Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[treetops]

Just saying hello to see how everyone is doing. Spent a lot of time yesterday listening to the alarming news about what was happening in Paris. Jello-shots sound obscene - well I guess it is different to the usual kind of fundraiser. How old is your son J-Vo - you may have said. Vodka or tequila hidden in sugar (like so much AL is). I never could get the point of those fancy meals at restaurants where they added vodka into something and usually it couldn't be tasted anyway.

SL - any more news with your daughter or are you trying to keepit quiet over the weekend? I hope you got your walk in. Its really cold and wet here and I am not sure if I can be bothered with venturing out into the wilds. This is supposed to be summer here for goodness sake!

[j-vo]

Very sad news re Paris.

I haven't left yet. I decided I would be late on purpose. At least Mr. J-vo will be there on time. I felt some crabby feelings coming on. First, because this is taking my evening away from me. Second, that I have to watch people drinking, even though most of them eat more than they drink. And finally, I was feeling a bit of a pity party. It wasn't a big one, just one that I would miss having that first good feeling of alcohol hit my system and it makes it easier to talk to these people. There's going to be a full house and I honestly never cared for things like this. There are many nice folks, but so many I don't care to socialize with. So feeling a bit down that I have to go. But I am grateful that my son is on the varsity team and gets to go on this trip to Florida in March. And I do as well. And it's his last year. So I must turn my negative talk off right now, and feel blessed.

Yeah, TT, I never understood jello shots. For me, the jello just was totally unnecessary! I am an alcoholic and only one drink away from hell. I won't go there.

[Choices]

It will be over soon J-vo those pity party feelings won't last. But I know what you mean for sure! Things are good here. Just colder today as TT says. I did my RPM this morning so feeling pretty tired from my 'ride'. I'm in the mood to be alone but soon enough tomorrow. . I'm probably the only person who looks forward to Monday. We are off to the park so I can watch my husband helicopter parent. I try to just sit back and not interfere with how he likes to do stuff. Thoughts of alcohol today are that its gross and I'm glad I'm not around it. Prayers to those in Paris... I can't even imagine what it would be like to be there now.

[scottish lass]

Happily sober here - yes, got my walk in and it is a beautiful day.
Gratefully unhung here too!

I have no intent of struggling with my situations under alcohol, it is far from my mind yesterday - G, I am enjoying the af superpowers!
I was feeling very hurt and sorry for myself yesterday - I will now manage to focus on my girl and what is best for her. Her father is pulling a guilt trip - he is breaking up with his most recent girlfriend and is lonely, and my dear sweet girl is feeling for him.
J-Vo - would love you to be a teacher - sadly we are at a huge school and the teachers are completely overwhelmed - I have tried hard to get help, but they are just strained to the max...

Thank you for all the love and support - it feels good to be able to unload a bit, get some support, stay af and face all that we need.

Really feeling for Paris too, and for what might come next - terrible world we are living in...

Thank you lovely ladies and G - you are very appreciated

[j-vo]

Well, I decided to leave after an hour and half as I didn't have any duties and that was fine with me. The place was packed so I easily slid out and even if it was noticed, I have no guilt as I do enough. So went to Best Buy and bought a key pad for iPad because the other one I bought last week was crap so I returned that.

I read this in the nest by Lav blue and appreciated it:

Hey Kensho, it sounded like you were annoyed with yourself for having cravings earlier? I wonder if it would help to remember that quitting is a process and having spikes of cravings is normal. I know it was hard for me to let go of the idea that I could be "perfect at quitting" in the sense of not having any issues once I made my mind up. I had to learn and accept that quitting isn't about never having anymore cravings ever, but more about what we decide to do about them.

I think earlier I was annoyed with myself for having some thoughts that I didn't want. But what Lav blue said makes me feel a bit better about myself. Thoughts about al are not failures. It's just a thought. And it's what we do with those thoughts is what matters. I think we all might be in jail if we acted out thoughts we've had! And now thinking about it, how many times do I think to myself when I'm at school trying to be professional, SHUT THE
FUCK UP AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN! Gosh, I'd be fired or on probation if I acted on those thoughts. So it was good to hear what Lav blue said.

[Choices]

I'm glad you posted that from lav blue. It resonates with me. When I was jealous of mothers being able to conceive again I felt like a terrible person.. Actually getting angry at sonogram photos posted on Facebook or birth announcements.. But when I learned more about secondary infertility.. I found out these feelings are completely normal and pass. Sometimes they don't ever pass. I of corse didn't comment to these mothers proud photos, 'Stop rubbing this in my face!'... I really like the bit about quitting perfectly. I tried to do that last time and looked for praise here in MWO when I thought I'd done a good job. If people didn't comment enough or whatever I'd feel like I wasn't quitting good enough... We all go through our own struggles with coping and all we can do is try our best to reach our goals. Being hard on ourselves for urges and not so pleasant feelings just makes it harder I think and can take a person further away from their desire to get better.

[j-vo]

so well said, Choices!!!

Being hard on ourselves for urges and not so pleasant feelings just makes it harder and can take a person away from their desire to get better.

I'm a typical perfectionist, and when I don't get things exactly right, it feels like failure. This is something I need to think about as being perfect isn't the goal. Being sober is, and no one or nothing is perfect, but we can be sober. Perfectly sober? No. Sober. Yes.

[NoSugar]

It's just so great to know you're thinking as clearly as possible, isn't it? I've misplaced a couple of things (and it is driving me crazy as I'm a fairly organized person). I'm trying to give myself a break, though, because 1) they are just things and not of life/death importance and 2) I'm aware I'm very stressed by good and bad things right now and am not always focused on what I'm doing at the time. I'm going to wait until these missing items present themselves (in the undoubtedly clever places I put them). Or not - and the world won't end. As I was searching yesterday, I thought about how 3 years ago I would have been beating myself up b/c I would assume (probably correctly) that it was related to my drinking. I never gave myself a break about anything then - I considered everything to be my fault, was because there was something wrong with me b/c I couldn't quit drinking, and would obsess over what I did wrong for days and desperately try to correct my mistakes. I never gave myself a break - even over something as trivial as misplacing something. This change alone would be a reason to stop drinking (and as we all know, there are many others!).

As almost everyone, I'm pretty shook up about the attacks in Paris. I'm also sad and confused that it seems to matter more when certain populations are attacked compared to others. One really special thing about a forum like this is the support and kindness offered freely to everyone. Often we don't know one another's race, gender, religion, skin color, age, appearance - any of the things that can divide us and make us "other". It isn't worse when one person suffers an addiction compared to another. We're all worth a better life. I wish the way people in most threads treat one another here were how the world worked.

xx, NS

[scottish lass]

Hi, grateful to be alive this Sunday, and grateful for what I do have - which is lot.
I have not addressed things with my girl, trying to let her have some room and not be an overwhelming mother. She has said she has not slept well last two nights, and she is a great sleeper, so I think it maybe time for a chat today.
She and her sister are off volunteering at a local animal shelter, I am roasting a chicken for Sunday supper and if time is right I will let her know I will support her in whatever she needs, and see if we can find some ways to let her get what she wants without any big moves at this time.
I feel settled enough to be able to do this and hope it stays that way. Just need to remember that it is not all about me!
1 year anniversary of my divorce today - what a really, really long way I have come since joining MWO and even though it has not been a straight road, I am really happy with what I have achieved.
So glad to have you all here, hope today is wonderful for you all too...

[narilly]

Hello Everyone!
Everyone is sounding good here. I woke up Un Hung this morning and am enjoying the day. I may go for a walk and do some cooking. We are watching the CFL game today. Go Stampeders Go!

Its so weird now, I feel like I am becoming anti social. I have to make myself go out to events in the evening, usually I just like to stay home. I think the only reason I used to go to parties and events before was to drink. Now that I don't drink my social life has changed big time. This was something I was always afraid of and it kept me from quitting for a long time. I can honestly say now that I don't care about those drinking events anymore, my new life is much better. I enjoy being clear minded and aware of my life....life was kind of blurry before.
I get why it would annoy you to go the that event JVo. I totally understand that feeling.

NS, yes we are lucky here to have this support. We are from all parts of the world and all have different religions but underneath we are all the same. Thank goodness we are SOBER too!

Have a great Sunday everyone. Changing my sheets today, gotta love that..right SL?

[scottish lass]

Nar - :hug: - did the girls yesterday - get mine next week! Can't bear making three beds in one weekend! Enjoy your clean sheets!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Sorry about the daughter situation, SL. I am glad you'll be sober to deal with it. It would be so stressful to me. I was very close to asking my husband for a divorce many years ago. I didn't like the role model he was being for the boys. Our therapist made an astute observation - without my being in the same home as him, I would have LESS influence over that type of role modeling. Anyway, for us it worked out - we got through that hard time. For many others in my life, divorce was absolutely the best thing for all involved. But working out that parenting thing has been the biggest challenge. Good luck, SL. I'm sure your girls have learned from you and will learn about resilience, no matter what short term choices they make now.

Nar and J-Vo, I have the tendency to want to stay home as well. I usually enjoy going out when I can make myself, but I am no longer the LAST to leave, stumbling out with the band as it were. Thank goodness.

I am off to help my kid with a large project due on Tuesday. Give me strength...

xo
Pav

[Guitarista]

stumbling out with the band as it were.

xo
Pav

How could we forget you.....:congratulatory:

Good luck with the project.

[treetops]

Sending Strength Pav - I know the parent helping with the big project nightmare.
Nar - I also have initially curtailed my social life a lot but its getting better. It had really wound down when I was drinking because I was too scared to drink in public - or because my partner hated going out with me (or having people over) when I was boozed. I guess I often thought I was much less drunk than I was. During the last few years of my drinking he refused to go anywhere with me if I so much as touched a drink (and I could sometimes stick to one or two) and this was an enormous source of tension. So I drank alone - at home.
during the first year of my quit I had little desire to go out and only did it when it was necessary. Now I choose to go out - and on my terms. I avoid boozy situations because they bore me, as do long dinners. But I go out much more to plays, events, book launches, talks and also I am much more adventurous when I am traveling (thats cos I feel safer and I am not stumbling around at 7pm). In the summer I also sometimes go for an evening walk - which I never did during my last drinking years.
So the social life might just change - thats all. And its great to be able to watch complicated movies and TV series late at night and still remember them the next day - and even be able to follow the subtitles.

[little beagle]

SL I remember when my daughter was 14 she and her father decided she would go live with him. So I just ask what she wanted to take with her. About a month later she called and ask how I managed to stay married to the man for so long. It was a good experience for her. I hope your daughter has a good experience from this too.
I had a drinking dream last night. This time in my dream I weighed all the consequences and still drank. Yuck! But it was just a dream. And I woke up safe and running.
Friday night I got into the car and drove to the store at 10 pm. What wonderful freedom to be able to do that without the worries of a drunk driving charge.