Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[jane27]

Morning everyone,
Had a few waves of sadness & feeling overwhelmed the last couple of days. I feel like a short order cook at a diner where all the other employees are unhappy and bitter. Everyone in my crew (A1, A2, Hubs, MIL) is in a shitty mood, disgruntled, pissed off, disappointed, angry, acting like they've been ripped off, and like life is asking them to a favor be simply being. Its exhausting, and its a downer. Why should I bother doing anything for any of them, when its not appreciated and they're all still pissed off and bitter about what they don't have, aren't getting, or have to do? I'm grateful I never learned to take out my unhappiness on other people. I totally don't understand it, and it often results in me shutting down. I know I cant have a 'screw them' attitude but it helps to get it out and share it with you guys.
We are headed to Florida for the long weekend. I have this daydream that we should both buy or bring a book and really try to focus on not crossing things off a list for a few days. I'm thinking fiction is in order. Wishing everyone a nice MAE. Will be checking in daily. xoxo

[Dottie Belle]

Hello ladies,
Gym later then some shopping. I have coupons for dog food and need a few things from Costco.
No meet ups yet for this weekend. There are some walk scheduled but they go too early for me. I am not a morning person so they need to start at noon if I am going to show up. Sad but true.
The police ride along is Saturday night. That should be interesting.
I am meeting the widow group at a dance on Sunday night. Dh and I dances a lot so this may or may not be a good idea but will try and see what happens. I can always leave.
Beautiful day.

[treetops]

Morning already - Saturday. I accidentally changed the time on my clock and woke up early - but hey thats OK! I will try and do an hour's writing after I get off this site.
Just wanted to say hi to you Jane and that the feeling of being a short-order cook (I take it you mean in a metaphorical as well as a literal sense) is common to many of us Mums. Its also something that some of us come across in work situations. Its good that you are not bottling it up or taking it out through glugging the bottle. The sad thing is often those nearest to us just dont get it - they will love you dearly and if asked will appreciate all you do, but its so often not expressed. So I can say I really understand, and many women I have talked to seem to get what you mean- but its an age-old thing.

My experience on this - Some experts say we should talk about this with family who dont appreciate us- but I have found that to sometimes just escalates into blaming matches, tears, guilt and is soon forgotten. I think I have made small strides in getting through to my partner and daughter that I often feel taken for granted, that they don't appreciate all the labour and management I do to keep this family and house running - but its not been a radical shift either. Its even worse at work - hardly any appreciation from many people. But inside I think to myself that I am doing a good job, hope I am not self-delusional about this, and thats what matters. I get thanks at times and when I do, its from people who I care about.
Self-esteem is a big issue for many of us with AL problems and we need to work on this - without being obnoxious show-offs. I think that we live in a society that exaggerates self-esteem and winners (sorry but this seems to be more of a thing in the US than in NZ) to the point of the celebrity and I have always valued those who are quietly humble without being put-upon. Thats a value in NZ culture thats not so bad although some people from other cultures say we are too shy.
Apologies for getting off the point and maybe I picked up on your message wrongly Jane - you have a good weekend - you too Dottie - and others.

[Eloise]

Know exactly what you are saying Jane!
Sometimes I think my husband is very spoilt & looks only on the negative side of things.
Very frustrating, and hard not to let it bring you down too.
Good you share and move through it, enjoy Florida REGARDLESS.

Morning everyone,
Had a few waves of sadness & feeling overwhelmed the last couple of days. I feel like a short order cook at a diner where all the other employees are unhappy and bitter. Everyone in my crew (A1, A2, Hubs, MIL) is in a shitty mood, disgruntled, pissed off, disappointed, angry, acting like they've been ripped off, and like life is asking them to a favor be simply being. Its exhausting, and its a downer. Why should I bother doing anything for any of them, when its not appreciated and they're all still pissed off and bitter about what they don't have, aren't getting, or have to do? I'm grateful I never learned to take out my unhappiness on other people. I totally don't understand it, and it often results in me shutting down. I know I cant have a 'screw them' attitude but it helps to get it out and share it with you guys.
We are headed to Florida for the long weekend. I have this daydream that we should both buy or bring a book and really try to focus on not crossing things off a list for a few days. I'm thinking fiction is in order. Wishing everyone a nice MAE. Will be checking in daily. xoxo

[scottish lass]

Hi - did not even manage to sign in yesterday, and not a lot of time today.
Glad to "see" you Pav, and that the boys are ok. Your eldest has the right idea, I can understand the youngest feelings. When I had carcinoma in situ a few years ago, I used to feel as if I had little "pac-men" and so wanted them removed when I was waiting for the surgery! I wanted those cells gone, gone, gone!!!
Jane - fiction reading sounds perfect - carry out the plan!
I am on call thru the holiday weekend, and it can often be a busy weekend for donors....sad...hopefully everyone stays safe. I am off to a donor family celebration on Saturday and will stay there overnight - taking the girls so they think it is a day away - bought a bottle of wine for our hostess as she drinks the way I would love to - rarely finishes her second glass - I used to wonder if I could "forget" something at the table and nip back to finish her glass - how depraved! It was nice to buy her a good bottle and not feel deprived...its on the counter and it feels just fine!
Pav - hope your weekend is a good one with your family.
TT - do you have a long weekend too? I think it is Whitsun in the UK this weekend...Dottie could be an interesting weekend for a ride along..
Had a wee panic this morning as I realized we are going on holiday in 2 weeks - I don't even have one list started! This is our "holiday" holiday for summer, before our trip to my parents as that will not be a holiday. Need to start the lists - yes, I am one of those:congratulatory:

[Pavati]

Hi, Gang:

Sorry you're feeling like that, Jane. I hate when my moods affect others, like you say. So annoying. I agree - relax in Florida. Great fiction I have read lately: Hell at the Breech (violent but so well written); a Tale for the Time Being; Let the Great World Spin; We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves. I read a ton, so tell me what you're in the mood for, and I have a suggestion! Have fun.

TT - Even without thanks, probably they appreciate you. Have you heard about the teen girl parenting book called Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? I've never read it, but I think that title captures it brilliantly.

SL - Did you have DCIS? My friend just got diagnosed with that.

Ava - that sounds like a great evening. I love big, loud evenings. Alcohol used to play a significant part for me in those, too. Ah, well, more dessert...

Looking forward to a quiet evening at home with a movie and a burrito. I hope you all have fabulous Friday nights.

xo
Pav

[treetops]

SL - no long weekend here. We have one next weekend though - Queen's Birthday. Yes you heard it right - its for the English queen.
I also had carcinoma in situ many many years ago - and after my surgery it did come back, but the second surgery seemed to stop it. Very scary.
But thats one reason why I was surprised to later get pregnant - and have a baby.
You enjoy your donor celebration.

[scottish lass]

Hi all - one daughter at a friends, and delighted to be sober when she calls for a pick up - and yes, that title says it all Pav! That has been my day today - arguments about getting homework done and what to wear to school, but rides to guitar, the mall and the friends are needed!
Pav - not ductal but cervical - and yep TT, I thought kids were out of the picture...surgery seemed to work for a while, then they used a topical chemo..
I read lots too, but sadly I read for pure relief and read books that don't require thinking. I would love to read 'good' books, but by the time I get to bed I am past that sort of book.
I do read for work - a good read is 'being mortal" by atul gawande....very thought provoking...
Sushi with my youngest tonight - oldest wont go near it, so we make the most of our nights...

[little beagle]

Happy unhung Friday gloamers. How wonderful it feels going to be Friday night feeling great looking forward to a long weekend knowing I won't wake up Monday regretting drinking, wishing I could just start over.
My 96 year old Grandmother passed away today. Even though I barely got to see her in my lifetime due to growing up in foster care, the one thing I will remember about her is that she knew who I was. I went to visit her recently. She had 14 children who all had large families. My mother had 5 children alone. Most of her siblings had families of a similar size. When I walked in the door surprising her with my visit, she instantly knew who I was. She loved every single one of us. She was treasured by her family.

[jane27]

Hi Loamers,

Thanks everyone for weighing in. TT, you made a great point & the problem just goes round and round in circles. It doesn't make sense to continue to let it upset me when its not going to change. It would more sense to focus some energy on gaining that validation from within- finding ways to feel good without relying on others for thanks and praise.

Lil B, your post really tugged at my heart; I understand exactly what you mean.

Nearly 2am here so going to hit the sack. Hubs wont stop babbling (reading articles on the internet to me), and I'm getting close to snapping. (Hi Just let me finish my post ok?) grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Love to all xoxo

[Ginger999]

Hi Lil, sorry for your loss. Gmoms are such an important part of our lives. I'm so happy that you were able to see her recently before she passed. Take care. :hug:

[Dottie Belle]

Afternoon all,
I braved the crazies and went to Costco. Not too bad and t samples were very tasty. mmmmm
Going on the police ride along tonight. Holiday weekend should be fun. Maybe a sobriety checkpoint....hehehehe
Hoping for an invite to a cook out on Monday. My BFF is good about including me. Hubbs and I were part of her adopted family now it is just me and sometimes I just cant do it but I am trying. Today is 3 months and I just still cant fathom that he is gone but my mind reminds me it is true. Sad and unfair but true,
Beautiful day here in Ohio.

[jane27]

Dottie,

There is a hot cop in our town and I've developed an interest in cops as the result :-) You'll let me know if there were any cute ones I hope. This is a new phenomenon for me- Ive *heard* about women checking out cops and firemen, but never gave it any thought until I saw hotcop.
Love to all

[treetops]

Hands off the cops Jane!
Hey SL did you get your walk in? I have just been for a walk - its Sunday morning. No snow yet, but cold and windy. Can't say my walk helped today - it gave me too much time to dwell on things and the future - and now I feel a bit miserable. It's the same old - sad about my daughter leaving home next year - and annoyed at myself because that is what many young people do and she has to be independent. Its all changing though and I have to go with things and try to not be too negative.
Looks like we all here on this thread are dealing with family/personal changes in big big ways. Its great that we have managed to change a major hurdle - the AL that was in our lives.

On the bright side I am off to Europe myself in 3 weeks time - its work related but I am having a short holiday as well with a dear friend. Like SL I need to put my mind to planning a few things for my trip.

Hope you have all started your weekend well and Ava, that you are keeping warm too. Winter is upon us down here in penguin land.

[available]

Hi loamers

TT this early winter is killing me though it is sunny today. i did buy another clothes horse yesterday so i could have my house looking more like a chinese laundry.

Today i have my 4 children over with partners and my niece and fiance as we have not met him yet. he is nervous, dont know why! Beef curry on, silverside on, chicken cooked for the thai chicken soup so i am a bit organised. My daughter is here so she will help me clean.

TT i hated it when my girls left home and it seems i am stuck with the boys. Mind you i would be lonely without them as much as they drive me insane but its a part of life i suppose. This is why i had so many spares lol.

Well i had better stop procratinating and move my butt.