Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Lil B,
I'm so sorry to hear. I wish there were something I could say or do to make it better for you. Addiction is a bitch and it sucks so bad. Is there any way he could get into rehab? Or some kind of treatment? I'm not one to be giving advice on anything, but I can give cyber hugs. Call me if you need to talk.

[Pie]

Hi L'il B! So sorry to hear of your struggle. Ineffective is about the last word that comes to mind to describe a person who's taking care of the number one priority for all of us. You. Don't. Drink.

Not sure what to say about your husband. But what you're doing for yourself is huge! I would be very interested in knowing how long it took you to really not want a drink. Your offer of help makes me think it might be okay to ask you this.

Thanks,
Pie

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

Thanks for the warm welcome back.

LB - I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know you have been to Al Anon (or nar anon?) - anyway - I know you have thought about what your husband's addiction has to do with you, and what part you play in his healing. You can just continue to do what you need to do for yourself, and be there for him by being your sober self. I am sure that the meetings you've held in your living room, the example you've lived, the support you've given have not only helped him - they have helped all of us here. In addition to direct support, we can see that you can go through some really HARD shit and still stay sober. That is excellent support no matter how you slice it.

I'm not sure if you're asking advice, but I guess I'm going to tell you what I think. Number one - you need to take care of yourself. As the old cliche goes, you need to put on your oxygen mask if you're going to help anyone else. I also wonder if you are continuing to go to a support group for spouses of addicts? If not al anon, something like that? I think that some support on that front would be great. As much as we say no one who isn't one of us could never understand, I am sure that no one who isn't the spouse of an addict can truly understand what you are going through. I can say what I've read, but I can't say what I've felt, or how I've been successful. Big hugs to you, and I hope you figure this all out soon. You DESERVE a trip to the beach!

J-Vo - Sorry for your regret and guilt. Have you ever talked to your son about going to al a teen or any support group of his own? I know that my niece declined when her dad was addicted to pills, but I now some teens who have gone and benefitted from such a group. They can hear more about the power of addiction, and maybe can understand more about what is going on with you. Again, just advice based on no experience, just what I've heard and read. I am sure that as you say you will gain forgiveness with your action of staying sober. I hope you can conjure these feelings the next time you want a drink.

I am still very much out of it - re-entry is more difficult than I thought! At least it isn't -45F here! Good for you for getting out and going for a walk, Nar. I think you handled your cravings over the holiday very well, and used this site for what it is here for. I am glad that we have the power to keep each other from drinking - that power has helped me get through some tight spots as well.

SL - hope your daughters are feeling better, and that you'll have a better week. It is COLD for CA (sorry, Canadians - 50 is cold for me!)

Hope you all had great Mondays - the start of a new year.

Pav

Jane - I read back a bit - I hope you'll still hang out with us here.

[NoSugar]

I am not sure anymore if what I have to say is even relevant. If it's helping anyone in any way. All I can say is that. I. Don't. Drink. I don't want to. The thought makes me sick to my stomache. It makes me cringe in helpless embarrassment.
If I can help someone, please let me. I am here. And I am so TIRED of feeling ineffective.

You can't force anyone to change, LB, as you know from experience. We know how hard you've tried and how patient you've been. He knows, too, deep in his heart but you can't reach that part of him when he's using. I'm so sorry for both of you.

By being here, you've given many of us the strength to change. When we were in our earlier days and I'd feel like giving up, I'd think about you and your strength and commitment in the face of what seemed to me like huge obstacles, and I'd take a deep breath and carry on. Just by being here, you're making a difference, LB. And when you write to us, it is always so sincere, direct, and true.

We all feel better about ourselves when we have evidence that we're contributing - when we see some success and can feel like our efforts paid off. It is great when that happens but please know that we love and care about you just as you are, not only because of what you can do for us. You are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are. xx

[narilly]

Lil B, I wish I could take some of your pain away. You have given so much of yourself to Mr B, and I am sur he knows that. Is there some kind of outside help he can get? I don't really know how to help you but like NS says you have helped us so much.
The support you have given us has meant so much. You really helped me at Christmas time.

I wish somehow Mr B can find a way off this roller coaster of addiction. I can see how it is affecting your life and it is so sad. Xoxo
Like Pav says, please take care of yourself. Also I second everything that NS said. That was good NS.

J-Vo, glad you are back. Now is the time to focus on today and building a sober future for yourself. What happened sucks but you can't change it, right? You can only move on. You are a fighter J-Vo, fight for your sober future. Keep coming back.

Pav, nice to hear from you. We got through the holidays sober. Isn't that great? Now off to a sober 2015!

[paulywogg]

LB,(my daughter's nickname too btw)I'm always getting strength from your posts, you have gone through a lot with addiction and are beating it!you've been strong even with all the other addicts around you,that takes balls but you're doing it,never underestimate who's reading your posts and who it's helping as for hubs,he has to beat this himself, same as we're doing, nobody could make us quit, we had to do the work, can he get into a rehab? I know you love him,just try to help him but don't let it drain YOU,((hugs))

[little beagle]

Pie I can tell you that the bad urges to want a drink passed about 4-5 months after I quit. Now I just want the illusion of a drink. Which I can easily satisfy with a nonalcoholic beer or a 100% grape juice in a pretty wine glass. And I can drink as much as I want. Especially the grape juice. I really like that one. It's fun.
I felt so much better telling the GLOAMers what I was going through. Just sharing a problem makes it less. Putting it out there. Having more minds to come up with a solution.
Pav I did try al anon, but no one ever talked about real issues very often. And sitting around stating that I am powerless didn't help me, honestly it depressed me.
There are some of us on this site who do know the pain of living with an addict. And watching others on here GET it gives me hope.
Have a good day GLOAMers. My mission. Take care of myself, do the best I can each day, lend support to those who want it, and finally, don't drink, No Matter What.

[narilly]

Just a quick hello before I run to my meeting.

Walked to work this morning in about 6 inches of snow, it was beautiful out. Glad I wasn't driving, the traffic is nasty when there is a ton of snow out. There is a snowfall warning here.

Happy to be sober today. Lil B- I am going to try some grape juice, it does sound like fun in a wine glass

Talk soon Gloamers,

[Pie]

Thanks, LB! What would you think about planning a vacation for yourself? Travel in April maybe, when it's good weather nearly everywhere, and you'll have a few months to stash some cash. Pick a destination, sights and activities that interest you, 4 days/3 nights perhaps.

I did a cruise once by myself; such an easy way to travel solo. Think about it. It's nice having something to look forward to, and sounds like you've more than earned a reward.

Best,
Pie

[j-vo]

Morning Gloamers,
We had some snow, too, Nar. Bit treacherous driving into work, but made it. We had a two hour delay, although they want us to be here as soon as we can get here safely. I got a few things accomplished this morning with the little extra time without the kids. That's always nice.
LB, you sound a little bit better today. I can't add to the wonderful and invaluable advice that's already been given. Only give you that extra hug and let you know I'm here if you need a chat or text. YOu're a strong woman, and I admire you greatly. Hang in there, and take care of yourself.
Today's a busy day. Going home after work and have to get ready for concession stand duty and basketball game. I love watching the game, it's the duty before the game that I don't love! But I'm glad I can do it for my son's team. And we have good parents, but can be a bit of a pain at times. Aren't we all...
Have a lovely day. I will not drink today. Or ever. I hate alcohol.

[scottish lass]

Morning all - so sorry for what you are facing LB. I am not sure I would be where I am if I had a drinker at home, I am lucky to not have to deal with a partner and be going this solo.
Back in office and on a conf call, so multitasking
J-vo, you are sounding strong - love seeing this.
No snow here, but very chilly! Need to replace some windows in my home - it is draughty!

[narilly]

Hi Gloamers,
Glad to see it getting a bit busier here. We have had such success with this thread, let's keep it going!
This thread is a big reason why I am sober.

SL, new windows to go with your bed and picture, sounds good

J-Vo, I second what SL says, you are sounding good.

Big hug to you Lil B.

[little beagle]

It is good to see us busier.
Pie a vacation does sound wonderful. I love the beach. A cruise sounds great. I'm going to check that out.
Narilly you would laugh at us down here. We're getting down to -5c here Tuesday. It's been on the news for 2 days. Everyone is getting their pipes wrapped and stocking up on water? Not sure why we need extra water but they are recommending we get some.
I am glad to have support. You are my support. Even though we all don't go through exactly the same life experiences, just having someone to talk to and sympathize with us when needed, laugh with, cry with. This IS what I need. Thanks GLOAMers.
J-vo I hate alcohol too. It has stolen so much of my life i refuse to let it take any more from me.
I had a thought today. Remember how the teacher use to make us write lines when we misbehaved? Write 100 x's I will not..... I think rewiring the brain has been around for a long time. We just didn't realize that is what we were doing. As we post daily stating I will not drink we rewire the brain. I wonder how many times I have written that statement? It does sink in. It does work. This is the reason for posting. Writing our I Will Nots.

[narilly]

Hey Lil B, that is a great observation! I didn't think of that.

I will not drink alcohol.
I will not drink alcohol.
I will not drink alcohol.
Not in a plane on a train in a bus or a car.
I will not drink alcohol.

We could write a book!

[Ginger999]

LB, you are amazing! Never believe any thing other than that.💖