Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[NoSugar]

Your post got me thinking about how we will probably all go through different phases in this recovery process.

That is so true -- I've learned a lot about myself in the last 48 hours and yesterday was my 30 month AF anniversary! It's kind of cool to know we can stay open and keep learning and growing.

I received a 24 hour chip from AA yesterday and I plan on carrying it and holding it when I order dinner tonight as this will be my first dinner out without drinking. I ALWAYS have ordered a glass of wine (usually two) with dinner. And the battle I will have is the memory of the times I could just stick to two. I know this will be hard in this initial process of giving up drinking. However, I now know, know, know that if I attempted moderate drinking with one or two, eventually I'd be in the downward spiral again. So, I want to hang on strong to my no AL committment.

From everything I've seen in your posts, you're on your way! So glad to have you here. :hug: NS

[All done drinking]

Successful last night

From everything I've seen in your posts, you're on your way! So glad to have you here. :hug: NS

Thanks NS,

I think this will always be a continuous problem for all of us with AL problems, whether we moderate, try to abstain, or don't quite understand what the heck we're doing. I agree though, that the thought of "just have a drink to relax!" as we're told by others or tell ourselves is the easy escape route and kind of scary when we take that escape away.

NS, I am very co-dependent having grown up with a very mean alcoholic father. His nickname was "Little Hitler" so you may get the drift of how life was like living with him. The bad effect of it was learning to be a "people pleaser" and I can drive myself mad with that as well. I heard a good saying once that I try to apply to myself daily, "99% of people in life allow the quality of their lives to be determined by the thoughts of strangers." And the crazy thing is, we are only "guessing" what those thoughts are. So, that is an ongoing work in progress of my co-dependency issues as well as my own drinking problems. I get it, and I'm here for you. Just a pm away if you want to be more private.

Last night went well. First dinner out without ordering wine with dinner. Hung on to my 24 hour chip as a lifeline and reminded myself that if I had that one glass of wine, I would want two. If I had two, I may be satisifed, I may not be. If not, then I'd be craving another and would be back in that horrible mode of craving. And what would it have gotten me to have partaken in drinking? May have had a nice little buzz for 15 min. or so and then would be stuck in the craving cycle, and then disappointment cycle because I would have messed up my sober days. In messing up my sobriety, I would have felt bad because I have severely hurt myself, others, and my reputation with my drinking problem. Quitting drinking is my redemption. I know my friend totally forgives me for ruining her birthday because she knows I have a problem, but if she heard I was drinking again, I don't think she'd want to talk to me again. It's really that simple. I screwed up for the last time. Oh...and then tried to drink again (after that horrible night of ruining her birthday) promising hubbyI would NEVER go past 2 drinks again and then that night (2 nights after the birthday party) drank a whole bottle of wine and started sneaking gin and tonic in a coffee cup. Not a good thing.

My name is Addy which stands for All Done Drinking...Yes! and I am simply all done drinking. There will be struggles I know, but how do you control a disease? You can't.

Addy :love:

[All done drinking]

Wanted to share a bit of this article I found online. For the full article go to: http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/alcohol-drugs

Mindfulness with drinking

Basically Mindfulness is the development of an ‘observer view’ on your own mental processes. This observer view occurs largely as a result of focusing on clearing the mind and concentrating on the breath. When the mind inevitably wanders off this focus, a key part of mindfulness is to notice that you have started thinking about something, then calmly return to focusing on the breath again. It’s the ‘noticing’ what the mind is doing that is helpful. From that we can learn to observe our own thoughts. If we can become more self aware, rather than reacting automatically to our thoughts, we can have more choice in how we respond, in whether we have a drink, or choose something more helpful for us.

Another effect of mindfulness, or meditation as it used to be called, is in allowing the ever-active mind to take a break. To just perceive and be aware, without any labeling or inner commentary on what’s happening, even if it’s only for a few seconds at a time. A pause for breath, in both a figurative and literal sense. This allows certain neurons to rest and re-balance their associated neurotransmitters (the chemicals which our brain cells require to communicate with each other). If this allows us to de-stress, or for the mind to cope with stress more effectively, then again we can be less likely to reach for alcohol.

If you are drinking as a reaction to anxiety or worry, you can easily see how having a moment to step away from those concerns could be very calming, and potentially help to avoid the urge to calm yourself with a drink instead.

[scottish lass]

Hi Pav, oh yes girls will be with me - we are gone a good two weeks...
I will be carrying you all on my shoulder, up front and center - not in my back pocket.
I managed my walk today - lots to do and the dreaded packing too....2 years since I have been home, feels like forever...
I am exhausted and my face has broken out - think I am tired and stressed - really hoping for some sun so I can sit out in the most wonderful English garden and rest!
Hope your weekend keeps improving NS and congratulations on another milestone.
Hi Addy and Jane, and LB, and everyone else...
OK - back to the list....

[NoSugar]

Thanks for the link, Addy. Getting centered before reacting/drinking is so important. This is a quote I think about often:

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.Viktor E. Frankl

The day went well. I commented to my sister that maybe the key is to always have such low expectations. But - that's NOT how I want to live. I've learned some good lessons. Expecting the worst wasn't a self-fulfilling prophecy, thank goodness, but I caused myself a lot of unnecessary heartache. I'm not by nature an optimist but there is a middle ground with no unrealistic expectations and a willingness to let others be responsible for themselves, with input from me only if asked. As I said before - it's a work in progress.

Have a wonderful time with your family, SL. You'll be in my heart :hug:. Maybe thinking about writing your first post back, and knowing what you want to be able to say would help you. Here's another favorite Frankl quote:

“So live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!”

Or the opposite - you want to make the same Good Choice.
xx NS

[Pavati]

Good night, everyone.

Thanks for the reading, NS and Addy.

I am off tomorrow for a week for vacation. I know the first place we're staying has no Internet, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to check in. I will at some points during the week, but like SL I will have you all on my shoulder.

Happy travels, Gloamers.

xo
Pav

[NoSugar]

That's not a problem, SF. There is a lot of life to LIVE now that we're not drinking!

Hope you have a nice vacation, Pav. We'll be thinking of you, too!

Off to my last event of the weekend with a much better attitude :smile:.

Have a great MAE, Gloamers!

[scottish lass]

Yeah for your better than imagined weekend NS
SF, come as you can - the loam thread is always open, and understand as to stressful family holidays!
Pav, have a lovely time
Bags packed - off to get my toenails tidy, the couple last minute errands. Office tomorrow then Tuesday we are off

[All done drinking]

... I commented to my sister that maybe the key is to always have such low expectations.

NS,

Liked your Frankl posts. I wanted to comment that I relate so well to your statement about expectations. Even in my new resolve to abstain, it is disenchanting that my supposed BFF has not been supportive in any way. She sent a text in the very beginning that she is available to support me, yet has not called, texted, etc. to ask how I am doing or if I need anything.

There have been some times of sheer panic when the thought grips me of no longer having a nice glass of wine on vacay or at dinner and it would be nice to verbalize that to a friend that cares that I can talk to, look at, hug if need be. There is also the fear that my very long time friendship with her will fade and dissipate as our most common denominator was drinking wine. So, sometimes I get caught up in feeling bad because she does not meet my expectations as a friend and I know I have to work on that as well as we will always be disappointment when we "expect" things from others.

Other than that, keeping busy doing chores I don't get around to week - days. Stay strong everyone.

Addy (All done drinking...yes!) :love:

[jane27]

Hi Gloamers,

3 days after finishing the Prednisone pack I am back to square 1. Feel like hell. Hoping the rheumatologist is going to fit me in tomorrow and re-evaluate my symptoms. When I had this same problem last year, I had to wait 4 months for an appointment. By the time the appointment came, I was feeling a lot better, so even though he ordered blood tests, if whatever I had been experiencing was autoimmune related, the flare up had passed.

The prednisone was such a great help its not even funny. Doc I saw last week for EKG told me that the fact that my sinus issues did not get better with augmentin, but did feel resolved with the prednisone means that it could be a problem with inflamation (auto immune related).

Whatever it is, has been going on for years. And because of that, it makes it hard for me to identify symptoms (just like when you live with someone that gains 50 lbs it wont be as big a shock to you as it would be to someone else, because you've seen them every day).

I've had a tic thing for years. I also have balance issues (getting up off the couch feels like surfing for the first time), and my thoughts have been getting jumbled. I'm going to bring these up. I'm doing the best I can to present the docs with concise information, but I feel like I'm doing a shitty job. I guess this is the reason that autoimmune diseases are hard to diagnose.
When I called to make an appointment, they gave me one in September. I explained that I wasn't sure if blood work in September was going to capture the problem going on now, and I got snapped at. "You should have told me you were having a flare up!"

Fuck if I know that's what I'm supposed to say. I did not say that, but instead said sorry I didn't know the protocol.
The main thing is, I hope they can get me in. Send me positive thoughts please.
Love you guys. Wishing you a great vaca Pav!

[narilly]

Hi everyone, I just want to say Hi and will come back and post later. I went to the Calgary Folk Fest yesterday and have been busy so I couldn't post. It was a blast by the way.

I will catch up tonight. I am going for supper with a bunch of people I grew up with and who I have gotten drunk with a million times. I am going to say I am driving and do whatever I have to do not to drink. "I don't drink" sounds good. These are the kind of friends that might bug me a bit to drink. Anyway, it will be fine, I have no worries that I will drink.

Talk soon.

[jane27]

Nar, Calgary Folk Fest sounds like fun. Last year when we went to Montreal for vacation, there was a comedy festival going on called Just For Laughs. It was incredible! We got to see Aziz Ansari & many other great acts, and it wasn't that expensive at all.

[treetops]

Nar - thats right you don't drink! I am sure you will be fine. As I have posted before - the few time some of my old drinking buddies asked a lot of questions and kind of bugged me - well it was more an indication of their problems with AL. The key I think is to never preach back at them - as this comes across as a downer but not to take any rubbish from them either. And if they wax on about the past - well remind them that that was then - and there are many things we did in the past - that we may not do now. Or if needs be - just be blunt
ask "do you have problem with me not drinking?"
Addy - I dont think we can expect too much from others (who are not alkies) to support our initial quit. many just dont get it, or they dont know what to do. Sometimes we have to tell them - what we need. In my case - I dont mind if others drink but they can't expect me to hang around while they get sloshed - cos I will be bored (not tempted by the AL). When I was in the early months of my quit I had to make it clear to friends and family that I needed regular meals, appreciated a non AL beverage (that was not juice) and that they were not to get offended if I went to bed early. My energy and vim in the morning was compensation for that! I explained that this was serious and that if I continued to drink AL it would kill me.
I didn't have problems so much with worrying about drinking on vacation - because my biggest temptation was always myself and what i had to learn was to get rid of relying on AL as a reward for a hard day and as a way to relax, tune out and cope with stress. If my vacation was a break form the daily usual stuff, then AL was less of a concern for me. Plus I have always preferred active holidays - new places, activities (often hiking), cultures and so on - rather than blobbing on a beach. I hate staying at resorts. Thats me though and we all are different.
Jane - hope you get your health issues sorted - it sounds very complicated.

OK - back to work for this sausage!!

[scottish lass]

Hi - getting last minute packing done.
See you all in a couple weeks....taking your presences with me....

[little beagle]

Have fun SL. I'll be thinking of you.
Pav hope you're having fun too.
I tried to ppst 3 times last night, but it just wasn't happening.
Those are two of my favorite Viktor Frankl quotes NS.
Addy many people just don't know what to say or how to act. I really hope you work out your friendship.
Jane I hope you get your appointment. There is a bit of a down side to Prednisone. Leaves you a bit flat after taking it. I always take as little as possible.
Absolutely nothing new here. Summer doldrums for sure. At least there were no snakes at work today!
Soft Focus take it easy and give yourself a break if possible this week.
TT i am a huge fan of the beach, but the swimming and searching for sea shells is my main activity.