Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[acadiaofmaine]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

No Sugar,

It actually does help to "talk" about my feelings here. Who knew? I think many of us are private, isolating "escapers and numb-ers" as you said. Well, I should speak for myself. That is what I have become. A drink would take away the immediate anxiety but the consequences are eminently predictable. REMEMBER, DON'T DENY, consequences.

Chugging along. No AL in sight.

Ann

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ann, Good job adding the hyphen to numb-er! I just reread my post and wondered why I called myself a number - what? 2? 4? :H

I'd say type away whatever you're thinking or feeling. Someone might be able to help you and who knows, you might help someone else who reads what you wrote and no longer feels alone.

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, All:

J-Vo - OF course you're going to post on here what happened. That's why we have this thread. Remember what we all said earlier about honesty? I agree with Ava - forgive yourself, learn from your mistake, and let's all move forward. I think my question had to do with how I should react to such news. I want to be supportive and loving, and I want to be honest and ask hard questions. I think, as usual, Ava has it nailed. You farked up, now let's move on. My drinking is not your (any of your) responsibility, and I need to learn how to get through any number of things that will be difficult.

My response had more to do with that idea of relapse. I really have to believe in my heart of hearts that I won't relapse, or else I wouldn't be able to stop the chatter in my head. If drinking even one night were an inevitability, then I may as well do it now, right? What threw me was that you seemed so strong (like that woman whose blog NS shared), so all of a sudden that made me question the inevitability of relapse. I have thought and talked about it enough, including here with you all, and discovered that I still feel very strong in my quit. What this does is strengthen my resolve on my own journey. It is especially helpful, as you know because you have discussed it at length, for all of us to understand WHY and HOW this happened so we can avoid it in the future. In that regard, it is both generous and brave of you to share your whole story here with us.

Humble and NS - I really don't know how I will react when I am tempted like that. Will I make the call? It seems like an incredibly hard call to make if your addicted brain has already made a decision to drink. (Read that idea of the pink cloud for a description of how THAT works). This is the first time I have earnestly tried to quit, declared that out loud to my DH, you all, and a friend who lives several hundred miles away. In the past I have said to my husband "I think I'll take it easy this week," and then two days later, "will you pick up a bottle of vodka for me." Because I was so good at hiding what I was doing, he always picked up the bottle. Now he understands not to do that, so there is one safeguard, and I have MWO and specifically this thread as another safeguard as well.

I am going to second what NS said - anyone lurking who might want to join but has slipped and doesn't know how to jump back in - now is the perfect time! Come back and let's get moving forward.

Nar - Stay safe! We're back to 70F days and no rain in sight. There is severe fire danger tonight due to the dry, windy weather - I've never heard of that in January. Crazy.

AoM - I'm with you - talking here helps me so much. That's why you all have to put up with my looong posts. Anything I type is for me as much as it is for you all. I am a talker by nature, but alcohol is one thing I never felt comfortable talking about. It really feels like a weight being lifted off my shoulders to let these things out.

I am leaving you with Ava's wise words to Rahul on his thread - I appreciated them then, and I still appreciate them. Posts like this help keep me on the sober path. Good night, loamers! Thanks so much for your wonderful, thoughtful support.

Rahul we can talk about giving up till the cows come home, i know i did. What did it achieve? me sinking into oblivion with al being my only friend. Al is my worst hated enemy, he is not a friend, he hurt me, he hurt my loved ones, he was destroying my life and I kept letting him. Why because i could not imagine my life sober, i could not imagine dealing with normal everyday shit that occurs in everyones life everyday. The bottle was so much easier to fall into. BUT when my children started to comment daily on my al intake and to look in the mirror and realise what i had become which was NOTHING then i decided I HAD TO DO SOMETHING. No one else, just me. Until you realise this then you will keep drinking.

You can write what you want constantly but it will not stop you drinking. I wanted to give up daily, woke with a hangover and thought today i would not drink to only start again and again and again. You and only you can get off this merry go round. The people here give support and love and understanding for me being af and proving to them i can do this has been my ultimate reward and also to see the proudness in my childrens eyes keeps me strong.

I have kept an eye on your posts like us all and it is the same old, same old story. Dont ever think we dont feel empathy for your battle as we have all been there and done that but if you dont help yourself then we cant.

I am only on day 33 and it has been a struggle, it has not been easy, so many times i wanted to say "fuck it" but i didnt and i wont. I dont want to go through withdrawals again, i definitely dont want to disappoint me or my children and i wont disappoint the supportive people i have met on here who i am sure many a time wanted to give up on me. The only person i will fail at the end of the day is ME and i am worth much much more than the poison that used to be my best and only friend.

[Byrdlady]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Loamers, I hope you don't mind if I share a scare I had along the way. I had a quit mate that was 2 weeks ahead of me. The words she wrote I would swear I could have written. Our thoughts and temperament were the same. When we were at 6 months she fell. I felt ALONE, Betrayed and scared. It was as if I were now standing front and center on a ledge and that my fall was just a matter of time. I didn't want that to happen! I had too much to lose! I realized I had complete control over this. Relapse is NOT inevitable if I choose NOT to do it. In the 3 years I have been sober, I have always had the choice to say NO. I am NOT going to start over, it IS my choice. I have lost too many people I care about, I am not going to lose ME again!

i have been on both sides.....when I kept falling, I didn't want to be lectured, but I needed some tough love....and Lav gave it. She would say that she was sorry that I chose to drink. It is a fine line, I huffed off a few times, too. I didn't think anyone else understood how hard this was! (Can you imagine how wrong that was? EVERYBODY here knows how hard this is!) what I lacked was the skill needed to surf an urge. It IS a skill and it takes practice.

This is a great conversation....one I wish I could have had when I felt so vulnerable back then. This place has come a long way....in large part due to you ladies right here. Keep up the great work! If Anyone wants my cell phone number to put in your arsenal, just let me know. I will help any way I can. Hugs to all! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

If anyone at MWO is on a mission, Byrdie, it is YOU. And thank goodness for all of us that you are :l.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Byrdlady;1612635 wrote: Loamers, I hope you don't mind if I share a scare I had along the way. I had a quit mate that was 2 weeks ahead of me. The words she wrote I would swear I could have written. Our thoughts and temperament were the same. When we were at 6 months she fell. I felt ALONE, Betrayed and scared. It was as if I were now standing front and center on a ledge and that my fall was just a matter of time. I didn't want that to happen! I had too much to lose! I realized I had complete control over this. Relapse is NOT inevitable if I choose NOT to do it. In the 3 years I have been sober, I have always had the choice to say NO. I am NOT going to start over, it IS my choice. I have lost too many people I care about, I am not going to lose ME again!

i have been on both sides.....when I kept falling, I didn't want to be lectured, but I needed some tough love....and Lav gave it. She would say that she was sorry that I chose to drink. It is a fine line, I huffed off a few times, too. I didn't think anyone else understood how hard this was! (Can you imagine how wrong that was? EVERYBODY here knows how hard this is!) what I lacked was the skill needed to surf an urge. It IS a skill and it takes practice.

This is a great conversation....one I wish I could have had when I felt so vulnerable back then. This place has come a long way....in large part due to you ladies right here. Keep up the great work! If Anyone wants my cell phone number to put in your arsenal, just let me know. I will help any way I can. Hugs to all! Byrdie

What I need to know, Byrdie and NS, how the hell do these perfect words just fall out of your mouths? How do these thoughts come together like that? How can you say the exact things that people/we need to hear? OMG. :wow3::loveyou:

[Caper]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good segue… I have to thank you both, NS and j-vo, for your kind invitation to join you here. And, yes, NS, I am a “lady.” Well, thinking back on my behavior at times; okay, we won’t go there! Anyway, in all the time I’ve been hanging out on MWO, I don’t think I’ve visited the Monthly Abstinence section more than a couple of times. I know this thread is only a month or so old but I have to admit that I haven’t gone back to read all your posts. I started with just the last few days, but I already feel that maybe I’ve finally found a place here on MWO where I “belong.” Maybe it’s just that I’m an old curmudgeon – but I am so weary of threads where every post has to end in a “LOL.” In one of my many lives, I write, and this whole “short mouth” thing drives me insane. Sorry… rant over! Anyway, I’m looking forward to getting to know you all. Acadia (I love ME) I think you’ve “outed” me; I too am so much a loner. HR; I’m with you; if I’ve decided to drink… and I feel without question that it is a choice, not a slip… then the last thing I want to do is call someone who might talk me out of it! Ava – you seem to be such a level-headed person – I really want to hang onto your coattails if you don’t mind. Pav – I loved your comment about alcoholism being a disease with reference to breast cancer. So enlightening! Oh, and my stars, when I had to disappear for a while before finishing up my post, doesn’t the one and only ByrdLady show up? This must be “meant to be.” Thanks, all. I look forward to hanging out with you.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav, you're right. Ava said it, and I did FARK up. I'm not FARKING up today. ODAT sista! And love all of your posts. You get all of your thoughts out, and that's what we need to do. Not keep anything back. And the thing is, I was feeling strong. No thoughts whatsoever. Until that very moment. So, we can be fine one minute, then emotions may change, something may feel overwhelming (which is what happened to me) and within literally seconds, it was over. So, again, I'm gonna catch that thought that will come flying out of nowhere, and beat it to a freaking pulp. Byrdie said she'd help me. NS said she would. All of you said you would. So get your gloves on sista, because I may need your help in beatin' the shit out of him next time. I'm gonna find you, someone, and Ava, I'll pay to call you and wake you the hell up if I have to. Oh, jeez, thanks for being here for me. Everyone. Thank you.

Acadia, keep talking, even if it doesn't make sense, like I JUST DID. I'm sure I made no sense, but I certainly understood me. I'm leaning on you loamers.

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Caper! Welcome Sista Loamer. And we don't do LOL here. We do FFS!

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Welcome Caper. I am glad you feel like you can relate to us young gals we have some really insightful conversations here. We will give you lots to think about!

J-Vo, I'm here for you sista. Love you.
You helped me stay sober on Sat night. We learn from each other that is for sure.

Pav, SL, Byrdie, wow, you ladies have a way with words.

Talk soon,

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey Caper - good to see you here, and you are so very welcome - you will find this is a good place to hang out.
It is a busy thread, with lots of good support - I have been missing a bit recently as it sometimes moves at warp speed and hard to keep up, but really great people hang out here - and when the days are tempting, there is usually someone hanging out to help pass the urges....

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey, Ms. Caper - glad you found the thread.

So what's up with you other than being female :H? You don't have to write your whole life story, of course, but it would be fun to get to know you.

SL, thanks for that liver function test thread - it's nice to have official information.

Back to the calling or texting someone topic - I think you have to have a plan that you are so committed to and have visualized yourself doing so often that you pretty much just put it into action without a lot of thought - sort of like a practiced emergency drill. Before that first business trip I referred to, I went over in my head the various drinking situations I knew I was going to face - and there were many! I hadn't anticipated the specific challenge of being publicly called out for not joining in a toast but the mental run-throughs I had done still helped. I continue to "practice" my responses - thoughts really can become actions.

Here's another thing, I was so sick of all the empty promises I'd been making to myself for way too long, I felt really motivated to prove to myself that I could keep my promise of taking some specific actions before I would drink. Promising myself I wouldn't drink seemed too daunting at the beginning but at least I could give myself a fighting chance.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all
Great thoughts on here, thanks! I have a day off which is great but not a lot of motivation which is not so great because I have heaps to do..
It's good to be back here again
check in later!
x
Pat

[HumbleRider]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good to see you here, Caper. There are so many enlightening and entertaining women in this thread, all contributing to mass sobriety. And there's relatively little to no lol'ing, fer fecks sake.

NS, I was thinking if I were part of the toasting situation, I might have felt compelled to pretend to sip it and toast along with them. I know that would have felt awkward, but I may have frozen into rote behavior, not having had a plan. I like the idea of thinking things through, the what-ifs, in advance and planning how to react. It's actually kind of fun to think of different scenarios and the best way to behave.

For now, though, I'm trying to keep busy at home and work, not getting myself into drinking mode or with drinking people if possible. I value my sobriety and don't want to go out of my way to test my limits right now. I just keep remembering gagging and wiping my chin with my sleeve as I sneakily swigged shots from the cheap pint of vodka in the closet one day towards the end there. I was so mentally and physically sick of drinking, making a fool out of myself, getting mysterious bruises, and yet there I was, finishing off the pint.

Well, no more. 70+ days. Finally, my headaches are almost gone, and I'm getting to sleep at night. I no longer think of myself as an insomniac. I'm off to bed, so I'll check in tomorrow morning. Everyone, thanks for being here, some interesting and thoughtful posts to respond to. Have a great AF MAE FFS.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Humble - so glad your headaches are gone and the sleep is back! Makes a difference
Ava, Wow it's hot in your hood, a friend of mine said it was 43!! But is it a dry or humid heat?