Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

It's just great that even though AL got his toe in the door, you guys have managed not to let him all the way in. And, Narilly, you didn't even let him get that far! Way to go!

I listened to another Dawn Farm - compassionate, affordable care for addictions talk yesterday. In this one, the president of the organization was talking about "Addiction 101". He had a really interesting take on the "30-day" challenge for assessing your relationship with Alcohol.

Over the years, he found that addicts as a rule are quite strong-willed people and most can manage a 30 day abstinence challenge. So, when people continue to insist that they don't have a problem, he challenges them instead to consume exactly one unit of his or her favorite alcoholic beverage (no less and no more) at the time of day at which cravings develop each and every day for 30 days.

I chuckled when I heard that! He then said that most don't even need to take the challenge - they know already that they can't do it. He defines addiction of the lack of control of self-will; not simply the lack of control. That is exactly what it felt like to me - continuing to do something I was determined not to do.

Anyway, the whole website is interesting with several lectures to watch or listen to.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS - I am loving those talks , I find the delivery a bit dry at times but some amusing bits in between and the information is very empowering...
There are quite a few on that list I am really looking forward to watching/ listening to... I have downloaded the podcasts onto my ipad... Very very pertinent and accessible and at times fascinating..

Thanks NS
Xx
Pat

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS, YOU are a wealth of information!
These scientific pieces of information really help me a ton. They hep me to accept that my brain is different and that I can't drink. Thank you.

Pat, I love to listen to them too. Glad you are here (:

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Narilly, I agree totally... Over the last 6 months I have learnt so much about the science of addiction and it's so resonating with me... I'm not naturally a scientific based person but I'm finding that the more understanding I have, the better I can deal with this.. I also like in a lot of those scientific pieces that they outline the bad news and the good news in a balanced and positive way.. It's not all doom and gloom, there are lots of things we can do!!
Have a good night ladies!
Xx
Pat

[Byrdlady]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I must agree. NS has been a real blessing to this site. She took on sobriety as if it were a true scientific experiment. She has tested all the variables and has come to one conclusion! My hat is off to her for helping us all understand the science of addiction! XXOO, B

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-vo, that tools link you posted is great. Still reading......will check in to read back later.......

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Here's another one I reposted from a mwo'er who is now longer on the site. This is a really good one:

I don't think we can begin to truly grow into a successful, lifetime, AF plan until we have managed to make the shift in our thinking from the "Deprivation Mode" to the "Gratitude Mode."

In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."

In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.

For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.

That kind of thing is crucial. We literally can BUILD a new way of thinking and feeling about things. And I think that's something to be grateful for, in itself!

I think for most of us, we need to be careful and cautious with what's going on in our heads. When thoughts started shifting around last week, I should have used my most valuable tool, and that is connecting with someone who could help me. But also, I think being aware that changing our thought patterns, sometimes in a forceful way in the beginning should be practiced. The distorted thinking that we have needs to be changed so that we can continue to grow and move towards healthier minds and bodies. Just like we need to exercise daily to keep our bodies fit, we need to shift the thinking from deprivation to gratitude. It may be necessary to set aside time that we think directly about this, just like I did with anxiety and CBT. But the shift eventually happened and anxiety lessened. It takes work and once it's practiced enough, it becomes second nature.

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

brilliant post jvo. i was lucky enough to be in gratitude mode when i gave up al this time. and i had cultivated it.

i had learned from CBT that changing thought patterns was achievable. its not about ignoring unwanted thoughts, its about thinking outside that thought and seeing the polar view. and establishing that as the wanted thought. hard at first but easier with time if you keep at it. eventually to become default.

though stresses can cause the mind to revert. that is where mindfulness comes in.

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Rox - I've had good success with CBT techniques as well. I still have work to do in that area, but have found the approach to be effective and helpful.

Updates - I spent this past weekend on a camping trip with four of my oldest and dearest friends. It was awesome. This isn't really a drinking crowd, and there was no pressure to partake when wine or beer came out. I was able to tell them about my decision to go AF and to be really honest about why. I doubt I'd tell everyone this much, but it felt good with this group. It was a really happy, warm and supportive weekend all the way around.

I went from my great time with friends to a situation I hated. Last night I had to attend a meeting with one of the teams I'll be joining for paddling races in two weeks (neither is my regular team because we aren't competing in these races). Wow was that meeting interesting. We met at a bar/pub. This was my first time meeting most of these people, but I can tell this isn't my crowd at all. I was the only person who wasn't drinking, and very few people bothered to speak to me even when I tried to initiate conversation. At least two of the team members greeted me like this:

"Hi, what's your name? Do you drink?"

I had prepared my excuse in advance - I had to drive 100 miles right after the meeting. This was accepted no problem, but I'm sure the topic will come up again over the race weekend. All non-race activities discussed last night revolved around drinking. I will be skipping all of these events. I actually don't want to spend any more time with this team than I have to.

Honestly, I wish I could back out, but I can't.

Now that I know what to expect with this first team, I'm going to try to use this as an opportunity to practice not caring what other people think about me. Fortunately, I'll be paddling with another team at these same races (you can double-roster at most paddling events), and I'm fairly certain that will feel more comfortable.

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NoSugar;1689681 wrote: It's just great that even though AL got his toe in the door, you guys have managed not to let him all the way in. And, Narilly, you didn't even let him get that far! Way to go!

I listened to another Dawn Farm - compassionate, affordable care for addictions talk yesterday. In this one, the president of the organization was talking about "Addiction 101". He had a really interesting take on the "30-day" challenge for assessing your relationship with Alcohol.

Over the years, he found that addicts as a rule are quite strong-willed people and most can manage a 30 day abstinence challenge. So, when people continue to insist that they don't have a problem, he challenges them instead to consume exactly one unit of his or her favorite alcoholic beverage (no less and no more) at the time of day at which cravings develop each and every day for 30 days.

I chuckled when I heard that! He then said that most don't even need to take the challenge - they know already that they can't do it. He defines addiction of the lack of control of self-will; not simply the lack of control. That is exactly what it felt like to me - continuing to do something I was determined not to do.

Anyway, the whole website is interesting with several lectures to watch or listen to.

NS - As others have said, thanks for sharing all the great links you find. This 30-day challenge thing is very interesting. No way would I ever even try it, which I guess is his point and says something about me.

Coincidentally, back in the 90's I was good friends with a guy who worked at Dawn Farm. We lost touch when we both moved away, and I haven't thought about that friend or DF in ages, but when I saw it in your post it was like a blast to the past. Wow.


Ava and Jane - I'll join the "over being in pain" thread as well. I have chronic back pain - the only thing that relieves it is heavy duty pain meds (which I now avoid like the plague) or movement. The pain disrupts my sleep several times every night, which was part of what fed my "drink before bed" habit. Sigh... Hope you're both feeling better this week than you have been recently.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning to those in the Pain Group,
Wags, do you think your pain could respond to acupressure ? Or massage ? You too Ava!! I think the thing about massage therapy is that it is no quick fix and you need to go regularly ($$$$)
Jane- you too?
Hope you guys feel better!
Xx

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wonderful posts tonight.
Wags I think thats a great decision to not be part of a drinking crowd. It's hard for me to be around people drinking a lot. That is until the get pretty buzzed. Then I become thankful it won't be me waking up with all the regrets and pain.
I've been enjoying the my reclaimed life website. Good one J-vo.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wags,
What about a chiropractor? There are so many different techniques that they use. If one doesn't use a method you like, there are thousands of others. I'm going to start going to a family chiropractor - DH's side of the family has several. For years we went to his friend who 'cracks' and not a lot of people like that method, but I do. I'm making a change to his aunt because she's also into homeopathic remedies. But their techniques are very subtle. I think they use what is called toftness method. Anyhow, it's worth a shot. Mom's migraines went away after getting regularly scheduled adjustments. And onto your weekend. So glad you had an enjoyable time with your old friends. That's comforting to know that we have friends who love us no matter what we want to put into our mouths. Those other women...well, not the group to hang out with! I would have felt extremely awkward in that situation. Might have run out the back door!

Ava, how's your arm feeling? How's Tye feeling? Glad you were able to give him lovin' yesterday when he needed it.

Jane, cool murals! Will you try and sell those or are you keeping? The antabuse never entered my mind. I was really off in a lot of ways, but then if I'd made a call, someone could have reminded me that I have that tool. Sounds like you had a great weekend. Here's to more healing for you, too!

Roxy, when they say sobriety takes lots of work, they aren't BS-ing! This is one of the things that I don't regularly do. Reflect on what good things went on that day or in general. Must get my ass in gear and tackle that one. It does take repeated work until it become the default. Tricky business, this is. And you're right about the stressors. They're going to come our way no matter how flippin grateful we are today, yesterday, tomorrow.

Have a great night ladies.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

x-post LB!!!:l

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi - busy day today, at least it kept me out if trouble!!! I worked out why last night hit me so hard, tomorrow will be my wedding anniversary - we are not divorced yet due to DH not doing his bit of the paperwork, so another anni will occur. I was surprised as to how I was feeling, but when I realized it was a relief....so no stress tonight and I will be kind to myself tomorrow on our 19th anni - hopefully all will be resolved before the 20th!!!
Have a good night all