Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[lifechange]

Dottie!!! :heartbeat:

[lifechange]

Hi Gloamers,
After a pretty blah and down day yesterday, I'm really looking forward to some of your promised Continuous Improvement. I have noticed a general improvement in my state of mind.. Gratitude has for the most part been taking the front seat. I'm just still so tired.
I don't usually feel as if I'm affected by the full moon, but last night as I was riding home, I looked up and saw it (looked just like your pic, SL!) coming out from behind the clouds I thought A-HA! Maybe.

LB, I loved your Ms. L story. Very sweet. It reminded me of my Grandmother.. she was the same way..

Pat, I also hate malls! And I'm in the 2nd season of the Killing.. and I am back into meditating in the mornings.. Don't be afraid!!:happy2:
I'm happy to hear you sounding so well!!

Nar and Pepper and Pav, I really hope my brain improves sooner rather than later. I feel so foggy and disoriented at times..and it's impossible for me to stick with a conversation for more than 5 minutes, unless it's very entertaining. Short attention span.
After years and years of drinking and so many stupid relapses, I can't expect everything to be hunky-dory within a couple of weeks, can I?
Like you said, J-vo, PATIENCE is the key. I'm glad to hear you are experiencing some of the Pink Cloud stage after a couple of hard weeks, J-vo!

I may have mentioned that a friend of mine (part of our group of 5 best friends) moved back to the States 5 years ago and though we were very close, I saw her only once and spoke to her a just couple of times on the phone while she was away. She is back now and when we met up last week, it was as if no time had passed. At the end of our meeting I told her there was something I still wanted to talk to her about.. so we met today and I told her about my struggle with this addiction the past 4 years. She was so supportive and positive in her responses to me. She had had an inkling several years ago that I had a problem and had mentioned to one of the other girls that she thought I was an alcoholic.. At the time, the other one said, "No, it can't be..", though she was the first one to say something directly to me 2 years ago.. Anyway, I guess it's never really easy to talk about with a loved one or a friend. The shame thing is often there, one doesn't want to take the chance and possibly be wrong and offend, or it's too soon for the one with the problem to be able to acknowledge and accept the truth. I am SO lucky to have these people in my life and to be able to speak with them so openly..

I've told them about all of you Loamers and how important you are to my life.
I just wish I could reach out and give you all a big hug!

[Eloise]

You know guys I am still experiencing short term memory loss.
Example: walk into a room 'why am I here?"
I will have several things to do on my computer and jump from screen to screen, back and forth, back and forth "what the hell am I doing now??"
Do something and then COMPLETELY forget I did it, or didn't do it.... - small things like putting a grocery list in my pocket...

I just really do not remember being like this!
I did notice, however, when I worked for someone else a couple of months that I was perfectly fine keeping track of everything.
Maybe because I work from home and it is too much multi tasking? And, I am managing to learn Dutch. That takes a tremendous amount of memory power as I had to learn from the very beginning.

I think the best thing about being sober is feeling more in control, less paranoid and sleeping better.

Just wanted to add my two cents. :bouncy:

[little beagle]

Eloise I love being able to sleep better.
Pat I hate the mall too. Unless I'm trying to get hubby to "do" something. Taking him shopping is a great distraction.
LC I wish I had close friends to talk to in person.
J-vo I still feel a pink cloud for my sobriety. It's the single best thing I've done for myself.

[scottish lass]

Fellow Mall hater checking in!
Narilly - I love you too!
I have lots of memory problems, short term loss, long term loss - can't get my words out - I worried about Alzheimers, but I am hoping it is all part of what we are going through. Sometimes it feels as if it is getting worse instead of better, but I live in hope that it might just be because I am more aware. I am also dealing with menopause too so all is a mess! I live in hope that there will be big improvements and will hold NS to the second year improvements

[narilly]

Xo SL
Gloamers, this girl is too tired to read and post so for the sake of continuous improvement I am going to sleep.

Promise to have a better post tomorrow.

[Pavati]

Hah, SL, I was thinking pre-menopause, too. Yes, clarity, but always those memory blips. I like to believe I just can't blame them all on al like I used to.

Lovely to see you check in, Dottie. Hope all is well. Not ladies only here, though. We have Cowboy and the occasional Mr. G sighting.

Nar, I'm right behind you. Zzzzzz.

xo
Pav

[j-vo]

LC, I feel the same. I was thinking about the amount of support that I have. I'm blessed. I just spoke to a colleague of mine yesterday. She had 8 years in January. Amazing. I told her I would leaning on her as I do with youa all. And my therapist, appt is today, will hopefully help me to deal with the crap that seems to bring on triggers. It is good to have empathetic people in our lives, but it also feels good to give more, unlike I'm able to do while drinking.

The memory thing is far down on my list. I know there are issues, but I'm going to take the faith road on that one. El, those a great things to be grateful for!

So, little sleep, but at peace. Not going to push myself hard today. Have a great day.

[narilly]

Hope you have a good therapist appointment. I found that every time I went to the counsellor I would feel better afterwards. Maybe its just the ability to say whatever you want and not have to worry about what the other person thinks.

Its pretty amazing how so many of us notice the improvement that has occurred in our lives since we quit drinking. I mean significant improvements like our careers and relationships. It is Great! I want more and love this new life of sobriety and what it brings to me. Why would I drink again?
I wish I always felt like this but as we all know there are moments of weakness where that old AL voice calls out. I will keep coming here to keep that voice down. Eventually the voice will be gone because it will realize that "I don't drink"
(Pav)

Have a great sober Wednesday everyone!
Howdy Cowboy, big hug from me frozen in Calgary at -21C this morning. Its probably colder where you are.

[j-vo]

Nar, that's one thing my counselor emphasized to me...the importance to stay connected in recovery whether it be online, AA, or any form of group that knows the pain you've been through. And as i think about it, it is necessary to help each other. Not just comforting, but necessary to stay the course. She was telling me of a patient that had relapsed after 15 years. And what happened? She quit her group, got overwhelmed with life, and because she wasn't connected, reached out for the closest thing...booze. All of the long-termers I met in AA had so many years, and it worked because they made it work by going.

So my therapist and I discussed any resentments I may have. I told her I really didn't want to dig up the past right now, and she said I didn't have to. She mentioned a lot of people resent that they're an alkie, and wow, that hit the nail on the head. I do have resentments about that. I think I always struggled with that, and that has held me back from being able to accept who and what I am. I resented any way I perceived myself as being 'different' from the norm. I hated being the different one. Maybe it's time to recognize those differences and celebrate them and all the good they can bring. I don't know. Any ideas on acceptance?

[j-vo]

I have bought Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection, suggested by NS. I think that has a lot about self-acceptance.

[abcowboy]

Howdy GLoamers! Dottie, sorry about joining in only the ladies thread, but I was invited! You'll just have to get used to my sporadic posts that usually make no sense at all lol. And don't worry about offending or shocking me with "woman talk", I live with one! :hug:

Nar, weather did turn colder here as well, -24C last night and a wind today along with it, good thing I only had about 2 hours work outside.

Too many people to mention individually, that's my weekend joy, but as I read everyday, it's good to see all the positive vibes from everyone!

j-vo, my counsellor and I have yet to deal with self-acceptance, but I don't think that's a major concern for me. I like who I am becoming and think it will be a whole new better me as I move forward in recovery. We can't change who we are, we can only work on the parts we don't like about ourselves.

My biggest issue is with resentments, not that I resent that I can't drink, that is a forgone conclusion, but my resentments toward others who have made my life (in my mind anyway) miserable. I have to work on being able to forgive them, and truly mean it. Once I am able to do that, the guilt and anger that go along with it should also be more manageable, or so my counsellor tells me. And who am I to argue, she's the professional learning all my darkest secrets! I am definitely open to all her suggestions and challenges.

Enough for tonight, things are good, not struggling much, and when I do, I give an AA friend a call and chat for 15 or 20 minutes, then my world seems right side up again. Take care my friends, and remember, no matter where you are, this cowboy has your back!

[Dottie Belle]

Evening ladies,
Gym today then got a new hair do/perm. Havent had one in years but the new short hair needs a boost. Color is next week.
cowboy that is fine I like your posts and really the more the merrier and if u can take the "girl talk" Okey dokey.
I have a meeting at church tomorrow then a group at friends house tomorrow night.
I have been taking some vitamins and it helps with memory. Sleep helps me too. hubbs is having a lot of memory issues and it is concerning to me. He is 16 years older so that is an issue too. He will be having hernia surgery on the 23rd. We had been doing so well at the gym and he lost 15 pounds and I didnt.....boohiss. but it is what it is but I can bench press 85 pounds so I am making progress.
OK enough rambling for now.

[little beagle]

Dottie muscle weighs more then fat. It sounds like you are building muscle. Good for you.
Cowboy I too have many resentments due to unfair treatment. And I am learning to let go of that anger. It takes time. I'm getting there. That's one of the things that has come with my second year of sobriety.
Narilly and Cowboy we have been suffering here with our 40f temps. It's been really rainy the past couple of days, but we are expecting 70f and sun by Sunday in time for the doggie parade.
I am working on pulling everything together for that event. Untangling beads and buying small stuffed animals. The girls found my stash and now I have ripped up stuffed animals. Sigh. Dollar store here I come again.

[Dottie Belle]

Very true LB but I dont think I have that much muscle unless I was a body builder. :egad: