Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

I am back from a day in my hometown. There was lots of drinking and shooters were passed around. Since I don't drink I did not have any. It was good to see everyone and not get drunk or even buzzed.mi will wake up with no regrets and Un Hung just like you said Pav.

Glad your back Jane. I will check HBO for the wire TT, thanks.

Xo

[jane27]

Just popping in to say g'night to my Gloamer family. xoxoxoxo

[STEADFAST]

Hi Gloamers

Checking in on late Sunday afternoon in Eastern Oz. Good on you Narilly for enjoying your hometown visit minus Al; the feeling of "un-hung" victory in the morning is wonderful isn't it?!

L.B. How are you going? I've had drinking dreams lately too. They feel so real, and it's such a relief to wake up and find I'm still sober!

Take care everyone,
Steady

[NoSugar]

Yeah, Nar! I bet some of your old friends observed you not drinking and wished that they could have fun w/o drinking and didn't feel like they needed to drink. I used to look at non-drinkers and wish so much that I'd never started.

I've been having crazy, disturbing dreams lately - I think a drinking dream might be a relief! At least I'd know where it came from. I think they're great reminders, anyway, of what we don't want to do.

Pav, my husband had a major health scare several years ago. For awhile I just about starved all of us with the low-fat "heart-healthy" (ha-ha, right, Nar?) food I bought and cooked. Plus, I was really nervous about his pursuits of 100 mile bike rides, 2 week back packing trips in the wilderness, etc. I guess that is sort of opposite to your situation in some ways but it all comes down to how hard it is to change someone other than ourselves. For the most part he eats pretty well now that I'm not starving him half to death but is back to all the Big Adventures.

Have a good one, Gloamers.

[little beagle]

Those adventures sound fun NS. A little strenuous.
No the counseling did not go. She TEXTED to cancel the appointment. So unprofessional. Instead he decided to get high and be a bummer all weekend. Well today wasn't so bad. We've been wayching The Last Ship.
Nar I'll be thinking of yoir hubby's interview. Fingers and toes crossed.

[narilly]

Thanks Lil B! That sucks about the Counselling, shit man! Sorry Mr B decided to get high all weekend too. Double bummer. I hope the week goes better.

NS, I totally get the low fat mind set. It was so entrenched in my brain, I would have done just what you did. Lol

Looking forward to an Un Hung Mon.

[Pavati]

Hi,

NS - mine is in denial, but we had a great talk last night. I had gotten to the point of really accepting that I couldn't change him, but I couldn't believe that this scare didn't change him. Maybe it will eventually.

So sorry about the counseling and Mr. B, Lil. Sorry you had to live with that.

Nar - fingers crossed for your hubs and the job.

Pav

[jane27]

Nar, crossing fingers & toes over here too. Got a cold from somewhere. Haven't had one in a long time. Thinking it was a cougher or sneezer on the plane. Oh well. Shit happens. Wishing everyone a good night. Xoxohachewxo

[little beagle]

Sorry about your cold Jane.
Myluck and Pie I forgot to say it's great to see you both here.
I know how you feel Pav. I mean what does it take for my husband to see how much he's hurting himself? I think I'm making it worse. He's so complacent. Thinks I'll just be here no matter what!!!!

[treetops]

Hi there, I really feel for you LB and Pav and others about husbands in denial. My partner, G. is too - with diet and his weight. He is very over-weight and just will not do much about it. Its a food thing and its eating too much of the wrong stuff and even too much of the good stuff. I can't monitor his intake - especially at lunchtime. He has high cholesterol (but is on statins).
When I was a booze-fiend he was also in denial. Sort of. He just kind of blocked it out as long as my behavior did not have any impact on the family. As long as meals came out, I went to work, things got done, I wasn't horrible to our daughter and I wasn't a pain in general. I had to hide the real extent of the booze from him - he permitted wine to be around - but the full extent of what I was up to was out of view. So were other things. Its not an honest way to live.

And like you LB (and again, many others here) we seem to live with complacent partners. I have posted about this a lot!

For me, on the bright side, my daughter did go for the application she wasn't going to do. It took a lot of energy from me - but its done and we wait and see. She is working very hard for her internal exams this week and trying to be a nice person as well. I am very proud of her. I made a delicious lemon/yoghurt cake last night as a treat.

Bit quiet on this thread so I hope everyone who is not posting is OK.

[narilly]

That's tough TT, it is hard to watch someone not take care of themselves.

Tomorrow is the interview for my hubby, wish him luck!!!

Enjoy another sober evening everyone.

[STEADFAST]

MAE Gloamers,

Interesting how many of us have partners who continue to use/abuse alcohol or other drugs. Sad to read how many are struggling with this right now. Am in the same situation myself. My partner, who's 60 years old, has been smoking weed since his teens. He strongly denies that he's addicted! But one night without it and he's climbing the walls. Of course as an alcoholic i understand how hard it is and how much one suffers as a slave to substance. But I can't get him to cut down, let alone quit. His friends who also smoke freely admit they're addicted, but not my DH! I haven't given up hope that he'll quit one day, but the current trend isn't positive.

Thank goodness we Gloamers have recovered and are maintaining our quits! My sincere sympathy to all of you dealing with the issue of the partner and his habit. Maybe we can make getting them to quit our next mission?!

Best wishes and strength to all,
Steady

[NoSugar]

He's so complacent. Thinks I'll just be here no matter what!!!!

I've been thinking about this since I read it last night, LB. Are you nearing the point of giving him an ultimatum (like Byrdie describes her husband giving her?). You've tried so hard to help him and have endured a lot of pain and disappointment. I'm not sure I would have been able to stay as long as you have. My initial reaction is to encourage you to force him to make a choice but having experienced the power of addiction, realize it is possible he might feel like he has to choose the drug, as crazy as that seems. I guess you can't make the "threat" until you're ready to accept whatever choice he makes. That would be so tough because I know you love him. I hope he doesn't have to lose you - I bet you're the best person that ever came into his life. But you need to take care of yourself, too, LB - you deserve the best.

Nar - fingers crossed for your husband today! If his personality is anything like yours, he should charm them easily! I hope it's a job he would enjoy.

Hope your cold passes quickly, Jane, and congrats to your daughter, TT, on making the effort - hope it pays off. It's so good to find a post from you in the morning, Steady!

I don't know how we can get people to change. Heck, I desperately wanted to change myself for several years and couldn't get it done. I guess there's a tipping point for everyone and we can try to provide incentives but it sure seems like it has to come from deep within.

[jane27]

Lil, I am wondering about websites and other resources that have stats and other info on crack addiction. Numbers don't lie. Maybe if you could find the appropriate course of action to take straight from a place that specializes in the problem & has proven success- then it would provide you both with some standards and a rule book. Its very different from the AL addiction in the fact that crack addicts can and do go for weeks at a time clean- then go on a big binge. That sounds a lot trickier to me. I think he needs to be handcuffed to a program, and I would imagine that it works differently that AL rehap. It would seem that it takes MORE time to gain strength because instead of accruing days that add up to a whole, the crack addict has to accrue chunks of sober time strung together. I think you need an expert, a program, and maybe an ultimatum too. I wonder if hypnosis is something that has proven success. I'm going to do some Goggle searches. I feel sorry for each of you for different reasons. Him because he doesn't want to be stuck in mud with his wheels spinning. Addiction SUCKS. You because its torture to watch someone you love so much be trapped and to see them in pain. Big higs to you LIl.

[narilly]

LilB, I know you will find your way to change this situation. You definitely have to take care of yourself and you know Mr B better than anyone else. What motivates him?

I am crossing my fingers for hubby today, thank you for your support! He flew up to Ft Mac today, where the oil sands are. He will be working one week in and one week out if he gets the job. He will be living in a camp, which is pretty nice. This is No office job! He is a hands on kinda engineer so this will be good.

Talk soon.