Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

I'm already eating the liquorice, I gave it an extra squeeze for you Linda!

Xxxx

[scottish lass]

Double trouble! So happy to be part of this - two remarkable ladies who are true role models for a sober life!!! Yeah to both of you - heck of a party and no hangover!!!

[abcowboy]

Well, well.... the Double Trouble Twins.... I like it NS! And as said elsewhere over the board, you two ladies inspire us all and are a great example of what online support can do!! Don't ever stop doing it!

And since we are the Gloamers, on a mission, I have a mission for all of us! I think I might do it weekly on Sundays, each week a different mission...

Hello GLoamers, this mission, should you decide to accept it, is to do something nice for a stranger. You will have one week to complete the mission and report back to the team. Good luck! This message will self-destruct in 7 days...

[little beagle]

Congratulations Ava. One year is tremendous. It feels so wonderful. I know. You have accomplished so much this year.

[Pavati]

Whoot! Love celebrating with my sober twin. And my Gloamers. I still have two days where I live, so pace yourselves, it is going to be a wild party.

I wrote a longer post to you in the nest, Ava.

xo
Pav

And Cowboy, I accept your mission. Remind me half way through just in case.

[available]

Ahh gloamers, well nothing took that smile off my dial today and im still smiling. all the children are here and im cooking, believe it or not. Mind you its only caesar salad but it is made with love and without wine involved.

Pav and everyone else thanks so much for the support and love, its been doable with you all constantly around me. Pav i cant wait for you to celebrate you day, its a wonderful feeling to actually realise that no one can take this away that we have accomplished what a lot dont do.

Im off to have some cake and share the love with the the kids. i think they have told the whole world today and i am proud of that.

[Guitarista]

I hear someone's imported a few kilo's of pure grade gold standard liquorice from the far east?

Sharing is caring ya know.......op::flowerspop::congrats:

:bravo:

[jane27]

Been feeling overwhelmed and emotional.
Here is so much to do and most or all of it seems to fall under a category titled:
Only Matters To Me
15 years worth of paperwork to sort through
A house full of furniture in storage to deal with
The 2007 (when we bought) Home Inspection report checklist of issues in need of repair and upgrade on the house we are in
My mother in laws pulmonary condition
My husband gaining weight and getting slack with the diabetes lifestyle
Shitty and unreliable service from Internet Service provider, dish tv, and security system
Dry cleaning drop offs and pick ups
Meds Management
Grocery Management
Laundry
Looking into Long Term Care Health Insurance
Cooking dinners that get eaten -loading & unloading the dishwasher
My doc appointments ending = oral surgery & dermatologist
Hair color, botox, maintaining friendships
Tension on most weekend because hubs doesn't know what he wants to do, isn't happy to to do the things I want to do (home projects mixed with lazy time) and expects me to get us both going on an agenda that pleases him
Resenting cooking at all because its not appreciated and the kids often don't eat much
Resenting hubs moodiness
Scared that relationship feels over the hill
Definitely feel compelled to keep on keeping on regarding the house- there are unsafe electrical conditions, and we need a new roof
Scared about money
Scared that mu husband isn't worried about any of this
Scared that I'm the only one that knows how to get things done (for eg networking to find a new pulminologist for for mother in law that luckily turned out to be local to us. More than once lung transplant has been suggested as a possible route to pursue- and yet they all sit passively and shrug. Its been almost a year and she hasn't made any progress. I have researched a number of options all with the exception of one require travel. This Thursday we go to see the one option I found that is within driving distance.

I start to write and my head spins.
My mother and reconciled for a week in early November (phone calls only) and it wasn't long at all before she began saying cruel things then claiming that it was how she "used to feel about me because she never really knew me". That I'm a hooker and a crook and she only had me because she wanted a beautiful child. That she hated me from day 1. When I asked why she had abruptly stopped talking to me last October she said she didn't want to get into it, but it came out that during that time period we didn't speak she called up all kinds of people and said terrible things about me (small circle of folks- her doorman, doctors, pharmacist, neighbors, lawyer, the adoption agency folks I was working with to try and help her learn the identity of her biological parents). I wonder what they think when they hear her say I'm a crook and that she thinks my last boyfriend was my pimp. It's so farfetched and crazy that it has Alzheimer's all over it, but she functions so lucidly other than these paranoid thoughts. I've decided to be done with her, but that's the easy part. The comments and history still swim around in my head.

Very upset for Nursie and Lil B's FIL, and Mister B. Darkest Diamond, Eloise. Im not collecting sad news to bathe in it, but when I read someone is going through something, it sticks with me.

My sister has been calling up friends of mine and causing problems.

The downgrade/upgrade on MWO turned me upside down and left me feeling vulnerable. I think RJ hates me because I requested that my posts be deleted. I feel confused by some of the MWO relationships I have on a one to one basis. Many folks are comfortable engaging on MWO but not wanting to graduate to an occasional phone call. I respectfully accept this but have found the phone to be a very efficient resource in terms of covering more territory in less time.

I need MWO as a part of my recovery- as the center of my recovery, so I am leery of saying things that put people off, and have been quiet partially for that reason. I believe that in the case of this website majority rules, and so I have to play by the rules that people are comfortable with, contribute in a way that is valuable, and not take more than my share.

Seems weird and wrong to have written at such length all about me on such an important day.

1 year for Pav and Ava. Congratulations & Thank you girls! Your support and leadership has been of immeasurable value. I hope you each feel good inside today. Id like nothing more than a gazette from each of you letting us know what life looks like from the 1 year peak, I cant believe its been a whole year. My 1 year comes up on January 7th. Please tell me we can do it all over again.

Much love to everyone

[NoSugar]

Hello GLoamers, this mission, should you decide to accept it, is to do something nice for a stranger. You will have one week to complete the mission and report back to the team. Good luck! This message will self-destruct in 7 days...

That is an excellent challenge, ABC, and one I accept :smile:. Maybe we can keep it going for the whole month of December - a good time of year to get outside of ourselves.

Jane, I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. Maybe you could go through that list and divide it into things you must do in the short term, medium term, and long term. Some of them you probably don't really need to do at all. Others are not your problems to solve so I hope you can figure out a way to set them aside. Like is so often discussed around here, we can't control other people - just our reactions to them. I hope you can let those things go, too.

I was tempted to sort your list for you but just like many of the things you listed really aren't your responsibility, that isn't mine. I might think something in that list is trivial that actually is very important to you.

I do encourage you to get involved in something that is meaningful to you. At least for me, involvement with something outside myself is critical to my mental health (as one of my favorite books, Man's Search for Meaning, clearly explains). ABC has given us a challenge that can help us with this goal -- maybe you could try to do 1 kindness a day for someone - not necessarily a stranger - and see if you can help yourself while you help someone else.

I can tell you're really hurting and this might sound like a really simplistic response but frankly, it's all I have. I hope you're open to getting professional help if the layman's tips, which is all most of us can offer, aren't enough.

:hug: NS

[jane27]

Thanks NS. Most things on that list wont get done if not done by me. Haircolor and botox are not a priority. Coordinating repairs and making sure bills get paid- those are things I need to do in order to feel safe. Survival is always my #1 priority and the list sorts itself based on that. I do kind things for other people daily and I feel good about that. The link below describes something along the lines of what I'm feeling. If it weren't this pile of problems, I'm sure it would be another pile of problems. I don't know what the answer is other than to try and slow down where I can. Having spent in the 6 figures zone on pyschotherapy to date, I'm not eager to spend more.
I know you are trying to help. I thank you for that and hope I don't sound unappreciative. I'll take anything at this point- a smile, a pat on the head, anything.

Drinking wouldn't make anything better. I value what I have achieved. I'm invested in staying sober. I'd love to get loaded and check out for a while. Its not going to happen. Knowing that its is a proven short term solution is tough. The consequences aren't worth it. I guess I can be grateful that I'm healthy and not feeling suicidal. Repair man one is currently ringing the doorbell. (Optimum Internet)

http://www.womensweb.in/2012/08/do-homemakers-face-burnout/

I apologize for being so grim and down folks. Hopefully this mood will pass.

[narilly]

Jane, STOP thinking too much. I don't know how to help you but your mind seems to be racing. I agree with NS above. Maybe just going for a walk and getting some fresh air, taking a deep breath. Just trying to calm your mind down. I'm sorry but I don't know what else to say. Just take it one day at a time.

Cowboy, I am up for that challenge! I can do that.

Pav, I heard Avicci when I was working out a lunch time and I felt SO connected to you and Ava and MWO. It was so cool. I was smiling away and the words of the song are so pertinent to us. "I didn't know I was lost" How awesome is it that we have found such a strong network of friends to connect with ONLINE! I never would have believed it.
Thank you so much
It's Off the Table.

[Guitarista]

Yo Gloamers!

Good to see you Jane. Just remember that you are the best. You have taken heroic action and gotten yourself off the mad merry go round of booze and you are coming up to 1 year of sobriety. That totally raaawks my friend! You totally raaawk! Just remember that.

Don't forget that we can't control what people are saying about us, but we can control how we respond and feel about such stuff. Breaking big lists down from overwhelming to do-able bite sized chunks we can handle is a classic technique in these situations.

I'm glad hair colour and botox aren't a priority for me at the moment either. I do spend a fortune on the latest toupe's from Europe though. :excitement:

Take care my friend. You will be okay.

Best wishes to y'all. G

[scottish lass]

Jane - my first year comes along the month after yours

My 1 year comes up on January 7th. Please tell me we can do it all over again.

I also need to know that we can do this again, but I am also choosing to believe that we can do it again.

I have faced many struggles in last 5 years (probably more) - if I was to write a list as you have done, I would probably run for the hills screaming - as others have said pick a few thing and have some accomplishments - celebrate your accomplishments and then move on to the next. You know that you can only eat an elephant one bite at a time...slow down my dear, and breathe...

[little beagle]

Thank you SL. That is funny. You can only eat an elephant one bite at a time.
And yes you and Jane ARE both going to do another year.
Cowboy I did a kindness for a stranger today without even thinking about your challenge. I donated to help a beagle get a tumor removed.
Ava looks like you are having a blast at your celebration. Good for you.
Jane I get those times when it feels like my brain just can't shut down and I think of a jillion things at the same time and I run around trying to get things done and I get mad and resentful because no one else is thinking of a jillion things, running around trying to get things done, and on it goes. I have been doing a bit of yoga at night and the centering and focusing seems to help me calm my brain down. I also got a calm song. I'd call it an ap, but I play it on my music player on my phone at night. It lasts about an hour. It has helped. I've been using it for about 3 months now. It builds upon itself, if that makes sense. I love you and i appreciate what you contribute to us.

[Ginger999]

LB, What is the name of the calm song you are talking about? Always looking for something to quiet this busy mind of mine!