Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[NoSugar]

Hello, All

Nar is camping and SL is offline in Scotland so that's why 2 of us are missing.

Maybe it's quiet here because we've become LIMs (Ladies in Maintenance), not LOAMs, Maintenance is never as compelling as the actual doing, no matter what change is being made. There aren't major challenges to overcome, there isn't much new to report, and people generally aren't in a crisis situation. All of this should be a good thing but, for me at least, it kind of leads to apathy and complacency. I really don't have much to say about myself that is relevant or to offer to others who seem to be doing fine.

For me the benefit of posting on MWO is organizing and writing my thoughts on why not drinking is the right decision for me and probably many/most others who make it to this site. I believe that is what keeps my fixed "wiring" intact. But people who post here don't need to read that kind of stuff anymore so I guess that's why I've been pretty quiet. I still am interested in and care about all of you and am so, so glad that all of us are maintaining our AF lives.

:hug: NS

[treetops]

I think we all here need on-going support and its great to be in a group of people who have 'got it' - not just the quit, but also what its like to have this as the big thing in our lives and why we just cannot drink. I have days when I don't post - sometimes I read and I dont feel like posting or other times I dont have keyboard I can easily type on. Then there are the crises that life throws us, many of us here also have anxiety and/depression and then sometimes we get the 'what if's'. I thin this thread gives us a home to keep coming back to.
I imagine its quite boring when some others read this thread because these are not dramatic AL stories and thank goodness, on-going tales of relapse and recovery.
I also really like the conversations we sometimes have.
My work life is pretty horrible this week - and while I could tell some dramatic stories about that - its just not ethical for me to post about that side of my life here.
With that I must put some mascara on and face the world. Its really still cold here and snow is predicted.

[jane27]

8-6-15

Hi gang,

I'll continue to post here because I feel like its a much safer bet with regard to keeping my quit in tact. Relationships ebb and flow- maybe its similar with how we each feel about connecting via the thread. I don't want to bore anyone or hijack the thread, but so long as you guys will have me, I'll be here.

Listened to a BubbleHour podcast today about perimenopause. Somehow I didn't factor that into the mix of things in trying to figure out what it is that's making me feel shitty on a chronic basis. It made so much sense.

Hubs is packing his bag- we leave for Seattle tomorrow at 3pm. I'm going to pack in the morning. I have trouble hearing myself think when he's in the room. Ruh roh did that sound negative lol.

Wishing everyone a good night. Thinking of you TT and Lil B. Thanks for your post NS. I cant imagine you not being around our thread, but I can totally get not having any mojo to post. That happens to me sometimes too. Thanks for the update on Nar. Does anyone know when SL is coming back?

xoxoxoox

[narilly]

Hi Loamers! I am sitting in my tent trailer just getting ready for bed. I have been having a good time with my family and no pull towards AL. Gotta go. Talk on Sunday.
Xoxo

[peppersnow]

Hi Loamers - I'm still here! My office bought a "Mi-Fi" for me, so now so long as I have even 1 bar of cell phone access, I can get on-line. So here I am at our cabin in the far northern woods of MN with internet access, and I'm not excited about that, except that I'm able to check in this morning.

What NS wrote resonated with me, as I'm feeling the same way. I know I need to remain vigilant and need a space to be accountable and consciously think about why I've chosen sobriety and can't ever go back. But I don't have any drama in my life related to sobriety nor do I struggle with cravings (knock wood). I have a strong urge at this point in my journey to check out an in-person recovery community of women, and have given that a lot of thought so may explore that soon. Although I also appreciate the anonymity of on-line groups. I love how the women on the Bubble Hour describe their social gatherings with one another and envy that kind of fun and support they enjoy and benefit from with other women who have walked this path. I wish there was a way we could all hang out occasionally!

Happy Friday and enjoy your weekends!

[jane27]

Pep,
We have a MiFi too and its is awesome! I also wish we could get together in real life. I know that would be a whole new layer of challenges and growth for me because new, fun things get me feeling like a puppy dog that has learned to understand the word "park". And THAT feeling of course makes me want to break out the wine (drinking over happiness & excitement). That is frontier territory for me, and certainly something I may think about exploring. (using tools to help me not associate new & fun things with getting blasted). I never could have imagined mastering packing & flying sober. My God the flying part- that was such a treat. I cant think of analogy- maybe the way thrill seekers enjoy going on roller coaster rides- thats what a kick I got out of it; and now I am glad those days are behind me.
I don't think that the absence of cravings or sobriety related drama is going to keep me from posting here. For me its like sobriety is a machine, and to keep the machine working properly so that no breakdowns occur- I need to perform scheduled preventive maintenance. I would be thrilled if I could say, OK this is wrapped up, next project...but I know myself (and the power of AL) too well for that. Operation chicken little has served me well so far, so I have no plans to try and change. Hopefully that doesnt wind up leaving me alone on here.
Love you all xoxoxo

[NoSugar]

Hmmm.... I didn't mean to suggest I was leaving entirely. I'm pretty convinced that it is important to stay connected with a sober community, which most of us lack in real life. I was just trying to explain why I'm not the motor mouth I was for quite awhile. Plus, relationships take work - there's got to be give and take. I'd like to know there is a place to come to when I need support but I think it would be hard to do that here if I'd left in the meantime.

I would like to meet up with many of you but I'm not too interested in any meetings in my town. I know that the anonymity cannot be 100%. For instance, I've been doing something in my church at the time people arrived for a meeting so I saw them come in. Also, many people at meetings are still drinking and so are not reliable secret-keepers when they've had too much. I just don't want my name included in that kind of gossip. I wish I didn't care 'who knew' but, I do.

Maybe you can post some Seattle pics for us, Jane. That is a part of the country I've not made it to but would love to visit. Glad you could slip online Pepper and Nar, even as you're deep in the wilderness (sounds wonderful!).

[treetops]

Hi NS, yes I also interpreted your second last message as not to suggest you were leaving us (and I am so glad you are not) just that the posting content changes a bit as you get on with your sobriety. But who knows what is around the corner or how our emotions etc might be challenged - even for the strongest of us.
Jane - yes travel is so much better sober- less likely to loose things, hassles just are not such a major thing. I love to travel (and I did when I was drinking too although not drinking all day long, I was a night-time boozer) and its so easier now. You just have to deal with the lonely and boring times esp if travelling alone or for work.
I am glad in a way that this is an on-line community and that we do not have pressure to meet up at face to face meetings. Partly of because where I live (:egad and I think I would feel awkward if I were checking in to a group that was also meeting in person. I know if it was a regular face to face meeting I also wouldn't turn up regularly - not because of the AL but because of the way life and work takes over. So this on-line stuff is really good for me and I have been pretty faithful about checking in most days - including when I posted a lot on the Daily Abs thread.
Today is saturday and there was some snow in the night but its cleared and now its just very cold. Daughter is going to archery and hairdresser and I get to play chauffeur and have some retail therapy at the supermarket. I might even splash out and buy some hugely over-priced almond butter!
have a good day everyone.
Jane - associating celebrations or a happy mood with AL is problem too - but it does dissipate. Go on the hug offensive instead!

[peppersnow]

NS, I didn't interpret your message as meaning you were leaving, either, but more a reflection of not much to say right now. That's where I'm at as well. I'm not planning on leaving, even if I do try an in-person group. I think at least 1/3 of the people I work with are in recovery and another 1/3 should be in recovery but are active alcoholics, so I have that dynamic around me all day. It might even be higher than that. Drinking/not drinking is the predominant vibe - or elephant in the room - all day long, behind all the problems and social ills my employer works to solve. I am tempted to "out" myself and just join a live group. Although when I think about it, that could also have repercussions if, as someone else wrote, a group member were to hit the bottle again and slip and blab.

Otherwise, I'm loving this "maintenance" phase. I just don't feel like I have a ton to say about it, although
I know I need to check in. The gratitude thing has become more a part of my daily experience that happens naturally, as opposed to something I need to practice. Not to get too sappy, but more often lately than ever before, there are moments when I'm walking in the morning and I am bowled over with gratitude for sobriety to the point of tears or being close to tears. These are usually moments when I'm feeling connected to nature and feeling part of it, rather than feeling like I'm watching it on a hazy screen and separate from it. I woke up this morning to a group of loons calling out to one another, having their own little party on the lake, and was overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude for feeling like I was part of their party. I was walking later this morning and came upon this giant patch of clover that smelled spectacular and even that made me weepy with gratitude.

Of course, when you live where I do and can have snow on the ground 8 moths of the year, these summer moments are sublime. I hope I can continue feeling this way when I'm looking at a blizzard out my window in a few months!

[little beagle]

Reading the gratitude thread the other day got me to thinking. I've been a bit down this summer. Feeling lonely, and angry a lot. And really tired. Well 3 of the HALT. Spirit posted a link to a clip about how gratitude can help us with forgiveness. If we practice it and truly work on it, it takes away anger and resentment. A grateful person just doesn't have as much room in their lives for those negative feelings. I was grateful for reading that. It has helped me view things in a different light and I'm working on practicing gratitude in more areas of my life. Being grateful for things on a daily basis instead of trying to see what's ahead, worry what's going to happen tomorrow. Live more in the moment. I know several of you have talked about this before, but for me this is HARD. But I am working on it.
Wonderful mental pictures of the beautiful place you are Pepper.
NSIi value your insightful advice. I always eagerly await seeing your post after I post of a difficulty. Hope that makes sense.
Glad you're having fun Narilly.
Have a great vacation Jane. I look forward to seeing pictures.

[jane27]

Arrived in Seattle. The little bit I have seen is so beautiful. I'm exhausted & a pinch emotional. I think perimenopause is in the house. NS, I absolutely get where your coming from and hope my post didn't seem loaded or snarky because I didn't intend that at all. I luv youse. All of youse. Hitting the sackarooni. Contacs feel like they are pasted to my eyeballs. Xoxo

[Pavati]

Hi,

NS dropping the truth AGAIN!

Pepper- I have thought a lot about wanting an in-person sober group, but I don't have faith in anonymity either, and I would rather not have everyone know in my small town. It makes me feel like a chicken, so maybe someday I'll work it out. I was thinking of at least trying an AA meeting sometime when I am in another city. We'll see.

LB - Good self knowledge. I try to find gratitude in all parts of my life. As an educator we are all headed back to work with the kids, and many teachers bring the attitude of negativity - I can't believe my summer's over, etc. That makes me so mad - if YOU come with that attitude, what do you think the kids will come with?? So I tell everyone how grateful I am to love my job, how excited I am to see the kids, and how ready I am for a fabulous year. Try to spread the gratitude contagion. I am sure I drive a lot of people nuts...

Happy SOBER weekend, Gloamers.

Pav

[NoSugar]

. But who knows what is around the corner or how our emotions etc might be challenged - even for the strongest of us.

I know some things are around the corner for me, TT, just because of the ages and life situations of some of the people I love most and I also know I haven't really been tested yet. That is probably the only thing re: sobriety that worries me.

I am glad in a way that this is an on-line community and that we do not have pressure to meet up at face to face meetings. Partly of because where I live (:egad and I think I would feel awkward if I were checking in to a group that was also meeting in person. I know if it was a regular face to face meeting I also wouldn't turn up regularly - not because of the AL but because of the way life and work takes over. So this on-line stuff is really good for me and I have been pretty faithful about checking in most days - including when I posted a lot on the Daily Abs thread.

When people talk about how sick they get of being online and connected, I agree on one level, but because of all this, the internet is high on my gratitude list. I still have not been open about my situation in my real life and know that I would never have gone to an in person meeting unless ordered by the court! I also like being able to work support into my life, not adjust my life so I can get support. At the beginning, being able to log on 24/7 made a huge difference - I wanted help when I wanted it! And thanks to the global nature of MWO, I got it. Because I feel fine now, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't attend meetings in person at a set time but it's easy to log in here whenever, especially since I work online anyway.

. The gratitude thing has become more a part of my daily experience that happens naturally, as opposed to something I need to practice. Not to get too sappy, but more often lately than ever before, there are moments when I'm walking in the morning and I am bowled over with gratitude for sobriety to the point of tears or being close to tears. These are usually moments when I'm feeling connected to nature and feeling part of it, rather than feeling like I'm watching it on a hazy screen and separate from it. I woke up this morning to a group of loons calling out to one another, having their own little party on the lake, and was overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude for feeling like I was part of their party. I was walking later this morning and came upon this giant patch of clover that smelled spectacular and even that made me weepy with gratitude.

To me, this is such an important part of all this. Your beautiful moments of gratitude made me chuckle about my most recent one. I took a corner a little too quickly on my way to the gym this morning and what popped into my mind was how great it was not to have that horrible, familiar feeling of my brains smashing into my skull due to the centrifugal force and the immediate nausea that always followed when I used to do that on early morning drives to the gym to sweat out the wine from the night before and to prove to myself and anyone else that I could get up early, work out hard, be and shape and so obviously, be just fine...

...gratitude can help us with forgiveness. If we practice it and truly work on it, it takes away anger and resentment. A grateful person just doesn't have as much room in their lives for those negative feelings. I was grateful for reading that. It has helped me view things in a different light and I'm working on practicing gratitude in more areas of my life. Being grateful for things on a daily basis instead of trying to see what's ahead, worry what's going to happen tomorrow. Live more in the moment. I know several of you have talked about this before, but for me this is HARD. But I am working on it.

It's worth the effort, LB. Sometimes I have to think about how much worse a situation could be so I can feel grateful for what is (which makes me feel like I'm really pessimistic!). But when I look back at some times in my life now when I thought things were too hard or not fair, I wish that I'd been smart enough to recognize and appreciate what I had.

I try to find gratitude in all parts of my life. As an educator we are all headed back to work with the kids, and many teachers bring the attitude of negativity - I can't believe my summer's over, etc. That makes me so mad - if YOU come with that attitude, what do you think the kids will come with?? So I tell everyone how grateful I am to love my job, how excited I am to see the kids, and how ready I am for a fabulous year. Try to spread the gratitude contagion. I am sure I drive a lot of people nuts...

Maybe you've always been this way, Pav. For me, it is one of the 'gifts' of having gone through and recovered from an addiction -- and gives me a reason to be grateful for even this pretty awful experience.

[little beagle]

Quick check in for me tonight.

[jane27]

Me too. Seattle is really neat- very different architecturally from any where I have been - beautiful trees in abundance all around....thinking of my Gloamers. xoxo