Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[abcowboy]

Jane!

Jane, good to see hubs didn't forget your birthday, and neither did I, I had you on my calendar but you beat me to it. I miss your posts and wonderful graphics and wanted to ask what was wrong. Sometimes I feel the same way, wondering if this is all that sober life has to offer. But this "all" is so much better than a life of drinking! When I get in these moods, I reach out to a newbie, pick one and pm them. Try to make them understand that what they are doing is going to be worth it. I am grateful that I'm sober and I just try to take that message to those who still suffer, and that always makes me feel that I'm right where I'm supposed to be! Have a great day my friend :hug:, Happy Birthday once again, enjoy your day doing crafty things!

[NoSugar]

Happy Birthday, Jane. I'm glad your husband didn't forget - especially after all the attention you gave him for his last birthday! What was in your box? That sounds like such a fun and thoughtful gift.

I bet many people will relate to the very uncomfortable, unsettling feelings you describe so well. I sure do. If I'm not actively engaged in learning something new, working on an interesting project, or involved in helping others (preferably all of them!), it is easy to fall into a funk of not seeing the point in anything. I hope you can figure out what you need to avoid slipping into the proverbial existential abyss - such a horrible place to be. It is great to see you back here :hug:.

Hi, Choices! I've been reading your thread. Since you've done this before, you know what you need to do and it sounds like you're really putting all your tools in place. Late afternoon was my tough time, too. I work from home and I developed the pattern of drinking a few glasses of wine b/f my husband came home so the 1 or 2 glasses I had at dinner looked perfectly "normal". Of course, the gulps out of the box in the dark kitchen during the evening surely wouldn't have...

[jane27]

Hey, Gloamers. I just listened to a show about opiate addiction (American Opioid Addiction Keeps Growing | On Point with Tom Ashbrook), which they call the greatest addiction crisis ever in America. That may be true, but it's got some pretty good competition, as we all know.

The whole tone of the discussion is so much different than conversations about alcohol - all of the blame is aimed at Big Pharma and naïve or unscrupulous doctors. The addicts are viewed as almost unwitting victims, at least until they switch to heroin. The addiction is ascribed to the properties of the drugs, not to defects of the addict.

As I listened, I started substituting 'alcohol' for 'opiate' and 'Big Alcohol' for 'Big Pharma' - what a different way of looking at our situation! And just like many physicians were duped into thinking that managing pain was paramount and that opiates would not be a problem for those who needed them and so were a good thing, most of us were swayed by the seductive advertisements for alcohol and were reassured by its being legal.

Patrick Kennedy just released a memoir today, A Common Struggle: A Personal Journey Through the Past and Future of Mental Illness and Addiction: Patrick J. Kennedy, Stephen Fried: 9780399173325: Amazon.com: Books, in which he discusses his and his family members' mental health and addiction issues (much to the dismay of some of them!). He's really trying to change the conversation - and the laws. Let's hope. xx NS

NS, Your post reminded me of an article I recently read about the heroin epidemic we are seeing. How the steep increase in scrips written for pain meds led to stricter protocols aimed to reduce the potential for abuse, but instead resulted in addicts going straight to heroin. I'm not sure how I feel about the subject as a whole- either way, the cat is out of the bag. I liked your exercise (substituting alcohol for opiate)- it was a valuable tool for me 2 weeks into my quit when I was driving by a liquor store and felt all the magnets in the world pulling me to go into the store and buy. That's when my "I do not shoot heroin" tactic came into play. I had to make it a whole lot uglier to get it off the table. The tv shows alone are a killer- Rob Lowe knocking back tumblers of anything on West Wing, Don Draper and the Mad Men crew drinking and smoking in the office. If a person is looking for permission to drink excessively, they don't have to look far for affirmation and confirmation that drinking is normal. I'm shocked by how well I was able to fool myself into thinking my drinking problem wasn't that bad.

There was one clear & indisputable red flag which I conveniently chose to ignore along with the multiple broken bones and other miscellaneous mishaps. In January of 2001, I read Drinking A Love Story By Carolyn Knapp for the first time and I recognized that she had a problem. When she went to visit her parents on weekends or holidays, she got into the habit of carrying nips around with her (the airplane sized bottles). In one chapter, she was carrying them around in her bathrobe pockets to supplement what wasn't enough wine on the table at dinner. I regarded that as pretty bad, but without realizing it, mentally filed the image of nips in her pocket under the heading GOOD IDEAS. 5 months later I found myself in the check out line at a liquor store with 12 (+?) more nips of vodka in a red plastic basket. It was a sunny Saturday and myself and 2 others were taking customers out for a day of sight seeing in NYC. I was nervous. I figured 4 for each of us if it got to that, and maybe it wouldn't but at least I'd have the option. In the van on the way into NYC I shared a row with one of the customers, a man in his early 60's- seasoned veteran in our industry. He told jokes, we laughed, he seemed like a good guy, and out came the vodka. In the end I think my sales manager drank 2, the president of my company 1, Bill W (ironically) 2 or 3, and the rest, me. Other than my attempting to steal a bagel with cream cheese from the concession stand as we exited the tour boat, and getting caught red handed by a disgusted member of the crew, things went swimmingly. Bill W turned out to be a friend and ally for many years and whenever customers came to visit for a period of time, I was called on for lunch, dinner- whatever. Nips inadvertently became an asset.

A year later when I read that Carolyn Knapp, 42 years old and 2 years sober, had died from lung cancer my blood went cold. Along with the filing nips away under GOOD IDEAS I had filed away the fact that she got sober to mean that I could quit whenever I wanted to also. The fact that she got caught- robbed of life- punished for an unhealthy habit even after quitting drinking scared me. So much, that I got rid of the book and put her out of my mind. 10 years later, in 2011 when I must have had a hunch that I was heading into turbulent waters with my drinking, I got my hands on the book again and when I read it, didn't see her story as anything unusual or shocking. I brushed it off. I don't know the exact particulars that led me to quitting for good on January 7 2014. I don't even like stating it like that- because it seems cocky, arrogant, un-wise and un-humble to presume permanent defeat over a bad guy with a known reputation for bouncing back from the dead. In my late 30's, 40 was a convenient number to pin a quit date to. By 2012, 40, 41 and 42 had come and gone, and I hadn't quit drinking. 43 came and went and nothing changed.

This has become such a speechy post. I guess I needed to reflect a little, and to stand back and look at my journey. It isn't easy but its definitely worth it. I think I'd like to try and figure out why is feels like I'm waiting for something to end so that something better can begin. Oh, I received a formal diagnosis. I'm peri menopausal. [insert sarcastic comment here]

Love & strength to all

Cross post, thank you ABC & NS!!! :hug::love:

[jane27]

A general question for all my Gloamers, how do you guys structure your time to ensure balance? I need to find a way to build in x amount of time for MWO without getting sucked into my laptop. Open to all suggestions! xx

[NoSugar]

I don't know the exact particulars that led me to quitting for good on January 7 2012. I don't even like stating it like that- because it seems cocky, arrogant, un-wise and un-humble to presume permanent defeat over a bad guy with a known reputation for bouncing back from the dead.

It isn't cocky or arrogant in my opinion, it is confident. We need to be confident in ourselves and in our quits. Alcohol humbled me for years -- it was in control. Now that I've got my power back, I intend to wield it! The truth is, I consider myself - and many others I know here - recovered from addiction, not recovering. The fact that there are actions I need to take to maintain that recovery doesn't make me any less healed -- I'm not willing to play the sick person or victim role any more. Maybe I'd be ok with saying I'm 'actively recovered' -- there's nothing passive about gaining or maintaining sobriety!

[Samstone]

happy Birfday, Jane !!!!! Enjoyed your post, If a person can't reflect, what's the point of being here, eh??

[jane27]

Thanks Sam! Xx

[j-vo]

Happy belated Jane! I hope you can find a way outa your funk. You will. Just focus on today and look for the good in each day, each moment. That's what I'm trying to do. Try not to overschedule yourself. When I do, that leads to my overanxiousness. Congrats on all your AF time.

Choices, congrats to you on 2 weeks! That's awesome.

I hope I'm not misunderstanding your question Jane, but I read a few different threads and try to post in each at least once or twice daily. I think, especially in the beginning to try as much as possible to be connected. LIke they say in AA 90 meetings in 90 days. Same thing here.

Busy day at work and this evening. Still working on college apps and son has a scholarship essay he needs to work on. I get to help, and I'm happy to do so as I am sober! Have to run out and get the girlfriend a gift for her birthday which is on Friday also. I'm happy to do that as I'll have quality time with my boy. He still needs me : )

Have a good day Gloamers.

[Starfish1]

Jane! :hug: Happy Birthday, Friend. I miss you very much and thank you for showing me the way!

[jane27]

Thanks Star. I am so proud and excited about your success sticking this quit. Together we can do it! xo

[Choices]

Good morning ladies. I think I might understand what you mean about time spent in MWO. My first time here I got really 'sucked in'. As if it were kinda like a warp. It didn't feel healthy to me. And I was quite dependent I think. I must have needed it for it all to stick, for my first stint of sobriety. I think something that helped was after spending a lot of time on the computer, and now a screen.. Is just to (if possible) leave your house, desk.. Wherever you are and simply walk outside around the block.. Or to a store .... Anything simple to get yourself back into the real world. Not sure if that helps. I wouldn't say my relapse happened because I stopped checking in. I did a long stretch and became pregnant. So I knew or thought I was in the clear. I wanted to focus in a baby forum instead. It wasn't until my daughter turned one and I took her home to meet my family that I found myself in a vulnerable situation.. When looking back.. It would of helped to have support for my alcoholism. While I was around my family, old friends.. Drinking buddies etc... It was tough being around so much drinking, everyone acting strange around me like I had a disease... All the intense emotions and let down for me on how I thought the trip would go... Blah blah blah...I was so strong the whole way through... And slipped on the plane with the free drink offered coming back to my new life. I'm pretty confident that if I'd been active here during that time it wouldn't of happened.

The time I spend this time around isn't nearly as much, but maybe it's because the foundation is there? I'm reading this amazing book called Radical Acceptance and it's helping me so much. All the stories and movies about alcohol abuse really helped me to open my eyes to how serious my problem is. But it can get pretty dark. All ok, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. But if it feels unbalanced maybe add something light in the mix? A mindless movie, something superficial to let yourself rest.

[treetops]

Good advice Choices. Hope all is going well Jane and others. I can't keep away from the screen as it's part of my job but I only check into MWO at specific times or when I have a spare moment. I know many people have had issues with MWO taking over and they end up by leaving.

[little beagle]

I have a set time ( well mostly) that I spend here. Right before bed and before my frivolous reading time. And lights out at a certain time.
Good to see so many people posting on here today.
Anthony Hopkins on YouTube talking about his alcoholism. About how there's always a certain restlessness, a searching for something. He used his to great advantage.
I'm learning how to sew. Keeping the hands and mind busy seems to be important to me.
Happy Birthday Jane. Great to see you here.

[narilly]

Happy Birthday Miss Jane! Hope you had a good one. My hubby would forget my birthday every year if I didn't remind him. He is super forgetful and so I just remind him every year to avoid disappointment.

J-Vo, glad you are doing so well. It sure is nice to spend time with your son.

My son is still trying to find himself I think. He is in Uni but not doing very well. He says he doesn't want to be here. He is still immature I guess. I think he will go travelling again in Feb. hopefully he gets it out of his system and then does something in school. I figure it will take him a couple of years to grow up. He is a good kid, very kind and has a great sense of humour...very intelligent too.

Hello Choices and Star.

Well, Gloamers it's off to bed for me. Have a good one.

[Pavati]

No time to read back, but a short read says it is Jane's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JANE!!

I went out to a great talk tonight, and am heading to bed.

xo
Pav