Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[available]

Hi Loamers

NS i loathe Xmas, so many fights between mum and I and the past years have just been awful so i dont do xmas. Everyone knows not to ask me to go to lunch or dinner. Its just not me.

LB i hope you and hubs are ok and papa is comfortable. Do you know how long you are staying for?

Pepper, i remember i didnt have a blood test for 10 years. Swore to myself i would stop drinking for 5 weeks and then go. Where the hell i got 5 weeks from when i could not give up for a day is beyond me. I now run in for a blood test dancing! Yep i get it totally.

Nar, looks like the snows have set in, brrr. We still have not hit the hot hot summer stage yet which is good so no bitching from me yet.

Jane, life goes on, i wish i could change what happens but i do know i will deal with it sober. Mum has her biopsy today so it will be a long day just waiting. My friend Robert is supposed to be operated on within two weeks and has heard nothing so nothing like a woman going through menopause to rip some peoples throats out to get things moving. He feels they are just waiting for him to die and i am getting to think the same. I do know he deserves some quality of life instead of being doped up to the eyeballs on drugs.

Pav you will love your holiday sober even though you may be looking at the sky a few times, its about the only place without a bar.

[Pavati]

Hi,

Quick check in. Was out of town with the gals - great time, stayed up late laughing, and I felt fine in the morning (more than I can say for two of them...)

LOVE the post, Pepper. I'm in charge. Thanks for the reminder.

Ava - Love to see the waffles. I'll be looking up plenty...

xo
Pav

[abcowboy]

A big c009.gif to all my GLoamer buddies! Things are good up here, darn cold though and looks like the snow and cold are here to stay! Oh well, just have to start looking forward to spring I guess lol. I've been very busy as of late, but am staying on track with the help from all of you! And, I think there is cause for celebration today....

scoregood.gifCongrats on 7 months narilly!scoregood.gif

[little beagle]

Ava I am heading home tomorrow. Hubby isn't sure yet. I hope you get a good test result for your mom.

[NoSugar]

Looks like several of us are in that squeeze between older teen or young adult children and aging parents. It is not an easy place to be in the best of circumstances -- I truly can't imagine what I would do if I were still leashed to my nightly wine. I would be stressed and miserable and I would resent everyone who was preventing me from doing what my limbic brain wanted/needed/DEMANDED. And then the guilt for letting down or being unkind to people who need you... overwhelming! I gave up drinking in just the nick of time in terms of being sober for new responsibilities that have come into my life. So... if you're feeling like now's the time, lurkers - GO FOR IT! It just might be the universe sending you a message you really need to hear.

Great job on your 7 months, Nar. You seem like such a happy and content person now. I would love to be able to hang around with you (but not where you live :haha: - too cold for me!)

[narilly]

Thanks Cowboy and NS. It sure is freezing here but I think you could handle it Ava, NS, Pav. Just snuggle up in a big parka and you would be fine.

Great post Pepper, I'm my own boss!

LilB, good to hear from you. Hope Mr B is hangin in.

Well, another sober night for me. I am going to read and then sleep. Glad to be sober.
Xo

[peppersnow]

Hello GLOAMers....A slow, quiet sober evening. It's wonderful!

Ava, I hope your mum's biopsy turns out okay. Between caring for her and your friend, you've got a lot going on. Good thing you have a pair of the world's strongest shoulders!

Cowboy, it's freezing here, too. I don't mind the snow but I'm not prepared for the temps.

Congrats on 7 Months, Nar!!

I just came back from visiting the nest and catching up. I couldn't help but notice that there are several people whose names I know who apparently fell back down that rabbit hole, and are now returning to the nest. Some had a lot of time behind them, and one or two have been yo-yo'ing, struggling with multiple quit after quit. I'm not judging because I've been the yo-yo, but I hope they stay close and can make it work. I'm only bringing this up because, if I allow it, seeing those familiar names can feel a bit disconcerting. I think I'm at a point where I can use their experiences, however, as opposed to worry that I'll relapse myself. I read about the hell they descended back into after AF time, and that just reinforces how determined I am to never go back to that dark place again, no matter what. Never again.

[scottish lass]

I'm only bringing this up because, if I allow it, seeing those familiar names can feel a bit disconcerting. .

Peppersnow - I so get this, and it does lead me to try and avoid places where I see people fall...it leaves me feeling a bit vulnerable for sure. Well done for feeling strong in yourself.
Checking around the boards a wee bit - got news today that my divorce is final, and it is bittersweet, I am up and down in my emotions - sad, and lonely - relieved and glad to be out of a bad marriage - then back feeling a wee bit sorry for myself again.
So very glad not to be drinking otherwise this would be a great excuse for a really bad night.....

Glad to have looked in here and be able to say very well done Narilly!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

NARILLY! Congratulations on 7 months. Whoot! So great that you have taken the choice OFF the table. I actually think that I'm colder in Northern California than I am when I visit truly cold places, because we don't have good insulation or the right clothes. We're in denial (even if "cold" is 55F).

SL - Great to see you pop in.

Yes, Pepper - it makes me feel vulnerable, too. I really get it. That is when I listen to the Bubble Hour, read about avoiding relapse, and make sure I take care of myself. As they say, you will lose anything you put in front of your sobriety.

The Bubble Hour ladies have done two great episodes - one on relapse, now what, and one on rehab. Ellie, who had 6 years sober, talks very openly about what happened to her, and how it happened. I found myself laughing, crying, etc. Recommend.

NS - that pull between aging parents and teenagers - NOT easy. But I am so happy to be doing it sober. I feel so present and engaged in my son's life as he has one foot toward adulthood. I am grateful to be doing this with a clear, sober head.

LB - Sorry about your PaPa. Hugs to you.

Cowboy - another from the great white north. I think I would need one of those UV lights or something. Although with recent political developments I may be heading up there - have extra room?

Ava - Hope your mom is ok - sending positive thoughts your way.

J-Vo? Jane? Giraffe? El? Everyone ok?

xo
Pav

[peppersnow]

Scottish Lass - I've not been through a divorce, but can only imagine all the emotions that you must be feeling. I'm so glad for you that you're going through this AF. Even during really shitty times, isn't it reassuring to feel feelings like a normal person, and find out they don't kill us? I hope you do something really nice for yourself, especially this weekend. You deserve some pampering.

Also Pav and SL - thanks for your replies and understanding -- I'm glad I'm not alone in having that response. I also sometimes avoid certain boards for that reason (which makes me feel a bit sheepish, as my response can seem selfish or weak to me) but it depends on the day and my mood. A lot of the time, I can be that cheerleader, but last night, after recognizing several of the new nesters, I'll admit that iit really bummed me out. At that moment, I couldn't think of even one thing to post that was authentic for me that would be helpful to others there, so I popped over here instead. I'm glad I did!

Pav - funny thing when my oldest was about a year old, my husband and I visited San Diego for one of his business trips, and I hit the zoo with my then-2 year old. She's a true northern MN girl and has always run hot. 80 is unbearable for her and she won't go outside. So she was 2 in CA, it was February, and I had her dressed for a baby in MN when it's in the low 60's. Which for us, is summer. She had a cute little light-weight sweater over her outfit and she was wearing a hat, and as these two older ladies were passing me from the other direction in winter jackets one said to me with this angry tone, "That baby shouldn't be outside without a coat on!". That's the first time I realized how real acclimation is, and how my hot weather can be your cold weather. And one of those times when I thought of 1000 things I should/could have said after-the-fact.

Which Bubble Hour does Ellie talk about her relapse? I've listened to one on relapse but it wasn't the one where she discusses her own experience. There were a few relapse shows, but now I don't remember which show I've already listened to, so if you can point me in the right direction I'd love to load it up, as I have a 2 hour drive tonight.

This week flew by for me, but we had a snow-day already (work cancelled) so that helps. Have a happy day, all!

[narilly]

Pepper, I think it was Oct 19th, Discussion About Rehab. As far as I remember, Ellie talks about her relapse in that one. I think she talks about it a bit in the Speaker series with Lisa too.

I get the acclimatized thing. Today I walked to work and it was -19C, My legs froze because i did not layer. Duh! like it was my first winter! It was a really nice walk this morning except for the freezing legs.
Cowboy, hope you are keeping warm. I am sure it is just as cold since you are only a couple of hours away from me (and farther north!)

Pav, I am so glad you are sober to enjoy your son. I really love my kids too and enjoy them immensly. They are amazing.

Hey SL, I am so glad to hear from you! I can imagine the mixed feelings you get finalizing your divorce but I am sure once you get through this
you will feel so much better. I remember you talking about your ex before and it sounds like it is is a good thing you are free from him.
Besides, now we can have more slumber parties!

Back to work. love the Gloamers

[NoSugar]

Also Pav and SL - thanks for your replies and understanding -- I'm glad I'm not alone in having that response. I also sometimes avoid certain boards for that reason (which makes me feel a bit sheepish, as my response can seem selfish or weak to me) but it depends on the day and my mood. A lot of the time, I can be that cheerleader, but last night, after recognizing several of the new nesters, I'll admit that iit really bummed me out. At that moment, I couldn't think of even one thing to post that was authentic for me that would be helpful to others there, so I popped over here instead. I'm glad I did!

Hi, Pepper

For each of us, our priority has to be our own sobriety. There is no way to help others, anyway, unless we help ourselves first. So, if what is going on in a particular thread is unsettling, backing off is totally the right thing to do. I learned that early on in the Mods threads and in a couple other threads where relapsing seems to be considered normal or at least not a very big deal. Rewiring the brain is hard enough without sending it mixed messages!

I think the people who return to try again after having given up a fairly long AF period are my greatest teachers. In fact, I just wrote this in the NN to a person who has really struggled to get it going after losing 5 months of sobriety:

It is stories like yours that help me stay committed to remaining AF. When people can't get it going, I am sympathetic and want to somehow help them but I don't personally feel threatened by what they are going through -- I think it is the nature of addiction that getting past the horrible first few days or weeks is just plain hard. It sometimes takes many attempts. The long-termers like Pinecone, Byrdie, Lav, et al. are inspiring models but I think that without stories like yours, it would be easy for me to tell myself I'm not like the people who can't seem to quit at all and I bet I'm different than those ones ahead of me who didn't even try to moderate... they probably aren't as in control of all this as I am. But stories like yours (and others on the Relapse thread) prove to me that in this, we are more alike than different and it's not worth the risk of being unable to get it back. So, thank you :hug:.

Well, snowflakes are falling here right now and I'm pretty far south relative to you! My goal this year is to have a better attitude about cold weather and snow (this might be a bigger challenge than quitting drinking given what a whuss I am :haha:!).

Here is the 2nd relapse podcast: http://www.thebubblehour.com/2014/10...-now-what.html

[little beagle]

Narilly congratulations on 7 months. Yes we are both hanging in there. Having each other makes it easier.
Final stage cirrhosis is rough.

[abcowboy]

Evening friends! At least it is evening here lol. Another cold day over with and colder for tomorrow! And since I'm the guy who puts in the gas line, heating appliance, and venting, it looks like I have to look forward to more days of layering up in clothes!

Pav, there's all kinds of room here for you since the kids are all grown and gone, as long as you don't mind sharing the bed and slobbery kisses from a hundred pounds of people loving choc lab! :happy2:

Nar, I know what you mean by cold! -25 here this morning and I had to work all day in an unheated new house! I did get the gas line done and the boys hung the gas meter so I might fire up the furnace for a bit tomorrow to warm things up, then do the venting.

Not much else to report other than our youngest daughter got offered a position in the Health Unit in Hastings, Newbraska so it looks like papa will be loading her belongings in the cargo trailer and taking a trip! Anyone around that area want to buy an old drunk a cup of coffee while I'm there? lol

Have great evening GLoamers....see you tomorrow....

[narilly]

Wow! Nebraska? That's so far away. You will miss her Cowboy.
All day with no heat? That is tough, I guess that is why you are a Cowboy!

LilB, last stages of cirrhosis? I can't even imagine how hard that is.

Well, a-21c tomorrow am, I will be bundling up for my walk in the morning. Have a great sleep.

I keep having thoughts of drinking tomorrow after work so I will have to stay extra vigilant. Not sure why I am getting this urge. I think it is because hubby is going out curling tomorrow night and I want to go to my neighbours and drink wine. WTF? I am going to come here and post tomorrow for sure.