Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Eloise]

El, are you moving to a different city in The Netherlands? Or within your city? I hope it turns out to be good for you and that you'll still have Mozart. Get well soon!

Not sure yet NS. I imagine it will be somewhere here in The Hague or close by. We have to make a decision which we are not particularly good at.
I am at a place now I cannot even imagine where we will be. It all seems out of my realm of support.
I have to not think like this, but when I try to imagine the future I see nothing. Darkness. Not good.
I can't imagine anything. My husband said something about compromise, which I had to block out.
I think I can't imagine what more there is left to compromise?
No dachshund. No bathtub. No dark bedroom to sleep during the long spring & summer months.
No hot water in the bathroom sink. 5 minute showers.
I have to not think about it and get back to that gratitude practice. There are good things about living in the Netherlands and not being in the Caribbean anymore. For example, no one I know, or their families, have been shot, committed suicide or died in a tragic accident since I got here. Now THAT is good right?

The quality of the food is excellent and inexpensive compared to the Caribbean and NYC.
Our 15 year old dog is still alive. I now have Mozart in my life. I have time for my own art work and an art program that is getting going. I have a husband that loves me, that is for sure. He is getting back to work and feeling better in his mind (sort of anyway). There are good things, see!

[NoSugar]

Good to wake up to posts from you, El! I wish some of the other GLoamers near you like LifeChange would post...

I've not heard of Matcha - sounds like amped up green tea. Let us know if it has any positive effects.

It sounds like a lot of change is coming your way. I guess I don't understand why you're moving and it kind of sounds like you'd rather not. Does it HAVE to happen? Or is there a different place you'd both like to be? It sure sounds like you have the freedom to live anywhere in the world - that is amazing to me. I've only lived in 2 towns my entire life and they're not more than about 125 miles apart!!

I'm glad you're still looking for the good in what "is". I'm not a naturally optimistic sort of person, I'm sorry to say, but find that deliberately thinking that way helps, even though it sometimes just brings me up to neutral.

I'm glad to hear your husband is feeling better physically and mentally and hope you soon are, too. :hug:

[Eloise]

Well we do have to move NS. Not a big rush, but has to be done so we feel like we should get cracking on it.
We live in my husband's family's landmark building, which because it is a landmark comes with a laundry list of dos and don't set by the government. There are problems w/the living and working permit and it could very well be costly if we continue to live here. It is simpler easier to keep it work only, so that is what they have decided. We just all thought it would take a few years before all this happened.
I am partly to blame as it was my idea to aggressively find commercial tenants for part of the building.
Good news is I will continue my art program here and we will do some renovations so it will be even nicer for the children and me.
We now have to find somewhere we will be comfortable and that is tricky because we don't know where we want to live.
I think we just have to rent somewhere until we can sort it out. I am scared to buy something and run into weird/noisy neighbours again.

I am the eternal optimist NS, sometimes I surprise myself on this topic. If there is a bright side I am determined to find it. My husband is the polar opposite, always looking for what is wrong.

i will let you know about the Matcha, you are right it is just really high grade green tea. I had a strange reaction to it this morning, gas and belly ache or maybe just this virus/flu? Maybe a little detox action? Not sure?

[j-vo]

I've never heard of that tea either, El. Good luck with the moving. Do u color code boxes��
It's an old thing of mine, well, mom taught me. Hope you're feeling better and keep up with the gratitude list. Today I'm grateful for a sober TFIF day. I know I'll get good rest this weekend and I'm happy about that.

Gman, I was so disappointed, but we have to learn to deal with disappointments and move on. I did yesterday by treating myself to lunch and getting some shopping done. If I'd been actively abusing al, I would have had drinks by myself for lunch. Yep liquid lunch leading to long afternoon nap, followed by misery and more al in the evening to take away the misery until I'd pass out. Gosh does that sound bad and really suck!

Jane, just my iPad keyboard is not working. It's an attachment, so I can buy another.

SL, busy lady! ��

Lb, I hate horror movies but have seen the shining many times. Is it totally scary because if it's not, I may purchase.

Ttyl all. Have a great Friday.

[scottish lass]

Hi all - TGIF, and woke feeling great! Sun is out and it is cold, promise of more rain on Sunday/Monday..
Grocery shop done, lovely bottle of red that said hello to me, spoke nice and quietly and could be ignored and left for someone else!
Not read all the way back yet as I should be working, but feeling so positive today that I had to check in...not sure why I feel so good, or upbeat, but I will just take it and enjoy it and try really hard not to work out why it is!

Have a good Friday everyone...likely to check in later and do some reading - going to crack on and do my monthly quality assurance audit - lets see what my mood is when that is done!

[j-vo]

it's Friday night in my neck of the woods. I'm typing on iPad so apologies in advance for any typos.

I'm glad I got to come home and rest after work. It's been a long week starting with last weekend driving out to see folks then driving back, jury duty two days and work the other three. I'm tired and my body is happy that it'll recover this weekend so I'm rejuvenTed for Monday morning. So many years, decades, I'd work hard throughout the week, feel tired like I do right now, but then the abuse would start, because hey! I deserved it. So beginning on Friday, I'd drink, pass out, Saturday wake up feeling like poop, get nothing done because my body is a mess, and now I'm not just tired like I was on Friday, I'm totally hungover. So late afternoon, I'd start again, usually, and end up in bed early. I'd lose a lot of my Saturday nights because I was too tired or drunk to do anything. Then I'd get beer on Sunday's because our liquor stores aren't open on that day. I'd lose a lot of what should have been a relaxing Sunday evening because I'd be too tired again, go to bed, not enjoy a nice movie or tv show. Monday hits, 5:15 and I feel like shit. It would take me until Wednesday to start feeling better, and by Thursday, I've almost made it to the weekend so I'd rewRd myself and by a bottle of wine which I'd plan to only have two glasses. Ha! That's funny. I'd finish the whole bottle and usually my Friday mornings were foggy, depressing because of a nasty hangover. Repeat, week after week, month after month. Well, that life sounds so freaking pathetic. I'm so pleasantly tired right now, and even though I am, I may just get up and exercise a bit, because I can...on a Friday night at 8:00 pm because I'm not drunk and in bed already.

[scottish lass]

it's Friday night in my neck of the woods. I'm typing on iPad so apologies in advance for any typos.

I'm glad I got to come home and rest after work. It's been a long week starting with last weekend driving out to see folks then driving back, jury duty two days and work the other three. I'm tired and my body is happy that it'll recover this weekend so I'm rejuvenTed for Monday morning. So many years, decades, I'd work hard throughout the week, feel tired like I do right now, but then the abuse would start, because hey! I deserved it. So beginning on Friday, I'd drink, pass out, Saturday wake up feeling like poop, get nothing done because my body is a mess, and now I'm not just tired like I was on Friday, I'm totally hungover. So late afternoon, I'd start again, usually, and end up in bed early. I'd lose a lot of my Saturday nights because I was too tired or drunk to do anything. Then I'd get beer on Sunday's because our liquor stores aren't open on that day. I'd lose a lot of what should have been a relaxing Sunday evening because I'd be too tired again, go to bed, not enjoy a nice movie or tv show. Monday hits, 5:15 and I feel like shit. It would take me until Wednesday to start feeling better, and by Thursday, I've almost made it to the weekend so I'd rewRd myself and by a bottle of wine which I'd plan to only have two glasses. Ha! That's funny. I'd finish the whole bottle and usually my Friday mornings were foggy, depressing because of a nasty hangover. Repeat, week after week, month after month. Well, that life sounds so freaking pathetic. I'm so pleasantly tired right now, and even though I am, I may just get up and exercise a bit, because I can...on a Friday night at 8:00 pm because I'm not drunk and in bed already.

Isn't this the truth - very well said j-vo! I am not going to exercise tonight (5pm here), but I am not going to drink either and will wake up feeling great on Saturday and enjoy the precious weekend....

Just heard a story on the news of a school superintendent arrested on his second DUI in 5 months - gave me a shiver...

[j-vo]

No one is immune to this disease, but he can say goodbye to his job for sure. Hope he finds MWO. Glad you're on board with me SL

[starty]

Oh Jvo, that was me to a T!! But I would continue on from Monday as I felt so shit and told myself a drink would make me feel better. It never did

[treetops]

Sorry I haven't posted much this week but I have been feeling sad and weepy (not about AL but other things) and I didn't want anyone to catch my blues.
JVo and SL- yes, its much better to start the weekend without an endless cycle of hangover and pick-me-up - and as Starty reminds us - its a cycle that can drag on into the week. Or just become a daily way-of-life as it did for me.

Choices - are you OK?

Everyone else have a good weekend.

[jane27]

Sorry to hear you've been blue TT, but glad to hear from you. Scorpio men (at least in my opinion) take the grand prize for moodiness. Is hubs in a post birthday, piss pot of a mood? I've had some weepy moments too last week and was so grateful for a reprieve today.

Wishing everyone a bewdie! Xo

[treetops]

Thanks Jane. Oh my partner (Scorpio) has been dreadful this week and I just couldn't handle it anymore. Also my daughter finished high school (although she has 3 weeks of exams still to do) so that was the end of an era. On the other hand she received some excellent prizes and I am very proud of her. Especially as one prize was for working with younger students.

[lifechange]

Hi Gloamers..
I've been checking in periodically to see how you're all doing. It's been ages since I've actually written. A while back, during the summer, I was set on sobriety, checking in daily with the Nest, feeling positive, on track. During that time, I was finally able to make the decision to end a long term relationship with my boyfriend (though we're still living together until I find a new place to live) which I'd wanted to do for a long time, but was too afraid of being "alone" to do. Though it's been difficult and I'm still a bit scared, I know it was the right thing for me to do.
While all of this was going on, I went to a dinner party having no intention to drink.. but ended up drinking 2 glasses of wine which I felt guilty about. After the dinner it was easy to convince me to go to a cafe/bar to hang out a bit longer. There I had another glass of wine, not feeling guilty any longer, and ran into an old friend with whom I ended up spending the whole evening talking to and even kissing in the end. We've known each other such a long time and have always enjoyed spending time together.. and it was so nice to have such long conversations with a man who understood what I was trying to say and vice versa.. I'm embarrassed to be writing this. The past couple of months I've been acting like a teenager. Going out and staying out until all hours of the morning, drinking.. mostly not too much, but I know that any amount is too much for me. I'm finally getting over it.. and am seeing clearly that this isn't good for me. Even though it feels so good on a romantic, emotional level.. as long as I continue to drink I'm on the wrong path. And I need to be on the right path.
Reading the posts from the past few days has been great.
J-vo, yours from yesterday really resonated with me. I always feel a million times better when I don't drink. Even when I have it "under control" I feel guilty, more tired and irritable and I know for certainty there will be at least one time every so often ( I never know when) that i will go overboard and destroy myself for at least a full day. I've wasted so much time. And I've said this all a hundred times. But I'm still hopeful that I'll pull myself together and figure out my way out. I made it my mission not to drink yesterday and I didn't. Today I feel good, but I also feel the pull of, "ok. you know if you're going to stop for good, that means for good. so maybe you should have one last day of drinking..". The insanity that you all know and have written about.. if I do that today, I'll SURELY drink too much, feel like crap tomorrow and continue on. So my goal for today is not to drink. Once again, I have to begin without worrying about the future and without berating myself about the position I've got myself into again.
I don't know if it's ok that I've jumped in here after such a long time of being absent to blah blah blah. I've lost touch with everyone here.. but I know that when I've been really honest with myself about what it is I need to do, who I really am, when I haven't been running away, avoiding my problems and life.. this has been such an amazing place to be and to share with all of you. I hope it's ok..

[Eloise]

colour coding boxes sounds smart Jv0- good tip. Thanks.
Not even thinking about packing yet to be honest. I guess I should get started, why not?
Not today though, still sick. I went to Mozart this am though, gosh does he ever appreciate the visits. What a lovely horse he is. I always feel better after spending time with him. I got SO MANY cuddles this am.
He likes to stand there and sniff my hair, silly pony!

[Eloise]

Just start with today Lifechange.
No drinking today. Tomorrow will solve itself. Glad you are back.