Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Pavati]

Good night.

I'll have chocolate/peanut butter please.

Had a doozy of a hankering for booze tonight. Blech. WTF is this NOW?

I'll all good - in bed and happy to be sober.

xo
Pav

[scottish lass]

Licorice ice cream! Not heard of that one, will need to try it! Never too cold for ice cream!
Pav - glad you are safe, sorry that happened! Can you work out why? Is it because of the time of year?? Hope you can lay them to rest.

[NoSugar]

That boozy part of your brain must be getting desperate, Pav. It knows that it will soon have been starved for AN ENTIRE YEAR! Maybe you're just having some of the nervousness that sometimes develops around big occasions. It is a big deal to achieve a year of sobriety but... then what? Reaching a goal can sometimes be a bit of a let down. On top of that, all of this is happening around the holiday time. Your tools are in place so the last gasps of lizard brain don't have to be anything more than annoying. Have a fun Sunday, NS

[narilly]

Pav, I know! Where do these crazy thoughts come from? Stupid AL brain.
NS, you hit the nail on the head, starve the beast! We all have to stick together and starve the AL beast!
You MWOERS really helped me this weekend because I was having AL thoughts too. Let's all come back here especially on the holidays and keep on our Mission!

SL, licorice ice cream is YUM! When we have our slumber party I will bring some. We can have popcorn, ice cream, chocolate and any non AL beverage we want.

Have a great sober day sisters And brothers.

[scottish lass]

Don't like popcorn Narilly! But will take the rest - vanilla icecream is my favorite especially when teamed up with chocolate:yay:
NS - as always the voice of reason - I like what you say here...

[jane27]

Hi Pav, Lil & everyone,
Long overdue for some quality time round the campfire in here. Feeling a pinch under the weather but nothing that bad. Think it's from all the leaves falling. Have been in OCD mode regarding the house since reading the 2007 inspection report from when we first bought it. Yikes yikes yikes. Been labeling pipes and valves in the basement, trying to get a handle on maintenance to dos, and learning a lot along the way. I miss you guys. I had a rough interaction with my mom. Sent her a birthday package and she called to thank me for it. Got along for a few days ( via phone) and then the venom started to come out as it always does ( hers, not mine). Borderline personality disorder is so hard to engage with. One minute she thinks I an angel, the next a demon. More of the time a demon, and most of the time she just doesn't like me. I really wiped out a lot of the bad during the last year. I chose to remember the good and built her into some ideal. I sketched a much nicer picture in my head. I need to not do that. Sobriety first.
Hope everyone had a great weekend. We finished binge watching Black List and now were onto The Good Wife. Love and strength to all.
Ps when are Pav & Avas 1 year date? I hope I didn't miss it.

You guys ever had Earl Grey ice cream? It's sounds weird, but it works!

[Guitarista]

Ps when are Pav & Avas 1 year date? I hope I didn't miss it.

December 1.

Yo Jane and y'all. I heard there was free ice cream here!

Take it easy and have a safe, sober and magical week ahead. G

[abcowboy]

Tiger ice cream? Who's serving?

[little beagle]

Cowboy purple and gold colored ice cream would be considered Tiger ice cream down here. LSU tiger colors. And there is such of a thing.
Jane sorry you're having such a hard time with your mom. Glad to hear from you though.
J-vo I hope you are ok. I miss you.
I'm home and SO tired.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Actually, my anniversary is 12/2 - we like to have long celebrations for these big milestones, though. I was trying to think about what I would do for myself on that day - I believe I mentioned a cinnamon roll to start it off... Maybe I'll take the day off and go for a great hike or something. Maybe I'll just treat it like any other day. I agree that the shorter, smaller milestones were very rewarding more often, but the big ones mean a lot, too.

NS - maybe a last gasp, but it was a STRONG gasp that took me by surprise. I am ok now, and it caused me to have a really wonderful conversation with my husband. I told him that if I was to start saying one drink would be ok now I would be heading for a relapse and it would NOT be ok. He didn't realize that (FFS, sometimes I think I need an Ava brick), but we have a very good conversation about my struggles, the shame and guilt I still feel, embarrassment, the whole shebang. Ended in a good cry for me (which I haven't had in a long time) - very cleansing and a good day for our marriage as well. It feels very good to have someone on my side who I can completely trust.

LB - Hope you get some sleep. You MUST be exhausted.

Jane - Sorry about your mom - I guess complacency is a problem on a lot of fronts.

J-Vo - I miss you, too. I hope you're ok.

xo
Pav

[Rahulthesweet]

Hello Ladies !

Just peeked to say hi ... How's it going !!

[jane27]

Hi Gloamers,

Pav, It's wild the way a hankering,craving,urge can crop up. They come in so many different forms and I don't think I can round them up to list all at the same time.

"GOD I WANT A DRINK" feeling that can be right on the surface in response to acute anxiety
"I miss the old days of being fucked up in the sun" (in this case literally- operating on drunken auto pilot in the summer)
"I feel so GOOD I just want to feel MORE of it" (happened to me a couple months ago when I was having a good day and found myself day dreaming about sitting on the beach with the wind blowing through my hair and dragging deeply on a cigarette. The cigarette craving was basically a yearning for something bigger, brighter and more special).

Those are the 3 that come to mind today, but the list changes. I am flabbergasted that we cant ever have a drink again and I am flabbergasted PLUS anxious over the inability to make this fact written in stone in such a way that its built in and needn't be worried about. Ohhhhhh how nice it would be if I could put my feet up and rest a bit- believe that 11 months of sobriety would ensure smooth sailing from here on in.

Thanks for sharing about your hankering and also about your husband not understanding the you cant just have one drink part. I wonder what it takes for a non alcoholic to really understand the damage that the one drink can do. My husband seems to get it. I think that some of the things I have shared with him about my drinking towards the end + some of the loose & odd cues he was getting (empty mini bottles everywhere, empty vodka bottles often popping up in the closet)- plus having been present for some of the unseemly stuff (trips to the ER for broken bones & stitches)- all of it together added up for him. Thank God is all I can say. When it comes to drinking I'm a criminal, and I cant be trusted.

I have some spoiled bratty things Id like to say, and this is the only place I know where I can.
Why are bad things happening to so many of us now that we quit? So many cancer diagnosis', relatives & loves one passing away? It feels like punishment. I know we weren't supposed to be drinking like sailors and whopping it up, but why so much sadness now? I catch myself looking over my shoulder for what bad thing is going to happen next.

Anyone else understand how I feeling or feel this way too? I feel raw and emotional today.

On the day that I was supposed to meet Rahul my mammogram took 3 hours. In conjunction with that I started to get more and more anxious and feel like I wanted to drink, because in the old day I drank to get through first time meetings and everything else. I couldn't handle it. Every cell in my body felt like it was being drawn in by powerfully magnetic muscle memory. When the plan fell apart all together I felt relieved. Relieved because the urge (which was very immediate in feeling) quietly settled down. I don't know if Rahul will see this because he only checks in sporadically, but when I saw his name I thought of what happened and wanted to mark it.
Lil, my heart feels for you. Liver failure is a horror. And count Mr B in my rant about why now? We were bad for so long and we got by. Now we're trying to be good and so much is blowing up.

Thanks for letting me vent folks. Love to all.

[narilly]

Wow, Jane, that is quite a post.
That is too bad you didn't get to see Rahul. That old drinking muscle just doesn't die does it? We have to keep it weak anyway, as much as we can.

Pav, it is so good that you were able to talk to your hubby like that. I am sure it will help you in the future. Its good to have someone who knows your situation and will help you to avoid temptation.

Rahul, It is nice to hear from you. How's the world traveller?

Tiger ice cream? YUM! That is orange and licorice here. and it is one of my faves.
For you SL, it will be vanilla and hot fudge. One of my faves too.

Back to work Gloamers. Have a great day.

It is so good to feel good on a Monday morning. LOVE it!!

[NoSugar]

Why are bad things happening to so many of us now that we quit? So many cancer diagnosis', relatives & loves one passing away? It feels like punishment. I know we weren't supposed to be drinking like sailors and whopping it up, but why so much sadness now? I catch myself looking over my shoulder for what bad thing is going to happen next.

Maybe we're just dealing with them. If you were drinking, the mold and the electrical problems might have seemed like too much to handle. You could just drink and not worry about them. Maybe LB wouldn't have traveled across the country to help get her FIL home but just left all that to her husband. I don't know if Moss reads this thread but maybe she would have left all her brother's care to her elderly parents and just drowned her sorrows. Bad stuff happens all the time but so does good stuff and now we're part of all of it again.

[roxane]

can i add to that? we are also getting older, things start to fall off, get creaky, wear out. getting older has its problems but i know i dont like the alternative.