Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[All done drinking]

AF a week today and went to my first AA meeting. Don't feel the need to follow the whole program (a meeting a day, etc.) as I have the support here and do not need to detox or anything like that. Just need to get real with the fact that I can NOT control my drinking. When the shut off valve works sometimes and you never know when, best to not get started. Heard a line I liked today in AA that I wanted to share. If you haven't heard it, you will definitely appreciate it: "There is no problem so bad that alcohol can't make it worse". Loved that one! LOL.

Good night all and another successful AF day for me. :welldone:

:love:Addy (All done drinking...Yes!)

[narilly]

Hello Addy, glad you can join us. We definitely are on a mission not to drink. It's not easy but you can do it. Life is so much better being sober. I just love waking up Un Hung with no regrets. I was sick of being sick. At the beginning of my quit I changed up my routine and did different things so I wouldn't drink. I also started going to restaurants where no AL was served. There are all sorts of tools to help you stay sober. Check out the tool box.

Hi El! I was thinking of you when I was talking about daschunds. I have your picture on my shelf.
NS, that was very well said.

SL, congrats on your daughter. I am so happy for you.
Hello TT, Pav and LilB.

Goodnight everyone.

[treetops]

Thats great Addy and if AA helps, then go with it.
SL -its really wonderful news about your daughter - I have to Google and find out what Junior School means. We dont have that system here. Anyway you have persevered with this and supported your daughter.
Hope you survive the heat LB. We will have frosts tonight so driving tomorrow morning will be a worry.
Quick check in and hi to everyone -I have to pick up G. from work.

[jane27]

Yes Addy - that is what we are. We do know we are human, I made a mistake in June after 15months and was able to return to logically discuss it.

SL, I love what you said here about logically discussing it, and so relieved that you have been able to leave it in the past where it belongs. Being logical when it comes to alcohol is not a sure thing at all for us. I'm glad that you had 15 solid, sober months under your belt when it happened. It was bigger than your slip, and you are back on track showing up every day and holding yourself accountable. Just thinking about it makes me tear up a little. (I'm proud, and thank God you are the exception to the rule.) Congrats on all the good news today! Purple hair streaks sounds cool!

We talk a lot also about our sober lives because we recognise that the stresses and surprises there can be challenging for us. A lot of us have children and/or demanding jobs but not all do. What we have in common most of all is an understanding of the abusive role AL had in our lives and the much better lives we have without this in the mix.

You got that right TT! You guys are my rock.

Hubs and I went to the cardiologist today. Him for a stress test and me to establish a baseline and talk about cholesterol meds (HD runs in my family). Hubs' stress test was slightly abnormal. Doc wants him to return next week for a nuclear stress test. I am scared that there may be a serious problem- relieved that we are on top of pursuing it- (that the we includes he). Ever since he got the diabetes diagnosis last May I've been herding him to doctors like a Shetland sheep dog, making sure he takes his pills, being a cookie cop....the trainer I got for him adds to making me feel like I got the shitty role in the play.

Aside from the unsettling news at the doctors visit, I felt well AGAIN today. The cardiologist either doesn't think that the prednisone helped me feel better, or that the problem was my sinuses. He started to point to depression as being a potential culprit (due to my history and the ad's I take). I was able to remain cool about this and dismiss that theory quickly. He asked about Fibromyalgia and seasonal allergies. Not sure about either.

Lil, how does prednisone help with your ear? I have a ear issue too- only on the left. Seeing the ENT next week. I'm so disappointed with the trend in healthcare in the U.S. these days. The doctors don't go the extra mile and don't seem to care. Its all about coding, insurance and expensive pharmaceuticals. I don't know what the answer is.

Hoping for another energized day tomorrow. Wishing you all a bewdie. xoxo

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

I was MIA last night - went out for a friend's birthday and got home too late to do anything but fall into bed. Which is where I am again tonight - out to dinner with an old friend and back late. I have been reading back a lot, which leaves little time to post.

Welcome, Addy. I concur with what they all said. I saw a therapist for my first year sober - for me it helped to have that in-person accountability weekly. I might have lied to myself, but I wasn't going to be able to lie to her.

SL - I think LB gave some good advice. When that voice starts yammering at you take a moment to list all of the positive things that being sober has brought you. That really helps me (not instant, but helps to reframe the moment). NoSugar is our resident gratitude guru and I always listen to her advice...

Jane - I have known two Jack Russells, and they were A LOT OF WORK - barked a lot and needed constant exercise. It is an undertaking for sure. But they are funny and cute. That's cool that you have El's picture, Nar.

Good night everyone else - sorry I can't answer you all.

Happy UN HUNG Friday morning to you (as that's probably when you'll all read this).

xo
Pav

[scottish lass]

Morning all - count down to going home, and the lists are growing - time is not growing however, so I must get on!
TT - in high school they call the years by name - I went to grammar school and had 1st year through 6th and then upper and lower 6th. Here it is freshman (which my youngest will be), sophomore, junior and senior year...so hoping the eldest can make junior work, and then senior and she will hopefully graduate!
Well done Addy - slowly but surely you are getting there - a LOAM!
Hi Jane, Pav, NS, Nar and LB - TGIF!

[NoSugar]

Maybe this success will give your daughter a boost of confidence, SL - that can make such a difference. Will you be able to talk to us at all while you're gone? Hope so!

Well, I'm in one of those hurt/angry/powerless emotional states that come about when people you care about are struggling (with one another) and I'm dreading how some interactions might go. I hope I'm catastrophizing (a tendency I have, I must admit) and things will be fine. But in the meantime, my stomach is in a knot and I can't really eat. I used to be able to drink through it, though, when I felt like this and that's what I did to feel better. Or not care.

Last night, when I was more riled up than I am now, I started thinking about whether I wished I could drink. I was kind of surprised to realize that despite how awful I felt, I had no desire to at all. It sounded so pointless. Then I thought about whether I wanted that 'numb' feeling and I didn't even want that. I just wanted to quit crying and go to sleep. So that's what I did.

This might not sound like a big deal but the not even wanting to escape is for me. I've found other ways to relax, and I really like them, but for me nothing is as quick and easy as wine and in the past, I've missed that end result. Last night, anyway, just feeling how I honestly felt was ok.

[treetops]

Glad you worked through that NS. I think I pretty much get it and thats where I am at too. I am sorry you felt so bad. And it sounds like you were exhausted. I sometimes feel much the same way and I think about what is going on with my feelings. Its the immediacy of AL as a route of escape and sometimes the convenience - its what many people do. I sometimes sort of miss the buzz - (addict speakingI guess) but not in such a way thatI long for it anymore. I have other interesting things and do get emotional highs - but not in the same way AL enabled. So be it. As I have said,I dont do a lot of things I used to do - and its OK.
Its Saturday morning here and the sun is in full bloom (despite the frosts). Its a busy day - more driving people around, grocery shopping, cooking and a pile of demanding work from my 'real' job. In honesty I am not looking forward to much of this weekend as I feel tired and in need of some mindless distraction. It feels just like another working day. But I just have to do these things.

Hope you all manage to get some good time in this weekend and SL, I bet its pretty crazy getting ready for your trip!:egad:

[Pie]

This might not sound like a big deal but the not even wanting to escape is for me. I've found other ways to relax, and I really like them, but for me nothing is as quick and easy as wine and in the past, I've missed that end result. Last night, anyway, just feeling how I honestly felt was ok.

Not even wanting to escape sounds like a very big deal to me, NS, because for so long, that was my reflexive desire whenever things got uncomfortable in any way. Didn't even think about it, just dove for the wine bottle.

So what I think you're saying is that over time, we can learn other ways to deal with "uncomfortable," including just being uncomfortable.

Sweet!

Did the situation you were concerned about get resolved?

[All done drinking]

I used to be able to drink through it, though, when I felt like this and that's what I did to feel better. Or not care.

Hi NS,

Your post got me thinking about how we will probably all go through different phases in this recovery process. Being stronger than at other times, or having the memory of what we did to relieve stress (try to relax with a drink) or escape reality with a drink, and that will now be different with needing to find new coping skills. I like what G posted about having a plan.

I received a 24 hour chip from AA yesterday and I plan on carrying it and holding it when I order dinner tonight as this will be my first dinner out without drinking. I ALWAYS have ordered a glass of wine (usually two) with dinner. And the battle I will have is the memory of the times I could just stick to two. I know this will be hard in this initial process of giving up drinking. However, I now know, know, know that if I attempted moderate drinking with one or two, eventually I'd be in the downward spiral again. So, I want to hang on strong to my no AL committment.

Take care all.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!)

[scottish lass]

OK - ran around like crazy today, left a grocery shop until 5:30 on a Friday and the thought was there - almost holiday time, Friday night, lists almost done - I deserve it don't I??? Well, I think I desreve to wake up ready for my Saturday morning walk don't I!!!
Hair done, and my purple topped up
I will be in office Monday then off across the pond on Tuesday. I am very unlikely to be able to sign in when away NS. Hopefully your strife will improve. I think we have so much retraining of ourselves now we no longer have our old escape avenue, and as Pie says just being able to feel whatever it is even if it is uncomfortable.
Have a lovely sober Friday evening all

[little beagle]

NS I think it is a big deal. Being able to just sit with our feelings. Or to just tell ourselves that it's ok to feel bad. I was talking to my daughter yesterday about getting through something. The Only Way OUT is Through. It's a comfort to me. It signifies that there will be an end to what is happening or how I am feeling. Glad you were able to shut it off and get some rest.
When I quit drinking I told myself not one, no matter what. Well lately my thinking has changed from no, it's not allowed to no I don't want one even if I could stop or even if I knew I could moderate. Because there's still all that space being taken up in my head about something that is not important enough to warrent it. All that nagotation with myself. Is this a special enough occasion? Well you know what I mean.
Jane the Prednisone relieves the pressure in my ear. It seems to reduce the swelling so there's more room. Or everything is not so squeezed. Hope that nuclear stress test goes ok. I'll be thinking about you.
SL I'll br thinking about you next week too. I hope you have a wonderful time.
Pav glad you are having fun.
Hi Narilly. Have a great unhung weekend. Enjoy the warm summer weather while you can.
TT we are going even hotter this weekend. Maybe hitting triple digits. And that's not the feels like temp, but the actual temp. Ouch!
Addy hope your dinner goes well. Hang onto that chip! Let us know how it goes tomorrow.

[jane27]

Really tired with sore eyes so just saying goodnight /good morning. Hugs to all my Gloamers

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

SL - How long are you away? Are your girls going with you? Have a WONDERFUL time, and put us in your back pocket for those times you might be tempted.

NS - Lovely post. I am sorry you are riled up, but I truly get what you're saying. I crave exercise and yoga when I am stressed out these days - unless I'm REALLY tired, then I crave ice cream and a good cry. Either way, I no longer crave alcohol. Very freeing.

I HAVE been thinking about pot lately, if I am to be honest. I wasn't really ever a big smoker before, but I have this feeling that I could relax without the pain of alcohol. I don't crave it, or even think about it when I am stressed, but when I hear about all of the legalization movements, I wonder... Of course I easily talk myself out of it - I am finally learning to work through my emotions without the aid of a substance...

Glad prednisone is helping - that can be pretty gnarly stuff on moods. Hope you feel better, LB and Jane.

Right - then - good night.

xo
Pav

[NoSugar]

Thanks for all the encouragement, you guys :hug:. Last evening went pretty well, I think. I can't entirely relax because in the past, it seems I find out later that people had hurt feelings over this or that. I know intellectually that that's not my problem and there is no point worrying about it or looking for trouble - the trick is putting that into practice. I'm trying.

Its the immediacy of AL as a route of escape and sometimes the convenience - its what many people do.

This seems to be the key point to me, TT. Alcohol works extraordinarily well for just about everyone who tries it. No wonder people just say, "You need a drink". Just doesn't work well at all for us anymore.

So what I think you're saying is that over time, we can learn other ways to deal with "uncomfortable," including just being uncomfortable.

I think we have so much retraining of ourselves now we no longer have our old escape avenue, and as Pie says just being able to feel whatever it is even if it is uncomfortable.

Turns out being uncomfortable didn't kill me :wink: (but I still don't like it).

Well lately my thinking has changed from no, it's not allowed to no I don't want one even if I could stop or even if I knew I could moderate. Because there's still all that space being taken up in my head about something that is not important enough to warrent it. All that nagotation with myself. Is this a special enough occasion? Well you know what I mean.

I truly get what you're saying. I crave exercise and yoga when I am stressed out these days - unless I'm REALLY tired, then I crave ice cream and a good cry. Either way, I no longer crave alcohol. Very freeing

I feel like that, too. I've felt that way for a long time about gluten - having to give that up so long ago really improved my eating habits. Now I feel that way about AL. I wouldn't drink it again even if I could with no negative consequences. I don't consider gluten or AL to be 'edibles' anymore.

Well. another challenge awaits today (and an easier one tomorrow) but I'm feeling better about handling it and I'm going to try to quit feeling responsible for making everyone else "comfortable", which is what I think I try to do. Thanks for listening and for the feedback. xx NS