Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

Hey Ginger, congratulations on 1 year! Way to go! Yippee! Can you believe it? It is so good to know that we can beat this f'n thing.

Ava, gettin' some action in Australia eh? Well, lucky you, lol. Enjoy yourself girl. I am glad your mom is better. It's interesting, I am getting out my summer clothes and putting my winter clothes away- you guys are backwards in Australia

Pepper, TT, hi ya. You sound good.
Happy Mothers Day to you Cowboy thank you.

Pav, have a great week.
SL, drop by when you can. I love reading whatever you write and consider you my friend.

I haven't been posting as much. I was thinking about that today and since I use MWO to help me stay sober I don't think it would be a good idea for me to quit posting. It is way to easy for me to forget how much it sucks to be in the clutches of AL. Plus I really enjoy talking to you all, my buddies from all over the world.

Happy Mothers Day. I love being a sober mom. Oh yeah!

Goodnight.

[narilly]

Oh, Lil B, I am sorry you are going through such a crap time with Mr. Like TT says, it's good you got away for the weekend. I wish we could help more but we are here for you if you want to talk.

Dottie, you are doing great. I think of you often.

[Pavati]

Hugs to you, LB. I hope the weekend gave you some time to think. Xo

Good to see you, Nar. Hope all is ok.

Good night, All!

Xo
Pav

[MeinSonnenschein]

Hello LOAM-ers

I've been to this thread before but not for a long time. I hope that it's OK that I now pop back in. This weekend I hit ROCK BOTTOM. And I mean bottom. It's really time for me to get serious about abstinence. I've been with MWO for a while now (mostly in the NN) and I've done well staying away from AL... but for only 10 days or so at a time. I don't think I've ever been serious about abstinence... I believe I've always been waffling between abstinence and moderation. It now looks like abstinence is the only route I've got.

Yesterday morning I made a plan to get back on track. This consists of keeping a daily to-do list, eating healthy and getting more exercise. And... I'm going to keep AL as far away from my thoughts as possible. Please forgive me if I'm rambling on or venting.

So this morning is my official day 2 (out of a LOT of day 2s) and it's been a beautiful morning so far. The sun is shining and it will be warm today. I made myself a good breakfast (cream cheese pancakes... yum!) and I'll head out to yoga in about 30 minutes. I'm sitting at the dining room table with my laptop and watching the birds eat from my bird feeder right outside the window... and I can't help but feel jealous of the birds and how they don't have to think about things like addiction and depression. I'm sure they have their own birdie problems, but I would give anything to not have to ever think about AL again.

Again, I hope that it's OK that I start popping into this thread. Yesterday I started reading this thread from the beginning and it's already been so helpful to me. I plan to continue reading when I have free time later this afternoon.

I wish you all love and strength today.

[treetops]

Welcome MS - I am a late comer to this thread but I used to post daily on the Daily Abs thread. I sometimes go visiting there too, as do some of the Gloamers here. The key thing here is that we are committed to Abstinence because we know that this is the best and only option for us. Most of us tried Moderation at some time or another and it just didn't work. Its also just too exhausting trying to moderate. You say that you have been waffling between abs and mod - and only managed 10 days at a time. Thats a good start but abstinence will mean longer than that. Many people panic when they think its forever - so its better to just think on the here and now. But its not a sabbatical either. Its a serious commitment. It sounds like if you have hit rock bottom as you say that your body also needs a clean break.

You sound positive and thats great. I hope you have no AL in your house. There's no point is there, if you are quitting? As you know I am sure, you will be going through some tough struggles and probably serious cravings during the next few days and weeks. Do you have alternatives for when these moments hit? Is quitting your absolute number one goal for today and the day after and the day after that? This means that even when all hell breaks loose around you - you don't turn to AL. Many of us here have suffered depression, anxiety, health crises, family crises, work stress and the death of a loved one. These are all a part of life and what we addicts or alcohol abusers (there are different terms folk prefer) have to learn is to cope without the magic fix. We also have to learn to celebrate, be creative and crazy without a chemical hit of one sort or another. That all takes a lot of time and it doesn't happen immediately. Right now, you must take the best care of yourself - and nurture this withdrawal. It sounds like you are doing this - so keep us posted of your progress. Don't worry about rambling on - we all do it at times.

[jane27]

Mein!!! So nice to see you, and I hope you'll stick around the thread. There isn't anything stopping you from achieving your goal. Wishing you an easy day 3.

LilB, I'm sorry to hear about hubs latest binge. Sounds like the scales are really teetering in terms of positives vs negatives regarding staying in the relationship/the house. His addiction may be so overbearing that there isn't room in his mind to really consider the fact that you may leave one day. The sad thing is that if and when you do leave there's no guarantee you'll be back. You have been patient and endured discomfort for a while on this. Since we share a lot of common experiences under the survival heading, I'm sure you've been through this type of thing before- fear of change, clinging to what you know because it feels safer, one day letting it go because hanging on starts to hurt more than than all of the unknowns. Just feeling a breeze on your face becomes a whole new sensation when you shed the weight of a boulder.

Please call if you wanna talk. xoxoxox

[MeinSonnenschein]

Treetops, Jane, thank you for the welcome. You are correct, there is no magical cure, and today just SUCKS. I've already had cravings. But I stuck to my plan. I literally wrote a to-do list in a notebook and I haven't stopped moving all day until tasks are completed. My last task is to go to the gym and this is perfect because I need a way to burn off the anxiety. Ugh. I already started bargaining with myself in my head... already! A few days in! I just told my head to shut up. Anyhoo... off I go to the gym to work off the anxiety. Thank you all for being there!

[NoSugar]

Sorry to be MIA. I took myself off to the beach for the weekend. Hubby went on a huge binge and I just couldn't stand being around him and knowing what was going on. I have some decisions to make. There are never ant consequences for his actions. No real reason for him to change what he's doing. I think I'm enabling him. I'm just really confused right now.

Oh, LB, I wish there were easy answers or some way in which we could actually help you. We can be sounding boards at least and will support you in whatever decision you make :hug:. Addiction in all forms is just such a seemingly insurmountable problem. It takes the kind of commitment you've had for over 2 years. But the thing is, we know it can be done. If only there were a way to help people we love see it.

SL, drop by when you can. I love reading whatever you write and consider you my friend.
I haven't been posting as much. I was thinking about that today and since I use MWO to help me stay sober I don't think it would be a good idea for me to quit posting. It is way to easy for me to forget how much it sucks to be in the clutches of AL. Plus I really enjoy talking to you all, my buddies from all over the world.

I miss both your posts and SL's, Nar. You're my go-to poster when I need to be motivated by the joys of being UN-HUNG :smile:. When I post, I'm really talking to myself, kind of doing maintenance work my rewired brain. I sometimes wonder if it needs such constant maintenance and am tempted to back away, especially when I don't feel like I'm contributing much or get my nose bent out of joint. But --- all I've learned about the science indicates that the neural pathways that were established during active addiction are still there, much in the same way that even after many years of not doing it you can still ride a bike or water ski or do any of other things that were difficult to learn but easy to do once your got all those neurons in place. I skied after a 30 year hiatus and got up on my first try. I'm just not willing to run that experiment with a drink and want to make sure my healed brain stays that way. I hope you do, too.

I've been to this thread before but not for a long time. I hope that it's OK that I now pop back in. This weekend I hit ROCK BOTTOM. And I mean bottom. It's really time for me to get serious about abstinence. I've been with MWO for a while now (mostly in the NN) and I've done well staying away from AL... but for only 10 days or so at a time. I don't think I've ever been serious about abstinence... I believe I've always been waffling between abstinence and moderation. It now looks like abstinence is the only route I've got.

It's so good to see you again, Mein, and I'm really sorry you had to experience a terrible low point. Fortunately you didn't experience the worst outcome of drinking so you have the opportunity to turn things around.
Most of us tried the moderation route before choosing the alternative. Believe it or not, after the first bit, abstinence is MUCH easier. The trick is making the commitment to get to that point. Reading and posting often was what worked for me and I think it could for you, too.

I'm so glad you joined this thread. I think the most vibrant, energized, and useful threads are those where people at various stages post. We can all learn from one another.

xx NS

[NoSugar]

Hi, again

I listened to this TED talk this weekend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da1vvigy5tQ

While I agree with it in general, my point in posting it here is that I think you can listen to it and every time she says "sugar/processed carbs", think "alcohol"; when she says "diabetic" or "obese person", think "alcoholic" or "addict". Her message is very empowering, I think. Maybe diabetes and addiction can't be cured in the truest sense but they can be resolved. I've always been turned off by 'in recovery' because it contributes to to an identity of ongoing illness and victimization but am reluctant to be arrogant and say 'recovered' and suggest that it's no longer an issue that I have to deal with. I like 'resolved' -- if I keep my resolutions, there's no active problem.

[scottish lass]

Dropping by again - maybe I will try harder to stop by and not go "visiting" around.

I had a good day yesterday, and took my teens shopping - we all did well, I even did a little shopping for myself! I am not a good shopper, but got some shoes (hate shoe shopping) and some t-shirts! Girls did well too and my purse is a lot lighter. We did not hurry to go and were still at the mall at supper time, we considered having supper out - but I was tired and hungry, and a glass of wine sounded so very good - chose to come home and safely had Ribena and sparkling water.

You were on my shoulder and made me realize how much I appreciated the support.
It is good to see this thread continuing to live and support - so I will try to be part of maintaining in and will contribute

[NoSugar]

Good to see you, SL :hug:.

I don't feel like working -- can't you tell??

It is tricky around here -even if you're careful about where you go. I got sad/mad about a post in a congratulatory tread this morning. That certainly should be a safe thread to visit, wouldn't you think? I didn't reply so as not to pollute the thread but it really got under my skin. Fortunately, the poster deleted his comments, I hope before others were made to feel bad.

I guess my point is, there is going to be some "bad stuff" out there and like everything else, all we can control is how we react to it. My goal is to not let someone give me a 2-hour stomach ache by posting something in an anonymous online forum for alcohol addicts. We need to embrace the good stuff and let the rest go. xx

[jane27]

Mein, The circumstances of my quit were somewhat unique because I had just quit my job and with my husbands support for every other responsibility, had nothing to worry about other than not drinking. STILL. I felt a huge wave of homesickness and temptation when I drove passed one of my old liquor stores on a rare occasion when I left the house in the 3rd week. Basically, I got to quit in somewhat of a vacuum- and this made me realize with no confusion how tough my opponent was. There was no pressure, stress- noone asked me for anything, and still I wanted to drink. I have shared about this before so you may recall, but as I felt this pull begin to kick in- luring me to the liquor store, I said out loud. "No! I DO NOT SHOOT HEROIN! I DO NOT APPLY A TOURNIQUET & USE A NEEDLE TO INJECT DRUGS INTO MY BODY".

I have never even come CLOSE to doing heroin or shooting drugs with needles, so I really believe that scared, vulnerable and addicted me was desperate to find a bold statement that would help me fight the urge to drink. The urge to drink can come disguised in so many different ways (life is good, life is bad, boredom, anxiety, life is GREAT....) Using the heroin conversion made it black and white for me. When thoughts of drinking came up, I went right to the image of me with a tourniquet and a needle and said 'NO WAY."

I know its sounds like a bizarre way to handle a craving, but it was effective in silencing the beast as fast as the sound of a clap. There is a Tony Robbins quote, "In life you need either inspiration or desperation." Converting alcohol into heroin helped me get aligned with the level of desperation I needed in order to quit. Desperation and inspiration are very similar in terms of passion except desperation sounds negative and inspiration sounds positive. I'm still desperate today, and I'm happy to practice desperation on a daily basis when it comes to protecting my quit and keeping this good feeling I have on a daily basis. Desperation has been good to me. It means- NOF'INGWAY. AMI.GOING.TOSUCCUMB TO AL. I highly recommend desperation. It can be a major ally.

Lil, I am so sorry to read about what is going on. You have been patient, kind , supportive, awake and aware for 2 years. Nature does a fine job of tipping the scales in the right direction when you're paying attention. Leaving a relationship is so painful, and unknowns are scary- but like I've seen happen in my own life, it sounds like that path is starting to look like the less painful and scary one. Sticking it out through these 2 years while he's tried, tripped, and essentially been stuck in a maze, - it has a positive to it (mainly because as addicts we aren't familiar with processing things in the present). You have been doing your time all along (instead of like the person who drinks, comes out of a long term, relationship and then has a total breakdown). You have been carrying a massive boulder around for too long.

I have this image of you in my head, smiling in the sun and feeling a gentle breeze blow on your face. Will you make a list of all the things you want to do, would like to feel, dream of seeing but haven't done before? Obviously everything isn't going to magically appear before you- but I have been exactly where you are before,and I made that list. There's a handful of things on there I never thought I could do or that would happen, and they did. I'm not a prophet, but I place money on that gentle breeze being in your near future. You are doing it. Hang in there. Love you my friend.

PS Humor me and add a trip to Florida with me to the list.xx

[narilly]

SL, very nice to read your post. Yum Ribena and sparkling water is delish!

NS, don't worry, I am not going anywhere. I will remain here and remain Un Hung. It is awesome to wake up every morning Un Hung. No matter what is going on- my dog is sick, husband is cranky and doesn't have a job, I don't have a job, its raining, whatever...I am Un Hung, and really that is what matters the most to me.
You all matter a lot to me too, and I am so glad you are here.

Jane, I love all the pictures you post. I don't even know how to post pictures. I know, LameO.

Mein, so glad to hear from you. I think the first days of sobriety are the hardest. Every where you feel a pull. I used some techniques at the beginning- I used visualization. I would visualize that a drink was poison or pee or something disgusting. I would visualize what I would be like after one drink because one drink would not be enough and I would imagine being Hung over in the morning. I absolutely hate hangovers! I stayed away from a few events where I would have trouble saying no. I listened to The Bubble Hour and that Really helped. http://www.thebubblehour.com/
I posted here everyday many times. I read in the tool box. I exercised and drank every kind of beverage that did not contain AL. I knew I did not want to wake up with regrets from drinking anymore. It was over and I was ready to quit. I drank for over 35 years but I was done.
Are you done? If you know you are then you can do it. You can quit. Keep coming back here, we can help.
Glad you are here Mein.

NS, thanks for posting that TED talk. I will watch it for sure. I have been watching and reading all sorts of nutritional videos. I love them. I have been doing the Every Other Day Fast lately cause I need to lose a few pounds. We will see but so far so good.
You are such a good resource of information. Have you ever looked at DietDoctor.com? I get so much information from that website, it is great. I really appreciate information that is un biased and based on Science. I know we both read the book Big Fat Surprise so you know what I am talking about!

I'll be back...

[NoSugar]

I really like that website, Nar. I even decided to join the paid version (similar in price to MWO).

[narilly]

I joined too!