Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

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Hey loamers

jane i sometimes think my life will be taken away from me but i know the only person that can do that is me. As soon as i touch a drop of al my life will never be the same again. It will take very single ounce of happiness and laughter and life that i have had these past one and a half years and probably more. It hasnt been the best year for me with Robert but i am so totally grateful i am sober and here for him and when he dies i will have no regrets that drinking fucked it up. I am so much stronger now al is not in my life, i know i can deal with anything.

Pepper happy birthday girl. yep the sex is great and no arm chewing off here the next day lol. I had my 2nd birthday sober too when in thailand and i could have done a Julie Andrews! My last was about 7 weeks along too and god deprivation day, whoa is me, god is this going to be my life blah blah blah.

TT he isnt a kiwi, just been over there for work, but i have some great kiwi friends. my daughters boyfriend is a kiwi, my other daughters husband an italian, one son is going out with a chinese girl and my other son an italian. Me, well just an aussie! The mix is just wonderful and never a dull moment in the house when we are all together.

Last visit to the drs with mum and she is on the mend. low in vitamin B12 and iron so off to the chemist. Last nights dinner went very well and it was fun. I wish my anxiety would leave the building in situations that i have no control over but...........

[Pavati]

Hi, Peeps:

Sorry to be MIA - such a full life right now!!!

WAY TO GO GINGER! Once a loamer, always a loamer!

Scottish Lass - we do miss you here, I agree. Hope all is OK with you!

I went ballooning once when i was a kid - loved it. Robert will be so happy to go with you! I think a BF who travels a lot is ideal! Some time alone, some time with him. I hope your mother behaves when she meets him.

My big project that I've been contemplating is to finish a corner basement room so that my kids have a place to hang out (we live in a SMALL apartment and the kids share a room). I think I keep putting it off because the room has no windows and I am terrified they'll burn to death in there or something. I know there are safety precautions I could take, but it still freaks me out.

I am still a stuffed and coughing mess but I think I may have turned a corner - at least I'm not getting any worse.

Pepper - glad you had a great birthday. P and Jane, The whole idea about living in the present is enjoying what you have now. You can't control or know what is coming next (well, you can to some extent), so you may as well enjoy what is going on. I read a Pema Chodron quote - depression is living in the past, anxiety is living in the future. I know you both know that, but just letting you know how I try to think of it.

I'm off to help kid with homework - oy the pain.

xo
Pav

[jane27]

Struggling to keep me peepers open. GNight Gloamers xxx

Ps Pep, happy belated and thank you for your post :hug:

[treetops]

Hi there. Jane during the last few years when I was drinking I had much more fear that my life would be taken away from me - because years of AL abuse had made my body seriously ill. I am not joking - the pains and the lab tests and scans showed that. Now that the body seems much healthier I don't worry about that as much, but I do get anxious about getting older and knowing I have only XX years left. Plus other existential questions sometimes consume me. But thats all pretty normal in many older people, regardless of whether they are drunks or not. Not just older people either!
I guess I run against the tide of some of the conversations on MWO a bit. I am not just living in the here and now - I think ahead and I do look back. I actually think thats pretty healthy. I am not saying I want to live in the past or future - but for me, embracing the past and the future is important. And thats pretty common in many cultures too.
But right now I have things to do that are so much in the present!!!

[jane27]

Thanks for the feedback Gloamers! Yesterday I noticed that the feeling only happens when the glass gets too full, and its pretty easy to spill a full glass of water. Think Ill try and work on enjoying the full glass (for however many moments) instead of worrying about when I'm going to spill. For today, that plan works for me. I can hear all the lawnmowers out today. They are incredibly loud and echo-ey. Anybody have any fun plans for mothers day? I ordered a bunch of bagels & spreads from a spot in town and plan to bring them to MIL's. Hope that goes OK. Wishing everyone a beautiful day!

[NoSugar]

I guess I run against the tide of some of the conversations on MWO a bit. I am not just living in the here and now - I think ahead and I do look back. I actually think thats pretty healthy. I am not saying I want to live in the past or future - but for me, embracing the past and the future is important. And thats pretty common in many cultures too.

It is a challenge to think about staying in the present while not losing sight of the past and future. What I've been working on is appreciating memories from the past and trying to learn from mistakes I've made while at the same time, not resisting change as much as I naturally tend to do. I still find it hard to enjoy some past memories because it makes me so sad that life isn't like that anymore. And sometimes I get wrapped up in my regrets about the past or worries about the future so much that I can't really enjoy what is currently happening. For example, at some point some family members will move from the town we all now live in. If I let myself start dreading that, I can't even enjoy that they are here now. It's almost like if I can't have it forever, I don't want to have it at all and lose it. That isn't a very good way to live in a world where change is inevitable. And obviously, we can't ignore the future - some plans simply have to be made such as how to care for an aging parent, how much needs to be saved for retirement, etc. but I'm trying not to sacrifice good things that are available now to potential happiness (or sadness) in the future.

The MIL discussion kind of got to me - I expect because I am one. One of my regrets (see above :wink is that I did not become a MIL before mine died. Like so many roles, I didn't really understand it until I was in it. I wish I could have told her that I didn't fail to do little things such as ask her opinion or include her in activities or share interests because I disliked her or wanted to make her feel bad - I was just self-involved and didn't even think to consider her feelings. It would have taken very little effort on my part to be a much kinder and loving DIL and we both would have benefited from a closer relationship. I really dislike MIL jokes - I think they strengthen the narrative that the in-law relationship is by definition problematic, which makes people go into those relationships expecting difficulties and so, of course, finding them.

[treetops]

Great post NS. I think looking back means warts and all but wallowing in this and analysing may be best left for the therapist though!
One thing I appreciate when I think about the past is looking outside myself. Not nostalgia or retro but recalling other people and events and sometimes even things I didn't know personally. We as humans all have rich lives and I think part of recovery is to not deny the periods when we were drunks. Stuff happened then and maybe many of us were preoccupied with our AL and did really dumb things. But recovery at least to me is not shutting out who I was before I became sober.
I know I was not perfect then and AL ruined a lot of things but I often did my best and I achieved much during my AL years. And I tried to be good to people.
I guess I get worried that some people over-stress recovery as if it is some kind of all encompassing goal that will make their lives and their minds and bodies perfect. I know mist of us realise it's much more complex and we get through our lives and each day as best we can. Our no. 1 goal is to get out of the AL trap which for. people on this thread is being sober. The rest is great but at least for me, I intend to cherish my imperfections!
Sorry about the ramble. Early Friday morning here

Have a great night/day all

[Dottie Belle]

My stress is at its peak right now.
Nursing home doc called and dad is extremely anemic and they are trying to admit him to hospital to get some blood started. I am not sure how much more I can take. I was standing in the middle of the back yard crying. I feel so alone in all this. Hubbs was my rock and he helped me with all this and now I have no one. They have ot send him to a hospital I know nothing about. How much more can I take???

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Dot - this is when you call in the troops. I know you have friends and family who will help you, be there for you and comfort you. Take them up on that. Even if they don't offer, ask. Sometimes after something happens everyone is around under foot, and then their lives go on and they may forget to check in on you. It doesn't mean they don't care. Time to be vulnerable and ask.

NS - a great description. I agree that I don't like the negative in-law narrative. I LOVED my Mother in Law and was so sorry to lose her so young. What you say is a good reminder for when I am a mother in law. And my husband gets along great with my parents, partly because he treats them like his own - he takes their parenting as just that, parenting - not judgementaling (I do like making up words), which I think a lot of kids in law do. Thanks for that lovely defense.

Nar, hope you're ok, out and about enjoying the spring.

xo
Pav

[treetops]

I like your advice to Dot, Pav, of calling in the troops. We often just have to ask.

This reminds me of my last quit - a doctor said its time to get everyone batting for "Team Treetops" (except I wasn't called that!). But it was time to muscle up every little bit of support - different kinds in different ways. Then it was up to me.
I know the situation with grief is different - but it is about caring and helping one another. And saying we need help and support and a cuddle. Or two.
Take care all - and esp Dots.

[Dottie Belle]

Pav I am not one to ask for help. I dont have any family and that is part of the problem. My friends are busy with their own family drama issues too so that makes it difficult.
I have set the transfusion for Monday and have arranged transport for him. He can be a handful sometimes and without hubbs to help me I dont want him in my car alone. He is a big man and if he wanted to get out of the car or not get back in I could not handle him. So the nursing home has made the arrangement for him to be taken and picked up. I will meet him there to sign the papers.
Once I stopped crying and having a minor meltdown I got it together. I just feel so overwhelmed and alone without hubbs to help me but this is my new reality so I have to figure this all out alone. NOT what my life was supposed to look like but this is what I have been dealt....

[jane27]

Dottie, You are doing one hell of a great job of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. You are a role model. Thank you

[narilly]

Gals,
I haven't been posting much this week. I am super busy at work but will check in later.
Hugs to everyone.

[jane27]

Nar, NS, TT- I apologize for coming across like a bull in a china shop re the MIL comments. I love my MIL very much. I'm glad that you shared about the comments not sitting well with you, and will certainly ramp it back. I know I feel similarly when the subject of anti depressants comes up in a negative context. They work for me and I've been on them for years. Love that we Gloamers communicate openly, and again sincerely apologize that my MIL posts created a bad feeling. I sure didn't mean for that to happen. Lots of love to all of y'all!

[Dottie Belle]

I got flowers from hubbs daughter and grandson today. That was so nice of them. Picture on my FB page.
Wont hear from his son I am sure....oh well I didnt raise them. Always tried to be nice and send cards and $$ for birthdays etc but for some reason he never liked me but did say at the funeral that I made his dad happy so who knows I am sure I dont.