Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

NS- I had my basil cell carcinoma (skin cancer) surgery this morning.
The day started w/my husband having a little meltdown first though. So I walked in there all nervous, we arrived late, and I had no idea this was going to be as serious as it actually is. Then I had a bad reaction to the anesteasia (omg I cannot spell)... started shaking all over. I am fine now. Thank god I hadn't drank or I would have thought that is why. I haven't been planning to drink, by the way. Just a little flashback...
I was so annoyed with the husband. What a total turd. I woke up really early, had myself all calm and ready to go to the hospital, and he wakes up whining about something I can't even remember now.

I actually had a good cry in the afternoon and my wounds started to bleed.
What a big spoilt turd he can be. There I said it.

I look terrible. I guess I am in a new ugly phase? I am trying not to be a baby about it, and I know it is really good I finally am doing something about this. I had a feeling for a long time (4 years) these sores had to go. hm. Anyhow, just feeling a bit isolated and alone. I still have no girlfriends here. Its so weird, this has never been the case before... no friends. Everyone lives a flight away. And my husband and I are moving and getting on each others nerves. He told me I am just like my mother this morning and how I am sometimes a bitch. Well THANK YOU Charlie Brown.

okay, rant over.

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wags, thank you so much for writing out that list. It is very, very helpful to me. I'd forgotten some of the things I used to do and you gave me some new ideas. Posting notes/reminders to myself is something I've always thought of doing, but haven't. And I can definitely make a new list of the losses I'm incurring due to alcohol. And repeating again and again that I don't drink. And the positive reinforcement/rewards for success.

NS, I watched the documentary and found it really informative and easy to understand. Slowly, I'm beginning to understand the complexity of addiction. The reason why some people can just quit when faced with hard-core consequences and why others have to work really hard, diligently at quitting and then at staying quit. I have been trying to remember when I first thought I had a problem with drinking. I have always been a heavy drinker, but at some point I realised how negatively it was affecting my life and then, in trying to quit or cut back, realised I couldn't. I don't honestly think I could have quit on my own at any time in my drinking career. And for me, drinking has always been very much intertwined with depression. Drinking because I was depressed and becoming more depressed because of drinking.

I know that I will be grateful for the chance at a different life. I know my life will be 100 million times better once I accept the fact that this addiction is something I can't conquer by continuing my old ways. Once I fully accept that drinking is not, was not and never will be an option for me again. Once I finally embrace with gratitude the gift of sobriety. I have to use all the tools in the box to re wire my brain.

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Eloise, :l I hope you heal quickly. Sending love.

[Eloise]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

thanks Lifechange... I think I will be hanging around this thread quite a lot the coming days...

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Life, I know you can do it. Those tips by Wags were AWEsome! Thank you Wags. Hey, I use and still use a lot of those things.
Here is my short list just off the top of my head:

1. Be grateful not to be drinking instead of feeling deprived
2. Drinking everything except AL, yummy bubbly drinks and mocktails, teas, bubbly water etc.
3. Saying over and over "I don't drink"
4. Staying away from drinking events
5. Listening to podcasts and The Bubble Hour
6. Learning more and more about addiction and the science behind it
7. Planning AL free weekends ahead of time
8. imagining myself doing things without AL Ever being involved
9. Excercise, Exercise, Exercise even if it is just walking (which is what it mostly is)
10. Posting here as much as possible and learning from you ladies and gents.
11. Saying NO to my lizard brain who is very strong willed

EL- OMG, I would like to kick your hubby in the nuts! (I know, very immature) He should be supporting you instead of whining and saying crap like that. I wish I could be there to take you for your surgery. I hope you feel better soon. Big hugs from me.
Sometimes its good to have a good cry, definitely better than drinking.

Enjoy your shopping J-Vo. You are sounding great!

Life- thank you for the link. I love it when I can read links people post. NS has had some really good ones. Pav too.
Talk to you girls later.

[Ginger999]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Morning all.... I'm feeling better today and happy to be heading on an adventure tomorrow. I'm hoping it takes my mind off losing my sweet pup.

El, I'm sorry your hubs was a turd and that you felt like you weren't getting the support you need. Be kind to yourself even if hubs isn't. You deserve it! Glad that no drinking thoughts crept in. Hard times can leave us vulnerable. Isn't it great to be able to come here and vent? Even though we aren't all in the same town/state/country, I count each one of you as friends.

[lifechange]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ginger, I am so sorry about the loss of you pup.:l
Jane, you as well, I am so sorry. I know how sad it is to lose a best friend doggie and I hope you are doing alright.:l

I am getting ready for bed, wanting to wake up early enough for a run, though it's raining now so I might just do some stretching instead. Anyway, I want to check in here and have a coffee with you all before I head off to work.
I just wrote an email to the Ladies I cancelled weekend plans with. They all called today and sent emails, concerned about my cancellation and not understanding what was going on with me. We only meet in person about once a month so it was possible for me to keep my problems hidden--Tonight I let them know what has been going on. It felt so good to be honest with them. I was thinking that one of my biggest clues in spotting a possible relapse is that I lie.The lies start out small, but at some point I don't even know the truth. I can't keep track of what I've said to whom. Today I caught myself several times, even in my thoughts, with a small lie. For instance, I wanted to begin my email by saying, "Sorry I didn't answer the phone, I didn't hear it." It's a little white lie, but they add up and get out of control if I'm not careful. I'm going to work very hard at that now--

Nar, that is a great list-- thank you for sharing it. It's a great idea to imagine myself in all sorts of situations without alcohol. And to think about all of things I still want to do but haven't because of al. On the day before my birthday last year I had 100 days AF and I was so excited about my 44th year of life. Now it's the 8th month already and most of it has been a struggle. I'm feeling so ready to be done with alcohol for good.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Wow guys this will give me something to read at work atlhough i do have a very busy day.

LC one thing you must do is stop "thinking" and just "do". Today i will not drink. Today i will go to the gp and make arrangements for counselling. Do not overwhelm yourself with things to "do". I did three things a day when i first stopped drinking and somedays i still do 3 things a day. It can be as simple as doing the dishes,putting a load of washing or or buying milk but i have done those things so i dont feel guilty that i have done nothing. Now i am more motivated but those early days it has to be about you.

I was talking to a patient on the phone yesterday and she was paranoid that when she came in for a test that we would admit her to hospital. she mentioned something about being an alcoholic and she was three years sober and i said congratulations and i am 8 months sober. Why did i say it? Because she was not ashamed, i could hear it in her voice. I am not ashamed of what i am either. I had a couple of drs near my desk and i spoke quietly but if they heard then they heard. she told me to always stay connected with either AA or a sober community. I told her i was on a support group on the net. i want to talk to her more when she comes in and i will. I know others would think "omg no i could not do that" but i am not ashamed of what i am, i cant be. It is about acceptance.

I am still finding it hard with so many relapses at the moment. Its hard when you funk it and i have had "fuck it" moments where i think, why not drink, who really fucking cares, at the end of the day if i drink, so what. Ive thought seriously of having a break from here but i seriously know that if i do then i will probably end up drinking. not right away but its early days for me also. So after a lot of thought im not going anywhere. What im trying to say is that even with large days up we are susceptible to the "fuck its" and for me this is where i have to find and talk to other alkies. The great thing is that i can start a conversation with a stick so i am lucky. I cant become complacent and most of all, i have a lovely quit buddy Pav and for her i can not let her down. her emotions would be all over the place so for her i am accountable. I know if pav started drinking i would think it was only a matter of time before i did and projecting this onto her is not fair at all.

So today i will not drink.

Shit running late again! xxxx

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LC, I'm sure you didn't mean this to be funny but it gave me a chuckle:

I was thinking that one of my biggest clues in spotting a possible relapse is that I lie.

Imagine what someone who never had a problem would think of a statement like that!!

The failure to be honest was probably the thing about this whole business that was tearing me apart the most. It was so at odds with how I generally live (sometimes to a fault ). The sneaking and lying and hiding was just killing me - figuratively, anyway.

I had an older boss once who was painfully blunt but as he said, he couldn't lie because he could barely keep track of the truth - there was no way he was going to be able to keep any lies straight!

Alcohol is the liar - convincing us that it will fix things and make them better. We need to ignore that and live as authentic lives as we can.

Sleep well, LC :l.


Ginger, I'm sorry your 100th day was filled with sadness but it must have been so affirming for you to have handled letting your pup go without numbing your emotions.

El, I hope you heal quickly and I'm so glad you are strong enough to deal with a surgery and an unsupportive big baby spouse without a drink!

Another great list, Nar. You and Wags could put together a "how to" pamphlet.

Well, I'm off to be the self-designated driver of some friends this evening... have a good one.

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

LC I still have a difficult time attending events where alcohol is everywhere. Until the participants get drunk. Then I am SO glad its not me. Staying close to your comfort zone is a good idea. Taking care of you and doing what you need is number 1. :l
Jane I empathize. My hubby really isn't the best at comforting me when I'm down. I more likely to get a strong suggestion to just get on with it. I know you are hurting right now. :l
Ava I still get the Fuck it's. The urge to just run off and drink and not have a care in the world. But the world catches up, demanding to be recognized and there we are, feeling like crap, unprepared to do what's necessary. So I stick close here and count all the things in my life made better from not drinking. So much easier to do.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava, LilB, I get the F it feeling quite often. I definitely had it camping. My daughter and I went for a burger one night at a restaurant and sat outside. I always associate drinking with Sitting outside to eat. I wanted to order a drink but my daughter wasn't drinking so why would I and how would I explain that? So I just didn't and I got through it.

Yesterday after work I was thinking F it I am just going to have some wine. I tried to understand where these drinking thoughts were coming from and I realized I was hungry, angry and tired. Of course I wanted to drink! So I ate some food and felt better.

It's an ongoing thing this stupid addiction crapola we have to deal with.

NS, isn't it nice to be the designated driver. Better than being the drunk one.

Ava, that is great that you can share your sobriety story with others.i agree it is about acceptance. I am so glad you are here, don't ever leave.

I am going to go read now and go to sleep, my work is crazy these days. I seem to be getting more responsibility every day and now my boss is on holidays and I am 'the boss'
I Love it! It is pretty cool because my career is important to me.
My mind is clear and I am not hungover That helps so much!

Xo
Pat, Daisy, J-Vo, Life, so glad you are all here and back in the race.

El, I hope you are ok.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Turns out the restaurant we went to doesn't serve alcohol (which makes cultural/religious sense although I didn't think of that when I suggested it). Wow - how nice it was not to have that elephant in the room! I've gone out with these friends several times and really didn't feel bothered in the past by being -literally- the 5th wheel in terms of drinking the wine, sharing the bill, etc. but the lack of all that tonight was a nice surprise (as was the fact that the conversation stayed sharp and clear!). Luckily the food was great because I'll probably suggest going there again .

Getting rid of the "Eff-its" takes the continual re-training of your brain (a positive sort of brainwashing) and, most of all, time. I suspect that highly stressful or "This is where I always drank" situations might always elicit that response to some degree but as time goes on, the level of stress required to cause that goes up and up and there are more and more "situations where you never drink". I plan to always be on guard but day to day, it really isn't an issue anymore.

[wagmore]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

El - Sorry your husband was so unhelpful today. That stinks, especially on top of what you had to deal with. I hope you're able to heal quickly. My dad had that surgery a few years ago and although the surgery sites took a while to fully heal (partly his age), he felt immensely better after 24-48 hours.

Nar - So glad you didn't drink while you were camping, even when the urge came during the outdoor meal with your daughter. Great list from you as well - some similar things and some different. I especially like that you included these two:

7. Planning AL free weekends ahead of time
8. imagining myself doing things without AL Ever being involved

I think this advance visioning and planning are immensely helpful - self-fulfilling prophecies so to speak.


Ginger - Glad to hear you're feeling better and that you didn't drink to help numb the pain from losing your pup. Enjoy our adventure, let it distract you, and we'll look forward to hearing all about it when you get home.

LB - I totally agree - it's hard to be around people who are drinking at first, but when they get drunk, I'm relieved it isn't me. I'm almost thinking this could become a strategy for some events - arriving a bit later when people are already less aware, as they'll likely pay less attention to whether I'm drinking. Hmmm...

NS - I can see how being dishonest would have wrecked you - it seems so out of character, based on the little I know of you from MWO. Glad your dinner went well tonight! The plan of being designated driver is great, but what a treat that it turned out nobody drank and you got to enjoy everyone's sober company - awesome!

Jane - Love the poetry action on the other threads - what a great idea! Sorry to hear your husband isn't better at comforting or empathizing. I'm divorced now, but my ex was horrible at that. It was really hard at times, as I imagine it is for you as well.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Evening ladies,

DH, DS, and I had a long shopping day, then DH and I went to a nice up-scale Italian restaurant as DH is on vacation...again!. It's beautiful there. The chandeliers are giant purple bunches of grapes. It was delicious, and lots of wine flowing around, DH has a few glasses of beer, but I had none. Didn't feel any deprivation, but of course observant. We got home before DS and he stared into my eyes, as he knows the second I drink any wine. He was pretty upset last weekend with me, and we talked about my slip and how this condition takes lots of daily vigilance. But of course he doesn't trust me, and I can understand, as why would he? And I understand if you girls don't trust me, as it's only day three. But I feel good. Really good. I'm not afraid.

Wags, excellent list. #6 was a good one with reassessing the situation in 30 minutes. Lots can happen in 30 minutes! Like you can call someone in that amount of time, you can choke on a chicken wing and die, or you can win a million bucs in the lottery. Anythings possible, so tricking your brain to wait and reassess I thought was a very valuable tool. Also, the #5 and #7 remind me of CBT and retraining your brain to bring the positives back and stamp out the negative.

NS, I liked the information you posted on the serotonin increasing in the brain when you think of positive thoughts. Sometimes i think it's just work, but as we say, this is lots of work, and I think this is one of the most important tools you can have. This leads to gratitude and acceptance.

El, sorry to hear you had such a crappy day beginning with your turdy DH. I hope you're sleeping like a baby right now and wake up refreshed. Please take it easy tomorrow and let us know how you're doing.

LC, that's sweet you have gf's that care deeply about you. I've told three close friends from work, and they never mention it but still want me around...imagine that! I hope you can start to feel better. I know this isn't about higher powers here like AA, but I have to say, when I pray more, ask for help, it really helps me. It's just the spiritual aspect that I think will always help.

Nar, another excellent list! Thank you! I liked #8 imagining myself doing things without Al and being happy. Another brain exercise that can lead to increased serotonin! And OH! The HALT is one of those that's been around for so long. I forget that one and it's one of the most important in catching why you might have that nagging thought. I'm going to at H.A.A.L.T (second A - Anxiety).

Ginger, hugs to you dear, and hope this adventure takes you away from some of the pain you've experienced in the last two days.

Jane, I love Betty White. What a hoot. And sorry you're feeling like crap. This too shall pass. Isn't it too bad this summer we've only had about 10 days of sunshine and warm temps in the NE?

Night.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Everyone:

Wowzie am I busy at work. 10pm and just finished a presentation for tomorrow. My fingers are tired...

Wags and Nar you should put those lists in the toolbox.

Ava - I feel your pain. When others on here drink it is HARD for me as well. That doesn't mean they shouldn't come back and post, but I do get the fuck its. For what it's worth, I don't mind your putting that on me, as I have put my sobriety on you as well. And I'm pretty sure if Byrdie or NoSugar drank I'd have to head to the hospital.

I DO appreciate your #1, Wags. Expecting to succeed is VERY important. I was at a workshop where someone brought the quote: Expectations about the likelihood of eventual success determine the amount of effort people are willing to put in. -Moss Kanter That is why, in spite of relapse being part of the disease, I have to believe that I will not relapse. I expect that I won't drink and set my life up accordingly.

Good night, all. Sorry I am so busy and don't answer directly more.

Stay strong!

xo
Pav