Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Choices]

I really enjoyed reading your post NS. I think regret is a normal part of life, but the regret associated with drinking is really hard to reconcile. My girl is 3 on Saturday and I cringe that I have been drunk for half her little life. J-vo It resonates with me that not drinking takes the fear away of not hurting ourselves or our family to the tragic level alcohol can take things too. Thinking of you at the bottom of the steps makes me feel so much compassion.

[j-vo]

Pav,
I probably should have never posted, as you were looking for more of a long-timer response. I read back what I said, and when I referenced the five-year 15 percent relapse, it was IN NO WAY diminishing your TWO YEARS of sobriety. OMG. If I came across that way, I apologize. Sometimes I try to say something, and obviously stick my foot right in my mouth. So we can delete that post! But I agree with NS when she wrote in the 100 day thread, the one I hope to be able to post in soon, that sometimes it's like a birthday. My 50th was very anticlimactic for me! I was like, whatever when it came. I thought i should be all excited and proud I made it to that point in my life, but it was just another day. And Choices made a good point about the time of year. I was whining to a few here the other day about my mood. I always get this way at this time of year, drink or no drink. Maybe you're the same with the seasonal affective thing. I have always had it. And as a matter of fact, I did so little this long weekend, only the very necessary things I had to do. I felt bad about that, too! I need someone to light a fire under my butt to get me moving. I guess tomorrow the kids will do that at school. They light me up pretty dang good. So enough rambling for me. I just wanted to clarify.

[j-vo]

Choices,
That was last year. Right after xmas. It totally sucked. And to tell you the truth, that wasn't the first time I was in the emergency room. I blacked out when going to the bathroom in the middle of the night (after a drinking night) fell against the wall, knocked out my two front teeth. That was four years ago. And to boot, we were away on vacation and Mr. Jvo's family was there. OMG. Cringe. My son was crying both times. I don't know how he ended up to be such a great kid. Really.

[scottish lass]

Pav - thinking of you, and can so understand.
I am working very hard at looking forward and not looking back - I have regrets, too many - but can't live there, it does me no good at all.
I also find things that I look forward to (holidays, vacations, goals) to be anti-climatic - not sure what I expect to happen, but it doesn't happen so it seems - so there again I am lowering my expectations.
As with your vacation, lend that to life -peaceful, relaxing, take it as it comes.....its working for me when I remember to do it!
You are doing great - and it seems that many of us have similar feelings - so join the group, and let us enjoy your celebration when it comes...
Hi to everyone else. back on call today, and girls back in school - it is cold here, freeze warnings etc - cold and dark when alarm went off at 5:15, so wanted to ignore it!
Have a great day everyone:hug:

[Choices]

I've been thinking of my relapse as a period in time where I was sick again. I've had depression off and on my whole life since I was a teen. And it is a period of time that I'm not well. Maybe this will help with some of the regret feelings I'm having. I try and control my depression everyday. Just like not drinking. It's so much easier to deal with feelings when I'm not mad at myself on top of all of it. I think we are all just trying our best. That's all a person can do. I'm glad your here J-vo so you can be safe. Alcohol is so dangerous and can destroy... It is such a contradiction that fun is associated with it, when hearing your story.. I'm just reminded of my own suffering with it. Thanks for sharing your experience.

[jane27]

Pav, I felt quite down on the day of my 1 year milestone. I felt pride in the achievement, grateful for it, and happy about it, but more than anything else I felt empty. Like a big house with no one home. I'm sure I wasn't thrilled about feeling this way on that day, and I know I wrote about it- if not here, maybe in my journal. Gonna check back because I really could relate to your post. One thing, among all the stuff we've been through, have on our plates, have stored in our brains, let's not forget that certain times of year bring baggage with them. I feel sick in August and March. It's like clockwork. Maybe this is a weird time of year for you. Thinking of you. This too shall pass. Xo
Ps Congrats on 730 days lived with both eyes open & all senses in tact. What a journey we're on; and it keeps on going.

One more thing.. I stumbled upon a cool trick the other day. I was feeling bad about myself... Been in a rut, haven't been motivated or productive, at fat weight, bad skin, not feeling much joy... and I remembered that in my drinking days, I would have been feeling these same things + ashamed, guilty, hooked, drunk, scared & hungover. I remember it perfectly. Now is so much better. Oooof re those other things.

[lifechange]

Hi Ladies!!
sorry I haven't been present the past two days.. I've read all of your posts and have each of you in my heart. I've been having a bit of a dilemma which I'll tell you about later, but it's been important for me to figure it out on my own.. for my continuing growth and love of my self, which I'm so happy is beginning to develop.
Anyway, this thing is taking a lot of my mental energy and physical energy, but I have set myself a deadline ..today..
So I am with you in Spirit! and have loved reading.

Pav, I wish I had something to add to all of the wonderful replies to your post.. Congratulations, big hugs and a lot of love to you today on your two year anniversary. I am so grateful to you for your continuing support, and your wonderful art of keeping it real. You've been so honest, so honest with yourself and then, of course, in turn with us. A sort of paving the way.. showing with your actions that it IS possible, even with doubts, worries, bad days, struggles, celebrations, fights etc., etc., etc., to work through it and come out of it a better version of ourselves-- I remember so vividly one of your first posts, when you said that for the first time, you had talked honestly and openly with your therapist about the extent of your drinking.. you felt such relief and hope.. that was such a turning point in your life. I hope you're feeling better today.. and if not, I'm sure, with the support of all the wonderful Gloamers and others! here, you will be soon.:hug:
:hug: to all of you!!!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

I KNEW you'd all know what to say. NoSugar - you put words to my thoughts. I understand that kid nostalgia and even jealousy - to be looking at my kids and to think what they get to still discover. Of course I'm looking at it with my years of experience.

And yes, you all, it is also a time of year thing. I'm not a fan of the dark, nor of the forced "celebrations" this time of year. I always feel overbooked, stressed and anxious. A friend today told me to think about the three things that I like about this time of year and try to focus on those - I am going to have to put #1 as it is the time of year I quit drinking. I really mean that.

Thanks for your kind words. Chalk another group win to the Gloamers.

xo
Pav

[treetops]

Thats great Pav and you will be fine.
I dont know if it helps but when you all think of the time of the year and celebrations or feeling a certain way - keep in mind that its relative. Christmas is a big thing in New Zealand and Australia but its also our summer and when many people get into BBQs and sitting around slugging beer and wine outside late into the evening. Its also when work closes down for almost 2 weeks from late Dec - early Jan) so there are lots of end of year functions. I used to resent the long evenings and the light when I was trying to quit because I wanted it to be dark so I could officially go to bed. I felt like I was missing out on those soirees. Now it doesn't bother me. Dark and evenings were once associated in my alcoholic brain with cosy dinners and fires (as if!). Well I can still enjoy what the light or dark has to offer and the AL is not necessary to complete the scene.
Just a perspective from afar.

[kuya]

Hey TT...long time no see....first time I have seen you online since I came back a week ago.

How are you?

[treetops]

Hi Kuya. I am very good. Life and work keeps me busy. Don't post every day though.
Hope you are well.

[j-vo]

So, back to work...this week has many challenges with work (I can't control what's going on in education, but I can do my small part) basketball mom (there are a few challenging mom's that I don't care for and they're in charge this year but I can just do my small part). Xmas stuff, mom stuff (she's been struggling with choking on her mucus (it's a part of the ALS) and dad I can tell is sounding tired and afraid. All I can do is call, send them texts and I'll be going down to see them in a few weeks. I can't control everything around me. I can only do my small part. I can't allow myself to get angry right now, as it'll take up energy and I need my energy to do my small part. Have a good day all.

[little beagle]

Quick check in for me. Back to work this AM.

[jane27]

Hi gang, Quick check in for me too. We are going to Florida this weekend to get the condo renter ready. It will be our 1st experience doing this. I think we have someone for February & March. That will be a financial relief... Pls keep fingers crossed...Have to board Red. Another 1st. I am very much in Barbra Streisand mode and I can't do anything about it. (My booby!) He has a VIP sweet for $70 a night with a web cam. Did I already say please cross fingers that we lock in those tenants? Oy. Love to all

Ps Red loves to sleep upside down!

[Choices]

Busy day here too. Getting ready for my daughters Birthday party this weekend. I like how you talked your stress down j-vo. Lots of things are out of our control that is for sure! Fingers crossed Jane you lock in the tenants. Hi Beagle. TT, pav, ML, Gman, Nar! Hello to everyone else to come! Hope your all wel.