Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

Goodnight everyone, I'll post tomorrow.

[Ginger999]

MAE, Hey has anyone heard from Wagmore? I haven't seen her around for a bit. Hopefully all is well.

Little Beagle, thinking about you.

[Pavati]

Hi,

I'm here! Was out late last night so I didn't check in. Will check back later tonight.

Have wonderful days.

Pav

[NoSugar]

This thread is pretty quiet lately and that's fine as long as we all are doing well and actively engaged in maintaining our sobriety but... are we getting bored with it? I know I find that I'm better off when I'm challenging myself in one way or another. I certainly wouldn't trade in what I have now for the "excitement (??) " of the early days of being AF but the intensity of all that was its own kind of reward for me. (Maybe I'm some kind of challenge-junkie ). I read this article on the subject this morning and this is the explanation given for why people lose motivation:

The Reasons People Lose Motivation in Long-term Recovery

There are many possible reasons for why people lose motivation after they have been sober for a few months or years. These are some of the most prominent:
* Memory can be treacherous for people who are recovering from an addiction. This is because the memory of how painful things were in addiction can diminish over time, and the individual can start to spend a great deal of time thinking about the times they felt good because of alcohol or drugs. This is known as romancing the drug or drink, and it can cause people to lose their motivation to stay sober.
* When people enter recovery with expectations that are unrealistic, it can lead to disappointment, and this saps motivation. The individual did not make a mess of their life overnight, so they will not be able to repair the damage overnight either. By giving up alcohol or drugs, they will be taking a significant step towards a better life, but there will be more work that needs to be done.
* Those individuals who were highly enthusiastic in early recovery can run out of steam. This is particularly likely to happen if they the individual went through a period of pink cloud syndrome. This occurs when people become so high on life in recovery that they lose touch with reality. Staying sober becomes easy, and the individual begins to take their sobriety for granted. When the pink cloud ends, people can come back down to earth with a bang. They can become disillusioned with life in recovery.
* Some people just lose their way in recovery. They get caught up in life and they forget to keep on doing the things that is helping them to build a successful recovery.

So, GLoamers, are y'all MOTIVATED? What do you do to stay that way? Or if you're not, maybe you could tell us what is going on and we can brainstorm ways to get fired up again.

Have a great AF weekend, everyone. xx NS

[narilly]

J-Vo, I am going to read that book. It sounds good. I totally loved the series Orange is the New Black by the way.
I have a huge list of books I have to read, how exciting!

NS, no loss of motivation here! I just have been having a bit of trouble loggin on once in awhile but things seem to be getting on track now. Love your post babe!

have a great day Gloamers.

[scottish lass]

hi dear Loamers!
NS - that passage is so true - the pain and horror diminishes and the good still seems to hang around in my memory banks - I have to deliberately recall the bad memories to recall why I chose this path. And also I do feel that I came into this expecting that being permanently sober would cure all evils, and as it hasn't the rose colored glasses do need cleaning off every so often! Great reminder and a good chance to reaffirm - yep, I am motivated - lose it from time to time, but it is still the bottom line!
Hi Pav, Narilly, Ava and everyone else

[Eloise]

Hey guys! Here I am, finally.
Looks really different and nice... Looking for the roll call now.
Busy week, I hope everyone is going strong? I certainly have missed you all. Looking forward to getting back in touch.

[Byrdlady]

This thread is pretty quiet lately and that's fine as long as we all are doing well and actively engaged in maintaining our sobriety but... are we getting bored with it? I know I find that I'm better off when I'm challenging myself in one way or another. I certainly wouldn't trade in what I have now for the "excitement (??) " of the early days of being AF but the intensity of all that was its own kind of reward for me. (Maybe I'm some kind of challenge-junkie ). I read this article on the subject this morning and this is the explanation given for why people lose motivation:



So, GLoamers, are y'all MOTIVATED? What do you do to stay that way? Or if you're not, maybe you could tell us what is going on and we can brainstorm ways to get fired up again.

Have a great AF weekend, everyone. xx NS

NS, this is a great synopsis of it all! If you haven't already, would you stick that in the Tool Box for us? Then I will be able to whip it out on a moments notice over in the nest!!!
Thank you for that great find!! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

So glad you made it over, El! I saw on the other site that your life is kind of busy/stressful right now. It's great that you are staying sober no matter what!

Good to hear you're still fired up, SL and Nar. Keeping the 'bad stuff' in mind while at the same time trying to be positive, optimistic, and grateful is a tricky balance. Sometimes the littlest thing like opening up an old "hiding place" for another reason will trigger the bad memories, shame, and embarrassment for me -- painful but a good reminder.

[available]

morning here from me. a busy week and that is good, well i think it is, though i am glad it is saturday here.

NS i constantly remember my drinking days and its not from recent times it is from very early on and how i now see the signs of me becoming a alcoholic. Sure some times were fun when i was young but in the latter years they werent. I cant and wont forget my children just "tolerating being around me" and me just tolerating myself. I cant forget the love i have for my dragon of a mother now instead of blaming her for my whole life, i cant forget what i was 10 months ago and the kids will never let me anyways. I know it will take only one drink to be back to a drunk and i have no intention of doing that. I do wish sometimes that being normal by drinking thought would go but it is dealt with when it arises. I know that alcohol will take everything i have now and thats so not going to happen.

Elvis relapsing knocked my determination up a notch again. To see what he is going through again is awful but it keeps me accountable.

Liam turns 26 today. My "trying" child. Tried everything, especially my patience, but i look at him and he has been sober from ice/crack for a year and a half and i am so proud of him. I know any addiction is hard to beat but that drug is just fucked, i have no other word to describe that ice. I also lost him to near cot death at 6 weeks and i look at my child and think how lucky and privileged i am to have him. Today will be a good day and we are both sober although he will be stoned of course! Stoned i can handle.

My friend is back in hospital trying to get his pain under control before his big operation. His partner is in total denial and is avoiding hospital. that makes me so angry but i can only be there for robert but i did mention maybe his partner needs counselling to try and deal with his anger, pain and denial. He is going to look into that but feels that he needs to concentrate on himself at present and i totally agree with that. We meet people in life for a reason and he is very very special to me, i know his outcome is not great and that makes me very sad. We talk about our addictions and he beats me hands down ha ha.

Im liking this new site though i need to save threads that i go on, keep forgetting that one.

Today is shopping day with mia, we found a new op shop, woo hoo, then i think pizza's tonight for liams birthday and a nice family night. Daylight savings has started here and that has thrown me around though i can now walk after work which is more convenient. i need to think of some other form of exercise to do, i dont want to spend hundred of dollars on going to the gym twice and then stopping. my arm restricts me at present although it is getting better again slowly.

well enough waffling, glad everyone is sounding good. time for a coffee with a sober head. Waking up sober is the best!

[narilly]

Hey Ava, you are sounding strong. Yes, I feel the same way about my son and my daughter, how priviledged I am to have them. They are amazing young people. My son hasn't smoked pot for a few months. The counsellor asked him to take a little break from it to see how he felt and he actually said he felt better not smoking pot. That is a huge admission from him. He would argue to the ends of the earth about how pot did not affect him and that it was all heresay that pot made people depressed blah blah blah. I am just glad he has stopped smoking it. I really think he is better off the crap.

Shopping a pizza sound great. I am going for pizza tonight with my best friend and her hubby. She said pizza and beer but for me that is pizza and something else.

I am thinking of going to a women's AA meeting tomorrow afternoon. I just want to do a little extra to protect my quit.
Hopefully it is a good meeting and the women there are 'normal'. haha...like we are normal

xx

[available]

I wish my boys would not smoke it but they do and i can only lecture for so long and give up. i was the biggest cone head when younger and only stopped as i was pregnant, then i stayed pregnant forever! Tye gets bad anxiety but since he has stopped drinking it has basically stopped which is wonderful. He had a big few drinking days as a few friends of his had birthdays and he drank but not to what he was and i was so worried he would start back up again but he has not. Phew to that one, i know i would be drinking like a fish. i did have a quiet chat to him though about how good his life is now compared to drinking but i try not to shove sobriety down his throat. if my mother had of done that i would drink more. Im glad your son feels better though.

you can only try the meeting and see how it goes but dont forget to give us the goss please. finding like minded real people is good, a good ex alky is hard to find!

[little beagle]

NS I for one am definately not losing steam. Actually working even harder on it. It's been rough here this week. And we are working on things. Anyone who thinks moderation can be done... well I have a living example that it cannot.
Ava I am with you. One drink would just open a door and the monster would break lose. Oh maybe not the first or second time, but I know within a month I woukd be tight back where I started.
That's the subject hubby and I talked about last night. Why people forget the bad experiences. I still have the article you shared with us on the 2 parts of why we forget the bad and only remember the good parts of a relationship.
I love you people.

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

Thanks for the tune up, as usual, NS. I have been over worked and had terrible allergies, so I have not been exercising except on the weekends, and that always puts me in a bad mood. As it is turning winter here (well, hard to believe at 80 degrees), the dark comes earlier and earlier, and I know I will have to really focus to get some exercise in after work. October is a hard month in schools - the first report cards come out so kids and parents are stressed, and the newness of the start of the year has given way to the realization that in spite of the August New Years resolutions, things are more or less the way we left them in June. There is also a lot of fun - Homecoming for one. Also, my son who is really quite a lovely 15 year old, is nevertheless a 15 year old. The other son has school struggles and requires a lot of patience. All this not to complain but to say...

YES! I need to remember to take time for me, to practice my sobriety every day, to exercise, relax, meditate, tune out, smell the roses, etc. I really have no trouble at all remembering the bad times drinking, and actually I have a hard time conjuring the GOOD feeling from alcohol. In the end, I think, it was less of a warm buzz and more of a return to "normal," which is to say, it was damn time to quit. So, good reminder, NS. Exercise will become part of my weekdays again, too.

Nar and Ava - good to hear your kids getting through the experimenting and over drinking. I am trying to keep my kids as straight as possible for as long as possible, as all the evidence points to starting later meaning less likelihood of addiction. I feel like I am fighting such a strong drinking culture, but I will continue to fight it!

LB - Sorry for your week, and I'll say it again - your husband is so lucky to have you!

Byrdie - glad you popped in to the Gloamer thread - we're looking for others we haven't heard from much lately. Ginger - Wags popped in a while back to say she was falling in love, but I guess that's keeping her busy.

Off to bed - looking forward to not setting an alarm.

xo
Pav

[j-vo]

NS, I really liked your post and this is one I can relate to...

* When people enter recovery with expectations that are unrealistic, it can lead to disappointment, and this saps motivation. The individual did not make a mess of their life overnight, so they will not be able to repair the damage overnight either. By giving up alcohol or drugs, they will be taking a significant step towards a better life, but there will be more work that needs to be done.

I struggle with this one. My expectations are unrealistic and I need to think about this as I give up too easily because I expect things to go along much more smoothly than they are. I expect things done yesterday and that's so unhealthy. It's a pervasive problem for me, and one that I need to be aware of so that I can be at peace and not expect perfection. I lived a lifetime alcoholically, and its going to take a long time to feel that what I'm doing now is the normal and better way of living. Yes, I think it is and know it is, but still have brief moments that i need to pull myself back into this reality. Like last night, driving home after a full day of work, then working at the football game. I was exhausted, and thought, "wow, I would really enjoy a glass of wine now." Well, we all know that a glass wouldn't happen, and I played it to the end, thinking how i would go to bed, wake up in the middle of the night, morning...I also remembered the H.A.L.T. and I was hungry, and tired. So, being aware that it's not just going to come naturally that I don't drink, at least for now, and that i need to put these thoughts into place, is important in my recovery.

Nar, glad your son is feeling better and can attribute that from not smoking. That's a big realization.

Ava, also the same with Tye. Not suffering from anxiety and knowing that it's due to not drinking is huge. To be able to know that at such a young age is so big and hopefully will save him from a lifetime of unnecessary stress. I still think of the anxiety I used to have and didn't realize it was from alcohol. If only I knew...

LB, glad you're doing better.

Ok, have a great Saturday all! Have a playoff baseball game at 4:00 then cooking steaks on the grill. Enjoy your day.