Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[NoSugar]

TT, I've misplaced several things lately - too much travel, too busy, too much multitasking. I finally decided to quit thinking about them and searching for them (frantically!) and as of now, 2 of the missing things have presented themselves. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting for a few more... I must say, though, none of them were as substantial as a pair of jeans!! Hope you find them - jeans you love are one of the best things!

[treetops]

Well I knew they would either be found or they wouldn't - but if they were not, I was more curious about where they had gone and why. I drew up various scenarios and those had no joy. But I rechecked everywhere inside (our large garden was the next venue). Then I found them in a room I dont use much and they were beside the printer. Don't ask!
I have been told by my family that I tend to leave things in not-obvious places. This is clearly quite true. I probably won't change that habit. But I will learn to search more for missing things in odd places.
The jeans don't seem so great after all!

[jane27]

I love the way we share our ideas and lay things on the table here. Its refreshing to see open & honest communication in real time. If I had a penny for every time I brewed and stewed about something someone said that I took the wrong way, I'd have a lot of pennies lol. But the good news is, I seem to fall into this trap a lot less than I use too, thanks entirely to this thread right here. Wishing everyone a good night. xxx
PS TT, Cross post -I'm happy you found them (even if it was anticlimactic). I've been misplacing things a lot too. Enough that I did a little poking around on the internet about it. Apparently my encoding system needs work.

Why We Misplace Our Keys, Phones, Wallets - WSJ

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

My slip/relapse question was really about semantics and not about the fact that I was trying to shame anyone. I agree with Jane - I feel like we have an group that is open to discussing more challenging topics. I hope you all viewed my post that way!

Semantics and addiction are interesting. If you have cancer or heart disease people don't say "you're a cancer," or "you're heart disease." It is something you have, not something you are. The disease doesn't define you. On the contrary, "you're an alcoholic," or "you're an addict," seem to roll right off the tongue. I don't like using the "A" word, and that might make me chicken in another way, but to me I'd rather just say, as someone pointed out in the nest, "alcohol doesn't make me feel good." I don't want to minimize the effort it has taken for me to quit drinking, but I also don't want it to define who I am. I think it was Kuya who wrote, "I am a NORMAL person who has a problem with alcohol."

Anyway, a lazy Sunday morning. Delicious coffee, a quiet house, and even RAIN here in Northern California. The calm before the storm of another full day ahead. Glad to spend some time here with you all.

Have happy SOBER Sundays.

Pav

[Choices]

Good morning NZ time. I feel like what happened the other night was a slip as if I tripped fell down, from my goal. Failed sounds negative but thats how I see my slip. I'm not a looser... But I lost that battle.. It was a pull an addiction driving that choice/decision. I know I have it in me to beat that addiction. I gave in to it. Made a bad choice, a bad decision... I've never scene the word slip as a good one in this journey.. To me it means didn't get it right, struggling. I like the word recovery. I'm glad this is a discussion. I see someone who keeps slipping as struggling. All the words are tricky to use because people have their own way of coming to terms with where they are at. My original name choice I made in haste when I joined the forum the first time. I was reading frantically and was getting such helpful information. Might sound strange, but I was amazed there people who thought it was okay not to drink. I wanted to read more... And picked choice as in its my choice to read more.

[Choices]

Good morning NZ time. I feel like what happened the other night was a slip as if I tripped fell down, from my goal. Failed sounds negative but thats how I see my slip. I'm not a looser... But I lost that battle.. It was a pull an addiction driving that choice/decision. I know I have it in me to beat that addiction. I gave in to it. Made a bad choice, a bad decision... I've never scene the word slip as a good one in this journey.. To me it means didn't get it right, struggling. I like the word recovery. I'm glad this is a discussion. I see someone who keeps slipping as struggling. All the words are tricky to use because people have their own way of coming to terms with where they are at. My original name choice I made in haste when I joined the forum the first time. I was reading frantically and was getting such helpful information. Might sound strange, but I was amazed there people who thought it was okay not to drink. I wanted to read more... And picked choice as in its my choice to read more.

[j-vo]

Good conversation. Remember, most of the time, there's more than one definition for a word, depending on the context. So whatever we choose to define as slip and relapse, alcoholic or a person with an alcohol problem, it's to each his own. I think the thing to remember is that we're all here for the same reason and can support one another to stay AF because our life is shit otherwise.

But I do have to say different words drive us each differently. I will define myself as an alcoholic on this site, because it reminds me of how bad I am when I allow alcohol in my life, and how I can't control it. It's a strong word, one that no one wants to be defined as because of the stigma, but as I feel safe here, I'll use it and apply it to myself, because if I just say I have a problem, then I may not take it as seriously as I need to. Everyone is in a different boat and has different experiences with alcohol, but ending up in the ER twice because of it means I have more than a problem and I need to address it as more than a problem. I have a weight problem, but I'm not on sites that are addressing weight issues, because I'm overweight, but I'm not obese. Therefore, my health is not in a lot of danger because of my weight. I just can't fit into my very favorite jeans (TT losing your favorite pair of jeans is like losing your best friend). But my alcoholism is and was directly affecting my life, so I need to look at it in a way that makes me realize that it's not just a problem, it's a life-threatening problem. And if alcoholic makes me realize that in order to stay away from it, then I'll use that word here. To everyone else in my life, I just don't drink because I don't like how it makes me feel anymore.

[NoSugar]

You're in a challenging spot, SFx. Please let us know if there's any way for us to help you figure out what you want to do.

It's funny that your name refers to reading Choice, but is works equally well with drinking. I also like the words recovery and recovered, but not "recovering" in the sense of it being eternally ongoing. I suppose it is just another question of semantics but I consider myself recovered, not recovering. Maybe some people would mean by "recovered" that they could drink "normally" and could become complacent. I don't mean that at all! By recovered, I mean that I live in a way that I'm not actively addicted and I don't anticipate that changing. I am not suffering or victimized. I feel healthy so "recovering" doesn't seem like the right word. I'd be interested in how any of you think about this - I'm usually reluctant to admit I consider myself recovered because some might perceive it as prideful, boastful, or clueless about what addiction and recovery mean.

[Choices]

I think (and this is not from any study.. just thoughts...) if you feel recovered that is a feeling of strength. And I would take pride in that. Your a success at being sober. As I've beat this and won kind of feeling. Similar to if you had cancer and it was gone. Your healed from sickness. I guess one could argue, that someone who beat cancer is always worried about it coming back.. but isn't that kind of a shame? To not enjoy being free? Like if you lost a ton of weight and just spent all this time worrying if you are going to get fat again instead of enjoying your new body and the new things your able to do.

When I was sober for a long time I would comfort myself if I was struggling in anyway, that I was 'in recovery' And kind of give myself a break on whatever it was. I guess, recovering is more of how I'd feel if I am in withdraw.. like a hangover. It's probably different for everyone on how long recovering is.. or if it's ever over. I also don't think if someone is 'recovering" the rest of their life that is a negative. If something bad happens to you, it's part of your story. My sister almost died in a fire in Uni where another student did, I had a boyfriend who fought in Irac.. these things ultimately changed them.. and I'm not sure if either one will ever be recovered... from these experiences. I think day four for me is in the recovering part for me still.. up to 30 days.. and now.. maybe 3 months. Maybe forever. I'll keep learning along the way. Where I'm at. It's different each time.. a lot plays in.. I'm married now, a mother,.. Before, I was in a relationship.. but I was kinda a free agent... I didn't have roots in any country yet..

If you worry, your already not complacent. But worry isn't really a peaceful feeling, and I think it kind of robs you from your achievement. It's like there is a big scary something out there that's going to trip you up. I worried about it and it happened anyway. So I actually am not going to worry about it this time as it didn't do any good. (for me) All it did was scare me.. (fear, another emotion that kinda robs you of your victory).. But.. that's not to take away from any work done thinking about it and coming up with solutions! If it makes you feel secure. That's the only thing that is most important. Your own security. For me it's the holy grail, I would actually advise not worrying about re-laps as it can affect your recovery.. but that is just me! We are all different!!! And need different things.

As these days go on .. I think my issue is how overwhelmed and mental addiction reek havoc on each other for me. A feeling of I want out! I'm uncomfortable and it's gotten too much!! I think knowing your trigger is biggest key. Mine is overwhelmed. I didn't really know that until I kept writing the word down on my thread.

[j-vo]

Hmm...recover, recovered, recovering...all just suffixes to me! But really, if I break it down, I'm in recovery mode and I am recovering - present tense. I feel that I am because I've got such little time away from alcohol, and I'm learning a new life. I don't know how long I'll be in this phase, or if this phase will changed to "recovered" for me. Maybe as my thoughts change towards this addiction, and I feel free of it, I can see myself saying I"m recovered. But not looking to soon in the future for that.

As you said, Choices, isn't it a shame that we worry about falling off the wagon, relapsing? I wish there were a way to separate worry from this addiction, but because it's consumed so much of my adult life, I don't know when I'll be free of that, too. I certainly don't want to miss out on going out and having a life that I denied myself of having while I was drinking. I'd love to explore life and what it has to offer, but I don't want to do that feeling like I'm being deprived or afraid I'll slip up because of the strength/control of the addiction over me, I guess that feeling can go on as long as you let it. So when someone has no worries about slipping/relapsing and has peace and indifference towards alcohol, they've recovered. I'm not there. I hope to learn the three principals eventually and use that awareness to recover and be recovered.

[Choices]

It does seam like the 3 principles are on to that line of thinking. My little tricky one is if I'm afraid I'm overwhelmed... gah! It's all pretty heady stuff! I like your thoughts on what recovered are Jvo. Indifferent would be recovered. And even after all my time., I wasn't indifferent. I could go long periods where I didn't see it or was around it.. but if I am exposed to this stuff even by sight.. for a long enough period of time.. Which was my trip home.. I am in a dangerous spot mentally. If I was handed a drink even to pass it to someone I was uncomfortable. I can appear on the outside fine, say no, have a working plan.. it's the internal struggle that begins though.. and I am in trouble. I only just learned this about myself. It probably would do me well to get myself to a meeting of some sort after or during these times.. post on here... but I think that it is kind of a subliminal thing, just seeing the stuff.. that I need to almost talk with someone directly.. I haven't done that before. I guess I'm just seeing how this affects... me where my weakness is.. I'm just not around it.. so don't have much practice. And I'm not looking for any practice at the moment! Now just social stuff that doesn't even involve drinking is too much for my mind to deal with! (I'll get past that one..soon enough though. the social, not drinking one).. I need human contact in my life for sure.. outside of my family. My husband is around alcohol a lot because of work stuff.. so when he was sober, he got to where he had a tolerance for seeing it, being around it, and happily enjoy a diet coke. No problem. He also had heaps of social pressure.. Not me, my whole time sober I can maybe count on my one hand when someone even questioned why I didn't drink. No one cared. I am a real sensory person, especially visual. My husband, not so much. Not as sensitive either.

[NoSugar]

This article seems to relate to what you're talking about, Choices and J-Vo:
Addiction and The Three Principles - Jonathan Pounder - 3PGC Blog..

Here is a paragraph from it:
The Three Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought reveal to us that, just like any other human being on earth, a substance abuser has simply become addicted to thoughts; a pattern of thinking that pops up when they don’t feel the way they want to feel. The problem is not a disease but rather dis-ease. The only thing that makes a person in a chemical health treatment center different from anyone else is what they do when they get insecure. We all as human beings have gotten caught in thought habits of how to feel better when we don’t feel good. Our attempts to feel better are all at different levels of consciousness and provide equally different levels of consequence, but regardless they only temporarily change our feeling. When the effect of the drug wears off the person tends to revert back to their thought habits. Suddenly they are back into the swamp of their problems and unending stress.

[little beagle]

:welldone: great discussion on here today.
Being around so much alcohol last night, well I did have a couple of thoughts. It was funny. Our friend we went to the party with had a bottle of something. Not really sure? Some sweet, specialty drink. He was raving about how good it was, ask hubby if he didn't just want a taste. Put a little on his tongue. Hubby just saidcno, better not. That just might be enough. He'd end up drinking the whole bottle and wake up with a pounding head and regretting it. It'd just wake up that monster. Everyone laughed. It isvkind of funny. And good to be able to laugh about it. I was happy not drinking. Knowing I'd have nothing to regret the next day. Hubby even said it was good knowing the next day wouldn't be hung.
But yes, there are still times I struggle, not sure if I would count myself as recovered. I'm still ill inside. I can tell. I can feel it when I eat chocolate. Just kind of a more, more, more sensation. I can just imagine what would happen if I drank that one drink. More, More, More tyst monster would scream!
I'm glad you posted drinking Choices. It does help us. Keeps it fresh. But I'm sorry for you. Glad your here. Not saying this right, but I hope you understand.
Ava I'm glad you're using your support and hanging in there.
G I'm still laughing.

[Choices]

Thanks LB, it did make since. I feel better today. Day 4. Not great physically.. and have pretty much stuck like glue to MWO. I like the image of waking up the monster. It's so true. People are so weird though.. how the man put a little on his tongue. If I read that right.. That's a little bit over the line as far as personal space goes! What kind of sweater was he wearing??

[lifechange]

Hi Gloamers,
I had the busiest weekend ever and foresee a week of the same..
I just had a chance to read most of what's been written the past couple of days. Wonderful exchange.. I am joyous in the fact that I'm recovering. I feel like I am finally on my way, without fear, but on my toes. I don't know what exactly is different this time.. change in perspective for sure, taking alcohol as any sort of "solution or reward" completely off the table, not even letting it enter my mind as anything negative or positive..it's there sometimes, but that's it, teaching myself to sit through discomfort.. dis-ease, which is proving to be the biggest challenge, but which is also proving to work-- during the day, if I'm feeling discomfort, I immediately remove myself from the situation (at work I go to the bathroom or even just step outside the door) and breathe or look in the mirror and remind myself that I am LOVE and strength.. and then I usually laugh because it seems so cheesy. I give and take LOTS of hugs from anyone who will let me! I read here and (at the moment) take a lot from what you are all giving and am very grateful that I have you on my side, on my team, as my source of support. I have slipped or relapsed so many times since signing on here in 2011 and I don't think I ever really believed I could do it. I wanted so badly to have a life without alcohol and to be truly happy, to not feel like I was missing out on something. I don't know why it's taken so long for me to get a grip on the fact that I'm not missing out on anything. I'm only gaining, gaining, gaining.. freedom, health, sanity, happiness, strength, love of myself, confidence.. the list goes on and on... I'm not beating myself up for not "getting it" sooner or questioning too much "why" i'm getting it now.. I'm just trying to put into place everything I've learned so far on this journey, trying to stay in a positive mind-frame with myself, trying to stay in the moment.. in every area of my life.

I'm really happy to be here..