Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[treetops]

LB - my partner does exactly that. Lies on the sofa, eats dinner on the sofa, spends the rest of the evening and much of the weekend on the sofa. I call it 'horizontalizing". Whereas I am the one who has to bring work home and work at night. He doesn't.
He will do some things but only if I make lists and keep reminding him. Endlessly. Its draining isn't it - and we never wanted to be called 'nags'.

[narilly]

Way to go Pav, getting through the weekend without drinking. I still have my moments too where I feel that tug. I try not to dwell on the feeling and just think about something else. That works pretty good.
30 days Choices! Way to go!

Go LC go! Congrats!

Yes lil B, I can hardly wait for little Elvis. It is going to be an amazing Christmas.

SL I know what it's like to come home to a disaster. Darn kids.

Have a good night. Stay sober.

[jane27]

A month for Choices and a week for LC - CONGRATULATIONS! And the same to any of us who don't get derailed when life happens. :hug:

Awesome achievements! Congrats to you both! Xxx

[Choices]

As the day comes to a close, I haven't come up with a speech yet Pav haha. Just excited to do another 30 days. So glad to be back on the wagon. I can't believe I forgot how good this feels. Now just need to loose the weight I gained when I fell off. I'm lucky I love to exercise is all I can say... Exercise really keeps me on track. I'm glad I kept it up while I was drinking so at least my fitness base isn't shot.. Feeling good about the next health challenge and hitting 60 days AF. Thanks for the support. I'm not sure how I could have gotten through some of those toughest days. I don't think I would have drank, on those particular days... But quite possibly would have if I didn't stay on my toes posting, and reading other posts. It just helps to keep myself in check. I am really glad to have sobered up before the holiday season... It's going to make things SO much easier and less exhausting. Last Christmas I got so drunk and made an ass out of myself at my in laws. Non of them were mad or anything.. But they had to baby sit me.., help me walk, get into bed... I couldn't remember things I'd said. Yuck. Mostly I hate it that my nieces and nephews saw me like that.. I don't want to be the drunk aunt. How humiliating! If I made it a yearly thing. The funny thing was.. I was really glad at the time I could drink with my sister in law because I'd never done it before .., she was all excited.. But only had a few glasses.. Like two or three. I on the other hand just decided to cut loose, let my hair down for once and let her see the real me.... Ewww... The drunk in front of her kids can't walk slur words kinda awesomeness I hadn't pulled out yet. What a joke! I'm pretty sure I impressed no one. This holiday season is going to be great! What's everyone doing? Any tricky stuff coming up?

[j-vo]

Choices, I have done that more than once and I cringe at the thoughts. But I think continuing to remind ourselves that where one drink can and will take us is a good tool to keep in our box. Congrats on your 30!:welldone:

TT, I'd rather have son work hard at school than at home. He keeps his bedroom perfect so good enough for me.

LC, congrats on your week!! :thumbsup:

SL you're right. At least the rant wasn't AL driven. No guilt, just a deserved kick in the butt.

I'm extremely tired on this Friday And am going to have a quiet night tonight. I'm so grateful to be able to give my mind and body a rest this evening instead of abusing it.

Can't wait to see and hear about Elvis, Nar!

Have a great sober TGIF.

[scottish lass]

Ha - so much understanding and empathy - the joy of this thread!
Pav, my fuse is much longer too - but boy I did lose it, little bit of an overreaction!
So Friday - groceries bought and ready for a sober weekend.
Little wobbly today - if you guys recall, I struggle with my oldest and school. She continues to get no help from school so I am not paying $1000 a month for tutoring in the hope she can graduate. She is failing a class still (just one so far this year which is a big improvement), but I am pushing her as she has to pass to be able to get back on track to graduate. I am feeling like a full time nag, and trying hard to ensure balance for her and me. The killer came when she is now considering moving back in with her dad - he had joint custody, but they begged to stay with me - the no water, no electricity, no gas for car or no food kinda helped. They have been with me for a couple of years. He has been like an absent minded uncle - comes occasionally and gets them for coffee, juice etc - my youngest rarely goes with him, she sees what he is but he has got to my oldest and she is feeling guilty for leaving him alone.
I am fine with her seeing him, or staying with him, if it was for the best - but I am so scared she is choosing this as she thinks it is the easier option. She has to graduate...
I have been in floods of tears and need to get straight so I can address this from a rationale, sane point of view - and not just tell her what she really is considering and what a DAMN stupid move it will be!!
Give me strength! Just when one area of my life seems to get sorted, something else bites! My heart is breaking....

[NoSugar]

SL, I'm so sorry all of this has come to a crisis point. I'm sure you've already realized how good it is that you'll be sober and in control for the upcoming conversations. I wrote "in control" there but what I mean is, in control of what you say. It doesn't sound like the situation is one you can actually control but I hope you're able to guide your daughter to making the best decision she can. I'll be thinking of you :hug:.

[treetops]

SL - I just sent you an email with some thoughts. Its probably unhelpful but I want you to know that we are here for you and we know you are making the best decisions for your daughter. And with your daughter. As NS says - at the end of the day, we can only do do much and by golly, you have.
Don't turn to AL as it will complicate things and make it so messy. Waking up after a sleepless night with no hangover is always much better (still ghastly!) than waking up after broken sleep and an empty wine bottle (or two) by the bed.

[lifechange]

Hello Gloamers and I can definitely say this week, TGIF!

SL, I'm sorry to hear of your sad heart. Is their dad actively trying to convince them to move back in with him? I know how hard it is for kids if they have a parent who is making them feel guilty for leaving them "alone". My girls have a bit of that with their dad.. and my dad still gives me the guilt trip when I go back to visit. I wish I had some great advice.. I guess your ex probably doesn't see eye to eye with you as far as finding a solution as to what would be best/most supportive for your daughter until she graduates.? :hug: Sending you STRENGTH! and like NS said, thank god you're sober.. I so related to you and J-vo with regards to the guilt, the heavy guilt, brought on by alcohol induced fights and nagging sessions.. and worst is when you can't even really remember the details afterwards. terrible.

Choices, congratulations on 30 days!! You're sounding so upbeat and positive in looking forward to the next month! I'm very happy for you and glad to get to know you..

Pav, thanks so much for sharing that story. I also remember your first trip and the anxiety that you had ahead of time.. but that you ended up having so much fun. Laughing hysterically.. it's been such a relief to me, too, to find that I can do it without alcohol..even better in fact, because it comes from deep in the belly and from the heart. That's such a huge incentive not to drink.. and feeling great in the morning.

J-vo, your posts have been so right on and helpful for me this past week. As I was lurking awhile ago I was wondering where you were and hoping I'd see you here again at some point. I'm following in your footsteps (and yours, SL) right now and am so grateful to have you here.. along with all of the Gloamers!

Horizontalizing!! That cracked me up, TT!
It's funny with nagging the men and kids..a while back I decided to go on a bit of a strike. I didn't say anything, I just stopped doing any sort of house work unless I felt motivated or so grossed out that I couldn't stand it another second. I live with my ex (who was on his way to becoming my ex at the time) my 2 girls, his son and 2 cats. Every 1-2 weeks I cleaned the bathroom sinks and toilets, I think I swept the floors every couple of weeks, I washed up the dishes when I felt like it, I cooked what I wanted to eat and shared with them, etc. At some point my ex said he wanted to tell me something and he hoped it wouldn't turn into a big fight. He said it didn't seem like I was putting any effort or love into our home any more. I asked him what he meant and he kind of just looked around the flat.. I asked if it was because of the layer of dust/grease covered with cat hairs on the ventilator above the stove top? Or the layer of dust covering everything in the living room? Or the sticky floor? Or the stinky bathroom? Yep, all of the above. Why is it my job? Then my eldest asked me one day why the flat was so untidy? I said that I work and I shop and I cook and I clean what bothers me and other than that, in my FREE time, I choose not to clean.. if it bothers her, she can do it herself.. I had to finally clean for the arrival of my parents a month ago and it took me about 10 hours! But they did help and have been helping a bit more.. for me, it was such a relief to just not do it if I didn't feel like it. And I realized I can put up with a bit more chaos than I thought I could.

I wanted to tell you all that I talked to the guy I mentioned last week. On Monday I visited him to tell him that I didn't think I could see him any more. That I'd been at a fork in the road for such a long time, that it had taken me ages to get to the point where I could leave the situation that I was miserable in, but too afraid to leave.. and that now I really have the opportunity to make changes in my life and the way we'd been spending time together didn't support that. I said I didn't want at all to be drinking or staying out until all hours of the night. Then I remembered that a few years back we'd met in the street and he told me I looked great.. I just blurted out that I'd quit drinking and felt fantastic. I didn't go into details on Monday, but he was very much interested in spending time with me without the super late nights and drinking.. So tomorrow evening we'll go out and I'm a bit nervous. But I know it will be very nice.

That's all.. thank you so much for the support and well wishes for my last first AF week. I feel worlds better.

[j-vo]

SL, i'm sending you all the strength I can. :hug: and hugs. What a difficult situation for you, but you are a strong woman, and I believe that we will be equipped with the necessary strength as we need it each day. You've already shown your strength and it's admirable. Have you met with your daughter's teachers and looked at the details of her progress? As a teacher, I welcome when parents ask to meet and discuss where specifically their child is having difficulties. I know I live across the country, but if you need to chat or talk about this, please let me know.

LC, I'm glad he's being supportive and respectful of your intentions to not drink. Let us know how it went. Guys can be tricky, we all know that. But you know what you want and need to do. BTW, I don't clean...I pay my sister to do it!

Thoughts going out to the people in Paris.

[Guitarista]

Jvo, I see the kryptonite effect is fading fast and just about gone. Your true self is really beginning to shine through as your super powers return.

All the best there SL. Great job on your AF time. Your superpowers need no numbing friend.

Congrats LC on 7 and Choices on 30. Raawkin!

As for me, I had a fab arvo in the gentle sun yesterday playing my guitar and writing a tune. It is a breakthrough, as this was difficult to do in the first weeks/months AF (no interest and often a trigger). A nice surprise in growth.

My thoughts also with the people of Paris.

Wishing all a safe, sober and magical weekend.

[j-vo]

You're so dang sweet Gman!:hug:and awesome on your breakthrough! Feeling the music.:yay:

[narilly]

Just popping in to say goodnight. Thinking about Paris tonight.

SL, hang in there.

I'm really tired so I will touch base tomorrow. Hi G.

[j-vo]

Morning Gloamers,
Waking up after a great night's sleep, unhung should not be taken for granted. I'm grateful this morning.

Today will be a busy one. Son's baseball team, parents I should say, are having a Cornhole tournament fundraiser for their spring Florida trip. So from 4-11 I get to run around, sell Jell-O shots, and do whatever I'm told to do. I will be doing this with a Diet Coke or water. I don't have any concerns. About drinking, only that I'm grateful I don't have to worry about it.

Have a great day.

[lifechange]

Hi Gloamers,

J-vo, I hope you have a great time today at the fundraiser! I don't think I would ever be tempted to do Jello-shots.. I was also grateful for a wonderful Un-hung morning.. though I was up at 4. eeegads.

Hi Mr. G!
Hi Nar! Hi all Gloamers near and far..
will check in again later..