Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Pavati]

SL - So happy you posted. I felt like that at around a year - OY, my head was talking all sorts of crap to me. You're cured, feel sorry for yourself, blah blah blah. Luckily, I can check back at journals or conjure the memory of my last week of drinking which was so physically and psychically awful that selecting the lesser evil of not drinking (vs. going back there) was pretty easy. I've learned enough by now to know that relapse is not pretty. Take care of yourself. I get melancholy about my kids growing up, too, sometimes, but then I get excited to see the adults they will become.

Glad you're feeling so great, Cowboy.

Nar - Any precipitation sounds good right about now. We just had another dry, dry January. Really awful what the drought is doing out here.

Good night folks. Can't wait to wake up un hungover AGAIN tomorrow.

xo
Pav

PS - OMG I am so hooked on Orange is the New Black. My new addiction. I recommend to anyone who needs an escape...

[patrice]

SL - thinking of you today.. Another green dot!
For me too!
Hope everyone is having a great MAE
Xx
Pat

[lifechange]

Hi Gloamers!
Waking up UN-hung on a Sunday-- what could be better?

SL, great that you paid attention to how you were feeling and came here to post! You're following in the footsteps of some amazing Ladies! 20 days to go is such an accomplishment.. I hope that annoying voice will leave you alone soon. I like what NS wrote here and in the Nest about making the better of two choices we don't feel so good about...:hug: Look forward to hearing from you today!

Pav, I love your group therapy! Bubble hour and a nice, long walk! I know you're in N.CA, but I'm not sure if you're on the coast or further inland.. what sort of landscape are you walking in?
I know exactly what you mean with the small town AA thing. Our city is pretty well divided into neighbourhoods, each feeling like a small town, and I wouldn't necessarily want to go in my neighbourhood. The English meetings being held in Berlin are unfortunately in the neighbourhood I lived and worked (still work) in for many years and I was very nervous to go the first time. I have seen a couple of people I know but have found that the attitude from everyone is quite positive. I don't know how I would feel if I lived in a really small community where everyone really knew eachother and their histories/family, etc.
I keep hoping that someday I won't care who knows.. that I won't feel any shame, just good about the fact that I was able become sober and improve/save! my life.

J-vo, it's great to hear you feeling better! I can't believe baseball is already starting.. Isn't it a bit early for that? I thought Spring training began in late Feb..? What is a Chinese basket? What goes inside? I hope you have a cosy Sunday! Do you all like to watch films together as a family? These days we're pretty hard up to find one that everyone is interested in!

Nar, can't wait to hear about your breakfast.. I've been wanting to cook Huevos Rancheros at work.. but have been afraid of making tortillas for so many people!! So this week we're going to make Shakshuka, which is essentially a Middle Eastern version of the same thing - I thought we could make pita to accompany them. Did you get out and about to enjoy the snow yesterday? Don't you usually have a lot of snow this time of year? Our light snow has already melted.. now we just have windy gray again..

Ava, what an accomplishment for your son! Does he like to celebrate his anniversary? What is he up to now? Hope the little one is feeling better after the pumpkin-cure.

Not so much going on in my neck of the woods. I'm starting a new nutrition plan for the month of Feb. I wish I could just be "normal" with nutrition, but I'm not. I tend eat in an emotional way like I did with alcohol. It's crazy because I love food and cook for a living and eat well/healthy for the most part.. but if I'm not careful, the sugar bug takes over and I drink too much coffee and I end up feeling physically impaired.. lethargic, tired, etc. So I'm trying again..

I'm excited but also worried to be travelling "home" (where my parents and sister are) for 2 weeks at the end of March. I want to tell my Dad before I go the extent of my addiction. I wasn't up front with him when I visited for Christmas in 2013 and I'm sure that relationship is what ended up derailing me from what I thought was my final quit!! He has been someone I've enjoyed drinking with for years and it has been a big part of how we spend our time together. He still drinks a lot (too much IMO), but he's retired and gets on with the rest of his life, and can moderate/stop if need be-- not really my concern anyway.. his choice.. and we have lots of other things we enjoy doing together. The thing is he wants me to spend half the time at his place, which means evenings and dinner, which is usually when he drinks. I've mentioned to him that I'm not really drinking, but I want to tell him the whole (most of) the truth, because I think it's the only way he'll really get it and respect my situation. And if he doesn't for some reason, then I can just sleep at my Mom's. I'll probably wait to tell him until just before I go.

big hugs to all of you Gloamers.. I hope this Sunday finds you all well!

Shout out to Pat!! You're at the end of your day already! How are you??

[lifechange]

X-Post, Pat!! Yayyy! for another green dot!

Hi Molly!! What a great reply. That is exactly what I've done in the past. I never want to fool myself again! "Getting back up on the wagon as if nothing had happened".. Damn! How we could have fallen for that BS??

[NoSugar]

Sometimes I just love MWO :smile:. Being able to learn from others who are willing to share their painful life lessons is such a gift - and is something that actually is better with an online peer support group than at an in-person meeting. I miss the face to face contact and the occasional hug or pat on the back but it is so cool to see people all over the world rally to help someone who is hurting - people who know just how it feels. And for me anyway, it helps to have those peers (you!!!) that I don't want to disappoint or show myself to be a hypocrite,

LC, I'm glad you're starting to plan for your upcoming trip. I remember that last time you decided to take a break from MWO and concentrate on your family. Is there anyway you could take a laptop or tablet and just check in? (We won't hold you to keeping up your lovely long posts that I look forward to waking up to :hug.

Pat, it's so good to hear you're hanging in there! How have you been filling the former drinking hour? Any progress with your exercise contraption?

I'm on my iPad and can't see earlier posts but I know I had a big grin on my face as I read, thinking about what a great group of cyber friends I have. xx - NS

[little beagle]

Yes. Just being able to get back up on the wagon as if nothing had happened is BS. That monster in us is awake after that one day. Byrdie says the only way is to Starve it. I agree. That one taste turns it into an uncuncontrollable apatite for just one more. I personally have witnessed this in the people around me. Hubby will be doing great. Getting some real time drug free. Then he listens to that beastly voice and tells himself just a little won't hurt. That happened last September. Here he is still fighting it. All that time and effort. I honestly know the only way out of this for me is to firmly close that door. Not one, not ever, NO MATTER WHAT!!!! A drink is not going to make the bad parts go away, just make them harder. And a drink will not make the good parts any better, just turn them into regrets.
Hoping to hear from you SL. I am going to say this. I too have that little bastard whispering in my ear all the time, but after I play it out fully, I know where that one drink will lead, plus I'd have to do all the really hard work to tame that monster back down to a controllable size. Which is where I am now. I am an addict. I have done lots of hard work to get to where I an now. 21 months alcohol free. I still want to drink, but it does not run my life. I choose not to because I enjoy my sober life WAY more then my drunk life. I find reasons to laugh every day. Or maybe they just find me? And I come here daily for my innoculation against this disease.

[abcowboy]

Morning gloamers! Reading through MWO this morning, coffee, Bubba, and Hank with me, peaceful... Funny, but for me, I don't think everyday that I have anything meaningful to contribute, I'm just happy to read and be thankful that I'm not alone on this journey....but then I read a post that really "means" something to me....

SL, your post made me stop and think, really think.... here's a lady 20 days from her 1 year birthday and struggling...how can that be?? After all this time and the thoughts creep in?? It brought to mind the discussion I had with my Uncle when Bubba and I travelled over to attend his 50th AA birthday.... I asked him how he managed to stay sober for 50 years, his answer was so simple, one day at a time! Well we had supper, then went to his home group meeting to celebrate with him on this momentous occasion. He got up to speak, and introduced himself, "Hello, my name is Ross, and I'm a recovered alcoholic" He spoke to the group for about 40 minutes. The meeting was all about him, as it should be, but I did get up and speak about how much he has meant to me over the past 40 years. After the meeting, we went back to his place and I asked him about "recovered". He said that he used the word recovered because he really believed he was, and to give hope to all the others that in time, their struggles would be over as well. He told me that when he started on his journey, he never thought that he would stay sober, that drinking was too important to him. And the first 8 months he continued to drink while attending AA. Then one day, he woke up and thought enough is enough, he had to give it his all and see if he really could stop all together. And so, he took it 24 hours at a time. He broke the day into hours, how many hours he needed for sleep, how many hours he needed for work, and figured that he only had to worry about drinking for about 6 hours each day. So he filled those hours with exercise (golf for him), reading, and family time. He didn't think about tomorrow, next week, or next year, he just thought about those 6 hours. He told me when he reached his 8 year birthday, he could relax a bit, gone were the cravings and the voice telling him he was cured.... He said he knew there was no cure, but there was a time when his struggle was coming to an end. He went on to tell me that around his 22nd year sober, he knew he was recovered, no more thoughts ever entered his head about being able to have one or two, being around alcohol was as easy as being around smokers, he didn't smoke and he didn't drink, that simple. He told me that I just had to get through those 6 hours each day....so now, I look forward to the day when I can say "My name is Bruce, and I'm a recovered alcoholic" it may take 8 years, it may take 22 years, it may take 50 years, but one thing is for sure, I'm going to die trying to reach that year!

You, along with so many others here have shown the rest of us, just like my Uncle did, that it can be done if we want it, want it bad enough to do whatever it takes to stay sober, and for that, I am truly grateful!

[j-vo]

Great story cowboy! Thank you for sharing that.

SL, such great advice. I hope that you let yourself feel those feelings and know that even with a drink, they would still be there, but only worse. You've come so far, and I can't wait to be where you are with the days. You've done the right thing by coming here with your thoughts. We can have these thoughts, we must not act on them. You will get past this point. I think the thought of maybe you should be 'healed' by now may be playing with your mind. We're never really cured or healed, but have to be constantly vigilant. Don't go anywhere, K? We need you here.

LC, this is for a baseball fundraiser. chinese auction baskets are baskets with different themes such as a Valentines basket with gift card to a restaurant with chocolates and a candle, or a basket full of car supplies. People pay for tickets and place them in the baskets. They choose winners at the end of the night. Baseball hasn't started yet. Just the fundraising! I think you're right to talk to you father about what's going on and where you are. It sounds as though he would be supportive. But you almost must do what you can to be comfortable and protect your quit. I'll be visiting my parents at the end of March in Florida, and they know exactly where I am, and Dad has quit also, which makes it easier. You're doing so well. Keep going, girlie.

[Pavati]

Good morning, Gloamers!

I am basking in the glow of this wonderful community right now. What great posts to wake up to. Molly - thanks for stopping by.

I DO look forward to being recovered. It IS annoying to have that voice come talk to me from time to time, and annoying to have to deal with it all. But there are some annoying things in life, and certainly that is a lot less annoying than dealing with being drunk or hungover.

It is interesting - I would call myself sort of a control freak. I like to control things in my life, like to be in control rather than at someone else's mercy. But when I got drunk, I had NO control over myself. Even way before I could see this addiction coming, I felt guilty and out of control when I drank too much (of course, now I know that was the addiction coming, but I certainly didn't then). Why would I EVER want to purposefully put myself out of control again?? The answer is definitely that I wouldn't. I feel like I have the perspective to think about that now - the "release" that first drink would bring is not at all worth giving up control in my life.

For some reason I had this memory yesterday. I was driving to work with a terrible hangover. My badge of honor and why I knew I wasn't an alcoholic was that not once had I called in sick with a hangover. But that morning I was SO hungover that I should have. I had to pull over at one point because I was so dizzy! FFS - how is that any worse than going drunk?? I made it to and through work, but I am sure that I was not a very good employee that day. Oh my goodness, I NEVER want to go back there...

Happy SOBER Sunday.

xo
Pav

[scottish lass]

Morning all - and what great discussions.
I truly know what I want and what I will get. I read posts about people relapsing and I am shoring myself up so that does not occur. It does help to be able to be honest and just write out what is going on, but then to get responses such as these - well now!
Give myself 10years sounds like a plan, or how ever many it takes to say that I am recovered with conviction. One day at a time is so very true.
I do not want to go back to the bad times, but there is some of me that wishes to go back to the good times. I am very aware that is not a possibility but I am saddened that I toy with the idea. I do look forward to the times when the nattering diminishes and leaves me alone!
Last night after posting an issue came up with my 16year old - a big one, that i have to face today and in the days ahead, and could not have handled it last night if I had been drinking, or today if I was hungover - and on and on...
Yet again, more proof of why this is the right path for me, and I am so grateful to MWO and to each and everyone of you. I am glad I posted last night, and even more glad to read your responses.
Lets keep doing this Gloamers, it really is worth it.
Happy Sober Sunday and with perseverance, happy sober life!

[narilly]

Let's keep ging Gloamers, I second that!

Some great posts here. SL, it is amazing how everyone steps up when you need help. That's the beauty of a support group. I have never needed one like I do now. This group keeps me sober and even when I am dead tired, not interested, have no time, am on vacation, I post and I read. It reminds me over and over why I don't drink.
I have a very poor memory when it comes to drinking and have to be reminded over and over.

This am my son dragged himself out of bed to go to work. He was so hungover. I just said, I am so glad that I am not in that shape. I can only tell him so many times that it is not worth it and blah blah blah. He has to figure it out himself. I still talk about AL a lot around him but just don't direct my comments at him.

Happy to be Un Hung today.mi made a yummy breakie at home with eggs, leeks, feta and olives. Delish!

[j-vo]

I don't want to have to drink pepto bismol and take advil to get through the day anymore. I'm glad I won't have to. Many days I had to do that before work. Not a good feeling. Never a good feeling. This sounds like a random thought, but I was thinking of when I used to go to work with that awful hangover, Pav.

Glad you're doing a little better SL. You can do this and when you feel you can't, you know where to find us. Wow, so close to your anniversary. Keep going one day at a time.

I have to go and read son's English paper...Ugh! Anyhow, good day, getting little things done. I made clam sauce with pasta for dinner. It was Yum! Nar, your breakfast sounds so good!

Have a nice night.

[narilly]

I have gone to work literally hundreds of times with a hangover. Since I quit drinking, my career has soared rather quickly.
I never thought it affected my work but in hindsight (and clear sight) I know it did.

I had the worst hangovers and now love being Un Hung. That is a huge thing with me I hate being sick with a hangover.

I'm with you J-Vo, Pepto and Advil, those days are gone.

[narilly]

Don't you dare quit us SL!

[narilly]

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Every morning I post here when I wake up, this is to ask for another 24 hours of sobriety. Cowboy started it.