Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[treetops]

I think we do understand where you are at Jane. And I know the suicidal feelings too. Thats been there in my life and still bubbles away. But I won't act on it anymore.
But if the suicidal thoughts become too constant and real, get thee to a doctor. Talk to a real person face to face. I mean that!

[jane27]

Thanks TT. I've come to regard them like any another physical symptom- its an indication of a problem- nothing more. I appreciate you sharing that you get it. I wish talk therapy wasn't so costly. Fees range from 150- 300 for 45 minutes, and very little of that is reimbursed. I think Id have to be quite desperate before going that route again, but I am open to it.

[treetops]

Yes I know what you mean re the therapy. Its very expensive here too and not covered by insurance (if you have it - as health insurance isn't the norm here). I have a kind and good GP and thats an option for me.
Also some therapists are dreadful, some are charlatans, some are patronizing - but not all of course.

Even if you are not religious, you could talk to a minister etc if desperate. Sometimes they are really helpful.

[jane27]

Morning Loamers,

Found an inspirational quote to kick my day off with and thought I would share it. Wishing everyone a bewdie.

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”
― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

[peppersnow]

Good Morning LOAMERS...back from my convention and just checking in. Jane, I've had those thoughts, too, but toward the end of my drinking career. Those last few years I was waiting and looking forward to death. Yesterday, our mail carrier came to the door and I was munching on some cantaloupe, and she told me that I looked great and asked the old "how did you do it?" question (II weighed myself for the first time in 8 months last week and discovered I've lost 47 pounds since March 23, 2014). What I wanted to say was, "I decided that instead of hoping and waiting for death, I wanted to give life another shot so I quit drinking." But instead I just told her that I was eating a lot of cantaloupe (it was in my hand so the first thing I could think of!). I haven't had those thoughts sober. I'm glad to know that you realize the warning signs and know you may need to get help if those thoughts keep up.

I missed the sugar discussion, but am on my third week of being sugar-free, although I've been using stevia as a substitute occasionally. Not crazy about the after-taste. What I have found is that fruits like cantaloupe and berries seem much sweeter than ever before. I've never been much of a strawberry fan, as they always tasted a bit sour to me, but they now seem very sweet. Within the past 3 days or so, I've discovered that fruit is now an effective substitute for the sugary treats I've been craving (like ice cream). I have one more week until I can add some maple sugar and honey back into my diet - I'm on a plan that my gastro doc recommended. And thanks for those sugar links and videos, which I'm going to check out later today.

To those in the US, Happy 4th tomorrow and enjoy your unhung July 5th!

[scottish lass]

Wow - well done Pepper! That is huge! Hope you feel good in your new size, that is the most important thing.
LB - sorry about the hubbie...again....
Jane - I have no words of advice for you...I do hope that you can get help if it comes to that. I know that when I first stopped drinking, I had a stupid idea that it would fix everything and was so let down when it did not....I am now trying hard to find my own happiness..
I was talking to my younger, and a little larger, daughter about sugar - awareness is huge and making wise choices is great. We are spending summer learning to eat real - fresh fruit/veg/meat and fish - and less processed. It is starting to catch on, but not giving up the icecream!
Picked up the car - hopefully that lasts a good long while. He said that most people have a year between services but the amount i drive it is more like ever three months, so I have to just accept it...the savings for my trip home are sadly diminished...

Little whine - my oldest is in summer school - I started by contacting the teachers and asking for updates to try and stay on top of things, explaining her ADHD - had a good response for one teacher and have had a couple emails about nothing substansial - we are half way thru and I emailed her back asking to please know how she is doing to learn she has an F and missing assignments. I reminded her that is why i asked for updates and reminded her about teh ADHD - to which she responded that it did not seem as if my daughter had ADHD, she just did not use class time well!!! For :cuss:sake!!! My daughter had no idea she was failing, I was given no updates and now we are half way thru and catching up is such an uphill battle. I am not sure that she can do it.....the other class she is at 73% so at least she may pass one, but failing the other will not get us on track to graduate - I am so disheartened....

So I am great apart from car bill and failing summer school....at least I am not drinking, nor do I feel any need to....their dad is supposed to take them to a ball game with fireworks tonight (he promised them but no response to texts or emails :sad I have fresh mozzarella and tomatoes to make caprese for myself - my treat instead of my old fall back!
Happy Friday (that feels like a Saturday) Pav, Jane, LB, TT, Nar, NS

[scottish lass]

wow - where is everyone today.

Just had my supper - and had a fleeting thought - I started to think how much of my drinking was habit. Now the alcohol is out of my system, and I am banishing the romance of drinking, the next is habit. Their dad picked up the girls (only 30mins late) and I had my nice supper planned and very first thought was a glass to go with! I had bought some chicken to BBQ tomorrow, so busied myself marinating it (which was not the plan), then put my supper together, watching silly girly TV and thought I would just sign in as the noise is in my head - drinking sparkling water and lime, and really very content - just the old habit of a night by myself having a certain rhythm - have to make new treat habits! When I would do the spoil myself night, I hugely regretted drinking the next morning. I will have no regrets tomorrow, isn't that the best!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Friday evening, moving thru to Saturday....

[little beagle]

I had a great day SL. Looking forward to an unhung weekend.
Jane I too have had those negative thoughts. No stopping drinking did not make everything in life magically easy, but it did make it easier to deal with the problems. And I don't want tonsee you disappear. I wish I could do more to help you. You will not believe what happened. A friendcof Hubby's gave him a tiny male beagle. I think he's a pocket beagle. He's about 8 months old, but TINY. I told hubby that he's nothing but a giant thief. He's stealing our hearts. And that makes 4. I honestly just don't have time to feel bad lately.
I hope all GLOAMers have a wonderful weekend and please everyone celebrate your freedom from alcohol tomorrow with me.

[treetops]

Thats so cute LB!
SL - yes it is habit indeed. And the romance we associate with those habits. I could write a true Jane long-list of my old romantic (and I don't mean the kissy kissy stuff) associations with AL. Like tonight which is Saturday night - and I must instead do a major marathon work task - been dreading it. Its mostly donkey work and it would be so much easier with a few (haha - thats a joke!) sips of wine. And once I would have thought I deserved it. And once, it would have also given me the energy boost I so need at the moment. But clock through to the reality - and things would have got messy, I would have got paranoid and neurotic and been a million times more anxious the next day.
I won't finish my task tonight - its going to spin out over several days - and I just have to be a big girl and accept this.

The moral of the story is - don't drink, break those habits and those associations. Sometimes it seems that its not fair - but I betcha the alternatives don't make a pretty story either.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Boy is that the truth, SL. At first I thought things would be completely better when I quit - a little disappointed when the magic didn't happen. You have had a shitty couple of days - glad you're not drinking. My son has ADHD and I don't think most of his teachers get it at all "he doesn't use class time well." Of course he doesn't - that's the nature of the beast. I am sure it is frustrating to be his teacher, and for sure there are some times when it is VERY hard to distinguish between ADHD and teen-aged boy (or girl as the case may be). I DO wish she had communicated better with you. That drinking habit is hard to break. I am now in the habit of the sparkling water with lime - I hardly ever think of drinking at "that" time of day any more - I have a new habit. They do take a while to form.

Jane - Thanks for sharing. Sorry you feel so crappy, but good that you are refocused and creating a plan to get by. One trite but true quote from al anon (my sister shared it with me) - today's expectations are tomorrow's disappointments. Sometimes I want things to go a certain way - a very particular way - and when they don't I am very disappointed. I have been trying to temper my expectations with the knowledge that I can't control everything (golly! when will I finally learn that one for good?).

LB - a mini Beagle? Didn't know there WAS such a thing. Four dogs?! How did you ever find the time to drink?

Good night - I am in a foul mood myself. Getting myself to bed so I can wake up and start fresh.

xo to all you gloamers (although we're missing some Gs around here these days).

Pav

[jane27]

Jane - Thanks for sharing. Sorry you feel so crappy, but good that you are refocused and creating a plan to get by. One trite but true quote from al anon (my sister shared it with me) - today's expectations are tomorrow's disappointments. Sometimes I want things to go a certain way - a very particular way - and when they don't I am very disappointed. I have been trying to temper my expectations with the knowledge that I can't control everything (golly! when will I finally learn that one for good?).

Pav

Pav, Thank you. I am a living, breathing drama queen. It can be painful at the low end. Thankfully, now that I'm home and in my comfort zone, things have reverted back to a pace and pitch I can handle. I'm surprised by how upended I got. It didn't occur to me to try on the group dynamic in my head before jumping in to that situation. It was painful for me. My problem entirely- and you nailed it perfectly. I hate when I get caught unprepared. It reminds me of a time when I was 17, at the beach, and after seeing 5-10 of my friends run run dive into the ocean, thought it would be as easy as that. I KNOW how to swim, but yikes did I underestimate that one. Almost had to be saved by the darn lifeguard. So embarrassing.

Congrats on pup 4 Lil. I cant wait to see pictures! xoxo

[little beagle]

TT the alternatives are downright ugly.
Happy freedom day everyone.

[NoSugar]

Good MAE, Loamers

I hope it's a nice holiday for all those celebrating. Our outside activities are being affected by an incredible mosquito population because of all the rain we've had. It's kind of disappointing not to enjoy being outside during what is normally my favorite time of year - l love summer. It also isn't very hot but most people are pretty happy about that (just not me).

I've not had the tough experiences some of you've described the last couple days but they sound like things much better dealt with sober -- so glad we all are :hug:. I hope you find some solutions/assistance/peace soon.

Looking back from this perspective, it is amazing that I stuck with such a poor solution for handling stress for so dang long. Every single morning I was fully aware that it hadn't really worked and made me ultimately feel awful and yet every evening I gave it another try. I suppose that is the nature of addiction but once you can think logically - how stupid and destructive it all was. No wonder it is really tough for people who've not had the experience to understand it. I can barely understand it - and I've lived it!

Enjoy the fireworks and sober sleep. xx, NS

[scottish lass]

Hi ladies - Got up nice and bright today - went on my Saturday walk with my borrowed dogs, managed about 6 miles before it hit the 90's - no 100"s forecast this week...
NS - hot here and no rain - it would be nice if we could share everything a bit more...I think our mossies are fried!
Pav - I knew you would understand - I am so not bashing teachers, I am grateful that some will do summer school, but if you are going to, please help us!
A mini me LB - sounds very sweet! Hope your hubbie can use the new arrival as something to focus on for a while?
We are having a little BBQ tonight - one of my daughters friends is round for a sleep-over, she has been terribly depressed - hospitalized a couple times and missed almost the whole year of school so it will be nice to see her recovering - my girl has been so worried about her..they are at the local pool that is kindly open till 4pm so they are staying cool. I am working out how to do a big 4th July BBQ on a mini scale! There is an old fire pit in the back I am tempted to try and make work, but my lawn is completely dead (drought measures) so wondering if that may not be wise, but it could be fun...
Have a great day all...

[treetops]

SL- Thats lovely that your daughter is supporting her friend. The poor girl. Be careful with the BBQ - here in NZ and Australia they are often banned when fire risks high but I am sure you will be very careful.

Well I went on a mini-walk today - its Sunday. Lovely and sunny, some spring flowers already but snow predicted later in the week. Makes clothes-selection exciting!
Hope drama queens and all others of the less dramatic inclination are enjoying the weekend.
Funeral tomorrow - that I will be talking at. It will be a long day. Also lots of other things to attend to at work this week.