure and simple. And yes I do know it takes up to 2 years to repair the damage to our brains. I know I did some significant damage to mine, so have not been surprised by the bouts of blahs, the feelings of struggling through quick sand to just get through the day, the rush of emotions. Well you get the picture. But passing into that second year, I really am noticing a difference. Things are starting to even out. I am able to feal with high stress easier. It's still hard, but oh it is so worth it.
I have the book The Addicted Brain. I have read some of it. It's wonderfully soothing when I can't rest. I usually just drop right off after a few pages. So I haven't gotten that far through it. But the way the rats react to the cocaine was very interesting.
Gotta run to work.
I will check that link when I get home J-vo. I'm glad we have you and Pat here to show us how to really keep on. Getting right back up. That takes true strength.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Congratulations to Roxy, 100 is fantabulous!!
Xx
Pst

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey LB-we do sound very similar.. I agree totally with your thoughts. Thank you for worrying how it feels for you after this length of time...

It's such a a process and door opening experience that it at times it is so overwhelming. It is also jot a linear process which I am learning through you all and your experiences. The collective support and experience here truly is inspiring and I probably haven't given it the significance it deserved....

And Jvo it is great that we are both back in mere hours instead of the lengthy procrastinations that have started a domino effect for me In the past when . I have previously relapsed. The huge benefit of your e longs days behind and the shorter yet significant days behind me feel a lot to me like an anchor... Stopped that aimless bobbing around in the sea.,.,

Hope everyone is having a peaceful enjoyable day.. I am making the mist of my remaining few days holiday and staying up late with ice cream watching ' orange is the new black' ... Yay
Xx
Pat

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning Girls,

LB, thanks for reaching out to me.:l And I don't know why sometimes I feel that 2 years is a long time to heal, as I've drank dangerously for so long. But it's good to know from you and others that you can are experiencing the difference, the evening out as you said.

SL, also, thanks for your support these last few days. :l It means so much to me. And Byrdie and others always say that service to others is so important in recovery and I can see why. Helping each other stay get out of the hell keeps us out of it as well. We need to stick together.

Nar, that was a great list Pav wrote for you. Modding never works, and if it does for a short period of time, it won't be long until that doesn't work anymore. We've tried and tried, but not for us. You've come such a long way and I don't want you to lose your days because of the stupid thoughts I had. We don't want those nasty hangovers, feelings of guilt, remorse, sick souls that al inevitably gives us. It's those negatives we need to focus on when we think we're missing out on something. And even more, the list of gratitude, the things that we've gained since giving up poison. :h

Kailey, I hope you got through that difficult moment with your DH. It's hard when we have to watch what we're trying not to do. I felt that way on vacation a bit, although my plan was solidly in place, I still felt the tugs. Sending the strength I got back to you!

Daisy, congratulations on your personal goal (a few days late!). How wonderful to have reached that and feel all the positive and good health that you've felt during this time. And you've reached your goal weight! Woot! Woot!

Wags, yes, I can and will draw on the strength that I'm lucky to have.

Mollyka, it's a great link to share!

Roxy, congratulations on your 100! How awesome. So happy for you!

Jane, love your avatar that I finally noticed, and thanks for not giving up on me.

El, I fell. Last week. Don't think you saw the post about five or six pages back. But I'm crawling back out of the hole. One day at a time.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thank you for all your encouragement. J-Vo, you are a lucky gal to have your own Avitar. Nice work Jane, the Queen of pictures! I don't know where you find them all!

Pat, I am glad too that you and J-Vo did not prolong your relapse.that is so good.

Last time I relapsed in April it started off fairly slow but progressed quickly. On the last night I was gulping down extra shots of wine in my MILs kitchen. Um, ya...not normal drinking. Next day I woke up to a hangover. Obviously I can't moderate. Funny, I haven't drank for 115 days and now I am starring to think I can moderate? That is the absolute definition of insanity- keep doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.

This time I came here and posted about my mod thoughts. I know I was seriously headed down that path. MWO (you ladies) helped me big time. Thank you so much.

I don't F'N drink!!!

I am sitting on my balcony in the sun. Oh the beautiful days of summer in Calgary. I love it! Just wearing shorts and a tee shirt. In a few months it will be colder than hell outside so I am taking advantage of this.

Talk soon beauties!