Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[treetops]

Congratulations Narilly :welldone::happy2::welldone: on making it to a year and you are now on the way to more and more years of being sober. It gets easier but you have shown us some pretty good insight into how the first year's journey does not have to be negative. Its been great crossing paths with you on various threads and I hope we keep on doing this esp on this thread.

Well done lady!!!!

[Lizann]

Congratulations narilly! Way to celebrate!

[NoSugar]

Continous improvement for me this sober first year. I had no hangovers, excelled in my job, fought about 90% less with my husband, and I was aware, lived my life in colour instead of grey. It was freakin awesome!
Year Two here I come! Let's do this together Gloamers!
Xo

You are so open about the good and the bad, Nar - I just love your posts and you.
Congratulations on making for yourself the life you want and deserve. xx NS

[little beagle]

Hip hip hurray!!!! Narilly celebrates one year today!!!!
I'm so proud of you lady. Keep right on going, it only gets better.

[narilly]

Yay! Thank you NS, Ava, Lil aB, Lizann, TT.

I had a great day. Ate a lot of food so I'm back on the healthy eating plan tomorrow. I am looking forward to waking up Un Hung.

Hey, I have been binge watching Downton Abbey. It is So good! I only have 3 episodes left. Then I have to watch The Game of Thrones which came on today. So busy, so busy, I have No time to drink AL. Plus I like to remember what I am watching.

[Pavati]

Night, Gloamers--

I had a lazy day which can sometimes make me tense, but the boys were both around and we had a lot of laughs.

I'm with you, Nar - too much food. I had pizza for dinner last night, and hamburgers tonight. I need a nice big salad...

Off to sleep - I have spring break this week and am doing some work but otherwise just hanging around (well, have taken two hikes so far...) I can get sort of antsy on off weeks if I'm not doing something specific. We'll see if I can just relax.

Hope all is well, gloamers.

xo
Pav

[jane27]

Nar, Congrats on 1 beautiful year of sobriety. :hug: I am happy to know you and share this journey with you. I hope you feel great about the milestone. Here is a chip for you, and an article I thought was well written about hitting the 1 year mark. I wish you all the best for the year to come, and look forward to making more memories with you and our fellow Gloamers. :love:



One Year Sober from Hello Sunday Morning (HSM) Blog

https://www.hellosundaymorning.org/gottalottabottle/posts/34858-one-year-sober-a-rumination

One year sober: a rumination
One year, 12 months, 52 (and a bit) weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours…

When I stopped drinking 12 months ago, it was following so many failed attempts to quit that I had lost count. Sometimes I would last a couple of days, sometime a week or so… sometimes I would just stagger from day to day drinking. I kept saying to myself: ‘Today is Day One’. Sadly there were too many Day Ones. I thought it might help just to write down some of the things that I have learned in the hope that they might help people.
So here goes…

1. Quitting IS worth it.
It’s vital to start with this one because when you are sat there sweating, really wanting a drink, on your first or second day, thinking that you are never going to make it, you need to know that it is going to be worth it all in the end. Believe me, it is.

2. But it’s not easy.
This may seem like stating the obvious, but actually some people seem to be really surprised by how difficult it is. They think ‘how hard can it be to stop drinking, I don’t really have that much of a problem’ – and then they find out how hard it can be. Quitting drinking when you have an issue with booze is not easy, but (point 1) it’s worth it.

3. There is a hump you get over.
This is the point at which it does become easier. It might happen at one month, it might happen at six, but there is a point when it becomes easier. All of a sudden you will find yourself at home of an evening/or out at a party and you won’t be drinking and you won’t WANT to drink.

4. You’ve got to WANT to quit.
‘Thinking’ that you need to stop is not enough. Knowing that you have a problem and believing that you ‘should’ cut down is also not enough. You have to WANT to stop – because if you don’t, you won’t, or at the very least you will struggle like hell.

5. Give yourself a reason to quit and remind yourself of it all the time.
Once you know why you want to stop, then remind yourself of this every day. It could be because you want a better relationship with your partner or you want to stop letting your children down, it may be that you want a better job. Find some way of reminding yourself of this every day – put pictures of family everywhere, for instance.

6. Stop fucking whining and making excuses.
It’s so easy to blame other people, other circumstances for our drinking – I used to blame the really long and stressful hours that I worked. But that is bollocks. Lots of people work long hours and don’t feel the need to get pissed. I still work really long hours now, but I don’t feel the need to drink.
Blaming circumstances gives you an excuse, a reason to drink. But that is all it is… an excuse.

7. Drinking is a choice
I guess these two go hand in hand. Unlike AA, which claims that you are powerless over alcohol – I don’t subscribe to that theory. I believe that I have ALL the power when it comes to alcohol, I just have to choose to use it, to have the power to choose NOT to drink. (This is not to put down the work that AA does, and the thousands of people it has helped – this is just what I believe and what helped me stop.)

It’s another cliché, but no one is sitting there pouring grog don’t your throat, you choose to go to the shop/pub, to buy the booze, to sit and drink it, and drink it, and drink it. You have to reclaim your power and choose NOT to drink. It’s not an easy choice, but it IS a choice.

8. HSM is brilliant…
I only started on HSM when I was already four months sober, so I think I had got over the ‘hump’ already and what I wanted was to help other people where I could. For those starting out on their journey, HSM is a great place to hear other people’s stories, find out how they coped with quitting and the struggles they had, so that they can learn to deal with their own issues. It’s also a great place to get support.

9. But HSM might not be enough on its own
For many people, simply coming and pouring out your heart on a blog to people who don’t know you and aren’t going to be critical is a good start, but it may well not be enough. If you find you are constantly slipping/are really struggling, then you probably need to find out why you are drinking, you need to look at the bigger picture. That means getting help from somewhere else, to complement HSM.

10. Get help
So this is reiterating point 9 – but it’s worth reiterating it – GET HELP. Even if you try four or five different groups, treatments etc, find what works for you – and don’t be put off or disheartened if something doesn’t work. I am a massive advocate of alcohol counselling – I doubt I would have been able to stop without it. Try to find out if there are local services that can help you – some may be free, others you may have to pay for – but consider it an investment in yourself (and it can be offset by the money you aren’t spending on booze). Try AA if it works for you. But DO get help.

11. Tell everyone
OK, this might not work for everybody, but I’m fortunate in that my family and friends were really supportive. By telling everyone that I was stopping drinking, there was no awkwardness at parties, dinners, going out etc. This can also have an added bonus – by being really open about your sobriety, you sometimes find that other people start to address THEIR drinking. By being open with my quitting, a colleague was prompted to address their drinking and is now 10 months sober.

I know that some people’s circumstances are such that they will get grief or aggro for stopping. But my view is that if people do that, then it’s likely they have a drink problem of their own to address. Telling people is a bit like ‘coming out’ – it can be difficult, but it can be very liberating.

12. Be selfish
When you are starting out on this road to sobriety, you need to be selfish. If you are invited to a party or an event and you know that people will be drinking, if you feel that you aren’t going to be able to handle it, then DON’T GO. It’s that simple. If you have told your friends you aren’t drinking then hopefully they will understand if you have to blow them out. The first few weeks are the hardest and you have to think about you and only you – even if that means pissing a partner/husband/wife off.

13. Your shit doesn’t go away
This is the one that disappoints most people – just because you stop drinking doesn’t mean your life is suddenly going to be rosy. If your drinking was causing certain things to happen, then the chances are that those things will go away. However, the stuff that might have been ‘making’ you drink is still going to be there – the difficult/abusive relationship, the bastard line manager, the family from hell etc etc. They are still going to be there, giving you shit. But by not drinking you will be able to DEAL with that shit now, you will be able to make positive changes to your life that will sort that out – thus creating a ‘virtuous circle’.

These things take time to work through, but when you are sober/not hungover, you can work through them.

14. Watch out for substituting behaviour
OK, so stuffing your face with chocolate is not as bad as drinking a litre of vodka and crashing your car, but be very aware of replacing alcohol with something else. You’ve had a shitty day, you can’t have a drink, so you eat a whole tub of ice cream. Trust me, I’ve been there. Even now there are times, after a long day, that I will stuff my face with cheese and crackers or a bag of M&Ms. Or both. Be aware of this and make sure that you don’t end up doing it every day. Because it can lead back to booze.

15. Don’t get complacent
Once you get over the ‘hump’ you will think you have cracked it. Yay! You’re no longer a drinker. Think again. Drink can still creep up on you at the most unexpected moments. You then have to apply everything you have learned, your own coping mechanisms to resist. Sometimes, the urge may last for seconds, some times it can be longer. This doesn’t mean you have to walk around worrying about getting caught out, just accept that you may feel the urge to drink – but also know that you have the weapons to not give in.

You CAN do it
Being sober is amazing. I have learned so much in the last 12 months and am probably more self-aware than I have ever been. Does this mean I am at my happiest. Well… no it doesn’t. But I am definitely well on the way – I’ve identified the changes that I need to make and I am making them.

When you feel at your lowest and want to let alcohol take control, hang on to the time you have been sober, don’t throw away all your hard work, and most of all remind yourself of why you WANT this so much.

And finally…
People have asked what comes next. Right now, sobriety is a choice for life. I quit once before and thought I could ease back into drinking, and look where I ended up. Of course, I don’t know where life is going to take me, and that may change. But for now, the next goal is 24 months.



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[abcowboy]

Fantastic post Jane! That's Toolbox stuff for sure, make sure it gets there eh!

[Dottie Belle]

Great post Jane. Yes it would be so easy for me to slide back into old habits to help ease the pain but when the drinking is over the pain is still there. No escaping it so I will plod along sober and try to feel all the crappy feelings and hopefully move forward, whatever that means.....and I have no clue what my future holds. It was so certain before and now not at all. I hope my new normal will be good for me.

[narilly]

Thanks Jane!
That post was very good. It kinda says it all doesn't it?

Wow, its hard to believe I haven't drank for a year. I had supper at my neighbor's last night, she was my biggest drinking buddy. We toasted to my one year of sobriety, she with her wine and me with my Perrier. I, of course, felt a little twinge because that red wine looked So good but I don't drink and there was NO WAY I would drink on my one year anniversary.

I think sometimes how easy it would be just to slip and have one glass. We have to be vigilant and make sure that does not happen. One glass would lead us to misery, that's all it would take.

Enjoy your Un Hung Mon!

[peppersnow]

Thanks Jane!
That post was very good. It kinda says it all doesn't it?

Wow, its hard to believe I haven't drank for a year. I had supper at my neighbor's last night, she was my biggest drinking buddy. We toasted to my one year of sobriety, she with her wine and me with my Perrier. I, of course, felt a little twinge because that red wine looked So good but I don't drink and there was NO WAY I would drink on my one year anniversary.

I think sometimes how easy it would be just to slip and have one glass. We have to be vigilant and make sure that does not happen. One glass would lead us to misery, that's all it would take.

Enjoy your Un Hung Mon!

Congratulations, Nar!!! ONE YEAR....can you believe it yet? I've had about 3 weeks of 1 year and I still have some weirdness in processing it. Enjoy this accomplishment -- you've earned the right to be proud of yourself!!

After eating whatever you wanted yesterday, did you get back on the healthy eating plan today, as you said? I celebrated with all kinds of foods that are ordinarily on my restricted or no-not-ever list on my 1 year. I had every intention to go back to healthy eating the next day, but I'll be damned if the party just kind of dragged on. It was a 2 week celebratory eating extravaganza -- not big quantities, just bad stuff -- pizza, burgers, ice cream/cake, loads and loads of anything with chocolate in it. Did I mention ice cream?

Here's to your health and another year of sobriety! Congratulations!!! :welldone: :sohappy: :hug:

[Lizann]

Great post Jane! Thanks for sharing.

[little beagle]

Ok gloamers I am just going to come right out and tell you. I have been having trouble with my eating habits. And I've gained 10 pounds since the holidays began. So I am really working on that now. It's been making me feel terrible. It's funny, but you can be a vegetarian and gain weight like crazy. Even during Lent I gained. Ohhhh!
But it's been a week and I keep telling myself not one not ever in regards to sugar. That has been my weakness lately. I can almost feel my brain go into overdrive after that first bite. So Pepper I do know how that celebration can just go on and on.
Thanks for tgat great post Jane.
Dottie I am sure of one thing. Your future may be unsure right now but with no alcohol in it, it will be All Yours. And something worth living. Hang in there sweet lady. Sometimes that's all we can do. Just hang in there. It will pass. And quicker and easier if we don't drink.

[Dottie Belle]

LB my brain gets that part but sometimes my heart wants to drink so numb the pain...but the pain would still be there the next day and I would feel lousy too so here I sit drinking my lemon water....and feeling very alone. This is not the way it was supposed to be. I am 60 and now have NO clue how to move forward. My life was tied up in a neat package with a bow and now a paper bag isnt even looking good....what a mess this is..

[scottish lass]

Have not read back at all - but had to drop in to say yippee dippee dooloo to Nar!! So dang proud of you. Sorry I missed the party - may I get a rain check on my icecream and choc sauce? So happy you have reached this huge goal....