Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Are you talking bathroom stalls again?

Although I think my kids are still too young for me to have the explicit talk (I wouldn't want to ask an 11 year old to make sure mom doesn't drink), it is the possibility of letting them down as a mother that helps keep me strong.

I was thrown for a loop when you drank, J-Vo! That was very surprising to me and kind of made me feel a bit shaky. You seem so determined and positive and on top of things - of course it makes me wonder if that could happen to me. I feel like it won't but wowzie. I am so happy you are back and more determined than ever.

So, I am going to throw something out here that could be a bit controversial, but I mean it as honest inquiry. When I read threads where most of the participants are "slipping" a lot of the time, I opt out of joining it because in a way I feel like all of that slipping sort of gives me permission to slip. I also know that this is a HARD task we have set ourselves to - to stay sober in spite of many odds. I know that many people I know here will slip, and I absolutely want to be positive in supporting their return. I may be one of them, soon. And now that I am such a part of the community here in this thread, I know I will never leave, even if you all start drinking tomorrow (please don't however :yougo: ). So, the question is, how do we remain supportive and understanding if someone DOES slip, and at the same time hold ourselves and each other to high standards of resolutely fighting for sobriety? How can we show love for each other and also be tough? I want and need you all to say NO to me.

OK - that is my musing tonight. I guess that this is what NoSugar was asking, in perhaps a nicer way.

Happy New Week, Loamers. Let's stay strong and slay this dragon together!

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav I came here a while back and "slipped" a number of times and the wonderful support I got here is the reason I felt comfortable coming back time and time again....so I guess that is why we continue to support each other...for me this group was all I had that truly understood my issues with AL...that is my .02 on the subject.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Pavati

I think the language we use is important. I try not to refer to slips or falls or use any sort of passive word. We're all faced with choices and we make decisions. There may be unexpected triggers and emotional turmoil and events that deserve to be celebrated but it is always our choice as to whether drinking is going to be our response.

The other thing is to separate the person from the act. It is kind of like the guilt/shame distinction. Choosing to drink when you know you're addicted to alcohol and you know the almost inevitable outcome (if you've spent more than a few hours on MWO) is a bad decision. That doesn't make you a bad person.

Most people on MWO are very kind to one another and for obvious reasons, don't want to sound judgmental. They also know that the person who drank probably already feels very bad. In an effort to not add to the person's misery, some tend to condone the action and often suggest that it is inevitable. It isn't. And in my opinion, we aren't doing one another any favors when we suggest that it is or we say what happened is ok. It isn't. Each time an alcohol addict drinks, she is taking a risk with her life and perhaps even those of others. Each time she relapses, getting back with the program is harder. We can't suggest that this is no big deal and that it "happens".

We can tell the person we love her and are glad she is back, offer ideas to avoid drinking in the future, and let her know that she has our support.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

J-Vo, I also was shocked when I read you drank. It actually helped me NOT to drink last night. I thought of having to post, as you did, that I slipped and drank. Pav, I think this relates to your 'giving ourselves permission to drink' post.
Last night I went with my friend for supper, she had a glass of wine. I just said NO. No wine thanks. I had Perrier instead. I thought about it for a sec. But I really wanted to go to the concert completely sober which I did.
It was incredible. I enjoyed it so much and I was sober.

Funny, at the restaurant they had the bathrooms marked W for women and M for men. I thought 'boy if I was drunk I would not have known what bathroom to go into' lol! It was confusing even when I was sober. I mean, M upside down is W FFS!

J-Vo, hugs to you. Glad you are right back at it.

NS, your posts are really interesting, you are so knowledgable. Thank you for all your posts.

Ava, glad your blood tests were good. I don't know how I feel about my kids telling me Not to drink. Have to think about that.

Anyway, goodnight fellow Loamers!

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

As Dottie says, it's the support that she got when she came back here after drinking episodes that helped her get where she is today. No one wants to be judgmental and everyone wants to be supportive, which is why this place works so well. It's not okay to get drunk, but it's also not okay to self-flagellate mercilessly, and people here will help me to remember that I need to forgive myself and move on if I choose to drink.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Well i was stunned when lovely Jvo (not talking about you ha ha) emailed me. What was my response well it was "you farked up didnt you". Oops did i say that, yes i did but i also told her how i cared about her and that i could be in exactly the same situation. I was upset as i could imagine how she was feeling that she let herself down, her family and us. I cant judge anyone on what they do with al as i know what an insidious drug it is and yes we have to be vigilant at all times but everyday life gets to us and we are not "normal", we reach for our friend, like a drug addict reaches for their drug of choice. We all dont want to drink, we know what it does to us and we try so hard to be strong and prove to everyone that we are not going to drink, dont want to drink and the burden of all of that takes its toll. We want to reach out but we dont want to appear weak. I am learning just like us all, I dont want a day 1 again but i cant honestly say i wont so therefore I take one day at a time, that is all we can do. I know if i drank i would want you all to say what i said to Jvo then pull me into the nest and love and hug my shame and pain away.

Oh Nar my children are 26,25,22 and 20 so they are way old enough to tell me what to do and i have always tried to be honest with the kids, i am now starting to tell them what it was doing to my body and they know i cant drink in moderation. Even when my mum was down i had mentioned to my 25 year old that i really didnt want to drink so he actually told mum that she should not drink in front of me as i was trying to give up and she said she enjoyed a wine and it was okay as far as she was concerned. Another reason why i have not told her i am not drinking. Should write a bloody list!.

Well 43 tomorrow now. Woo hoo, wonder if it can get hotter than that but the news said cooler on Wednesday with 39, as if you can tell 4 degrees difference when it is that hot. I'm seriously thinking i may be sick tomorrow.

Just had a big argument with my son he drank my lemonade, i think he thinks i am a nut case but he never drank my wine so why drink my soft drink. Gees i was annoyed. He went and replaced it so i won ha ha!.

Be good and take care. I so love how discussions change on here so often. Hope i have not offended anyone. xx

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all,

Well seems to have been busy over the last few hours.. jvo, hope you are back on, it can be so unfathomable at times...
I'm doing ok, one foot in front of the other but it works!!
Ava - wow that heat is insane, hope you have some way of cooling down...
x
Patrice

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Acadia and Patrice, good to be able to read your posts again, appreciate it. Acadia, about picking up the phone, I've never understood how people can follow that advice and call someone because when I've been in that situation of so sorely wanting a drink, I have never gotten up enough strength to call anyone. I've either just imbibed, or not, if I could manage to refocus. I need to learn how to rely more on others. Good MAE all, got to get ready for work. I'm amazed each morning how I wake up without hangover symptoms. I still just keep expecting them to be there, and they are gone.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

HumbleRider;1612376 wrote: Acadia, about picking up the phone, I've never understood how people can follow that advice and call someone because when I've been in that situation of so sorely wanting a drink, I have never gotten up enough strength to call anyone. I've either just imbibed, or not, if I could manage to refocus. I need to learn how to rely more on others.

I'm not sure I would call anyone in a moment of crisis, either, HR. For one thing, I'm not very public about this offline and would not want to be overheard. But, texting is a good option. Really, anything that makes you stop and consider first is a good thing to do.

On my first business trip AF, I found myself in a stressful situation where I was being pushed to participate in some toasts. A trip to the restroom and typing my situation to a friend who understands gave me the break I needed to organize my thoughts and catch my breath. She had her phone with her and answered me, which was great, but even if she hadn't, I think typing it out and sending it would have done the trick.

If you have a smart phone (mine is DUMB), you can even get online and post on MWO. Just make yourself slow down and think about what you're about to do. Then make your decision.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

We are so lucky to have each other. To have this support, even if online. I have told a few people about it and they are surprized that this goes on. My counsellor was pretty impressed with it.
I still have to find someone I can call by just picking up the phone. I haven't yet. I probably should go to some AA meetings or find a women's group.

I know that without this tool (MWO and this thread) I would have drank by now for sure. I mean I did slip but then got right back at it. I really feel accountable to you all. I look forward to our talks and that really helps. I don't just come her to blab on about AL but to find out what everyone else is doing.
We are building some great relationships!

Anyway, I think the world is coming to an end here in Calgary. The sky has turned black and it is SO windy. Our windows are shaking in our building and people are running down the streets. Now it is snowing. Pretty Gross. It is only -1 which is good.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Lots of great posts. Thank you. And I want to say, I'm really sorry to you all. I contemplated on whether I should have even said anything about my slip ups/bad choices because I was afraid I would get you all off track, and I didn't want to jeopardize anyone's sobriety. Then I couldn't keep it hidden, because that would have made the guilt that much worse than it already was. So, I'm really sorry, as you're all a part of my journey here, and I owe it to you as I owe it to myself to stay sober. It's not just me. It's me, my family, husband, son, friends, MWO friends that I need to think about. I was being selfish when I took that first drink and didn't think about who I could hurt in the end. And the phone thing, something I avoid when I'm in that state, is what I MUST DO if AL enters my brain again. Or come here. I need to be tougher with this, because I don't want to end up sick like I've been for so long. I want that life we talk about, the happiness, the freedom. Please review your tools and make sure you have all in place. I know I will. Love you Loamers.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Nar! Stay safe! We need you here!

[acadiaofmaine]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yep, Humble Rider, I'm the same way. When stressed and thinking about drinking, I would either take the drink, so desperate would I feel, or somehow white knuckle it and not take the drink. It's very hard in that moment to make the phone call. I have several people to call who are in recovery, but I don't really know them, and I can't imagine calling them!! Then the people I DO know, my good friends, I haven't told any of this. It's a complicated thing.

Today I feel very stressed and like I need a drink to take the edge off. Although I am a consultant, my main client is a tough one. I desperately need to please her in a way that isn't healthy. When I get any inkling that she might be unhappy with my work, and perhaps not give me any new projects, my first thought is to buy some wine. It's insane-I would just feel doubly anxious once the AL wore off.

Definitely give away too much of my own power, or self esteem, or whatever you want to call it. Anyone feel the same way?

Ann

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Ann

I'm sorry you've got that stress going that makes you want to drink. You must have been a number/escaper drinker like me (I look back now and realize it wasn't even fun -- what a mess!).

But good for you to write about how this makes you feel instead of trying to drink those feelings away.

Keep 'talking' if it helps! xx - NS

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hello Loamers

Pat it is going to be atrocious and i am thinking of not going to work but no air con here and i think the reason i dont want to go is that i have a fire drill and i am the fire warden and i hate having the attention on me and thinking i am going to fail and someone will die even if it is pretend. Not going to have a xanax though and god i used to do this drill as hungover as crap and got high results. so i will go today.

NS i am really lucky that i can message my children otherwise i would not ring anyone though in a crunch i suppose i could. I know you all know me and i would feel more comfortable coming on here and hoping someone is online which they normally are.

Nar keep safe and why the hell would people be running down the street in that weather?

Jvo stop beating yourself up. We all make decisions in drinking and i am sure that you would not push any of us to drink, we would drink because we want to not because you did. Being honest is all about this journey and i know previous quits i was not honest, i would have a drink or two and not tell anyone and think "well it is nothing like i was drinking". That is not honesty to me, here or my family. You were honest and you know the drill and i know you will be back on track without the guilt and shame. We love you here and i bet if you had not posted here you would still have your head in the bottle for a bit longer, i know i would. A big hug to you.

Good on you Aca for not giving into that bitch, my boss is an arse and be damned if i will pick up a drink for him, he is so not worth it and neither is she. glad you could text someone.

Well running late for work but thats okay, im not going to stress, i need to see what you lovelies have been doing. Have a great night, i will just be melting away slowly. May go to work naked. Oh god forbid! xx