Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[NoSugar]

I'll look for the recipe Nar - sounds tasty! I haven't been able to eat gluten for over 25 years - had to quit long before it became "popular". I'm feeling somewhat better this evening, I'm thankful to say.
Glad your back is improving - a bad one makes everything so hard.
Have a good week, All.

[little beagle]

Steady it's wonderful to see you here. I often think about you. As you are my quit buddy. And I've wondered how you have been doing.
Soft Focus I have read your posts on the gratitude thread. I try to focus on the wonderful changes in my life sincecquitting drinking. It makes it worth while.
Sorry for the gluten incident NS. I sometimes buy things on impules, get home and then read the labels. Too much suger or fat, msg, hfcs.
Narilly soinds like you've been having adventures. The mountains. Wow. And swimming. I'm glad you are getting to spend so much time with your mother. Good.
One of the harder things for me is learning to sit with my feelings. Pain, anger, disapointment. Mant times I have had to tell myself. The Only Way Out Is Through. I know it will pass. That makes it more bearable. I've had a very full weekend. Moving stuff out of our storage rental. I told hubby I refuse to pay for itvanother month. Really. The price just keeps going up and nothing in there is really worth paying to store it. I could buy brand new Mardi Gras beads for the amount I'm paying to store them for the parade next year. Really. I'm looking forward to waking up tomorrow with no regrets, unhung on a Monday morning.
Hope you are staying warm TT. And Ava. I saw your frosty post in FB.

[little beagle]

Xpost NS. Glad you are feeling better.

[jane27]

Hi SoftFocus & Steady, nice to see you guys and hope you'll join our party!

Nar, especially nice to hear from you. I always enjoy hearing about your Mom. What kinds of things do you guys like to do together?

After a relatively mild summer we're starting to feel the heat kick in here. I have felt so much better with the prednisone pack. Tomorrow is the last pill & my appointment with the ent is next week. It'd be cool if they can figure out an action plan. 2 rounds of augmentin didn't do anything. Still have a fever, but at least I have energy. I don't understand the whole prednisone thing. I know it's a necessary evil for many, but bad to take long term in high doses. Also makes me puffy and hungry. Maybe I need sinus surgery?

Hope all my Gloamers had a nice weekend! Finished spraying my Delaware oysters ( with clear coat polyurethane). They look shiny & beautiful. Very different from the oyster shells in Florida.

30 days for G today! 31 by now.

See you guys tomorrow. Xxx

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

Welcome, Steady. I THOUGHT you were LBs quit mate. Glad to see you here.

I am pooped after a long hot day in the sun with son #2, but we had a great day.

Nar - because of the World Cup and other things a lot of my friends have been in the Canadian mountains this summer. I can say for sure that it is on my bucket list now - so amazingly beautiful. Sorry if we got alarmed...

Good night, all.

Pav

[scottish lass]

Hi Nar!! So ready for my bed - late on Sunday night here! Glad you are keeping busy....
I had asked a while back if you had posted a good hummus recipe a while ago? I tried one I found but was not too impressed....

Steady - hi!!! So good to see new folks, and I look forward to getting to know you. Being a LOAM is wonderful.

Just in from work (another couple trips through the wine region - really beautiful!) - couple really long, tough, complicated cases....but made lots of miracles happen this week.

Spoke to my mum on the phone, she is getting so excited. She was talking of all the blackcurrants she had picked, so I said we could make ribena for me to drink - I said that's what I drink know I don't drink and she replied I KNOW you don't drink any more - I think I may have said it a few times:welldone:

NS - we take our empties in to a recycling center and get money back - on garbage day, the homeless are wandering around getting the empties to take in for cash. The girls got $53 yesterday.

Well, need to get to bed, have not had a full nights sleep in forever....or so it feels.
Be good lovely ladies (and any gents stopping in) - see you tomorrow

[treetops]

Thats great SL that your Mum gets it.

I need a great hummus recipe too. I used to make it when i was a grad student but have lost the knack.
also got my blood results - liver functions seems to be in the 'normal' range and lipids, sugars all are very good. Must be the ice-cream i eat regularly!

[jane27]

Gooood Morning Gloamers!
NS I was speaking with a person who had colitis the other day. Eating gluten renders him doubled over in pain. I guess the pain is so bad what it pretty much wipes out any temptation he has to eating gluten containing food. Its a nice thing that there are gluten free options out there.

I want to put a topic on the table for discussion. When it comes to spending down time with my hubs, I feel anxious. Our habit is to revert to what needs to be done., and we both have different ideas about what needs to be done. His to do list doesn't appeal to me, and neither does mine appeal to him, so we usually do something of his, and something of mine. His list is often outside of out home focused (help his Mom with XYZ), and mine consists of everything relating to the house (pacakage up stuff we ordered from Kohls and need to return, put up the new shade, weeding). I usually make breakfast and lunch, and chip away at the laundry. We watch some Netflix, we went swimming in the pool- but I feel so uptight and anxious throughout all of it. Annoyed even. Meals are a big deal and I have to be aware of the time and has he eaten. Dinner, we order simple stuff when the kids aren't home, or I'll make something simple. I adore him but there is an underlying irritability of my wanting to get away, He will go out for a haircut, come back and 30 minutes later he's yelling up the stairs 'Hi! I'm back!" I have developed this weird habit of staying up until 2 and 3 in the morning surfing the internet after he falls asleep. I think I'm trying to carve out something that feels gratifying because its about me, but its not really working. I still feel like I'm always searching for a private moment-like I cant get away from him, the kids and his mother. Its as though if you pretend obligations are books- I feel like I am unable to get those books out of my head lomng enough to ecxperience anytihgin personally gratifying. On top of that, I feel guilty about the late hours web surfing, and also that when he and I do spenf time together on weeeknds, I alternate between feeling dozy and hoping for a few hours alone to do nothing, to feeling pressure to entertain him because he gets anxiious when he is not being productive- and he rarely "gets productive" on a task unless I join in. This passed weekend we worked on going through vaca photos (he's is creating small scrapbooks to give to everyone). To boil it down, I'm not sure I know how couple down time works- and that anxiety has been a culprit for wine reminiscing, because when I used to drink it gave me energy and enthusiasm and Id say LET'S DO THIS! (make a painting, clean up the garage, go to the movies, get together with friends). Sober, I am not the energetic activities coorrdinator that I used to be. One reason getting a dog appeals to me is that it is something for us to do together.
Would you guys mind sharing with me how you balance your time - managing home to do lists, laundry, cooking & family needs, getting some alone time, and carving out soul time with your spouses/partners or friends?

[NoSugar]

SL, how nice that your mom is ready to support you. I don't know what Ribina is but if it is AF - guzzle away!!

Jane, my husband and I do some projects together but like you noted, we differ in emphasis. For example, when we do yard work, he is interested in clearing major overgrown areas or trimming trees and bushes while I obsess about weeds. So, he focuses on what he cares about and so do I. We have very different interests in terms of recreational activities and hobbies, too. So, many of those are done independently. On the other hand, others can be enjoyed in what seems to me like kids' "parallel play". We can be in the same room, doing different activities, and share our progress. We also are often in the same room with one of us watching something and the other reading. We also don't overlap much in movie/TV/reading taste but when one of us runs across something we think the other might find enjoyable or interesting, we try to share it. All that sounds like we don't have much in common but we've been married over 35 years so it has worked out. The important thing to me is that we share basic values and priorities and are kind and respectful to one another.

This is a great article on the subject: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/ar...-after/372573/.

[narilly]

TT, way to go on the liver tests. Good thing you aren't drinking!

My hubby and I are very different in what we want to do. I listen to CBC, our public broadcaster, and he watches sports a lot. I like news and he doesnt' really care about it. He listens to the 24 hour comedy channel on the radio in his truck which is totally annoying. I love to laugh but can't listen to comedy on the radio for hours on end. He cannot cook AT ALL and I cook all the time, I love it. But it works for us, he does what I cannot. He fixes everything around the house and does the manual stuff which is great. Like NS says, we share basic values and priorities and and kind and respectful to each other. We have been married for 24 years.

Enjoying this Un Hung day so far. Now I am going to go outside and drink my coffee in the sunshine. Yippee!

[jane27]

Thanks NS & Nar. I know that this is one of those things where I think he's expecting something, I feel pressure to make the passage of time spent together (after work & on weekends) be something that makes him feel happy and productive, but the wall that I run up against is that I don't feel like doing the shit he wants to do, and yet I cant find a way to free myself from feeling tethered to him. I believe we are also very different. I would love to try kayaking, but he cant swim. When it comes to the physical stuff- once I'm motivated I get in to it. He doesn't like a to break a sweat. He would like to got into NYC to see a play- I find going into the city a huge hassle. I'd definitely rather take the train to avoid traffic- but he wants to drive. I don't want it see seem like I'm enthusiastic and easy going and he's a dud- we both can be lazy. The times that I enjoy with him are usually when we work on a creative project together- like re-upholstering a piece of furniture, or painting over a painting to give it a different twist- but it has to come from my suggestion. Drinking was so helpful in terms of sparking enthusiasm/creating fake energy to get his/ us psyched up. Sober its not the same. I feel guilty for not really wanting to do anything with him, guilty that when he goes out for 5 minutes and come back, she yells, "Hi!!! Its me!"

He LOVES food but I don't have a great appetite for meat & poultry. He needs to eat very healthy because of the diabetes, and I don't want to spend 3 hours making dinner. I adore him, but I feel a suffocated babysitter.

I don't mean to complain but was thinking NS about what you had said with regard to posting things of substance- and this issue is definitely on my plate right now, and an opponent to my sobriety. That's not a hint or a threat- its just a fact, and the reason I need to find creative ways to change up the way I feel and how we spend time.
In other news, someone just told me about an app called MovieTube4.0. Apparently you can stream movies currently in the theatres right on your phone or thru a Smart TV.

Gonna go out and test the pool water. Did you do anything fun with your Mom Nar?

Lastly, a poll for all Gloamers: would you take a 20 minute sea plane ride over a lake (for upcoming trip to Seattle?) I did not fare well when I did a hot air balloon ride. Im scared because I had the passenger door of a Piper Saratoga break and fly open at 2000ft high. I really thought I was going to die. It was fine; we have to do an emergency landing, but it was so scary.

[treetops]

Interesting convo here about spending down time with one’s live-in partner (of course not all of us have one) & thanks for raising this Jane.
I guess its been one of the big issues in my life with G. (my partner of c 21 years). We have some interests in common (travel (but staying together in the same room is a problem because of his severe snoring), walking (but he walks too slow for me), art, books, movies, politics. But that's not always enough for long periods of time together and this I what I dread about when we retire and when my daughter leaves home. Its kind of always been this way – I am the organiser, the doer and I get bored easily. He hates making decisions or discussing options. He has endless patience most of the time and can sit for hours doing nothing, playing computer games or watching mindless TV. He likes sitting around. That drives me crazy. OK, I know its my problem –but it makes for some tense times.

Fortunately I have a fulfilling career/profession and that keeps me very absorbed. I work a lot at home – but often that's writing or admin tasks – so I need my own space. That's OK with him because it gives him space to just read, stare into space or potter around in the garden where he spends hours clipping leaves off trees. But he still expects me to provide meals, shop, deal with the household stuff – yes, even when all he is doing is sitting. I regard myself as a feminist and so this is odd for me. The problem is that if I don’t do the household stuff, esp the cooking, it just doesn't happen and invariably that makes even more work for me. And leads to arguments.

We have tried a few date nights and they were a disaster. We always end up talking about our daughter, my work or my past drinking – I sometimes can get him to open up about himself but that can be a minefield. I dont mind this but he does. I have to watch him quickly eat lots of food on these dates. He used to watch me drink. There is the unspoken assumption about sex, which is kind of complicated these days too. We find we have much better conversations about neutral interests (funny but politics/religion/society are neutral because we are on the same page).

I guess I am trying to work with this, compromise, – but its bloody hard. Do I just retire from the relationship as well and find my own satisfaction – and hope that sometimes we can click? I am not dependent on him, I dont want to do mundane shared tasks with him either, but I love/like him and he is a good, kind and loyal person. A great father. He has despite all his behaviour really strong ethics. I used to drink through all of this, for many years he joined me in this alcoholic bond – but now that's removed. So dear Gloamers, Jane has raised a tough one. At present with our paid work – we don't have much time to dwell on some on these issues. But it will be more and more of an issue that's for sure.

Jane - As for the sea plane ride - of course I would do it! But if you dont want to do it Jane - just say no. I won't go up in ferris wheels and I will not sing in public. Ever.

[scottish lass]

So glad results are good TT.
No partner here and sometimes I am so very grateful...I am getting a wee bit selfish, but enjoying it - of course there are times it would be nice to have someone help decide what to do....
Beat, but phone should not ring tonight. Count down to home now.....
NS - Ribena is blackcurrant cordial that I dilute with fizzy water - it is usually a kids drink with plain water in UK...little high in sugar, but I have it well diluted, so it works for me.
Not sure my mother is supporting, but more she heard the message - I have no doubt I will be encouraged to have the "just one" on a daily basis as life is scheduled around drinks...

[little beagle]

SL glad you can say no to the just one though. It's nice, isn't it?
TT I'm glad tge test results came back good.
Jane time spend together for hubby and I use to involve lots of alcohol. We are still working on finding our balance. This summer has been spent mostly apart. He has been working in NO. And will be there a while longer. But on the weekends he sleeps a lot. We do have our Friday night date with the office we clean. A neutral place where we agree no fighting or heavy discussions. Just relaxed work. It's nice. And we already know how the money is to be spent. On our car. It's our one time each week. And we both enjoy it. The rest of the time we kind of do our own thing. We have separate interests. But at bed time we talk a little and i do my checkin here while he does facebook. I don't think you should feel like you have to organize everything. I use to think that too. But I've been surprised how much more relaxed I am not doing that. And a happier me makes for better time together. And we do have the motorcycle we go on rides on. That's fun.
Having a door come off a plane, not so sure I could make myself get back in a small one like that!

[narilly]

Lil B, I love the motorcycle rides too, we haven't gone on any this year though. My hubby is working doing maintenance/reno work for now. There are no jobs for people in the Oil and Gas industry. Hopefully it picks up in September.

I went driving around with my mom today looking at houses. She wants to buy a rental property. My mom is hilarious, always thinking of a way to make more money. She is 81 and tells me she is not dead yet and will spend her money the way she wants.... "ok mom" is all I say.
Jane, I would love to go for a dip in the pool with you. It was really hot today and will be in the 80's all week. Mid 20's in Celsius.

TT, you have quite a complicated relationship with your man. I guess they are all complicated if you really think about it. (Lil B, Jane, Pav, NS, all of us) I just know our men are lucky to have us- We are all so wonderful!

Well, time for me to hit the sack. I am sober of course because I don't drink! Right Pav?

Good night.