Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[treetops]

Glad that you are not beating yourself up LC. I once (in the past) didn't think I would really quit AL- for all kinds of reasons. There was always an excuse, an out, a justification. Its really freeing when you can stop resisting and accept the ways thing are. Of course its not straight forward - and I am probably one of the most jaded and cynical people on MWO - but it really is a weight when you realize that you dont have to struggle anymore. The arguments are gone. Maybe there are physiological or neurological reasons for this - but i didn't delve into into that. I just know I felt a relief when I knew there was a simple answer for my problems with AL. Of course I had to have a plan and strategies to put that into action. And I did have cravings in the early days.

Now here's another silly observation. As I said some time ago, I have been watching Breaking Bad and although the substance of the moment on it is Meth (which we call 'P' in NZ) there is some drinking. Big big glasses of wine, big glasses of scotch, quite often beer (although beer never has interested me and I am almost blind to the stuff). But its almost always drinking associated with despair, defeat, stress. Its really quite a turn-off although I doubt if that was intentional in the filming. There is some drinking linked to partying - but the other drug gets the prominence. Even the celebratory drinks never work out. So its quite a negative (and in some ways telling) portrayal of AL.

Hope you are all doing well! Lovely pics Choices - that you have on your thread.

[jane27]

Great posts this morning and over the weekend; got me thinking about way that our behaviors and habits change when they fail to help us succeed in reaching our goals. A personal example of a deeply ingrained way of thinking that changed for me when it failed to help me get what I wanted is depressive thinking (I'm so sad, life sucks etc etc). The Gloamers thread has been my homeroom in recovery. Its a place I value a lot because it makes me feel valued (cared about, supported,gives me a sense of community). Waxing profound over and over again about how depressed I was feeling didn't draw my community towards me- it did the exact opposite - because its a downer to be around a downer. I guess its a different spin on the expression you get more bees with honey. Deciding not to feel so down and gloomy isn't something I could make happen like following the steps in a recipe to make brownies- but I DID grow away from feeling so down and gloomy despite years and years and years and years of hard wired depressive thinking. It happened instinctually. I got a little bit sunnier inside and the light in the room became brighter. In a nutshell- instinct taught me to devalue depressive thinking.

Coming around to the topic of words and their meanings, I love the expression, "Praise and blame are all the same." The gist of it is that its important not to place too much importance on other people's approval or disapproval because we can't control other people. The only standards that should matter are our own. Am I the person that I want to be? Am I getting the things that I want? If not, why?
Slip and relapse are both ouchy words in the context of falling back into a pattern of compulsive drinking. "Relapse in Retrospect" (which I love as the name of the thread you started NS) is totally different in meaning to me. In this context to me it means, this is a compendium of stories shared by people about the different ways they got tripped up while trying to take back control of their lives. It is a broad category.

I used to feel uncomfortable and squirmish (not really a word) with the term alcoholic and I definitely looked for ways to make myself feel badly using words along the way. I view the word alcoholic like a size 2 girdle made of a sturdy blend of spandex that doesn't breathe well. I have no use for it and I know all the reasons why.

Choices, Think about how agonizing it can be picking out a shade of white at the paint store when there are 500 different paint chips with alluring names. Make it as simple as possible (no drinking). By taking choices off the table, you'll make the decision easier to make. (if that helps). It helped me...

[j-vo]

I'm sorry to be a 'downer' right now, but I feel that way. I'm trying to be strong, and as I spoke to both parents last night, their frustrations are surfacing in our conversations. I feel bad and tried to give them both comfort. I think I was able to do that, but in turn, I feel my own frustrations for them and their situation. We are watching my mother deteriorate, and Dad as her caretaker. It's really hard to deal with this truth. And I'm feeling how important my sobriety is at this point in time. There's nothing that drinking can change, nothing that it can improve, and to drink at this point would be such added and unnecessary stress. So I will not deal with this situation by sabotaging myself. I will deal with this by talking about it, trying to keep myself moving with my busy life (sometimes I feel like I just wanna stay home and hide under my covers) and focus on the present moment. Also, I don't drink, and that doesn't have to be a struggle on top of everything else. Thanks for listening.

[jane27]

Jvo, I didn't mean to pass any kind of judgment when I referred to my downer posts- or to suggest that everyone be chipper all the rime. If that was what was required I would have fallen out a long time ago. I was talking about my personal experience because it occurred to me last week that I had changed my thinking style a little (and Lord knows it needed changing). This time of year is difficult for many different reasons, and I'm always happy to see Gloamer family members coming here to talk through feelings instead of trying to drown them out with booze. Hugs to you xxx

I'm sorry to be a 'downer' right now, but I feel that way. I'm trying to be strong, and as I spoke to both parents last night, their frustrations are surfacing in our conversations. I feel bad and tried to give them both comfort. I think I was able to do that, but in turn, I feel my own frustrations for them and their situation. We are watching my mother deteriorate, and Dad as her caretaker. It's really hard to deal with this truth. And I'm feeling how important my sobriety is at this point in time. There's nothing that drinking can change, nothing that it can improve, and to drink at this point would be such added and unnecessary stress. So I will not deal with this situation by sabotaging myself. I will deal with this by talking about it, trying to keep myself moving with my busy life (sometimes I feel like I just wanna stay home and hide under my covers) and focus on the present moment. Also, I don't drink, and that doesn't have to be a struggle on top of everything else. Thanks for listening.

[Pie]

Hey J-Vo, Dealing with aging parents is complicated and demanding. Here's an article I stumbled across a couple of years ago, that was an eye-opener, and opened a door to finding other resources. Link is here in case it may help you. It's an interesting story in any event.

What Broke My Father’s Heart: How A Pacemaker Wrecked Our Family’s Life | Katy Butler

[narilly]

Gloamers, I am UN Hung and at work so I don't have time to post much.

Love that JVo, Blame and Praise are all the same. I love that. It is more about what we think of ourselves and not what others think of us. I have to remember that. My brother has said some hurtful things to me and it really hurt me. I mean It Really hurt. I had to really distance myself from him in my heart and realize that he was projecting his unhappiness onto me. I have to love myself and know that I do the best that I can.

TT, Jane, I have been watching the Affair. I Love that show! Wow, I binge watched it and now am patiently waiting for the next episode. Hopefully it is on Canadian Netflix tonight. It is an excellent show.

Hey, I get Elvis today and am SO exicted!! I will let you know how it goes later.
Thanks for being here everyone.

Choices, big hugs from me. Stay on this wagon with us!

xo

[j-vo]

Jane,
I didn't think you were passing any judgment at all. Please don't think that. And I know we're safe to share what we're feeling here. Everyone has their own challenges, and no one can judge or be judged IMHO. No worries, friend. I just thought that was the perfect word after I'd read it for myself at that moment.

Can't wait to hear about Elvis, Nar. So happy for you. Maybe you'll be more successful with potty training that we've been.

Thank you Pie for the article. Eye-opening, for sure. And sad.

So I hope to be in bed really early. It's only 7:00 but I'm feeling my bed calling soon. Wiped out.

Have a good night all.

[jane27]

Jvo, I'm glad!

Nar, you must be over the moon! I hope you post some pictures!

Weird and wet day here in NJ. (Weird because its been freakishly mild temperature wise).

[little beagle]

Jane I'm so glad to see you here. I too have had the habit of negative, depressive thinking. Not drinking has sure helped that though. It gives me something positive to focus on. Plus the 3 ps. Lately I've been thinking of it b as changing the channel on television if something I don't like comes on. Not quite that easy to do, but I've been practicing ghis for awhile. And it gets easier over time.
J-vo I feel for you. Sending you ((hugs)). And I'm here if you need a smile.
Christmas cards tonight. I got Most of them. I'll finish that off tomorrow night.
SO busy this week. I aas thinking of you today Choices. I'm almost overwhelmed. But I'm going to break it down and take it a little at a time. One day, one task. One hour, one minute......as needed.1

[Choices]

Hi everyone, thank you for your thoughts. It's amazingly supportive and well hey...I needed it so thanks. I'm doing well on day 5. It's tough to slow down... I must admit, but I can't go as fast as I was going... Jane I had to kinda laugh at the paint store comparison... As I was a colour consultant in a few different paint stores for years! Nearly a decade..People go nuts especially over white. I just want white! Was a common complaint.. Or which is the most white? Not an easy one to explain. There are about four main blacks too... No easy answers. I think the conversation was so helpful to me though.. Not too much because any word really gets to me on this journey.--- (actually journey creases me sometimes.. Haha) but because it kept my head busy, stimulated.. And my mind was on alcohol anyway so might as well think about language and all the words. Kinda makes me think of when I took Latin in 8th grade. I couldn't have cared less about Latin at that age, but I do think it had to of helped in some ways. On the agenda for the rest of the week happy to say nothing. May go to the gym tomorrow... I am missing it and I forgot my girls backpack at kids club. She has been using my huge nappy bag at school... Not the best look...even though I don't really care. (In a good way). Hubs booked a night away for us this weekend.. He has had it with the busy stuff too. And cancelled a few work functions. You know everyone is so busy I think it is getting a blur who shows up anyway.. Sanity saving for our little family at the moment.

[Choices]

Hi everyone, thank you for your thoughts. It's amazingly supportive and well hey...I needed it so thanks. I'm doing well on day 5. It's tough to slow down... I must admit, but I can't go as fast as I was going... Jane I had to kinda laugh at the paint store comparison... As I was a colour consultant in a few different paint stores for years! Nearly a decade..People go nuts especially over white. I just want white! Was a common complaint.. Or which is the most white? Not an easy one to explain. There are about four main blacks too... No easy answers. I think the conversation was so helpful to me though.. Not too much because any word really gets to me on this journey.--- (actually journey creases me sometimes.. Haha) but because it kept my head busy, stimulated.. And my mind was on alcohol anyway so might as well think about language and all the words. Kinda makes me think of when I took Latin in 8th grade. I couldn't have cared less about Latin at that age, but I do think it had to of helped in some ways. On the agenda for the rest of the week happy to say nothing. May go to the gym tomorrow... I am missing it and I forgot my girls backpack at kids club. She has been using my huge nappy bag at school... Not the best look...even though I don't really care. (In a good way). Hubs booked a night away for us this weekend.. He has had it with the busy stuff too. And cancelled a few work functions. You know everyone is so busy I think it is getting a blur who shows up anyway.. Sanity saving for our little family at the moment.

[Pavati]

I'm here - still working and heading to bed. Will read back later, but wanted to check in and say hi.

Good to see you, Jane!

Pav

[narilly]

Hi Everyone!
Yes, Elvis is home and is the cutest dog EVER! I have to figure out how to put pictures on here. I have been on this site for ages but still don't know how to post a picture.
Jane, you are the best at posting pics!

I know all about the colour white. I am a buyer and so many times I have to buy some building material that is white...well what kind of white? There are so many kinds of white, I either need a sample or a number to tell me which one I am buying. I have a desk full of paint samples to use.

Anyway, I am at work Un Hung and happy with my precious little Christmas Present- The King does arrive at Christmas- ELVIS!

[j-vo]

Hi all,
I had kind of a crappy day again today. Went out to smoke at my lunch. I was fuming at what had happened in my classroom and my mind drifted to a drink. I thought of the drink, then I thought not of the relief I would get but the crap that would happen afterwards. The self-hate, depression, and every ugly thing I could think of. Got my nap after work, and in my drinking dream, I was struggling to stay away from it. I saw it, but I didn't drink it. I saw everyone else drinking and it bothered me. Just needed to share that.

Basketball game tonight. Another thing...my son's head basketball coach was in the news for being accused of verbally abusing the players. All the players were called in and questioned today. Coach is suspended until investigation is over. He's always been good to son, yelled at him when he needed a kick in the ass, but also has a habit of using words that he shouldn't. Hopefully he'll be back on the court by Friday and learn from this.

[Choices]

Sorry your having some rough days Jvo.. not much advice but feeling for you. And glad your staying strong. You sure seam to be going through the wars, and your doing really well. I hope things ease up. Because I've been drinking so much coffee.. I'm having coffee dreams! I had dream I worked at the coffee shop where I get my coffee and got in a major fight with one of the girls.. In the dream she told me I was a bad worker. Weird. I've been thinking about that praise is the same as shame.. Jane... it's a good point.