Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yes those bush fires are awful.. the smell and smoke
Great on all the days you are racking up.. I think the amount of time further away from the bottle makes a difference, do you think?
I'm back to those early stages of that Grrrrr feeling. But just have to go through it. I'm always so encouraged to hear of how much better feel after time!

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Ladies, I just started following this thread yesterday. I just want to tell you all that I am happy to be here. I get very lonely sometimes, and being here makes me feel like I am not so alone in the world. :h

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yes Pat it gets easier and this time i dont think of al, i dont crave it and my sons drink in front of me and i dont want to pinch any to hide and drink. God i so dont want to go back to those early days, i spent the first 2 weeks i think arguing with myself about having a wine. Another reason why i dont want to go back there. I think its about being honest with myself about al and not letting my kids down or you guys or myself. There is still that thought of failing though!

I am lucky i live in a housing estate, if you can call that lucky so bushfires dont affect me but i feel sorry for the country folk.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yes it's that awful arguing with yourself..it's grim. And also I think that honesty is so important!
Hi Mein!! Welcome

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Mein, i posted to you in NN but i only really check in there, here i never stop blabbing on, mind you i have some competition when the others are awake. I am in Aus so it is 8pm at night here. MWO beats fb hands down for me now.

Pat the arguments drive you nuts and i used to always know who would win, bloody al but not this time. Its only taken me since 2011 to get here. Honesty and definitely lying to myself saying it is ok to have a wine, no one will know, its only one, its not as bad as what i was. FFS should write a book on procrastination!

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yes, well its taken me ages to get to this point as well...its the right time though so all's good...I just so wish i hadnt veered from the path at Xmas because it's taken so long to get that motivation back..

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Yes and its hard to be put in that situation in the early days especially. My SIL came to visit the week before last and she wanted me to go over, i told her i had to take my dog to the vet as i know she would not have forced me to drink but i no my al mind would have gone into overdrive thinking about that just one! I could not do it and i am sure she thinks she has done something.

Mien do you want to share what has happened to you to get to this point. Oh god i sound like a person from AA. "Hello my name is Linda, i am an alcoholic" ha ha.

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh wow, what got me to this point... that's a story! LOL. In all seriousness, I started drinking alone after a traumatic death. A great love passed away in a car accident and six months later, I was living alone in Louisville, KY for a college internship. To deal with the grief of his death, I started having a few drinks every evening. Mostly a few beers or a glass of wine, but, the patterns started to develop. Now, 11 years later, I see that the pattern had begun at that time... the pattern of dealing with difficult feelings by drinking. I also started to drink to relieve anxiety, mostly social anxiety. A few beers or a glass of wine before going out was "normal" for me. Sometimes I took a "traveler" drink in the car with me. Geez, when I think about that now... The true secret binge drinking did not start until three years ago, when I first moved to Germany. My husband and I had decided to move to Germany for a job opportunity. My husband is German, and he found a great job near his hometown. We took the job, packed up or gave away our belongings... and moved to a very small village in Germany within three months. Before this move, I had thought that I was a person who dealt with change very well... boy was I wrong. This change was so fast and so severe... I started drinking every night, binging on wine and whiskey. In secret. Soon, the days where I didn't take a drink became few and far between. I'm now at the point where my husband hates to come home from work, scared of dealing with a drunk wife... my family is concerned... something has to be done. I've been a part of the MWO community for one year, but I have not found the strength to quit yet. So I'll probably annoy you all with my crazy posts, but if I have to post to not drink... so be it. I'm also dealing with depression... taking ADs and seeing a therapist. Which is another reason why I should NOT be drinking.

After a year of waffling back and forth with quitting, I really want to be successful this time. I want to actually have a life rather than watching the world go by as a spectator.

I'm very happy to be here... and grateful for you all. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. :l

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi Mein, I really feel for you, you must be feeling so isolated there...and so much change for you. I started drinking a lot when I moved to a small country a few years ago way from my support network..
Do you speak German? and have you met many like-minded people there?
Glad you are here!
x
Pat

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Mein, first of all about posting, i call myself lunatic linda as i knew i could not be trusted by myself, i had to be accountable to someone, anyone really to not drink. I have my children who are a wonderful support and so proud of me. I didnt want to do AA, not sure why just didnt. Everyone here has gone through basically what we have all gone through or are going through. They understand the pain, self loathing, the addiction and how hard it farking is to stop drinking. Al doesnt relieve anxiety does it? I was a 7 day a week drinker, 1-2 bottles of wine, woke up swearing not to drink and stopping to get al and go again, god it was exhausting really. It sounds as a lot of things have been building up lately to make you determined to stop, i know i was like that. My crunch was blacking out at my one and only nieces 21st birthday. The shame and guilt i felt was terrible although it did not make me stop it made me start to wonder what i was doing to myself. It then took me another 4 months before i completely stopped. Dont even think about moderating as not possible for us drinkers and dont read on the moderating thread ever if you dont intend on moderating.

If you want it you can achieve it, we would all of loved to be "normal" drinkers but we cant, we are addicted or alcoholics or whatever you want to call us but here we are one and the same.

I have a german surname if that helps Pat! Cant speak a bloody word.

Can you talk to your husband about your giving up al or maybe later? Support is always good if you feel positive enough.

I started my own thread "my story" that i post on sometimes to gather my thoughts on this journey, i find it helps to get rid of the past and put it in writing. PM me if you ever need or want. Nightimes for me are my boredom times where i need to keep amused. the witching hour of wanting al has gone finally.

You sound very very positive Mein and there are such lovely lovely people on here with a reply and the topics change ever day. I love waking up in the morning with a cuppa and reading whats been happening before i go to work. These guys keep me accountable for not drinking. And i waffle a lot!

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Great points Ava..
and I think you are right about the posting and reading on here. Not having access to this site while I was away made a huge difference and I lost that whole feeling accountable thing which I now realise is a great motivator

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pat, Ava... thank you for the support today. I am learning German and my language skills are steadily getting better... but not perfect yet. I have not yet made any "real" friends in Germany... at least not friends that I can talk to about the intimate details of my life. My husband is a great man, but a selfish person... and I find it difficult to talk to him about my depression and drinking problems, and I sometimes feel like he prefers it that way. So that is a whole other struggle in itself. Anyhoo... I'm finally going to venture out of the house today and I'm feeling good about NOT buying anything to drink. I'm so glad to be here with you guys, and I'm looking forward to knowing you better. I will be posting more later today.

:l

[acadiaofmaine]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good morning, LOAMers. Foggy, cool day in New York! Wish I could send some of this Down Under!

Patrice, I keep meaning to say, you and I are in about the same place-today is day 12 for me. I had started before the holidays, slipped up between Xmas and New Year's, and am back on the path!

Welcome, Mein. Stick with us-someone is always up and about on this thread.

Ann

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Great to see you, Mein!

If you get bored or need a diversion, head back to page 1 of this thread to start reading and you'll see where all of us are in this Excellent AF Adventure.

NS

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Lunchtime! How are you ladies today? Little tired here as I was up past midnight trying to calm myself down from son's basketball game.

Welcome Mein! Thanks for sharing your story with us. So glad you have found a great thread of supportive women who all have the same goal of abstinence. Glad you're getting out and about today, as being lonely can certainly be a trigger. So can being tired, which is what I'm being aware of today.

I have to say, it really sucks being back on rung 4 of the ladder. But better than not being on the ladder at all. I've been trying to visualize myself in a time where I'm feeling the panic overcoming me, my emotions all over the place like I was Friday night. If/when that happens, my decision is made; a promise to myself and to you girls that I will call someone. NS suggested to have a reasonable goal set for myself and I decided on 100 days, which will be on April 21. I like having a goal like that, because when I'm back into the 40's, and Al starts shooting his darts at me, I have another reason I will not drink. Because I am making a promise to myself not to drink at least until April 21, even though my goal is forever, it makes it much easier and doable to start with a smaller goal. So two promises actually!

1. I promise to call someone if I get wobbly.
2. I promise to get to April 21st without AL.

Ava, I'll be 99 days on your big 50 birthday! That's special, then for sure!

Happy Wednesday or Thursday!