Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Eloise]

hey Gloamers.
a quiet day today and I am still recovering. Healing taking a lot of energy and I feel weak and tired today.
Otherwise, I have no complaints. Lots of good stuff happening and I think we are going to have a much more positive 2015.
I can just feel it in my bones!

I really wasn't tempted to drink this past week. One time there was a conversation about going to friends for a 'glass wijn" and I just immediately snapped 'Well I am not drinking wijn!"

Good knee jerk reaction!

Ah, hang in there guys 4 more days and we are all going to be SO happy we didn't drink!

[jane27]

I'm very grateful to be sober and for whatever it is that's bigger than anything else that keeps me there.

I hope everyone survived Christmas. I'm going to read back now. Xo Jane

[jane27]

PS Has anyone been thinking about resolutions or making some new goals for 2015? The idea has always appealed to me but generally for me the circumstance is usually the one behind the wheel. (IE drinking got so bad, I had to quit). Choosing resolutions seems so much loftier than that. Would love to hear back from you guys on your thoughts.

[little beagle]

My resolution is to take better care of me this year. My first year sober A-Z has passed and I am so happy. Of course my number one resolution is to continue with that.
And I want to continue to help others reach this point.

[scottish lass]

Jane - not sure how to say this, but you have not sounded happy, or even content, for a very long time. It appears that you are looking for something that you are not finding - do you need some professional help? I cannot recall if you have a therapist, maybe time for something different. I am not sure that we are able to help - I know that I can't.....
I am sorry if this is not helpful - little sleep deprived after a week on call, and then daughter to get wisdom teeth out today....
I read earlier and did not know what to say, so did not respond - but that didn't feel right either. Maybe your NY resolution could be another goal rather than a final - to achieve some happiness??? Or trying to really get to the bottom of where you are at??

[jane27]

SL, thanks for responding. I was venting and in looking back should have written those things in my journal rather than posting them here on Gloamers. Wishing everyone a good night.

[abcowboy]

Howdy gloamers! I didn't have much to post today so I wasn't going to, but reading back a bit...

Jane, thank you for your posts! I think of MWO as my journal, where I can write down my thoughts and feelings, who knows, they just might ring a bell to someone else who is feeling troubled about the same thing, so by all means, keep posting!

I do find it amazing that we all grow to love and support each other here, we remain faceless, but we still feel each other's pain and each other's happiness. Quick to jump in and offer a hug, offer support, even just a shoulder to rest a troubled head on. That's what makes this place truly amazing, and that's why I'll keep coming back and sharing my feelings....

Have a great day my friends, remember, stay away from the bad stuff eh!

[scottish lass]

Jane - was not trying to "reprimand" you for posting - i just feel you hurting and searching, and wish that you could find some solutions. This site is not much if we are not able to vent - but usually there are answers or help...please do not stop posting or sharing, but hopefully in 2015 there maybe a way to get out of under all you are feeling??:hug:

[peppersnow]

PS Has anyone been thinking about resolutions or making some new goals for 2015? The idea has always appealed to me but generally for me the circumstance is usually the one behind the wheel. (IE drinking got so bad, I had to quit). Choosing resolutions seems so much loftier than that. Would love to hear back from you guys on your thoughts.

Hi Jane - I'm glad you wrote that, as that's been on my mind as well. After so many years of resolutions to quit drinking and failing, I've got this quiet voice nudging me to make some sort of resolution this year -- because now that we've got booze out of our lives, there should be a world of possibility open with regard to other aspects of our lives that we can work on that would have been impossible to achieve with alcohol. I like the idea of happiness that SL mentioned...and self-care.

I'm sorry you were feeling so blue, and glad you shared. I have a really hard time posting anything when I'm feeling as down as you were -- I admire you for your honesty and trust that this is a safe place, which it is.

[narilly]

Jane, don't you dare start sounding like everyone else! You are the one and only Jane, please don't change- just don't drink.
You could Never be boring.

Have a great New Years Eve tomorrow everyone. I am going to have a nice steak supper and then go to bed around 10:00 or so. Sounds perfect to me. I love waking up on New Year's Day feeling good and going for a long walk early in the morning.
I am over my 'craving episode' at Christmas. Last year I did not make it and I drank at Christmas but not this year and I call that progress. A lot of it is habitual, I have been drinking at Christmas since I was 15, but not this year. Yes!!

SL, hope your daughter feels better. My daughter had her wisdom teeth out a few months ago. Not fun.
Howdy Cowboy!

Talk soon,

[little beagle]

Narilly I am so glad you made it through those Christmas cravings. And your idea sounds WONDERFUL. Waking up sober and hapy New Year's day is the best feeling.
Have a safe New Years Eve my friends.

[jane27]

Morning Gloamers,

Thanks for all of your thoughtful replies. I looked back at what I wrote (which I have since modified), and the odd thing is that I wasn't feeling very unhappy or deeply blue. Moods are as complicated as shades of color; Maybe the context wasn’t clear due to the fact that since the site went through the upgrade, I haven’t been posting as actively as I did prior?

On the Bubble Hour, Ellie talks about moods as ranked by number (1-10 with 5 representing the medium norm for ordinary day where nothing terrible happened, but nothing over the moon did either). As a person that struggles with depression, my baseline may be a little lower than the standard average. If 5 is a healthy person’s mood baseline, I would say mine is probably around 3.5, with the overall range shifted downward accordingly. I sound low a lot, I guess. In person, and on the telephone I incorporate a lot of humor in my day to day communication. I have tried to do the same with my posts- I don't want to listen to someone that's down all the time or a broken record, and so I certainly don't want to be one either.

SL, your note did hurt my feelings. It gave me the feeling that you are tired of the low-ness in my tone, potentially have discussed it with others on the board who are in agreement, and frustrated enough that you felt someone had to say something.

For the sake of clarity, I’ll break down how your choice of words led me to feeling this way.

"Not sure how to say this"
I hear frustration in your comment . Reminds me of the word 'Frankly' or 'to be blunt'.
Expressed differently, "Forgive me for what I'm about to say, because it may hurt your feelings, and I don’t know how to avoid that.”

"but you have not sounded happy, or even content, for a very long time. "
My posts have been depressed and redundant to the point where you feel that bluntness is called for.

"It appears that you are looking for something that you are not finding - do you need some professional help? I cannot recall if you have a therapist, maybe time for something different."

Here you imply that I'm being redundant in my recovery and go on to suggest that I seek supplementary professional help because

"I am not sure that we are able to help - I know that I can't.....".
Bold of you to speak on behalf of the group. The support you received via Thanks and Likes gave weight to my feeling that the group was positive in their support of you breaking the news to me. (Finally someone said what everyone has been thinking.)



btw, I clicked on thanks because it seemed like the bigger person thing to do. Giving thanks cant be undone (I tried).

"I am sorry if this is not helpful - little sleep deprived after a week on call, and then daughter to get wisdom teeth out today.... I read earlier and did not know what to say, so did not respond - but that didn't feel right either."
Translation, despite the fact that you're exhausted, this mosquito has been buzzing around you for a while, and you couldn't take it anymore, hence rallied to take a swat.

"Maybe your NY resolution could be another goal rather than a final - to achieve some happiness??? Or trying to really get to the bottom of where you are at??"

Here you go from team leader bully, to sounding like a very fake friend (think Carolyn Applebee from I Love Lucy.)

Gloamers was invaluable for a time. Thanks to all for your support. I hope to see many of you around on some of the other threads and wish you each strength and commitment in making your quits stick. Love to all, Jane

I saw this poem on Good Reads this morning and thought it was sweet in the way it touches on differing perspectives.


I asked the Zebra,
are you black with white stripes?
Or white with black stripes?
And the zebra asked me,
Are you good with bad habits?
Or are you bad with good habits?
Are you noisy with quiet times?
Or are you quiet with noisy times?
Are you happy with some sad days?
Or are you sad with some happy days?
Are you neat with some sloppy ways?
Or are you sloppy with some neat ways?
And on and on and on and on and on and on he went.
I’ll never ask a zebra about stripes...again.

― Shel Silverstein

[NoSugar]

Jane,

SL was trying to help you and not let your post go unanswered. I agreed with what she said and "liked" her post. I know I've offended you when I've written similar things, which is why I didn't respond. I was glad she did. I didn't want to sound patronizing, condescending, or like I thought I had all the answers. I thought SL's note managed not to do all of those things while still expressing concern.

I'm glad you're not feeling as bad as it sounded like you were. Your point about different baselines is a good thing to consider.

I hope we can all take a deep breath, get 2014 behind us, and all look forward to an AF 2015 full of opportunities for growth, friendship, and happiness.

Love, NS

[jane27]

NS, You offended me exactly one time (offend isn't the right word- irked me? ) way back when on Newbies Nest. It was such a nothing (about diet?) that I don't remember what it was- I was young in my quit and didn't know you very well. If anyone has ever offended me on here, and its happened, I've gone directly to the person and communicated my feelings to them. Assumptions can not be made about these things. I have learned that time and time again, which is why I believe direct & timely communication is the healthiest way to address it.

What SL's note communicated to me, is that I don't fit in here any longer. I don't sound like everyone else, and that is an intrusion to this group dynamic. I'm ok with that. It hasn't been one sided.

Thanks for your comments and best wishes for 2014.

[scottish lass]

Reflections – as we are on the last day of 2014 (well we still are in N Ca ) I am taking a moment – I entered 2014 with intentions of being af, made a few commitments – but was still skeptical, scared and not sure if being af was what I truly wanted. Obviously not the best way to go, and I drank in 6 occasions in January – I had a talk to myself and in February let myself down one last time. So 2014 was not the af year I hoped for – hoping was not enough. 2015 will be an af year for me, and this time I KNOW it. I will celebrate my year shortly, but will have a full calendar year and many more to come. I reckon this will be the first for about 36 years!
In 2014 I have traveled a very long way – divorced, have some $$ in a savings account (huge as I was close to financial ruin in 2010) and lost 20lbs. I am learning how to feel good about myself, to respect myself and actually even like me .
I have had so much support from the Loamers and the Gloamers – lots of celebrations, affirmations and yes, a few tears (with the acknowledgement that that is just fine!)
Thank you to each and every one of you for what, upon reflection, has been a successful year! I am looking forward to this next with – with love and utmost respect SL