Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[little beagle]

Choices sewing has been what's keeping me sane on Friday nights. After cleaning the office last night I headed out to the fabric store, bought supplies and sewed some table napkins in a client's favorite college football team colors. LSU. Really big here. I'm making a few presents this year.
Jane I can relate to your pain. I feel for you. The parent child relationship is so complicated. I don't want to be like that either.
NS yes I am using the 3ps. It's really helping me. Not tgat this is something you have to Use. After learning about it, it's just been kind of instinctual. For me it's kind of like switching the channel when something I don't like comes on television. At least that's the way I've been thinking of it. I just got over a cold. Hope you feel better.

[j-vo]

Choices, I just read that you had a slip. I know how bad that feels, but I'm glad you got right back on track. Slips and relapses are two different things, so all of the time you had before doesn't go away. You have those memories to build on. Thinking of you.:hug:

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Happy Sober Saturday. Sounds like you're all busy with interesting pursuits. LB, I've always wanted to learn to sew, but so far in my life have lacked the patience to do so. Maybe later...

J-Vo - Not sure what the difference is between a slip and a relapse. According to my reading around here and elsewhere, it is the cumulative amount of time without alcohol that matters to healing your brain. I am not saying this to make Choices feel bad at all, I'm just saying that calling drinking a "slip" seems to minimize it in a way. When I first came here there were threads where members would "slip" regularly, and I couldn't post to those, because I knew I would come to feel it was ok to have some now and then. Calling it a relapse isn't shaming - it happens a lot. I am grateful that Choices came right back and you are getting the support you need to move forward. What can we do to support you?

Happy Sober Saturday, everyone.

xo
Pav

[little beagle]

Choices I'm glad you're here and getting right back up on that horse. Don't give up. Don't let that monster rule your world. Mario had a great post I read this morning.

[little beagle]

I camee on here to post, Ugly Sweater party for me tonight. I'm probably going to wear shorts because it's so Hot!

[j-vo]

I do believe that a slip or a relapse puts you back to square one. I think a slip is a one-time drinking session, whereas a relapse is a longer period of time. Just what I read. Both lead you back to 'starting over' but I also believe that having weeks, months, or years of being alcohol free gives you the understanding of what an AF life is, what it feels like, and a better chance at gaining long-term sobriety. We can't take our memories away, like the memories of what it was like being stuck in the hell, but we can't take away the sober memories either.

Anyway, I can't sew! My mother made all of our clothes when we were young. Good luck girls!

[available]

Hi loamer

I had to pop in to comment on the "slip/relapse" comments. A drink is a drink and we suffer major consequences in our lives if we have that one. It doesnt need a name and we can justify all we want if we do drink but at the end of the day we fucked up. We are alcoholics or whatever you want to call yourself. I know if i sugar coat any thoughts of al then i am done and that is after two years. Al will always try and take us back into the hell we were in. Nothing is alright with drinking but sadly alcoholics forget the bad memories to get their hit.

If i took that drink today which lately i have so felt like would it be called a slip or a relapse? To me it would be called insanity and this is why i pull all my support out my arse to not drink. I did it in the early days when i stopped and i will do it now.

J i have as much of a chance of staying sober as the next person. It is easier for me now yes, but there are times, like now where i could happily sit with as much wine as i could get and drink to forget. But, i have to be accountable to myself, i have to realise what my life is like now and how good it is and i have to be strong and i have to use my support. For me its not okay to drink ever, i cant justify a drink at the end of the day. Its the harsh reality of being an alcoholic.

[Choices]

Hello,
I have no business drinking full stop. Not one drink. I do understand what your talking about Jvo, and it resonates with me... and it's giving me hope that my past experience will help me keep going. Thank you very much, it helps me not feel like such a scab. I'm being hard enough on myself and wouldn't sugar coat what happened. I don't feel like you are sugar coating what I did either. 2 years sober is an amazing accomplishment. And people slipping/relapsing drinking whatever isn't what anyone wants to hear. I got pretty annoyed when I hit the two year mark with the forum so at that stage I left. I stayed sober for 2 more years on my own. 9 months was a pregnancy so that was pretty easy... I also appreciate the tough love. If I had been strong enough not to post about my drinking I would have. I know how disruptive it can be to those staying sober. It is my goal to stay sober. My top goal. Just want to thank everyone for all thoughts.

[Choices]

LB, I love ugly sweater parties! Since it's summer here I think it would be funny to have ugly t-shirt parties... I need to pull out my sewing in the new year. I really miss it. Napkins sounds like a nice and easy project and I have a ton of scraps. We are off to the botanical gardens today. I am in a rotten mood. So hopefully I will be able to keep that to myself and not bark at my family. Daisy wrote an amazing post on her thread that I will keep in mind for the day about getting through a tough moment... and so I guess if I do bark.. I'll be better off doing that then letting it all build up. Not sure how that could happen at a garden.. but onward and upward to day 3.

[treetops]

Hi there Choices, I know you were not sugar-coating about the other night and I dont even think you used the word slip or relapse. So thats not the point - at least, I dont see the semantics as being important for your story. I also dont think we should dismiss the periods that people spend AF before they quit and many of us learn a lot from this - that helps to stand us in good stead for when we finally say goodbye (maybe not everyone but certainly it helped me a lot). Lets keep in mind that its important to support one another and they shouldn't feel afraid to post even if they have broken their commitment to being AF. Because that fear (and sense of shame) can drive some to stay away and all that does, is drive some folk into isolation and even more drinking.
I am like Ava, and for me, I recognize that one drink would be insanity for me. I also dont forget the serious health scare I had nearly 4 years ago and I much prefer being healthy and having a few decades up my sleeve (well hopefully). I am very sorry Ava that its tough at the moment for you, with all the other things going on in your life.

[Choices]

Hi TT,
I am the same, drinking = insanity. It is that simple. And the longer a period you have under your belt the less insane you are. I am still in the not so sane part on this journey. And compounded it the other night. But I am building my resolve by the hour.

I'll get there, and be more creditable in time.

[Guitarista]

I don't own any ugly sweaters or t shirts. Why? Cause I'm a stylin, down with it, funky hot heavy metal mofo who ain't afraid to turn his hand to knitting when my life is fraying at the edges, word. Big waves to everyone

[treetops]

I think I may have got my views and my words across wrong here and I am worried that they are being misinterpreted on another thread on MWO. For the record I am most certainly not living in a state of fear about 'relapse' or drinking again and its not something I go around thinking or worrying about. Its not an inner battle for me and it hasn't been for a pretty long time. I also have my rough and demanding periods with the things that I deal with in life - just as we all do. For some people this is far more extreme and painful than others -or they have to deal with much more oppressive or cruel situations that I have not experienced or hope I do not. I am a relatively comfortable middle class, middle aged woman with a supportive family.
But I have my journey and I accept that it is not easy for others and they may have different routes and methods to achieve the kind of situation (which for some is not complete abstinence) they want with AL.
I choose however to not be complacent about my sobriety and I hope that I do not sound complacent about this.

[NoSugar]

If you're referring to my post, TT, I wasn't thinking about you at all and I am sorry if you thought I was criticizing or judging you. I wasn't criticizing or judging anyone, or at least I didn't intend to do that and apologize if it sounded that way. Of course, you may not be referring to my post at all. You seem very secure in your AF life to me. It seems you've attained what most everyone here wants.

I've been thinking about the words slip and relapse. I've never liked the former because it sounds like such a passive experience. But I'm becoming conflicted about the latter one also. How long do you have to be AF before it's a relapse and not just another day 1? And for how many days or weeks or months do you have to drink again before it is a relapse and not a "slip"? I'm not sure the words have much meaning except perhaps at the extremes. If I could rename that thread I started, Relapse in Retrospect, I would call it Why Did you Make That Choice? because I think that's what they all are - choices.

A person can choose to drink after one day AF, after a month, or after 5 years of sobriety. They can choose to drink just once, for a month, for a year, or forever.

The good news about that is is that even if a person makes a choice, or many choices, that they regret, at any point they can make a different choice. And can continue to do that each day forward. It's kind of hopeful that a mistake in the past doesn't have to mean anything about what happens in the future. We're human and we make mistakes but we don't have to be defined by them or defeated by them. (You've got a great screenname, Choice :smile:! - it's exactly what we've all got!).

[treetops]

Thanks NS - for the explanation and no worries here.

Maybe we all worry too much about the meaning of the words we use but its kind of hard not to when its an on-line forum. I don't much like the word 'slip' either - to me it conjures up expressions like 'I have been a naughty boy'.
But I am all for people not feeling derailed if they drink when they have tried to choose a path of sobriety. I am not saying that to enable drinking in any way - just that I dont think people should feel like they have failed and they must start at Day One again. Sure, many people do, measure their sobriety in this way - and it helps them to be accountable. But it doesnt work for everyone (much like it doesn't always work when people try to go on 'diets').
I am however a bit torn here - as I am proud of being over 3 years AF - so I do watch the time. But I have never been obsessed with my 'days' - as I said, thats my route.

On an entirely different matter and its quite silly - I have lost my favorite (ultra casual) jeans. I have not been taking them off in strange places but I cant work out where they are. These jeans are no longer being made and the ones I have, have years of wear in them. I have become obsessed with this!! If I was drinking, I could think of all sorts of things that the jeans or me in the jeans might have done - but of course I wasn't, and as far as I am aware (but who knows?) my memory is fine.

Also - how are you SL? Not heard from you this week and I hope you are good, as are all the Gloamers.