Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[jane27]

[jane27]

Calling all Gloamers! Hubs 50th is on Tuesday. We're have food catered for dinner at home that evening (he cringes at fuss)- just the 6 of us (us, boys, MIL & her beau). I've bought some nice gifts but would love any suggestions you guys have to make fifty nifty. Thinking about trying to put together a collage, but I'm not sure its realistic time wise.

[Pavati]

Hi, Loamers:

Yay, Giraffe - so glad to see you pop in and wonderful to hear that you're doing well.

Jane - That garden is amazing. Congratulations! As for the fifty gifty - what about a cd/playlist (added bonus, he can use it to work out) of songs that are important to you as a couple?

A lot going on here, but all is well. I wrote more in the nest, so I'll keep it short.

xo
Pav

[jane27]

Pav, I am totally panicking* and feel like a deer in headlights. I know I'm manufacturing the stress and setting myself up for failure- how do I stop that? I put so much pressure on myself that I take all the joy out of it, and burn out before even starting.

*like "taking my temperature and think i need a nap" style. lol So lame! Its a good thing I wasnt born a guy, because I'd definitely die a virgin. Talk about bad under pressure.

images.jpg

[little beagle]

Jane hoe do we destress? That is a great question. I use to have total manic times. Not so much anymore. And I know the feeling of being burned out before the big day just because I've done so much and over - thought everything. I guess I'm just willing to let things happen as they will these days. Sure I put the effort into making things nice, but if it isn't perfect, or if everything doesn't get done, hey I'm thevonly one who knows, or even notices. And I've learned that I just really don't care.
Great to see you Giraffe. 600 days is great.
And that garden is beautiful Jane.

[NoSugar]

I have pretty well been 'sober' by definition for almost two years and that is something to be proud and grateful for!

It is definitely something to be very proud of, SL. Not drinking is 'normal' for you even if it isn't always simple. From what I've read, you've done exactly the right thing by getting back with your program and not letting the habit take hold again. Plus, you've learned more about yourself and your reaction to alcohol than you knew before and I think the more we understand, the better equipped we are to make the decisions that are right for us.

Jane, here's the mantra I learned in kindergarten and have tried to keep in mind most of my life: Do your best, forget the rest, and don't worry. I didn't do so well with that for several years but lately (say, in the last 2 years or so :wink, I've gotten pretty good at it. Like LB says, no one really cares about some of the little details that people get so anxious over. And then if you do all that and no one notices, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment. Everyone will enjoy the event more if you're enjoying it, too. Your worth is not determined by how well you pull off a party!!

I'm hanging with extended family this weekend -- nothing too major going on other than celebrating Father's day and some family anniversaries. It's such a relief to be relaxed in this type of situation and to be able to enjoy the relationships - all because I ended a bad one!

Happy weekend, Loamers!!

[little beagle]

Ns you always seem to find the right words.

[peppersnow]

I agree. NS you have a way of saying things that sticks in my head, in the best possible way!

[jane27]

Beautiful post NS :love:

SL, I was thinking about you today and the way everything has rolled out, I think you've done ONE helluva good job. If I could have just one wish, it would be that you would remember your quit mindset- shut any voices of doubt you may have out, and muscle your way into SL's Quit: Part 2. The last thing I want to do is turn you off or make you feel badly, but I just want you to be back and committed to the sobriety game with all your focus. Its the only way.

I was back reading old posts from other MWO'ers who at one time had considerable chunks of sobriety under their belt, but decided to give drinking another whirl. Many are MIA now, and none are sober. Its like jumping in for a swim at the top of Niagara falls. I can think of one case where the person slipped, got right back on the horse and stayed the course. That was Lolab In November of 2011. I believe you've got the heart and spirit to turn it around, but every minute counts. You've got to remember wanting it and get back to that place.

I was re-visiting NS's Relapse thread yesterday. There are a number of posts that made my stomach ache. MWO'ers that had pushed through those first few months and gone on to achieve the peace of mind of comes with sobriety/ freedom from addiction- now drinking again- seriously thinking it will be different this time. So much dissociation with their past experience that it almost seems delusional; even though its all laid out right here in each of their own words. I don't want you to fall back into that. You've run this through enough times to know that its never going to be different- it there was the chance for that, it would've happened a long time ago. Will you consider coming back to the Roll Call? All we have is now.

Wishing everyone a good MAE. xoxo

[Dottie Belle]

Morning ladies,
Drinking and thinking it will be different this time has gotten me in trouble in the past so I am being ever vigilant these days. Stress has always been a huge trigger for me and I sure have had my unfair share lately as have so many of us. The thing that keeps me from going back down that road is knowing that I may not have another quit in me and I am here alone and if I die from falling down the stairs or something stupid what will happen to my dogs or anything else I own. May sound selfish but that is what keeps me going. And knowing that I am only 1 drink away from a total meltdown. Sad but true.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Happy UN HUNG Sunday. What a great way to wake up.

NS - I agree that letting go is key. I began a gradual release, too - for several years, but made a lot easier without booze. You put it so nicely.

SL - I was near your neck of the woods yesterday - HOT! Hope you're staying cool and enjoying the weekend.

I am a little snappy - I apologized to my son for being grumpy and he said, "mom, I noticed you didn't get any exercise yesterday." Aaah. So true. I'm off to enjoy the good weather and get some time to myself. I don't know if any of you listened to the Serial podcast - SO good. There is another one put together by some lawyers and bloggers on the case called Undisclosed. VERY good. I'm going to tune in and tune out...

Hope you all are ok.

xo
Pav

[scottish lass]

Been thinking about Jane and NS's posts.
So, I have been doing a lot of thinking last three weeks (or longer). I used an excuse to have a drink, but have been looking into why I did that. Yes, there has always been the thought of a year and I am cured and therefore can drink again – and I did need to put that to rest. It is at rest now. I have got myself in a bit of a twit over a few things, not really big stuff – but lots of moderate and small things and it blew up.
It has taken me a while to sort out that I like – no - love being sober. I do not like what drinking does to me; the low mood, poor sleep, poor self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy…..etc., etc…I was staring to like who I was becoming and what I was able to do.
I am sorry that I experimented, but glad that I have got it over and done with. I am sad that I am not celebrating my 500 days. Today would have been 17months. But I have not thrown that away – it taught me what life could be like. I have learnt a lot both from being sober and from trying again.
I am low just now, but know why. And I know I can be happier and stronger again.
I feel I needed to do this (it is the sort of person that I am) – I have to find out for myself and if the thoughts kept on swirling around, they would keep on.
I appreciate the support and the feedback. I truly hope that I did not influence others. I know what I want and I am determined. A year without doesn’t change what alcohol does to me, and I like me much better without it. None of my concerns have gone away.
I am a LOAM.....

[NoSugar]

SL, your last sentence would sound crazy to most people but I love it! I'm happy to be a Loam, too.
DB, it's good to hear you're keeping yourself on the AF path. I must admit I was a little concerned with how you've been handling that on all these dates. Have all the guys been gracious when you decline? I hope so.
I loved the first season of Serial, Pav - thanks for the recommendation.

[little beagle]

Dottie I too am just one drink away from disaster. Oh maybe not right away, but tgat door would be open and the fights with myself over whether or not today was a special enough occasion for a drink, or I deserved a reward, what ever that liar can think of. So no thank you to any of it.
SL I personally don't think a little slip takes away from all you have gained from so much sobriety. I too like myself much better sober. As I notice those around me do too. I'm glad to be a LOAM with you.

[narilly]

I love being a LOAM too. It has been challenging at times but you all have helped me so much. On the weekend I went to a block party and the white wine looked so good. I just distracted myself and drank Perrier and club soda. I also had a virgin gin and tonic with soda. I call it a vigonic. It's fun to say.

Pav, I have listened to all of Serial and Undisclosed. I Loved that podcast, it was so interesting! I am waiting for the next Undisclosed. So good, I agree.

Hey Giraffe! I was very happy to hear from you. So glad you are racking up the days.

SL, Dottie, NS, TT, lil B, Ava, I am glad you are here.
Looking forward to an Un Hung Mon.