Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Morning,
Well, I was feeling that I don't have the pink cloud effect that I've had in the past quits. I'm feeling more down than relief. I was guessing it was the cirucumstance of this last quit. But I'm not in the mood to analyze things right now. Not really in the mood to do much of anything.

This morning, I contacted an addiction counselor in the area. I hope he gets back to me soon, as I'm interested in seeing if he'd like a new patient.

Have a good day.

[Pavati]

Hi, Gloamers:

Welcome back, Cowboy. I am sorry for what you went through, but very glad that you're getting help. My last day of drinking I had what the Bubble Hour ladies call "full body anxiety." I now know that it was probably partly physical withdrawal and partly the mental anguish and fear that my drinking was causing. I was certain that I was going to have to check myself into a mental institution as I felt out of control emotionally. I have always thought of myself as someone who is open with her feelings, but I understood at that point that there were a number of feelings, especially around alcohol, that I wasn't dealing with.

I was seeing a therapist at the time - I started seeing her with my husband but he wasn't very good at therapy (talk about someone who keeps ALL emotions inside), so I kept seeing her myself. I finally gave her the full and real story about my drinking that week - after I told the whole story of my year she said "you know what that means, don't you?" and I said, sheepishly and with too much of a question mark still, "I have to quit drinking?" She said, "you, my dear, are an alcoholic." WOW. That was a doozy for me. Still is. But it was the truth and I had to hear it. I am in the process of stopping seeing her after a long time. I love therapy - it is great to have someone to talk to to process ANYTHING - but I don't want to commit or pay for it for the rest of my life.

SL - I don't know if you remember, but when I was approaching a year sober I was stumbling around feeling weird and not all blissed out like I thought I would. I was having drinking dreams and long thoughts about trying to drink once my kids were out of the house, with my husband as an ally who could let me know if things were out of hand. I knew that was BS, but was frustrated at how often drinking thought were coming. I felt unsettled, and maybe like you do, as I like to have those goals and boxes to check off, too. It finally went away without much changing.

One thing that helped - I accept that exercise is key to my well being. I don't see exercise as something that is only if I have time, but like a medicine I HAVE to take it. No mental exercise of will I or won't I - I have taken the choice off the table. The only question is what will I do for exercise. I like to have goals, too, so I have a big goal for this summer, and am not choosing the exercise that will help me get there. But my house is a mess, I still haven't cleaned my kitchen cupboards, and I don't yet knit. I'm with Ava - don't pick too many goals...

I also understand what NS wrote. Being alcohol free is just who I am now. Nar, I still have drinking thoughts and the pull toward wine - I was saying NO so much this week it became tiring and feck it thoughts came through my head. I get tired of them, too, but they do come less and less frequently. I guess with vigilance to stay alcohol free, they will never go away, as it seems thinking about drinking is key to stop drinking.

J-Vo - Depression and anxiety are real, and I am glad you are getting some help. One idea I have when I get down (and I am not saying that my "down" periods are the same as real depression and anxiety) is the idea of mindfulness. Instead of fighting moods, or always looking for a source of the mood, I try the Buddhist idea of just accepting the feelings. If I can, I go for a walk or take some deep breaths and meditate for a bit - utilize other ways to cope intentionally rather than just resisting the alcohol. I know a therapist will help you, too. Good luck.

Patrice - glad you're feeling better.

LB - Your weekend sounds lovely.

Ava - Glad Poppy is ok.

LC - I think I answered your question above. I live in Northern California - so beautiful here, but we sure do need some water.

Hi, Nar, Jane, El, Ginger, everyone. Anyone heard from Wags? Giraffe?

I'm off work today. I had a dinner Monday, worked Tuesday, a dinner Thursday, birthday for my nephew Friday, birthday for my sister Saturday, and another dinner Sunday. I am SO happy to have a day and night off. I started Orange is the New Black and may just sit on my couch all day and get through season one.

Wow, a waffle.

xo
Pav

[scottish lass]

Hi all - Pav, I do recall your feelings at this stage and why I asked for input.
Ava - I get what you are saying, but I am not there yet, I still think about drinking way too much. I am obviously one of those folks who need something to aim for.
Out for lunch today with a friend and our kids - then have girls dentist, tutoring and a reward for my straight A girl to fit in - so much for a day off see you later

[narilly]

Pav,
Thanks for the waffle. I am glad its not just me that still feels the pull. I would be so easy to just have one and so easy to say F'it. That's why we have to keep coming here and talking about it. Being accountable to you Gloamers really helps me. I loved Orange is the New Black. You are going to enjoy season 1.
I just finished season 2 of The Killing, HOLY smokes that was good. Two seasons to go and I would highly recommend it.

J-Vo, I can totally see how this time it is different for you. I hope the counsellor gets back to you soon and helps you with your recovery. You are on the right path. Hang in there.

SL, We have to be here for each other because I think about it too much too. Gotta Keep Sober... Lets do it. Hope your lunch was marvellous.

I had a good abs workout at lunch time and now back to work. I still am not walking to work because of my foot, hopefully I get my Orthodics this weekend and can start walking again. What a pain! (literally)

Talk to you later.

[scottish lass]

Lunch was good Nar, definitely not an abs workout - or a different kind of work out!
Gonna Keep Sober, and delighted to be there for you! I am not feeling as if I can't do this, just want to protect my quit as they say...keeping the goal in mind.
J-vo, I also meant to send you wishes that the counselor gets back to you, and that he is a good match..

[j-vo]

I went with a woman instead of the man. I had a man therapist before, and I didn't really feel comfortable with him. I think with a woman, I'd feel more open to sharing more. No surprise there, as the Loamers have always been so helpful to me. My first appt is next Monday. She's an addiction and recovery therapist, although I know I have major anxiety and depression issues, my alcohol recovery needs to be taken care of first. Thanks all.

[scottish lass]

That feels good- I was a little surprised when you said male - nothing against men, but I would feel easier coming clean to someone of my gender...you keep moving forward j-vo, it will all come together :hug:

[little beagle]

Ava thank you for saying that. Too many goals at once can be overwhelming. While I did manage to clean the most important part of my house this week, I didn't do it all, and had a hizzy fit when hubby ask me if I was going to spend the afternoon vacuuming out the car. Sometimes it feels good to do nothing. Absolutely nothing.
J-vo I am glad you're finding your way out. It's not easy, but the alternative is even harder. Just giving up and letting alcohol win. I have gotten to where I am in a large part because of the fear of where I will end up if I don't quit. Fear keeps me from taking that first drink. Fear that I will lose my happiness, my joy in life, my friends, my family. And these things will happen if I drink like I did.
I heard an idea today about how we can choose to be happy. It made me think of our gratitude thread. When I post gratitude, I feel an uplifting in my mood. And sometimes I have to dig a bit deeper to find something, but when I do, it turns my day around. I am going to post on that thread a bit more often.
Cowboy I'm glad you are here helping us stay on track with our missions of staying sober. That you have shared with us what you went and are going through. Big hugs to you. And Bubba.

[narilly]

Whatever it takes j-Vo, you can do it! I can see how it would be easier to talk to a GEmale just like it might be for a guy to talk to another guy. Whatever works right?
So glad you are here posting everyday.

LilB, you work so hard, an afternoon off is well deserved. I think you should take the time sometimes to do nothing
SL, NS, big hug.

Xo

[lifechange]

Good Morning, Ladies,
So many good posts yesterday!
I'm up early and heading off to work. I've been so tired, falling asleep at 9, which doesn't leave me any time for myself.
I'm trying to change my nutrition to see if that helps a bit. But until then... difficult.
I hope you all have a good day.
xx

[Pavati]

Good night, all.

I listened to the Bubble Hour today - first time in a long time. I loved the episode - Relapse Triggers. Some key point I wrote down:

"I need a muscular sobriety in order to be able to live among all those triggers." (you can't avoid all triggers, but have to live with them).

"I thought - 'it's getting annoying thinking about (not) drinking all the time.'" (I wrote this one down because they feel it, too). But they also say they came to realize (I think it was Ellie), "a daily practice keeps complacency at bay."

"Thoughts and feelings are not facts." "I used to think that all my thoughts and feelings were true and needed to be acted upon." (about sitting with bad feelings, rather than having to deal with them. they, too, pass).

About a trigger, "it's not that I want to drink, it's that I'm uncomfortable right now. Uncomfortable won't kill me." (This one was so true for me - I don't want to drink, I just don't want to be uncomfortable. Drinking took that discomfort away in the short term).

Anyway - I recommend a listen. I was feeling anxious about some stuff and went on a walk to listen. A healthy, more productive way to process my discomfort, I would say.

Hope you all have fabulous weeks.

xo
Pav

[patrice]

Hi all,
Having one of those days when I feel super tired...we all know the ones..I''m going to watch ' The Fall...and relax. I'm listening to my body and as you wrote Ava, not putting any pressure on myself ... I feel very comfortable doing that because, being sober ( for me) kinda means that the most important things I had to do tonight have been done..
Take care
Pat
Xx

[j-vo]

Pave wrote...[I] [
"I thought - 'it's getting annoying thinking about (not) drinking all the time.'" (I wrote this one down because they feel it, too). But they also say they came to realize (I think it was Ellie), "a daily practice keeps complacency at bay."

"Thoughts and feelings are not facts." "I used to think that all my thoughts and feelings were true and needed to be acted upon." (about sitting with bad feelings, rather than having to deal with them. they, too, pass).

About a trigger, "it's not that I want to drink, it's that I'm uncomfortable right now. Uncomfortable won't kill me." (This one was so true for me - I don't want to drink, I just don't want to be uncomfortable. Drinking took that discomfort away in the short term)./I]

I really liked these quotes. That all my thoughts and feelings don't need to be acted upon. They are just feelings and i don't have to make them anymore than they are. And being uncomfortable. Drinking was a way for me to escape those crappy feelings. I don't need to run anymore. I can just know that this discomfort is normal, and it'll pass. It'll eventually go away. Thanks Pav.

LB, I agree with gratitude. I haven't had much of that, and that's a definitely something I need to put into practice. I"m focused on too many negatives at this point in time. I'm with you. Gratitude thread. Thank you.

[little beagle]

It's great to wake up and see so many posts. Pat I too feel super tired today. But this will pass.
Pav I like the part about just feeling uncomfortable. Yeah I know that feeling. But it does pass. I need to listen to that bubble hour.
Have a good one GLOAMers.

[peppersnow]

The talk of therapists made me laugh.....I was ordered by my doctor into therapy about 4 years ago, after I'd experienced several episodes of tachycardia that landed me in the E.R. The therapist (happened to be a woman) was getting frustrated by her inability to nail down the root of my problems. I wasn't about to disclose that I was a huge alkie, so I was not exactly a well-behaved client, and in retrospect wasted all of our time. At our last of 5 visits, she was trying to find out about my marriage. I kept insisting my husband was very supportive of me, kind, loving, etc. and not part of my stress/anxiety. At some point, in talking about activities I did with my girls, I mentioned our favorite t.v. shows to watch together. Therapist: "Does your husband participate in watching with you all?" Me: "No, he works 2 jobs and goes to bed every night by 7:30". Therapist: "That's it! How can you claim that he is so supportive, when he's in bed sleeping every night at 7:30?! You're not getting what you need from your husband!" Needless to say, that was my last appointment with her, when I realized what a monumental waste of time for everyone, what with me lying and in denial and all. Sometimes I think I should connect back with her and apologize!