Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Pavati]

HI, Gloamers:

Just spent a while posting in the nest, so I'll copy it here for those of you who don't visit up there. J-Vo, I have had some crazy mood swings this week, too, and had a GIANT cry yesterday - sobbing, snot filled wailing. It felt cathartic to release like that, and then the show I went to last night was also a release. I still feeling weird and moody, anxious, and sort of sad for no reason. I will keep taking care of myself as best I can and hope it all goes away soon! Anyway - here is my nest post...

Hooray for NoSugar! You were one of those ones I followed and copied - so analytical about it (!), and also so supportive. Thanks for being here for those of us coming behind. You are a sober rock star!

I had an up and down weekend. The up? I have been WAY overbooked lately, and this weekend was no exception. Last night we went to see a concert - I really was struggling with wanting to go or not. We bought the tickets a long time ago when I didn't know how busy I'd be, but I talked myself into going. About half way through an AMAZING show, I had a thought strike me hard - I am SO glad I'm not drinking now! I am enjoying show so much, I get to drive home, I'll sleep well, and I won't feel like s&$t tomorrow. Whoo Hoo!

The down? I always wonder if I should post the down here in the nest - I want to emphasize the great parts of being sober. But I also want to be real - it is not all unicorns and rainbows. Mostly I can be grateful and happy, but sometimes I struggle. I don't crave a drink per se. No Sugar put it like this - I have thoughts of alcohol in predictable situations. I have been bombarded with events centered around alcohol lately - been at bars, at parties, celebrations, milestones - all with celebratory booze. I just sometimes get tired of saying no all of the time! I wish that I could just take a gosh darned glass of champagne and have a toast. For me it is the constant being "on" that wears me down. Once I have a couple of nights off, I'll be ok. I really don't want to drink, and all I have to do is remember that I wouldn't want just one glass of champagne, I'd want the whole bottle - and I am so very grateful that I don't actually WANT the whole bottle any more, or even the glass - I just want to fit in more sometimes (given that my son called me "weird" and I suggested he should add "in a good way" tonight, that is funny that I want to fit in)!

Sorry for the rant. I don't want you new newbies to be alarmed. I don't think about alcohol all the time, nor do I sit and feel sorry for myself every time someone toasts. But I wanted to be real and say that we all have our moments...

And as for planking - coincidentally, I started the 30 Day Plank Challenge 6 days ago - find it on Facebook if you want to play along!

Ava - Glad Poppy's perking up. I listened to a new podcast this weekend - Invisibliia. The first episode is on thought and there is a lot about new ways of thinking about thinking. Just because we think something, doesn't mean it is true or has relevance. I thought a lot about alcohol as I was listening. Just because we think we can't do X or experience Y without alcohol, doesn't make it true. That is a VAST oversimplification of all I was contemplating - find the podcast on iTunes...
_________________________________________

There are so many great posts here, I want to comment on them all, but I just can't tonight. I know I am an alcoholic because I kept drinking more than I intended, and I drank more often than I intended. In the end, my hangovers were awful, and in the end I crossed lines I never thought I'd cross. My life was suffering more than I knew - especially my mental and physical health.

Words can't express my gratitude to you, NoSugar - I am so glad we found ourselves hanging out on the same thread. Your steadfast support has been invaluable to me, and I like your sense of humor, too. Happy TWO YEARS!!!

xo
Pav

[lifechange]

Good day, Gloamers!

J-vo, I really hope you'll make it to your appointment tomorrow-- it will be great for you to have someone to let it all out on, who will hopefully be able to give you some guidance/insight/ideas.. or just listen..I was also dead tired last week and my moods were quite erratic. PMS is def to blame here! I fell asleep most nights with the girls at 830 and even on Friday I went to bed at 9 and woke up at 730! I think it helped.. Like you said, nutrition is so important to feeling well but when you're exhausted it's difficult to think straight or have the inspiration to cook! I'm sending you strength! and endurance vibes!! and energy! :hug:

Nar, I am definitely going to look up a recipe for fried oatmeal.. sounds to die for. I'm so jealous that you live on breakfast row.. here, one is hard up to find a good brekkie. The only possibility is to cook at home.

Love to all you GLoamer Ladies and Gents and hope you have a good Monday..

[j-vo]

Quick check in this morning.

Thanks for all of the support. I really needed that.

Pav, I felt the same way the other night at the Bob Seger concert. It was amazing. I can't wait to see more of the bands I love. Will be checking out schedules. Great post.

Ava, glad you're doing well and Poppy is feeling better.

I woke up this morning on the good side of the bed. Fingers crossed it lasts throughout the day or at least a good part of the day. I'm grateful this morning for peace of mind.

We got lots of snow last night, but glad it was only a two hour delay and not cancellation. So getting ready for my little sweeties to come in. Will let you know how counseling goes...that's if we don't get more snow which they're calling for.

[j-vo]

forgot to mention...yesterday we had a nonsection basketball game. It was about an hour away, close to where my husband's sister and family live. They came to the game. She's a vodka drinker. She and husband just got back from their annual aruba trip. Her eyes and face were puffy. I can see the physical effects of alcohol on her system happening. They go away with another couple, and she tells me that this woman tries to "keep up" with her as far as drinking. She can't. She's proud of that fact. My MIL says that she (SIL's girlfriend) reminds her of an alcoholic. I want to say, "Look at your daughter, who is proud of her tolerance level." Then MIL said, friend can't be an alcoholic because SIL said she works a 9-5 job. CLUELESS. BTW, my FIL died of liver disease.

[patrice]

Good Morning all,
Just quickly saying Hi. I'm feeling stronger every day but last night ( a Monday) I really felt like wine...wasn't a craving as such, no white knuckling but still there...I didn't act on that thought but it was there... Mmm
Woke up this morning with mosquito bites on forehead, eye and elbow , all on the right side ..looks gross apart from the forehead - the swelling has reduced the lines and it's looks like I've had Botox on one side! An interesting thing is that Im a mozzie magnet and The bites always swell hugely especially on my face. This time, the swelling is half of what it usually would be? Probably way off the mark here, but I reckon it's because there is no alcohol in my system! Cool, I'm certainly adding that on my list of reasons not to drink.. That list is, with time, getting longer and longer!
Hope you all have a great MAE!
Xx
Pat

[treetops]

Good on you Pat for not drinking. It's really true that AL in ones body makes insect bites, allergies etc worse. I used to live in a tropical place and drink and suffer dreadful bites. Mind you, part of my ritual back then was to sit on the verandah outside at dusk and into the evening, drink in hand and think I was a intelligent lady doing what you do in the tropics. Especially after a very hard days work. It was fun getting slowly pissed in the evening but looking back it seems pretentious on my part. And it could become very sad.

[little beagle]

Thinking of you tonight J-vo. Stay warm and safe.
we are nice and warm down here too Narilly. Sunny all week. It's hard to be inside all day on days like today. I bought a few things for my early spring garden. Onions and lettuce.
Pat the list for not drinking just keeps growing for me too.
I am sorry for not being around much this past weekend. I went on a sewing binge. There are way worse ways to spend a weekend. I got the float ready for the doggie parade. The theme is spider-man. It's a really busy time of year for us here and I intend to enjoy every minute. Like J-vo and Pav, I think tge best times are those spent with family and friends doing fun things SOBER!

[j-vo]

Hi all,
Mosquitos love me, too. Alcohol or no alcohol, they'd eat me alive. Never go out in the evening summer without repellant on. Years ago, we went away to a tropical paradise, and it was the worst mosquito season they'd ever had. I had the most miserable vacation, as I hadn't known it.

Went to therapist today for the first time. It was good. I liked her and her approach too, which she said is interactive. I like that she adds what she thinks and gives strategies for some things. She asked me if I worried a lot, and I had to laugh. She told me about a worry box or a worry place. Setting aside twenty minutes to think about/worry about anything I had to worry about. Or writing my worry down and throwing it in the box for the time that I'd allow myself to think about it. I liked that a lot. A good portion of my day is usually wasted with useless worry.

I told her about my recovery and the forum here. She agreed that any form of recovery is great as long as you use it. I agreed with her!

It was a good first talk, and I think it'll help me lots. Can't cure me, but can give me good ways to deal and that's what I'm looking for.

[NoSugar]

I think you hit on something there TT - I think a lot of drinking starts out as part of playing a role and fitting in. I was in an academic environment and red wine was the "it" drink, including all the talk about sources, years, varietals, undertones, notes, and on an on ad nauseum. After awhile it becomes pleasurable and at some point, for some of us, seems mandatory. That part is definitely very sad.

[narilly]

J-Vo, I'm glad uour therapist appointment went well. I truly wish the best for you.

TT, Pat, I can hardly relate to living in the tropics but Mosquitos,yes! We have some bad ass mosquitos here in summer. Pretty nasty. Thank goodness we don't see bugs abou 8 months out of the year.
Off to bed for me.
Hugs LilB.

Goodnight

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Yikes, Patrice. I was worried about Dengue fever and now Chikengunya when I was in the tropics. I love the wrinkle filler aspect, thought. Talk about finding a silver lining...

J-Vo. Glad you liked your therapist. I hope she helps. I was thinking of us when I listened to that podcast I recommended, Invisibilia. They talk a lot about negative thoughts, where they come from, and the different approaches to helping patients with negative thoughts (like your worries). I found the episode to be enlightening - check it out if you have time. It is an interesting perspective.

LB - Do your doggies wear costumes in the parade? I would love to see them dressed like spiderman! Sounds like a good time of year to be down there. I went to Mardi Gras once a long time ago - a week of drunken debauchery. Would love to see the city and area with a sober and not hungover head sometime.

Hope those of you in the storm are faring well.

Good night.

Pav

[little beagle]

Pav they have little capes. So cute. Many of our events are family oriented. The dog parade is very much so. I haven't really seen much drinking at this event alk the years I've attended.
A worry time sounds like a good idea J-vo. I just might steal that one.
TT when I started drinking it was to fit in. Wish I knew then what I know now.

[lifechange]

Hi Gloamers!!
Mosquitos love me, too!! What's that all about? We must all have the sweetest blood.

Pat, I'm wondering how you're doing today? It's great that you've been feeling so strong! I hope the craving from Monday didn't follow you into Tuesday.. and that your Botox wore off a bit! you must be getting ready for bed about this time.. :heartbeat:

J-vo, so happy to hear that the weather permitted you to get to the therapist and that you found it to be positive!! I love the idea of the worry box. It made me remember to when I was a girl, probably around 10-11, I used to have such anxiety/panic before falling asleep at night-- I guess my parents must have taken me to see someone.. and they suggested that I visualize my worries floating/moving out of my head and into a box, then shutting the box, tying it tight and placing it at the feet of Christ!! Must have been the church! Anyway, I did it and it really helped.. Thank you for sharing that and reminding me.

LB, I would love to see the beagles in little capes!

I wrote in the Nest that my day began feeling very heavy in body and mind and I was in quite a foul mood as I left the house for work. I even slammed the door (it's really loud here!) just because I was annoyed that my BF has been sitting in front of the Australian open non stop for the past week.. I realised at work that after a terrible PMS I was having an even worse period. Sorry for TMI, but we are mostly ladies here... anyway, I haven't had such heavy crampy pain since before the girls were born and it was so nice to be able to tell my co-workers (women) that I didn't want to stay late like we'd planned today-- they were so nice and understanding because that's how we are with each other.. but I have been very guilty of using our good relationship to get out of working when I've been sick due to being hung over-- or when my mind has been so pre-occupied with going home to drink..
Long story. Not so important. I guess I'm just glad not to be the cause of my pain for once!!

My Mama's calling.. back in a bit..

[j-vo]

checking in. not a very good day. just down in the dumps but not drinking. took off work. 30 days today, and will keep going.

[lifechange]

Dear J-vo, I'm sorry to hear you're having a down start to your day..:hug: Is there something in particular that's pulling you down today? Or is it something undefinable?
30 days is awesome! I hope you'll find something special to do today with your time off, to celebrate the fact that you do NOT give up on yourself. You have done a really good job confronting your fears searching for solutions to your problems, staying on track even through the mood swings and sadness. I'm really proud of you, J-vo. Hang in there today... big fat hugs..Is there someone around who can give you a real hug?