Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[jane27]

I read Frances' post. Man. I surprised its been as well contained since the 2 slips. Part of me is definitley wants to break out of the sober healthy mode and turn into the drinking animal. Get right the fuck out of here, and make life easier. I will not, but its such a simple switch to flip (meaning, its not like I have to book a plane trip, pack and get myself to the airport). Its just a short drive to the liquor store. I'm the only one around here who seems to be unhappy with the situation (here being in my house). It would be easier for everyone else for a while...I'd do more things I didn't want to do, bitch less, going with the flow, be more slutty about sex. But I don't want to feel that sick again, and I don't want those goddamn handcuffs (havetodrink havetodrink).

[NoSugar]

:hug: to you, Jane.

Maybe some of this stuff has been there for a long time but you didn't have to face it when you could hide at the bottom of a bottle. My husband and I are both very independent with some interests in common but even more of our own and our kids are grown so I'm afraid that hug is all I have to offer. I'm glad that drinking doesn't look like a solution to you because for us, it never will be.

It isn't my place to be because she is the one who did it but I am so proud of Frances! Coming right back is much harder than not drinking at all or plummeting into a bender of who even knows how long of a duration. I really hope that if I ever make the Bad Choice, I do exactly what she is doing right now and not let my life spiral out of control again.

[narilly]

Hi Everyone, Cowboy, I didn't even clue in that it was 8 months until I read your post! HOLEY MOLEY!!! Way to GO ME!!

SL, I love Flannel sheets! We will have a good sleep tonight wow, those storms are crazy in your area. I can't believe how warm it is here. It is +10C and last year it was -20C. I am enjoying this weather for sure!

Pav, enjoy your day off. Nice to hang out in your pj's. Ya, associating drinking with a headache is a good one. I am doing that now too. Good tip.

Pepper, food poisoning is terrible! What a good reminder of not wanting a hangover though.

My hubby ticked me off this am too Jane. So I have been thinking about it all morning and then I started thinking how I was going to call my neighbor and go over and drink some wine and talk. AAAAGH! So I came here quickly and started reading and posting. It never ceases to amaze me how well a support group like this works.

Thank you Gloamers for being here.

[available]

Hi Loamers

Congratulations Nar on 8 months, you go girl, wait for the big year, its an amazing feeling and there can be no repeat button for me ever again. I have way too much to lose now.

Pepper i think there is a reason why i dont cook, no chance of food poisoning in my house and a great reminder of why we dont drink anymore. I sometimes get those headaches that feel like a hangover and i am forever grateful to not drink.

LB dont go poisoning the old ladies, that could be a lot of jail time! Hubs is sounding so good, i hope life has settled down for you.

Pav, not long till the holiday girl. Then you will be bitching about the heat let me tell you. I am off to mums after xmas and they have heat and humidity and it kills me but i love being spoilt and i get extra spoilt now i dont drink. When do you go?

Jane, its sounding like a lot is going on with you. We are the only ones that can change out situation for the better. Maybe a good chat to hubs is in order to try and gain some equilibrium in the household. It took awhile for the dynamics in our family to work themselves out when i stopped drinking. It was like i changed but everything else stood still and was the same. I knew it would take an effort from me but also understanding from the boys to move on with me. Life is a lot better now we are on the same page so to speak.

Well i need to get out before the maddening crowds start. i need to do some xmas shopping but i am sure i will get to the shops, have a coffee and come home. Thats ok, i love the last minute rush.

Frances post was inspiring, she is a very strong and brave woman for saying it how it can be. We have to be vigilant in the first year especially. It gets so much easier but al will always try and win. Its like any addiction at the end of the day and its SOOOOOO out there constantly.

Take care xx

[peppersnow]

I read Frances's post, and if there ever was a reminder that it can happen out of the blue, that was it. I'm so glad she came back. I was telling a sober friend about an event I attended about 2 years ago at the college I worked at. Each year right after the students leave, the administration holds a staff-faculty appreciation lunch with AL served (catholic college). We had a Chem. Dependency program staffed by 4 people in long-term recovery, whom I was sitting near by. I was getting as much free booze as I could during the event without drawing attention to myself, and so of course I noticed the sober table and was checking them out to see how closely they might be watching me. Midway through the event, one of them suddenly became visibly upset, which is apparently when they found out that the punch they'd been drinking was spiked with vodka. I remember that a lot of people thought it was kind of funny, which even I thought was twisted and sick. But in my almost 9 months sober, I've thought of that event so many times, because it takes on a whole new dynamic now, and of course I completely get how upset they were. I think Frances's experience makes the point that whether someone else tricks us, or we trick ourselves, it's what you do next that matters. Even if I convinced myself that I could have "just 1", I know that the very next day I'd get completely shit-faced. I just totally know that about myself, so that 1 isn't ever an option, but how important it is to be aware of the signs that we might be preparing to trick ourselves. And be prepared if someone else does it to us, as in pouring that glass and sticking it in front of us.

On another note, I've been really enjoying hot water with Bragg's apple cider vinegar and honey! Anyone else drink those? I tried one as a stomach-soother and didn't care for it, but it made my tummy feel so much better so quickly. I got into the habit of making myself drink one every evening, and now I think I'm actually addicted, as I crave them.

Take care, all, and enjoy the weekend! :thumbsup:

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

NAR - 8 months is awesome. Good on you for posting here instead of going to have a drink with your friend. You're on your way.

NS - Loved Frances' post - that is exactly my fear. I think SL always talks about it - the big events are ok because we are on alert and take care to make plans, but it is those small things we forget about. I had a strong urge to take a glass of champagne that was handed to me recently. Phew I didn't.

Pepper - What a story. I worry about that accidental drink, too, which is why I keep getting new glasses/cups all of the time when I'm at a party. I don't want to accidentally drink something. My husband and I were out on the deck and both had drinks. I took a big swig of what I thought was my glass but turned out to be his. It tasted different... I was so worried, but it turns out it was just a squeeze of lemon that I hadn't added to mine. Ever vigilant.

Ava - Go for coffee, forget the shops. Give the kids hugs and call it a day!

Jane - I give you a hug, too. I think part of it must be that things are clearing after your drinking. I worry about the exact same thing - that my husband and I are too different to make it work after the kids have gone. We do like different things, for sure, but we have a bit of overlap, too, as it turns out. What freed me was stopping worrying about what he was doing. I used to invite him on hikes all of the time. Try to plan, etc., and he never wanted to go. So I started going alone (which I love) or with other friends. Eventually - gradually - he started saying he wanted to go with me. If I try to tell him what to eat, I think it makes him eat WORSE, so I cook healthy food, and gradually he is starting to think about what he eats. I can't control him and any attempt at trying was not working.

LB - I LOVE peanut butter balls.

ABC - Thanks for the reminder and for checking in!

OK, Goodnight, Gloamers. Good to see you all here.

[abcowboy]

A big Hello to all the Loamers, not sure it's quite the Gloamer's yet, but I'll keep trying lol! Wow, December seems to be taking it's toll on a lot of members, it doesn't surprise me, but it saddens me. My dad was a Psychiatric Nurse at the Institute in my home town. I remember him telling us that December has an unusually high number of suicides and patients seeking treatment for depression. He felt it was because of the stress people put themselves under while moving into the Christmas season, not enough money for gifts, will the gifts be good enough, everyone comes home for Christmas but I will be alone, etc. etc. Years later, I understand what he was saying. And stress and depression are no no's for recovering alcoholics! So, if what my dad said is true, then December has to be a month that we need to be extra vigilant, protect our quit with everything we have!

This past week, at just about every job I was on, the customer offered me a Christmas drink! I said "No thanks, I don't drink" Then I thought of Narilly, she uses those words so often, she should copyright them! It didn't take me long to realize that the things I read here are sticking with me, all you guys and gals are supporting my quit every single day! So with the Festive Season upon us, Christmas just around the corner, remember to give thanks for what we have and don't worry about the things we want, they will also come when we deserve them. And at this time of year, be sure to be generous to your local Food Bank and Santa's Anonymous so that the less fortunate can enjoy a Merry Christmas!

Narilly, thanks again, you helped save my quit a few times this week!

[scottish lass]

Hi Gloamers (I know I am one of the forgetful ones abcowboy (hard to teach an old dog new tricks:congratulatory. Stepped into a mall today - hurried out fast:eek-new: Got in a walk today - was hoping to see the snow in the hills, but it was fogged in - I look like a poodle at present:congratulatory:
I hope everyone is having a great af Saturday and hanging strong...

[abcowboy]

SL, just teasing! I know you ladies welcome anyone, and Nar and I can send you pics of "mountains" of snow if you want lol. Funny thing is, winter it's a very pretty time of year, snow I can handle, extreme cold temperatures I could do without!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

True, Cowboy. December is a doozy. I am not at my best and most upbeat, that is for sure. Not drinking certainly makes it better, however. I work at a school and we have a lot of students in emotional crises in December. I think we (here in the northern hemisphere) are meant to hibernate in December - well, at least slow down. I think it is counterintuitive that all of these festivities happen now. Give me a good book.

I don't drink. Such powerful words. I used them tonight in the nest. Thanks, Nar. Someone thanked me for them recently - the words are so ingrained in me now, I forgot I got them from you...

SL - I got in a walk, too. Went into one store, and left without a purchase. I have no idea if anyone will get presens this year - gift cards??

Good night, Gloamers.

Pav

[little beagle]

I love gift cards. My daughter and I are looking online for things we want. I need new work tennies. And she wants jewelry. Then we exchange bank card #'s and the gift arrives directly to our respective houses. Laugh if you want.
Ava hubby is not doing well, but I am changing the way I react. Well working on changing it.
Jane you are going through huge changes. This is a hard time for us. We grow more emotionally in such a small amount of time. Our feelings are all over the place. It's a bit overwhelming at times. At least it is for me. And hubby and I just don't seem to have many interests in common any more either. I am giving him a pass and myself a mental break for a couple of months. Things have been so emotionally tough on us both the past year. I'm just taking a step back, being here with an encouraging word or piece of advice if ASK, and relaxing. My problem is that I have been so tense and uptight. Well that's all I KNOW to do.
Narilly congratulations on 8 months.
Cowboy I think this is a wonderful time of year for us alkies. It's so great to be with friends and family. It's a wonderful time to celebrate our freedom. As Jane mentioned, no handcuffs. We are free to shop, eat, visit, do what we want with no worries of driving, acting stupid, getting arrested, offending friends.....well you see where I'm going.
Enjoy you freedom during this wonderful time of year GLOAMers.

[jane27]

Hi Gloamers, Wishing everyone a bewdie. xo

[NoSugar]

There are going to be some new stresses in the NoSugar house this holiday season. I started getting pretty worked up about it all this weekend and my mind started to race with all the things I "had" to do.

Breathe breathe breathe. No, I don't have to do all of them. I tried to step back and figure out which ones I want to do (and for what reasons - if I want to do it because I think it will make person X happy and so act better, I need to let go of that dream right now...).

I've been the mediator all my life and even if it has worked in the past (and who knows if it really did), it isn't going to now. I can't make people feel a certain way, or act a certain way, or relate to one another as I think they should. I know there is going to be tension/conflict between people I love and I have to be able to be around that without trying to control it. As a life-long conflict avoider, this is going to be tough.

All I can control (or hope to control) are my reactions to what is going on. And drowning it all in a bottle of wine can't be part of it.

[scottish lass]

Hope the new stressors are nothing too serious NS? Let me/us know if we can help, you were a huge part of getting me through my first af beach holiday - would love to pay back!
Went to work holiday do last night - lots of comments about the fact I wasn't drinking - it was held at a winery too! On eh way there I almost persuaded the other side of me that I could have a glass and no one need know - pretty crazy when that would mean I was lying to myself! Happily did not drink.
Hope all the Gloamers are doing well on this Monday - last school Monday before two weeks off and finals week!

[narilly]

Oh ya, I really hate conflict NS, my husbands family even hates it more than me. They Candy Coat Everything which can be quite annoying. Never wanting to say something that is even remotely negative or Not nice. Like "the potatoes are cold, lets reheat them" Nope, they would just eat the potatoes and say they are good. That is totally annoying!

Hey Cowboy, Pav, "we don't drink!" I thought I got that from Pav! Lol, who knows but the main thing is that we just don't drink.

Lil B, hang in there. I hope Mr. B figures things out. You guys have been through the ringer!

It was freakin cold this morning walking to work -13C. Ugh. But supposed to warm up. I sure love those warmer days in December. Last year we froze, literally. Right Cowboy!

Well, just want to say I am happy to be sober and wake up every morning un hungover. I am really getting used to this. I wake up and Feel Good and that is normal, wow! Who would have thought? I still think about it when I have to plan something in the morning on the weekend. I am so happy I can plan things early on Saturday or Sunday if I want to because I won't be hung over. YES!!

Sl, stay out of the Mall! It is nuts here too.

xo