Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[peppersnow]

Whoa. I checked in and saw my name a few times...scrolled back....and found the "7 Months" post that Abcowboy left --- and do you know what, I had NO IDEA it was 7 months for me yesterday until I read that this evening??!! I didn't post in roll call or anywhere else, and I definitely lost track and wasn't counting. Ab, I don't know how you managed to keep an eye on that, but you're right - I quit on March 23 so I guess Oct 23 would be 7 months. Coming off of a really hard week of the blues, I can't even tell you how moved I was that someone noticed and posted that, as it was completely unexpected. This is the first time this week that I've felt taken care of, and I can't tell you how much that means -- the "protective wall of human community" is what this is, to be sure, and I can't tell you how grateful I am.

In a nutshell, I know I'm in a PAWS phase and have been for a few weeks, but this week was really bad because medically, my hormones are in a state of chaos right now with my cycles coming every 10 days (sorry if that's TMI) so I've been crying for no reason at embarrassing moments all week at work. The cafeteria being out of Chobani greek yogurt set me off and had me nearly as emotional as the funeral I attended on Tuesday. But the worst has been living in a party house all week with people I don't even like. Although that's had me pissed off, versus sad, because I'm paying rent during the week to stay there. I absolutely don't want to drink, but drinking is constantly on my mind because I can't get away from it. I went upstairs this morning to grab a glass of O.J. and saw the vodka bottle out on the counter and for a split second considered pouring some into my O.J. (been there, done that...many times, I'm ashamed to say). I hide out in my room but can't sleep....dance music until midnight and loud laughter and the stank of AL, along with smelling stale smoke and booze in the morning is making me feel hungover myself. I've got to get out of that place.

I was SO glad to get home tonight (and dreading returning next Monday) and decided to check MWO before snuggling up on my couch, and there were all of you. Anyway, thank you, all of you for the well wishes, and particularly to our cowboy friend for paying attention - you are amazing!! The support of everyone here means the world. I try to give it back, but this is a time when the return is more than my investment. Thank you to all of you...I think this is the first time I've had a smile on my face by myself all week...and ABcowboy, thank you to you for putting it there. :happy2:

[NoSugar]

Pepper, I hope there is a way for you to change your living situation when you're away from home. What you're doing now sounds like it would be awful even if you were participating (and then you'd feel even worse). The funky period you are in will pass - just ask Pav who recently passed through it and who with Ava is heading towards their 1-year of FREEDOM anniversaries! Enjoy your weekend at home - maybe make some plans for how next week can be different on the road. Do you have any portable hobbies like knitting? I like repetitive "zone out" activities like that for stressful or boring situations.

Cowboy, we are so fortunate to have a sensitive, observant guy on this mission. Bubba is a lucky woman.

[abcowboy]

GMAE GLoamers!

Pepper, no thanks are necessary! We are one big family here, not always happy, not always in the best of moods, but still all in this together! And if I'm able to bring a smile to a face, lift someone's spirits, or make someone feel that the struggle has been worth it, then it does all those same things to me! Milestones are important to me because they reaffirm to me that the journey is not impossible! Whether day 1, or year 50, it takes a special person to accomplish those achievements, so I will recognize those achievements whenever I see them, and share in that victory with you!

Ava, NS, and all the rest, thank you for accepting me in and making the change from Loamers to Gloamers! To any that feel I've intruded, just pm me with your feelings please, I don't want to offend anyone.... I think I've found a "home" here, but I do try to move around the threads, giving support where I can, and getting help when I need it...

NS - if you would have asked Bubba a year ago, I'm sure she would have said she was far from being "lucky" lol, but I am trying to show her that one day at a time, I'm becoming the man she fell in love with! I am the "lucky" one to have her and her support!

Have a great day and weekend my friends! Remember, no drinking or drugging eh!!

Coaster.gif

[jane27]

Hi Gloamers,

What a week I had. Between the mold remediation, duct cleaning, plumbing repairs and painting I feel like I haven't sat down for more than a minute or 2. The good news is that I am feeling better fever wise. Average daily was about 99.6-100.2 and now I'm down around 99.0. What came out of the ducts is not to be believed. So disgusting. So Ive been in high gear productive mode- it feels good and suspicious at the same time. I feel like maybe all the full court press energy on the house repairs is laden with anxiety and a sense of urgency and I cant totally rationalize it other than the fact that I'd like to get it done so I can move all my stuff out of storage and stick it in the basement/sell it/give it away etc. The unit is costing me close to 6k per year. I am also planning to rent out our place in Florida during the high season months which will offset all of the costs associated with owning it. My financial cushion is getting smaller and I don't want to have to take a job I hate to pay for these things.

My birthday in on the 27th. I'm going to be 44. We were supposed to be on a plane to Austin right now. When we were at the gate they announced that they were looking for volunteers to reschedule their flights in exchange for a $500. travel voucher. We went for it and came out ahead because now we're flying out tomorrow & will save us the cost of a hotel for tonight and the car rental (the business expenditures are only covered Sunday - Friday). That made me feel happy. Its fun to get something for free.

I have been painting the basement and it is daunting in scope (when you have OCD, which I clearly do). More than anything Im puzzled by the rushing feeling I have. (What am I going to do when I finish all of this stuff?) There's a desperation to it.

Hubs went to watch A2 play soccer which has given me some alone time. I have missed time connecting on MWO since the whole change over thing. It definitley did a little bit of a number on me.

I'm having oral surgery in November for 2 molars that show abscesses at the roots. This came to light on my sinus cat scan- part of the ongoing quest to determine my fever of unknown origin.

Watching Orange Is The New Black and surprised at how good it is. I'm a little down, kind of tired, a pinch anxious, and I am having emotional associations with this time of year. My mom's birthday is a week after mine. She still wont talk to me. I miss her. That's all from here. Love to all & Pepper, Many congrats for 7 months!

[narilly]

cowboy, you are more than welcome here. We welcome all sexes
I appreciate your support, you keep track of days better than us!

Pav, bummer about the Giants. Maybe tonight? I know how emotional baseball can get,I'm love watching the World Series. Your FIL obviously is oblivious to your quit, glad you had no thoughts of drinking.
The whole shooting thing in Canada this week was very upsetting, I guess there are nut jobs everywhere in this world.
NS, I agree, Is there anyway to change your living situation during the week Pepper? That totally sucks, I would have a hard time too. Pretty cool that Cowboy knew your 200 days before you. Lol!

Jane, Orange is the New Black-love it. It is very entertaining.

Talk soon gals, and Cowboy and G and whoever else is reading.

[NoSugar]

Glad to see you here, Jane - we missed you! Sounds like you need to calm down that "buzzy brain" - maybe your time away from home will help.

You're sounding great, Nar! Enjoy your weekend.

Cowboy, it is tricky to make it clear that all the threads welcome new members. We need some more Gs here - maybe the original Mr. G. Will stop by .

[peppersnow]

Jane, that feeling of dread that the other shoe is about to drop, and you need to race around and get things done, I think is our subconscious way of preparing for a transition. Kind of like nesting right before you give birth...although it can feel a bit scary when you get that compulsion to go-go-go and don't know of any specific transitions on the horizon. That's happened to me before but ended up to be nothing. Although I feel that way this weekend because I'm gone all week. Anyway, I hope you find out what's causing the fevers and that you can find time to relax and destress.

NS, I do have a plan to get out of that living situation mess. Next week, the biggest instigator of the partying along with one other person will be gone all week at a conference, and there should just be 2 of us there, I hope. The other woman doesn't party unless the other 2 are there, so that should be okay. I emailed a former colleague who owns a townhouse on the lake close to where I work. She lives in the city and rents the townhouse out to vacationers, but the tourist season is over and it's empty. She emailed me this a.m. that I can stay there -- and the best is I'll be alone!! I'll have to pay $10 more every night than I'm paying now, but extra is worth it. I'll be able to get up early and exercise without worrying about waking up hungover people, and have more flexibility to cook my own food. And the owner doesn't drink so there will be no AL around. And she has cable. No TV where I'm staying now. So things will be better in another week. Still, I actually DO want to take up knitting this winter -- I made a few scarves during my kids' swim team meets, but dropped it when they quit swimming. I did enjoy it, though, and have as a goal graduate at least to knitting hats this winter!

[Pavati]

Hi, Gloamers!

We love to have you here - ANYONE is welcome to post here, as long as you have a mission to stay sober. We could change the name, but that ship has sailed, maybe. Bubba is lucky, no doubt.

Jane - Man, you have a lot going on. Sorry you're anxious, but please, please don't forget to come here and check in. Pulling away from support and feeling anxious are both signs of mental relapse. I have no idea if you are getting support from somewhere else, but I haven't seen you around here lately, and we want you back! If for no other reason than because you help us, but PLEASE let us help you, too. I hope all of your stuff gets sorted soon - and Happy Almost Birthday.

Ava - you're cranking up the distance. I know kilometers only in the 5K, and 10K denominations, as they "run" those here. I think we do that because 10K sounds longer than 6.21 miles.

Go Giants - a great game for SF fans. I had another great day at the conference and am SO ready for a day off tomorrow. Hiking is in the cards, for sure.

Happy Sober Saturday Night.

xo
Pav

[narilly]

Go Giants Go! That was a good game Pav!

Pepper I am glad you found a different place to stay. That will be much better. I love to exercise in the morning.
I am looking forward to a good sleep tonight and then waking up with no hangover. What a great way to start Sunday!
Goodnight sweet Gloamers.
Xo

[little beagle]

Happy Sunday night.
Jane I would get anxious with all that activity. When I run around and do a lot at once I tend towards anxiety. Too much adrenaline I guess. I'm glad to see you here.
Cowboy I'm happy you are here.
Pepper your new living arrangements sound much better for you. Glad you are changing. I would hate living with constant partiers. You are strong.
We had a bit of bad news. FIL not doing very well at the moment. It seems he's been hiding how ill he actually is. Now it's come to an emergency.

[NoSugar]

Gosh, LB, I'm sorry to hear that - But so glad you and your husband are in good shape to do whatever is needed. I'll be thinking of you and your family. xx

[abcowboy]

HAPPY 44th BIRTHDAY JANE!

[little beagle]

Happy Birthday sweet Jane. Have a safe trip. Love you.
Thank you NS. PaPa goes for test results today.

[narilly]

Happy Birthday Jane!!

Hope your FIL is ok Lil B.

I am grateful to be un hungover today. A great way to start the week.

[jane27]

Thanks for the bday wishes Gloamers
Sometimes it's hard to believe I've come this far, and other times I get the fuck it's. For the short term I'm using my heroin analogy to silence the thoughts. For the long term, I've got to get back in here.
Pepper, your reply to my post was right on the money and very helpful. Thanks
Wishing everyone a great day. Xo