Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[roxane]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

:waving: to everyone.

happy hundred ginger! eloise happy 90! if i got that wrong, happy anyway!

jane i dont remember my dreams since i stopped drinking, though i must. good, bad indifferent all go on with out me knowing. i really dont miss the drunk induced dreaming.

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

hi Ladies.
NS sent me an email last week, asking if I was ok and if I'd been drinking again. As Ava just wrote, when one of us disappears, it's usually bad news. I keep going back to this vicious cycle and it keeps getting worse. I keep bringing myself down to new lows and don't know, I do know, but can't manage to begin again, how to pull myself out. I feel like hell, I feel like I am in hell. I don't know any more where to gather the strength from. I miss you all and want to be back.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, LC :l.
Just don't drink this evening or if you are drinking, dump out the rest. Show a stupid beverage that you are the boss - because you are! You can control this by not taking that first drink.
Let today or tomorrow be your last day 1, friend. It never is going to be easier than it is right now and I guarantee you that in a week, a month, or a year, you're not going to wish you'd waited a bit longer.

xx, NS

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

daisy45;1692549 wrote: Aw Eloise, won't be long for you now!

And I am looking forward to it!! :h

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Just a thought I wanted to share. When I was drinking I thought 'hey I am not so bad.'
There are plenty that drink more than me. True. But now that I am sober for a while I think 'omg, thank god I stopped all that nonsense.' What a slippery slope.
It is amazing how we can excuse ourselves and make excuses non-stop. What a WaStE of time.
It is so hard to stop, which is why I am just terrified to even think about drinking again.
What is the point of starting again if stopping is so hard? No point at all.
Even after a week you feel so much better. Every few weeks I notice something else that has improved, which makes it all worth it.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Life, yes, just like NS said. Just don't drink today. We can figure out tomorrow. We are here for you. We all know the struggle.
It is tough to kick that lizard brain in the head, at least squish it down for now and let us help you help yourself.
so glad you posted!
xo

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

ginger happy 100th an amazing achievement and a well deserved one. You have shown your dedication and determination in giving up al and its working. never become complacent and realise that the battle is never over but it gets so much easier and life becomes so much better when we actually like who we are.

Jvo and LC and Daisy. I had no plan and as Jane said all i said was "today i will not drink". I dont read much about al addiction, i dont want to, i live it and i have seen it in my brother and my son. For me i just accept that i cannot drink, i cannot be the person i used to be and i dont want to. I dont listen to the bubble hour (sorry Pav), i dont read any links that NS puts up (sorry NS) but i do watch comedy regarding al and documentaries but not often. I try to live my life knowing and accepting i am an alcoholic and talking to those closest to me about my feelings. I know this is my life and i am the only one that can either take it and run or take the bottle and hide. I have chosen to live. Its not easy, i know that, i live it but i do know i dont want to be fighting with myself and al again. I know i have to be on mwo daily or more, i know i have to avoid al situations if i am unsettled (i could not avoid my sons bday), i know i have to protect what i have being sober. I stay in my comfort zone as much as possible, nothing will take what i have worked so hard to achieve.

You girls have it in you to completely stop but you have to accept that you can never drink again. We all know how much better we are without it so what brings you to drink? Our al brain. so when a single fucking thought starts then post, post and post some more. Remember Lunatic Linda, become Lunatic Jvo, Daisy or LC. Who cares what you say, jsut post how you feel. We are here, we are not deserting you, we want the same goal that we are achieving.

shit i am late for work.
xxx

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava, I totally agree, and on that note. Robin Williams was an addict and he certainly fought with this AL brain we all have.
Depression is certainly prevalent with alkies and he must have gone through hell before he died. Poor guy. I wish somehow we could have helped him. It is one more reminder of how important it is to keep a group of people for support and to talk,talk talk. Don't isolate yourself.
We all need each other.

Today we won't drink.

Ava, I am at work and have been posting way too much today. Have a gooder. xo

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

My way out is to learn everything I can about a subject, Ava's is to simply DO IT. The point is - we each are doing what works for us, which I think is one of the key features of this forum. There is no absolutely right way to do things or requirements that "have" to be met if you have a hope in hell of succeeding. You find what works for you.

Pinecone had a great post today that encourages Ava's route. I completely agree with this being the way to start - I worked on all the learning bits after I had begun my AF life. It has helped me understand why I absolutely must stay this way.

Pinecone;1692589 wrote: Hi SG, welcome back. I don't really understand the technical parts of addiction, but I have a working theory. For some reason, people like us have something that forces us into a horrible dependence on alcohol. I can remember drinking beer after beer and sobbing because I knew that I was addicted to alcohol and I hated my life at that time. It didn't stop me from drinking though. I drank even harder because that was a source of "comfort." It is a kind of cyclical hell. Your words that your life is in a shambles, and your question of why are you afraid to live were exactly my experience too. I felt so utterly alone and isolated. I love the expression "You can't make sense out of nonsense." There is nothing to figure out about our drinking, just get away! Grab the rope and pull yourself out of the hole! Survival mode. This thing will kill us if it can. You are still in there, and you can have yourself back! I'm pulling for you.

[Rivergal]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

As so beautifully stated, "You girls have it in you to completely stop but you have to accept that you can never drink again. We all know how much better we are without it so what brings you to drink? Our al brain. so when a single fucking thought starts then post, post and post some more. Remember Lunatic Linda, become Lunatic Jvo, Daisy or LC. Who cares what you say, jsut post how you feel. We are here, we are not deserting you, we want the same goal that we are achieving." Thank you Available!!!!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I agree on this subject that one way is not the only way, hence my dislike for AA. There are so many ways we can get better. Yeah, my lizard brain took hold of me, but what i need to do is not get into the messy place I was before I took that drink. Once I let my head spin into anxiety, then it spirals out of control in other ways. That's what i need to be careful of...not staying in my head too long or with thoughts that can inevitably cause me harm. It's not an excuse. It's what happens to me. Someone else may be different. I guess this is part of relapse prevention. Getting on here, calling someone and getting the shit out of our heads before it's too late. I have a history of letting it go for too long. Then all of a sudden, it's too late.

LC, I hope you can come to terms with the acceptance issue. That's where I am, and I am saying it out loud to myself, I'm an alcoholic, and I'm a good person. I can live happily without alcohol as Ive already proved it to myself.

One important thing happened tonight. My DS came home and I told him I was taping the Robin Williams special. I told him I wanted him to watch it. He said, (remember, this is a 16 year old brain) "why would they do a special on someone that killed themselves?" I told him that just because someone had issues with depression and alcoholism and committed suicide related to these issues doesn't mean he wasn't a great man, well-respected, talented actor, and comedic genius. He deserves this tribute. He was loved by all, not just for his talent, but the beautiful person he was. DS being as young as he is, only knew Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire. Yes, we watched that movie hundreds of times with DS. I explained to him that I have a lot of the same issues that Robin Williams did. Not to scare him and make him think I'm going to commit suicide, but to begin to help him understand me and the seriousness of the two conditions. I said people like us, need to be vigilant and work daily to help ourselves recover. He knew I drank recently, and he was not happy with me at all. Gave me attitude for days. Well, that's the start of me explaining to my DS. He's talking to me again. I'll have more talks with him little by little. I'm going to watch the special tonight, and make sure he watches it tomorrow and that will open up the door to more discussions.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LC I too have been worried about you. Finding the strength will come to you. One day at a time. That's all you need to worry about.
J-vo what a tough subject to talk to you son about. But you are. Many wouldn't. :l
Daisy I know how quickly I would be right back where I started from if I started drinking.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ginger happy 100. Yeah!!! Triple digits. :wave:

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-Vo, wow, that is quite a conversation you had with your son. He is so young but you can see that even he has been exposed to the stigma of mental illness and alcohol abuse. He is so lucky to have a good teacher like you.
It will be something he remembers for sure.

Good night ladies.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[QUOTE=NoSugar;1692649]My way out is to learn everything I can about a subject, Ava's is to simply DO IT. The point is - we each are doing what works for us, which I think is one of the key features of this forum. There is no absolutely right way to do things or requirements that "have" to be met if you have a hope in hell of succeeding. You find what works for you. [QUOTE]

Hi,

I disagree one thing you say - Ava didn't just simply do it. She posts like a fiend (still); is in contact here and in "real life" with many, many sober people; she has the full and honest support from her kids and mom; and she posts her ups and downs as they come. You may do the research and I may listen to the Bubble Hour, and while Ava does neither of those, there ARE some proven steps necessary to staying sober AND living well (as opposed to being a dry drunk or white knuckling sober person) that we all have been doing. Nearly all of what I have read (yes, I do that, too) includes a making the necessity of making a commitment to yourself in some way each day not to drink, and leaning on a support system.

Having a drink is not even a contemplation I will allow myself to have. I can read the mod threads because I have taken the choice of drinking off the table. This is where my reading has helped me. I know that I have crossed a line and am addicted to alcohol. I know this is a chronic disease from which I will never recover. As they said on the Bubble Hour (lots of pearls there, Ava, but don't worry, I'll keep sharing) - addiction is not a problem you can fix. It is a reality. You can't fix reality. Accepting this has made all of the difference for me. (Of course, I get the desire to drink - you have seen me post about it here, but I won't "entertain" the thought of maybe if... I acknowledge the thought and send it on its way using one of the many tools I have learned here).

I have a lot more to say but I'm heading to bed. Embrace and accept the fact you are addicted and no amount of wishful thinking will make it otherwise. Take care of yourselves and don't drink, no matter what.

xo
Pav

PS - WAY TO GO GINGER!!! 100 is an amazing feat - and another awesome gloamer win!

LC - we have been missing you. Buckle yourself in and DON'T DRINK. You are worth the effort.