Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[treetops]

I used to manage a liquor store in Auckland, part-time when I was a grad student. There were all kinds of people who abused AL from the people living in 'doss' houses who were waiting for me to open the place, to the Ladies who Lunched or who you could see got quietly sloshed in the afternoon in their nice houses. It was pretty easy to recognise the alcohol-craving glint in people's eyes. But I didnt judge cos I would get pissed after the store closed - with my intelligent and smart (haha) girlfriends. We would solve all of the problems of the world over a bottle of gin and a box of wine.

[jane27]

Just popping in to say goodnight Gloamers. Thanks for all your comments. Thank God we have one another to reach out to and compare notes with. I know I wouldn't be sober without the support of our thread and MWO.

[Choices]

Hi everyone, so, it's 3:40 am here and I've been up for an hour. I'm not quite sure why I woke up. But, I'm trying not to get mad I can't fall back asleep. Even though it's the middle of the night I'm in a much better place than I was two days ago in terms of mind set. I am really tired of thinking about alcohol. Not wanting it, but coming to terms with my problem with it. I remember that will ease up. The first 30 days is a real pain. I get tired of the word journey, but that actually is exactly what it is. I keep thinking of your post Jane, and how I can relate to everyone in the store, even the stoner son. I wish I could read the next page. I've always wondered what it would be like to work at a liquor store TT. And if they actually know who has the problem and who is just buying alcohol casually. It's been nice not going into a bottle shop these past weeks. It is an embarrassing feeling after a while, the shame is exhausting. I made a new friend yesterday that I'm excited to get to know better. Our daughters met at a daycare. She is from India and is In an arranged marriage. It was so nice to focus on something so interesting and different from my experience. And to relate to having a child the same age, being homesick, having post natal depression, and immigrating to a new country. It made me appreciate my life, and how far I've come. I was really happy that I was sober and didn't shy away from getting to know someone new.

[j-vo]

That's wonderful you're feeling that gratitude, Choices! How long have you lived in NZ? Do you make it back to the states ever? I find your situation very impressive, that only a strong person could handle. If you can handle all of that and feel grateful, then putting Al away for good would seem attainable.

I, too, walked into the liquor store trying to hide my face. I would go to a few different ones, just like most of us here. I'm so glad I don't have to do that anymore, and so glad I don't have to wake up after those depressing nights of drinking alone. Just sitting on the couch, drinking glass after glass, going to bed, and waking up in that ugly fog.

We're having unseasonably warm weather this week in my neck of the woods. 70's! It's beautiful and I'll take it! Nar, keep warm, friend.

[jane27]

Choices, your posts remind me a lot of how I felt in the early weeks of my quit. Out of determination not to get tripped up, I made a point of keeping my load light enough so that I could process emotions thoughtfully (and as slowly as I needed to). I think this was essential to getting my quit to stick because years of drinking my way through life's pressures turned the proverbial house upside down AND left me feeling numb. I was at the point where I drank to plow through, and the end result was that I had to re-learn how all of life's little things made me feel.

Byrdie was kind enough to save my 30 day post in the Tool Box. Qouting my own post revolts and embarrasses me, but I'm going to do it anyway.

At 30 days I feel stupid in a good way. I am trying to develop an awareness regarding the way a situation makes me feel. Do I want to do that? Do I want to have dinner with this person?

Waiting for a pull in order to identify things that I actually want to do. Sitting with feelings. Recognizing that wistful memories of a good buzz may crop up & put a lump in my throat. That the most minute attempt to ride that wave might be a one way ticket. That I'm not doing myself any favors by judging myself- in fact that habit has been a spring board to drinking. The most important thing is to not drink & be a good person. That it's important to show up if I've signed up, so stop signing up for shit I don?t want to do & figure out why I do that so much. Everything is going to feel new and it is new. With time I will accrue an inventory of memories made while sober. Looking forward to the day when I have enough of those that I can move the old ones to a different box, tie it up with some string, and maybe one day make peace with it. Every day, I need to be relentless in my commitment to not drinking. This may include things that feel like I?m being selfish. It's not being selfish. It's going to keep me alive. I'm OK with feeling blank actually, because it?s not really blank. It feels more like being newly born. I wish that didn't sound corny or religious, but I don?t know how else to say it.


Jvo, I know that you & I share the quality of being introverted (as well as the perfectionism thing). How do you get the time for yourself that you need as a working Mom? I'm sure it can't be easy. I love days spent holed up at home, posting on MWO, reading articles on the internet, doing chores & tasks in between- but at the same time that it feels like refueling my batteries, I also feel guilty. My hubs doesn't need alone time and is happiest to be with me when he is at home. This can turn into major moodiness for me if I don't try to compensate for the lack of time alone (on weekends & evenings) with healthy dollops of time alone during the week.

Id love everyone's feedback on this. Wishing everyone a great day. Elvis has a year today. I feel so happy and proud about that. xo

PS We finished Covert Affairs and are looking for suggestions if anyone has some.

[Choices]

Thanks J-vo, I have lived in NZ coming up on 7 years. I don't get home often. It is so expensive. I've been back 3 times. It's tough sometimes because I love the states, but now this feels like home. I don't feel like I am a foreigner nearly as much. My American accent gives me away, but I don't get nearly as many comments on it. I miss the snow most, and coins pennies, nickels, and quarters. Haha.. It's funny what a person will miss after a while. Moving here, quitting drinking and smoking, and being a new mom, have definitely been the hardest things I've done. Aside from Education stuff. But that is a whole other kind of challenge. I think going AF is such a big ball of wax.. Because like everyone knows.. It isn't just stopping that is tough it's dealing with everything. I also just drank glass after glass sitting alone and waking up in that ugly fog. It is such a strange numb place that is hard to pull out of. The comfort in it is such a facade, I don't understand the pull. Most of it is vacant.

[narilly]

Ugh, drinking glass after glass and it never being enough. I certainly don't miss that and never want to have that in my life again.

Jvo, you are lucky it's 70 above there! Glad to have you here

Jane, thanks for the 30 day post. It's a good one.

Well, I am signing off. We got a new Prime Minister today. Google Canada's new Prime Minister...he is quite nice to look at and a very charismatic guy. We have lots of hope in Canada.

Hi TT

Have a great sober night!

[Choices]

I think I was writing my last post when you posted yours Jane. Wow, yes, I can certainly relate to your old post! It is just the don't drink voice yelling in my ear constantly.

I skipped working out again today so while my daughter was at the little daycare in the gym I went out for a super healthy breakfast at this raw vegetarian place that I love. I just feel healthy walking in the door. There are tons of cafes and restaurants on this street, and it is a sunny day so lots of people on the patios. Lots of glasses of wine. And I normally think it looks very inviting (even during my last sober stint). But I'm happily surprises that today it didn't look appealing. It actually made my mouth feel dry and all I could really associate it with was a headache. I'm very happy about this reaction today.

[NoSugar]

Sounds like you're changing your brain, Choices! Once we see alcohol as a dehydrating, mind-muddling, liver-killing, carcinogenic, teratogenic poison, it isn't nearly as appealing, no matter how lovely the glasses or romantic the situation. Good for you!

Like you, I felt like I was thinking about not drinking all the time. It was driving me crazy! But then someone asked me, Wasn't it better than thinking about drinking and all that went with it (obtaining, disposing, recovering from) all the time? I had to admit that it was a good trade-off. I'm still constantly aware that I don't drink but it is in a pleasant, no longer badgering, sort of way.

I like a lot of things about your new PM, Nar. Here, a crazy political year is beginning to ramp up - UGH.

It's good to hear from you again, Jane :hug:.

I'm still being pulled in too many directions but grateful to feel capable and resilient - things I'd given up for a long time.

xx, NS

[little beagle]

Vacant. Yes Choices. That's a great word for it. In a fog of anxiety and pain the next day. Relearning how to feel and deal with those feelings. The in-between time. It passes and not drinking becomes a wsy of life again.
Jane I like my time alone too, but I try to balance it out because hubby needs me to be very present for him right now. And maybe I'm lucky because he works on weekends whenever he can. I thought of you today as I was cleaning. This job would make you crazy. Twin 2 year olds, 2 house dogs. Busy people. The result is chaos. I just do my best, but it's never going to be perfect. We're just trying to achieve improvement. Kind of like my general life. But improvement is enough for these people. And it's enough for me in my life.
I would love to see New Zealand.
Narilly that's very cold. We're still in shorts and tshirts with the air conditioner blasting in the afternoons.

[j-vo]

Jane,
I loved your 30 day post. I can see why Byrdie encouraged you to place in toolbox.

Recognizing that wistful memories of a good buzz may crop up & put a lump in my throat. That the most minute attempt to ride that wave might be a one way ticket.Yes, I need to accept that this will happen. But I will remember to replace any "pleasant" feelings with what really happened after that two glasses of pleasant feelings? It went to three, five, six. After that, nothing can be remembered. Black out. A lump in my throat will be much better than a dehydrated body and useless brain.

Your question, Jane, "How do I get time as a working mom?" There's not a whole lot! But when I'm not drinking, it seems like there's so much more and I love it. I love not rushing through my day to get things done and lately I've been saying to myself, "slow down! it's gonna get done even if it takes you five, ten minutes longer." That brings me some peace. I do love my alone time as well. I get that sometimes on the weekends. My husband knows I need it, and he's a doer. He does lots around here. He gets off early, and he doesn't stop. It's his nature. I'll get up on a Saturday morning, and he wants to know what I want for dinner before my first sip of coffee. We're very opposite. But we also understand each other's needs.

Choices, when you said, "it's just not stopping that's tough, it's dealing with everything." Yes, when we stop, we see that there's so much more to life, and we care so much more about everything. It's like we are reborn, and our eyes open and we start observing. Our senses become much sharper. But I liked what Jane said, "sometimes we need to just sit with our feelings and accept that we won't get everything done perfectly, and that's ok. It seems as though dealing with people and things we have to do is easier for me when I don't have that foggy brain, the constant yearning for a poison. I have time to think about pleasant things, and be productive, or not be productive. We're free to do what we want to do. It seems things just don't annoy me when I am AF and I really like that sense of peace.

Nar, I have to check out the eye-candy Prime Minister!

Well...I got selected to serve on a jury today. I'm super excited. I'll probably be off work for a week or a little more. So there will be tons of papers to correct when I get back, but after I thought about that, I thought about how this experience will make me grow. I've never been a great listener. Guess you could say I'm somewhat ADD, but I think it's more that I've always been distracted and not able to be present because I'm worried about, oh, everything. This will give me a chance to practice being mindful and in the present. I've also had issues all my life with expressing my opinion. Another thing I'll get a chance to practice.

When I did get the call, I thought about how I'd have handled the situation had I been actively abusing alcohol. I don't think I'd have been annoyed, but it would have been a reason to begin a long binge. I would have found out that I was picked, and shit, that's a great opportunity to celebrate with drinks and dinner. I bet every morning I'd have woken up with a foggy brain, drag myself downtown, and just have that tired feeling, dragging through the day, looking at my watch, and letting the distractions in my head take over. I'm so happy right now that I don't and won't have to deal with that. I know I'll be a great part of the team that makes an important decision.

Ok, really tired. Wish me luck tomorrow! I feel like it's my first day of school!

[j-vo]

X-post LB...I like what you said. Improvement is enough for me in my life. Amen to that!

[jane27]

Quick pop in to say goodnight! Lots of good stuff here today. Jvo, there was definitely a hole in the Gloamers skyline while you were on hiatus. Sure is nice having you back in the fold. Looking forward to posting tomorrow. Xo

[Choices]

Good luck tomorrow J-vo! I am so grateful to be in this thread. So reaffirming. Thanks ladies and any guys reading. I got my butt to a restorative yoga class tonight and I'm so glad I did. The instructor talked gently the whole time about restoring our bodies. And I am feeing really at ease on the not wanting AL in my life. Peaceful. And... I didn't have any sugar today..;-)

[j-vo]

I'm soooooo glad to be back. So, I'm ready to go! Won't be taking my iPad, as I want my head to be in the game the whole time. Even if I go to lunch, maybe with some new friends, I want to be present in the day. We don't have to be there until 9:30, so I slept in today! Have a great day.