Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Eloise]

Hello Ladies !

Just peeked to say hi ... How's it going !!

Hey there! Its going great but cold tonight in the Hague.

[Icanwithoutacan]

Hi Lil Beagle. I'm sorry you are having a hard time. You were always one of my greatest cheerleaders so I wanted to give you a little love.

Scottish Lass - can you tell me what your signature line means? Not clear on the days you mention

[narilly]

Hi el, love your pic.
Roxane, I agree, things just do fall apart as we get older. NS, I agree with you too. We are actively participating in life now. We actually deal with the bad stuff instead of numbing it away. So glad we let ourselves feel pain and happiness now. We have colour in our life again instead of it being a dull grey.

Goodnight!

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

As usual, NS said what I was going to say, but more eloquently. These things are just part of life - we just are dealing now. Makes sense to me also that we're older and more parts are wearing out. I am so irritated about my knee hurting, you can't imagine! But as NS said on the gratitude thread, it can serve as a reminder that I have two good legs that can get me around.

I love your last sentence, Nar. Color!

xo
Pav

[available]

Hi loamers

Well home from work, having a coffee.

I think Jane my answer has to be "shit happens" and sometimes seems never ending but i do know that dealing with my head not in a bottle makes everything so much easier.

My friend Robert has his op next week, i didnt realise it is when i have one of my treasured days off but i will be there to see him off to theatre and if his useless farking boyfriend is not there after his surgery i will be there when he comes out. I just hope that he makes it through but if he does die then i know i have been there for him and that he has appreciated me. Also in that plan is to go and see kiera as i promised her i would see her and i want a haircut and to have a girly day. Its an emotionally draining time but i have to get through this and be there for Robert. There will be lots of tears next Monday but i hope with all my heart he survives and he has some quality of life.

Ive been thinking about my 1 year anniversary and the family are quietly excited and keep telling all their friends. Now they all keep telling me they never thought i would do it. Good on them! It will be a family celebration and we can all talk about the stupid things i did drunk. God i hope their memories fade eventually ha ha.

Glad everyone is well. LB i hope your fil is comfortable and hubs is okay. Its so hard to watch someone die, no matter how old they .are.

oh no news on mum yet. bloody doctors, bloody mum saying she will wait till she sees her gp next week. Mmmm.

[NoSugar]

We trust you to be the succint, one Ava :smile:, sh*t happens is right.

I'm sorry you've got tough stuff going on right now as you count down to your 1-year milestone but you sure sound ready and able to deal with whatever comes your way. I hope Robert's surgery goes well and that your mom gets some good news.

Are you feeling better, Pav? It seems so unfair for that addicted voice to rear its ugly head at this stage in the game. Even when I'm absolutely sure I'm not going to drink, it is so frustrating to have to work through those thoughts and feelings. On the upside, they become really infrequent over time and much less intense.

I'm looking out the window right now, Nar, and it sadly is very gray (and white with some snow). I'm still affected by weather and (lack of) sunlight but man, my moods are so much more stable now that I'm not poisoning myself every night. Go figure...

Have a good one! xx, NS

[scottish lass]

Hi ladies - and the G's too - just stopping by, not sure if it is the time of year or not, but having some longing - not what Pav dealt with, but just little tugs.
I was doing my list for thanks giving and want to make a pecan pie - recipe called for bourbon, and i thought if I got one of those little miniatures it would be fine, so strolled the aisles looking, and saw the "treats" for the holiday sand had a pang of wishfulness - so moved right along.
Then I decided to get some vanilla - I don't keep vanilla essence in the house, moved to powder when I found i was drinking it!!! (I was so please when the bubble pod cast talked of drinking vanilla as no-one that I noticed had fessed up to that on the threads - so happy not to be alone) - but the pangs seemed to linger, so I stopped that.
Then driving home tonight my head did turn to the left (routine grocery store stop in the old days on drive home) instead of right - again, easy to stop but just a little wake-up that AL is everywhere again...
Just had a need to sign in and put it out there, feel fairly confident - well strong actually - but don't like these thoughts invading my sense of contentment.
Hope everyone else is good - have a bit of a headache, so have not read back much, just came to say hi...

[narilly]

SL, Pav, I know it's crazy how AL rears its head up sometimes just out of the blue. You know, we drank for a long time so it probably just takes a long time to get over it. I had some major cravings last weekend so I posted here and read, that really helped.

Ava, it is so amazing that your year (and Pavs) is coming up. I am so proud of you ladies. I know you are going through a rough time, I am thinking about you.

Goodnight Gloamers.

[available]

SL at least these thoughts dont stay with us 24/7 so we have to be grateful for that.

Tye my 21 year old works at a supermarket where i used to buy my wine A LOT and he called me into the al section to show me a prize you could win. i was petrified, i had not been in that section for nearly a year. it felt surreal and it just seemed like yesterday that i was in there daily. Tye even asked me if i was ok. I told him that it felt like it was someone else that used to drink and not me. Its hard to explain but i was like "numb" with all these emotions rolling over.

When i walked out i did amazingly feel proud that i dont need al anymore and i certainly dont want it. Maybe you could take a "walk on the wild side" like i did. I dont regret that walk in there but i wont be repeating it in a hurry .

Oh the bottle of wine that i did drink for $5 a bottle has gone up to $7. Ha ha.

[little beagle]

PaPa died tonight. Hubby onhis way to help his family at this time. I am holding down the fort here. It just happened so fast. 2 weeks. Sure he had to have known. But we didn't. Nothing planned. He wasn't able to sign his will. That's going to be a mess and I'm glad to not be part of it.
Thank you for your rant Jane. It said some of what I was thinking.
Also Narilly I do like having color back in my life. Feeling pain as well as happiness tells me I AM alive.
I told hubby that yes things are messed up right now. We are financially stressed. But we will get through it. As long as he doesn't slip up again it won't be a big deal.He said basically he is rewiring his brain. Changing his way of thinking and seeing things differently this time. Please send him strong vibes.
orange and licorice ice cream sounds like it would really wake up those taste buds.
Thanks for being here gloamers.

[Pavati]

Hi,

LB - So sorry to hear about your Papa. Glad DH is feeling strong in his resolve to not drink, and so happy for him that he has you. I am sending him and you my strongest vibes that I know how to send.

Ava - I hear what you're saying about surreal. I get that feeling when I look through my Instagram photos and can mark the "before" and "after." It is like all of the picts in the weeks leading up to the Thanksgiving massacre are of other people, or some dream I had.

Sorry about your challenges, SL, and good on you for posting here. I know you're not nearly alone as I have heard of many people drinking Vanilla extract. I have booze all over my house as DH hasn't quit. I pass by the liquor shelf on my way to do laundry, and every once in a while I get a wistful glance. I don't feel like I will drink it at all, but a bit of nostalgia.

But I am feeling better, NS, thanks. I still am in a funky holiday weirdness also brought on by this being the first time I'm reliving the end of my drinking without being drunk. It most distinctly was NOT a good time for me, but some of it was masked by drinking (I was going through periods of abstaining as well). I guess I am sort of re-feeling or feeling for the first time some of the shame and sadness of the end. I crossed a lot of "at least I never..." lines during that last year (and especially the last two months), and I have to face up to them now.

But I'll survive, and I'll plan my own party. My kids don't really know the severity of my problem yet, so it will be more secret. Ava - you are brave in a lot of ways, but I love how you can laugh at yourself. I still get embarrassed by those drinking stories (even though I laugh, too)! Much healthier to just laugh.

Good night Gloamers. I am very glad you are here, too. I don't know if I say thanks often enough.

xo
Pav

[DreamThinkDo]

LB, so sorry to hear about your FiL. Thinking of you and Mr B. Stay strong.

[peppersnow]

LB, I'm so sorry for your loss. The impact of a loved one passing around the Holiday season can be especially intense. Will be thinking of you and your family.

Ava and SL, I've gone to the liqour store 3 times since I've quit, each time for cooking. The first time I needed just one can of beer for a french dip recipe, and I had to ask for help to find the bin with single cans...the young college boys minding the counter must have thought I was exceptionally cheap. The second and third times were for red wine for a beef recipe, and those times the older guy who owns the store was there. He didn't ask me where I'd been (which I planned for, but appreciated his silence on that matter) but I psyched myself up in advance for the surprise on his face when I just bought one cheap bottle versus my previous box of red and liter of vodka.

My DH also drinks, but sparingly - a brandy with cider every other night or so, and maybe two on weekends. But he NEVER puts the bottle away...its always left sitting on the counter. So that's my thing. I put it back, he takes it out, and I put it back. I don't feel tempted to drink, but I don't like thinking about AL either and would rather it be out of sight and not reminding me of my past.

Hope all are doing well, and to those going through struggles, hang in there. Life was always happening all around us. The difference is we're feeling it and dealing with it now.

[Ginger999]

LB, I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Sending you all healing thoughts and vibes. Take care of yourself. 🐶

[narilly]

Lil B, so sorry about Pa pa, and sorry that he did not have things in order. That makes things so much more difficult. Give Mr B a virtual hug from me.

My mom is the opposite of your Pa Pa, she has her will all done and has set up all her funeral arrangements. She has her clothes she wants to be wearing along with instructions on how she wants things done. Her funeral is already paid for. She is 80 this year and will hopefully live a lot longer, she is really healthy.
But her having everything in order is a big deal and will make things so much easier when the time comes.

In Canada we don't have liquor in the Grocery Store so it is pretty easy to stay away from it in that regard. We only have booze in the liquor store.

Hey, gotta go back to work.
Talk later.