Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Choices]

ML it's in the middle of the night,,,, well morning now.. I woke up at 2 now it is almost 5 am Monday morning! I have insomnia :-( It does help SO much to come here and talk this out.. Read.. Etc. I'm so thankful it exists.

[NoSugar]

I've seen some of your posts, Fennel, and you seem as committed to this mission as we are - :welcome:!

[Choices]

We have been a while back. I'd like us to go again he doesn't want to. The therapist was female and seamed to side with me he felt kinda ganged up on. I wouldn't want to go back either if it were reversed. I've suggested a new therapist male, but he just doesn't want to. The one we saw was also 200 bucks an hour and it was just too expensive. I know there are probably options out there for us but I don't think we can get funding because of his income. But mainly.. He just doesn't want to. Which is a shame.

[fennel]

Thanks, NoSugar!

Yes, I have been AF for several months now and I am thrilled to report that the depression that has plagued me for years has finally lifted. I never thought I would feel this way again. Now I'm scampering all over the forums, trying to meet new people.

[fennel]

We have been a while back. I'd like us to go again he doesn't want to. The therapist was female and seamed to side with me he felt kinda ganged up on. I wouldn't want to go back either if it were reversed. I've suggested a new therapist male, but he just doesn't want to. The one we saw was also 200 bucks an hour and it was just too expensive. I know there are probably options out there for us but I don't think we can get funding because of his income. But mainly.. He just doesn't want to. Which is a shame.

That is a shame. Do you have minor children? Also, he might change his tune if you gave him an ultimatum.

[Pavati]

Happy Sober Sunday!

I actually get as excited for my UN HUNG Sunday morning coffee as I used to get for my CRAZY TRAIN Friday night drink. So happy sitting here, feeling good and drinking a nice cuppa.

Choices, my DH and I went to a therapist. It helped somewhat, but we realized that he wasn't really interested in examining the root of some of his behavior, and I wasn't going to change him no matter how hard I tried. He stopped going and I kept seeing her - what I got out of it (aside from help quitting drinking) was the understanding that while I couldn't change his behavior, I COULD change my reaction to it. It made for a much more peaceful Pav.

NS - Love what you wrote to J-Vo. Gratitude even in the darkest corners.

LB and Jane - where are you?? All ok?

Off to get a ton done around the house. I'm grateful I feel good to go.

Pav

Edit to add: Hi, Fen! Welcome!

[lifechange]

I love to think of that little gray squirrel scampering, Fennel! Congratulations on your months of sobriety.. and great to hear that it's helped so much with the depression. I noticed that, too, when I had 4 AF months.. long ago. But on my way there again.

Choices, I know here, it's possible to get family counselling for very little money when children are involved. That might be worth looking into.? Or, I don't know if you are religious, but I have heard of people getting counselling through the church/temple, etc. I can imagine, as well, as you get more and more AF time under your belt, you'll continue to gain strength and with that, you will be able to handle things differently. You will also gain confidence in yourself, your perspective, your reactions.. For sure! Hang in there!

[lifechange]

X-Post, Pav!! I so loved my morning cup of coffee today! and second.. and third! Enjoy...

[fennel]

On my third cuppa, too!

You know, Choices...Pav's idea is a good one. Even if hubs won't go to counseling, you and the kids could probably gain something from it.

Yes, lifechange...it's so funny. I guess my depression was like the proverbial frog in the pot of warm water that gradually increases to boiling. I had no idea just how "down" I was until I was out of the dark (or, out of the pot). Treating depression with a depressant probably wasn't the best idea. Also, I wonder just which came first...the depression or the depressant (alcohol)?

[lifechange]

Good question, Fennel. I know I began drinking to escape my life. I think I've always suffered from mild depression, but when I was a girl I just thought something was wrong with me. Why couldn't I be happy like everyone else? For a very long time, the alcohol "helped" me to fit in, gave me the sugar high and more energy.. until at some point, about 5-6 years ago, just before joining here, I noticed how much it was actually working against me. Now, 32 years later, I think I CAN deal with life.. I just have to learn/re-learn some of the coping mechanisms and methods of finding solutions I wasn't able to learn because I was using alcohol. I'm sure now that most of my depression is stemming from alcohol abuse and all the guilt, remorse, sadness that occurs when I drink and, subsequently, hurt myself, my kids, my ex, my friends, my job, etc.
I'm soooo looking forward to getting to know myself better! I have said this before, I know.. but now is NOW!

[fennel]

Good question, Fennel. I know I began drinking to escape my life. I think I've always suffered from mild depression, but when I was a girl I just thought something was wrong with me. Why couldn't I be happy like everyone else? For a very long time, the alcohol "helped" me to fit in, gave me the sugar high and more energy.. until at some point, about 5-6 years ago, just before joining here, I noticed how much it was actually working against me. Now, 32 years later, I think I CAN deal with life.. I just have to learn/re-learn some of the coping mechanisms and methods of finding solutions I wasn't able to learn because I was using alcohol. I'm sure now that most of my depression is stemming from alcohol abuse and all the guilt, remorse, sadness that occurs when I drink and, subsequently, hurt myself, my kids, my ex, my friends, my job, etc.
I'm soooo looking forward to getting to know myself better! I have said this before, I know.. but now is NOW!

I have ditched the shame and guilt that went hand in hand with my drinking...I think that's partly why I feel so happy these days. I have nothing to be ashamed of any longer. I feel like I have my life back! You will get there, too. :hug:

[scottish lass]

Morning all - on my phone so will be short and sweet! Cozied up in my flannel sheets, need to go get my second cuppa (tea!).
One of those incredibly rare no alarm days - we were to go to hills today but oldest girl has a party this afternoon and she needs her friends, so will have a quiet day!
Trying not to look at my bank balance, but my windows are lovely!
Choices - I feel for you, but not too much to say - I chose to leave my marriage to find contentment and so glad I have, my life is much better now - different set of issues as kids to manage in this, but I have to say how comfortable I am in my house, snug in my bed without all that I had to deal with before. I hope things start to get better for you...keep believing in yourself and make you a priority!
Will likely be back later - happy sober Sunday all:hug:

[treetops]

Morning SL - except its a day ahead here! You sound chipper, which is fantastic. Our brunch yesterday was good - there was champagne being offered but I didn't notice it until I knocked a glass over that someone had left in the corner on an expensive rug.
Yesterday my partner Mr GB admitted that he he needs to loose weight. I have heard this before but he sounded more committed this time. We discussed options and I would really like him to get support outside the family - but he will not talk to his doctor, a nutritionist or go to a support group. So all I could do was make suggestions. He will not take on a 'diet', so I have to call it healthy eating. But I think he needs structure so lets see.
Choices, I am sorry you couldn't sleep. It is getting hotter here now, so that doesn't help either. I dont know if your hubby is a Kiwi, but Kiwi men do not usually take to counseling and it is, as you know, not so common as it is in the US. My partner will not see a counsellor either for his moods and attitude. I also sympathise with the costs because I know how expensive it is here in NZ and counseling is not covered by most of our insurance plans. I have seen counselors myself in my life and I have found it very hit and miss. I would not push anyone into that route, if they dont want it. I think your best option at the moment is to concentrate on yourself and I am sure the retreat you are going on will open up lots of food for thought (and for eating)!
It is also a strange time of the year in NZ - as its Christmas and summer holidays for many of us - and so work deadlines can be pretty intense. Do send me a PM if you need Choices.
My daughter is having a crisis at the moment with an upcoming exam tomorrow - the stress has got to her and its horrible to see this. I am trying to be supportive but not obsessive.
Hope everyone else is having a good weekend

[NoSugar]

No more guilt or regrets is so huge - worth making it past any craving or F-it moment. It's great to hear that you're there already, Fennel! I hope you let us know your quit date so we can celebrate with you (if you like that kind of thing :smile.

I don't think I was depressed when I was drinking unless depression means not feeling much at all. My emotional range got smaller and smaller with occasional bouts of grief, frustration, and rage. Nice life, huh? Now I've got the full gamut of emotions, including being SUPER IRRITATED because today's flight is delayed... Too reminiscent of the failed flights yesterday. Time to breathe and stay in the moment - useful tools I learned here.

[treetops]

NS - are you sure that you are not doing a Tom Hanks and staring in another version of 'The Terminal'? Frustrating, but as you say the best you can do, is just go with the flow.