Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[treetops]

Quick check in as the weekend comes to an end. No Tennessee Williams here - i.e. not lying in bed recovering from drinking! (something about these posts reminded me of that). I am still a bit blue but did have a lovely walk with my daughter by the sea today and tonight I have been listening to her revise some material for exams. I just have to sit there and look like I am paying attention!
Yes JVo -its great to be able to taste and appreciate food, and not worry about where the next drink is coming from. Mind you, that switch can take some time - and I recall in my early days of recovery that eating out or even eating with others could be a challenge. I now find I can't be bothered with long drawn out meals either.
Lovely to see some new faces here, and some old ones (who I didn't know before) returning.

[lifechange]

Morning Gloamers,
It feels really good to be welcomed back into this group. This is where I can be completely open and honest with myself. Where I don't have to and shouldn't hide. To be honest, I'm not sure I'm quite ready for it.
J-vo, it's great that you've been able to take the option to drink completely off the table. I also view this as a sickness. I know I began drinking to escape the pain of my life.. and right from the get-go I drank excessively. Learning to deal with the discomforts that inevitably come forth during this lifetime.. that's what I have to work on. I felt like I was getting a hold on it before by using meditation, by finding gratitude. I've also realised, more clearly than ever, how much of my self worth is wrapped up in whether or not I have an admiring man in my life. I really dislike that about myself and am annoyed that I've allowed myself to get involved with someone directly after ending a relationship. I actually want to learn to be ok, not just ok but really happy, on my own. That shouldn't be impossible, should it?
Each day I receive and email.. today's gift-- this was today. I'm going to work hard on changing the ways I deal with problems and pain.

"Recovery is teaching us to think a situation through to the end before we act. In the past, we often reacted first and thought later. Unable to wait out the pain, we tried to "fix" our problems by artificial means: drugs, alcohol, food, sex, and excitement. Our only goal was to escape and get relief from the ups and downs of life. Rushing from one situation to another, we seldom slowed down enough to relax and really think through the consequences of our actions.

Now, we're learning to solve problems instead of escaping from them. Learning to sit still with discomfort, knowing it will eventually pass, has given us real personal power in our day-to-day living. What a wonderful freedom to no longer be driven by the demons of obsession and compulsion, but instead to experience our feelings as friends instead of enemies. When we allow ourselves to sit with such friends, open to what they can teach us, we will never be alone."

[Guitarista]

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Are we ridiculous to attempt replacing the faucet in our bathroom sans professional help? We shall soon find out! xo

Make sure the water supply is turned off Jane! Or it might gush out through the tap you're replacing. You probably know that but just in case.

Hiya LC. L8tr g8tr's. Take care.

[j-vo]

Wow, LC. That was powerful and thank you for sharing. my goal was to escape and get relief, but I also wanted to get wrecked, and i suppose that was because i wanted to escape from everything and fast. I didn't want to feel anything. I'm really thinking of this one, as it hits the nail on the head. Needing that escape almost everyday, or everyday and white knuckling through the days i promised myself i wouldn't drink was no way to live. A very sad existence. It was habitual, something that I relied on all the time. Now I need to rely on tools that help me to recognize my feelings, and that feeling isn't all bad. But the past is something that I need to come to terms with, and accept that I went through a lot of crap, depression, anxiety, and feeling so bad about myself. I can't change it. I can only move forward with my life. I am not the scared person I was anymore. I'm not the depressed and anxious person I was in my earlier life. So I need to recognize that I'm past that, and I have gotten past it due to many positive experiences I've had, even while i was actively abusing alcohol. I know, it's weird. how can i have gotten better at the same time wrecked myself with alcohol? I think age has everything to do with it. Experience. Wisdom. Learning. It became such a habit for me to drink, even though I didn't have to. I feel like I'm not making sense right now. Sorry! I have confused myself.

Maybe what led me into the drinking habitually was my depressed and anxious self. Maybe it was my family genes. It was probably both. Whatever it was, I don't have to drink anymore. I don't have to rely on something that will cause me pain anymore. I know I can handle this life without alcohol, and it doesn't and will not control me anymore. I'm lucky I realized that. I am saying I'm an alcoholic, because my situation was that serious, and I don't want to ever lose sight of the fact that I cannot drink alcohol safely. I will keep that to my support group at mwo and some close family. But no one else needs to label me (coworkers, friends...). I'm labeling me because it helps me because I'm a black and white person. I don't want any grey areas when it comes to this in my life.

[NoSugar]

Good morning. I have a million little things to do today and am flitting from one to the next, being totally ineffective. Time to focus and do one at a time - to completion!!

Has anyone heard from Pav? Her extra job has probably swamped her but I miss her here.

Take care of yourselves today, GLoamers. We're worth it. xx

[scottish lass]

Hi all - computer is being very slow today - not sure if it is the storm heading in, but short post just in case!
Happily enjoying a sober weekend, it does feel so very much better.
TT - walk by the ocean is such a great healer - hope that it blew away some of the downs...

The tribute concert was good - I was skeptical having bought the tickets on impulse a good few months back, but it will be closest girls will get to seeing Pink Floyd - my eldest knows all their music, so loved it. The other is a country girl, so not so much! the musicians were incredible - great guitar and sax - it was lovely to here music for musics sake. Crowd was a little sketchy thou
Didn't start till 8pm, and by that time we are usually thinking of our beds - the 5am starts are so terribly hard, and we are turning into real early birds - however, we had a good night out and I am grateful for that.

Doing all errands that did not get finished yesterday, including starting to get the flannel on the beds!
See you all later :hug::hug:

[lifechange]

Good evening, Gloamers..
I am so happy to report that the end of day 3 is here for me and with the exception of a bit of anxiety, it went smoothly.
It helped a lot to read back here and in the Nest..to remind myself of the tools I used to use. To stop and just let the feelings come and pass.
This evening my youngest daughter, who is almost 11, wanted to play memory with me.. during the game, she mentioned that I wasn't as tired as usual. True. But I do have a fat kink in my neck, so in between sets I laid on my back on the ground, she covered me up with her favourite blanket, then gave me the sweetest, softest little kiss on my lips. These are the things I miss out on when I'm too tired, too preoccupied, too anxious or moody..

Wishing you all a lovely afternoon/evening/morning!
and looking forward to waking up to an Un-hung Monday, Nar! I always have to think of you when I think of being un-hung!

[j-vo]

LC, what a great moment with your daughter.:hug:

[j-vo]

Good day here. Went to help mother in law trim her tree. It's early but she wanted help and I was happy to lend her a hand. Got some papers checked, did laundry and organized a bit. What a Sunday should be! Now we're sitting on sofa, mr, j-vo watching football and I'm going to watch house of cards. Because I'm not so tired from being hungover and can sit and enjoy relaxing. For that, I'm grateful.:love:

[Guitarista]

Gidday there Gloamers near and not so far,

Jvo, I drank to slow eventual oblivion to escape something. I've finally worked out I was running from myself. Yep, little ol me. I think a bit of age, experience and some time spent working out what's going on with me has got me to the point now, where I embrace the knucklehead within and love him.

Have a bewdy y'all.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Just back from a short and remote vacation with husband and good friends. SO much fun. I am exhausted and didn't read back, but wanted to say hi and I'm here!

xo
Pav

WAIT - and I see LC back - hooray.

[lifechange]

Hi Gloamers,
I'm getting a great opportunity this morning to sit with sadness. I don't really have anyone I can talk to.. it's just something I have to deal with. I don't feel any great need to escape.. I just wish my ex could see things the way I do. That we could be on the same page and understand each other. But that's the main reason we've split up, so why would it be any different now? Why do I care whether or not he sees my side of the story? Why do I always care how other people see me? He told me that I have a possessive love, that I try to control everyone I love.. and that my 14 year old daughter is pulling away and fighting me because of that. It's so hurtful because I know I have control issues.. but I AM aware and actively working on improving that part of myself. I know that my daughter and I clash at times, but I see her as a strong, independent girl who is making her way. My ex and I have such different realities that I don't know how much of what he sees/thinks I can believe. It's very hurtful though.. to know again how he sees me. I told him how easy it is to see the faults/weaknesses in others and how difficult it is to see them within ourselves. He said he sees his. They sure don't ever seem to be in the limelight. And if I bring them up, God forbid. So I don't any more.
Gosh it feels good to just write this out.
Sorry. I come out of the wood works and blah-blah the thread.
It helped so much to have you all here this past weekend. I feel more clear than I have in a long time and you all bring me strength with your strength and examples..
and now I already feel less sad.

[Choices]

Hi Everyone, I haven't read back.. But wanted to check in. Long busy good day. Big day tomorrow too. I have small thoughts around the witching hour but much more manageable then a week ago. Everything feels a lot more manageable, AF to be fair. I'm definitely in this for the long haul. Hope the past couple of days have been kind to everyone here.

[j-vo]

good Monday morning Gloamers. It feels great to have such a clear head on a Monday morning and ready for a chaotic day.

G, I'm embracing my knucklehead self too. It's about time, eh? I like what experience and wisdom offers me. I'm grateful for all of it.

Good to see you back Pav. I know you were af this weekend but I'd love to hear hoe things have changed for you in taking participating in these get aways compared to earlier sobriety. If I were to do what you did, I know that I would have struggled some, just to be honest. I feel good and safe in my safe places, but that wouldn't have been safe for me.

LC, that's a lot to work through. And I work with 14 year old kids. Not an easy age as they're really discovering who they are and becoming independent just like your daughter is. Can you just agree to disagree with ex and try to let some of it go. You don't need to carry around the stuff you got away from. Take care of yourself.

Choices, great to hear things are becoming more manageable, that's a great feeling.

I had a great morning listening to Barry mani lows Daybresk. It put me in a great mood. Have a great Monday All.

[NoSugar]

You don't need to carry around the stuff you got away from. Take care of yourself.

Love this, J-vo. We do need to learn how to put this stuff down and walk away.

Not having your point of view understood is so tough, LC. The slack, dull look my husband gets on his face (which I call Stupid Face) when he has no idea what I'm trying to say absolutely infuriates me because if I were to look at someone that way, it would be to communicate that I think what they are saying is idiotic. He claims he just doesn't understand. Either way, it is hard not to feel like your take on things has been validated. As for your daughter, my only tip would be to pick your battles carefully. If it isn't going to matter in 10 or 20 years, does it really matter now? I love the kiss from your daughter -- aren't you glad there was no alcohol on your breath for her to smell?

Well, I ran the experiment last night to test whether I need to be so draconian about being a real NS person. Turns out the answer is YES. I feel hungover, have intestinal problems, and totally screwed up my blood sugars. I'll just assume that an alcohol trial would be equally unsuccessful :wink: and won't run that one.

Glad you had a nice get-away, Pav.