Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Pavati]

Hi, Gloamers:

TT - So sorry about THE THING. I hate THINGS over which we have no control.

Jane - Sorry about the accident. I work at school and there was a bad crash this week. The kids were all unhurt, but two more feet one way or the other and they would have been over a cliff. SO scary as my son is a new driver himself. They think they're untouchable.

Choices, sounds like a good interaction, even if it was tough. Hard to believe not everybody thinks of AL like we do. I HATED those dreams, although I loved waking up and realizing it was a dream. I can't tell you how long it has been since I had one.

Anyway - off for dinner and family time. Love to you gloamers.

xo
Pav

[j-vo]

TT, hope your 'thing' gets sorted out. When it rains it pours. So much on top of holiday stuff. Glad you're posting and staying close.

Jane, love my new avatar! Thank you for posting that. Now I'l be looking for a new one at each milestone!

Have a good family night Pav.

Choices, have a nice weekend away. Enjoy good and relaxing time with hubby.

Night all.

[Choices]

Meant to say congrats Jvo! Love your new avatar.. Well done you! Especially with all that has been on your plate. Very inspirational.

I'm away with the fam and it is wonderful. We have a tiny kitchen so made dinner in our room and hubs did most of it. The weather is ideal and yeah.. Pretty grateful to be stress free at the moment. I realized today that we are only actually home for two days and then gone again. So really, really glad to be in new environments. And to double parent. Especially during my edgy moments.. No cravings.. Just realizing that al had really crept back into a crutch.. Even though I was meditating, working out, yoga, eating healthy...

I'm not doing any of that now that I'm on my last quit for the time being.. I'm finding that edge just too jagged. I wouldn't say I'm white knuckles.. But definitely aware of how tender I need to be with myself during the edgy times.. They had really eased up the last time.. But this time it is acute. The addiction is really yelling at me.. Now I finally get the analogy of waking the beast.

Nar.. It's amazing how the months can just fly by if your still drinking with the intent of quitting. I've been back at MWO for two months now. Just reinforces that stop start is more then just one night etc.. Even though technically it was..

It's all in my head but I would love to just be back at the place I was a week ago and rode that out.. If I try and learn my lesson, I'm glad I know.. There isn't anymore get out of jail free cards in the pile. I'm not scared but very determined.

[j-vo]

Choices, I'm glad you're taking it easier on yourself. Yes, to do all of that sounds like a perfectly balanced life, one that in time may be great. But to put too much pressure to ensure all of that gets done, even if it's all healthy, can put as much stress on someone as a negative stressor.

Going to wrap gifts today, organize myself for my trip to Florida next week, and that's it. I don't have to go anywhere which makes me happy. Have a good day all.

[narilly]

Choices that sounds really nice being away with the fam. I love going away with my family although thats when I really get the urge to drink..lol.

Florida sounds good too. What a nice place to go for Christmas. I hope your mom and dad are doing ok...I know it is a stressful time.

TT, THE THING sounds awful. Whatever it is I know you will get through it. I hope it doesnt spoil your Christmas.

Enjoy your dinner Pav. I just dropped my son off at his last final. He drove and was pretty good. I was a bit leary because the roads are slippery since it is -5 and there is ice on the road. Winter driving is an important skill we have to have up here in Canada. I might go to the new Star Wars movie tonight with my son. I love Star Wars and really hope I can go.

Enjoy your sober Saturday and Un Hung Sun. I LIVE for Un Hung mornings now! Elvis is sitting between my feet as I am typing, we are in love

[Eloise]

Nar + Elvis= a new found frienship! So lovely.
I hope I will have a little Elvis to look after me too one day.

[Choices]

Hi everyone. We are back, I'm really tired in a good way hubs is off to a poker game so just chilling out with my daughter. Swam in the sea today and it was very cold but first swim of the season. Didn't feel edgy today at all. 7pm and done with dinner.. Not to much clean up which is a bonus.. I'm really grateful I didn't feel the lest bit anxious today. I hope you enjoyed you movie Nar. I am half Canadian and went to see my family on the east coast once for New Years.. I couldn't believe the conditions on the road seamed like it was always a blizzard the whole time I was there... But it didn't really shut down anything... Like it would have where I was from. Winter driving is definitely a skill. Hope everyone is well and enjoying their weekend.

[jane27]

Hi Gang,

Just a pop in to say goodnight. 3rd day on Rexulti and my review is as follows: this shit is good! Love to all

[j-vo]

Hi El!! How are you?

Last night I had a drinking dream. One that I really remembered. I was with my family at the beach. Everyone was drinking, so I caved. I remember drinking really fast and it hit me really fast. And as I was in this state, I started to lose my memory and black out. The next day, GSR's were with me, and very strong. In my dream, I wanted to ask my family what I said or did, but I was afraid to, because I didn't want to hear the truth. I remember that I tried to pretend I was ok, didn't feel bad, but in reality, I felt like crap. So, that's what I woke up to this morning. But I can say I'm so grateful it was only a dream.

Today, I'm meeting high school friends for our annual Xmas luncheon. There's only four of us. Last year we met was the night I fell down the steps and ended up in the ER. Friend posted a pic on Facebook, and that's the only thought about that picture that crossed my mind. That and the thought "thank God I won't have a repeat of last year." Another pic she posted was of us October 19th and that was the day before my LAFQ.

Mr JVO asked me how I would handle the luncheon today (he asked me this last night). I got a little freaked because we always have wine - me three everyone else one). My one friend texted the group about today and I didn't get it because my phone was not near me yesterday, then she texted me on my iPad separately. I got that. She asked me if 1;00 was good and I said yes. Then I proceeded to tell her that I was at the docs last week for panic attacks and I'm on anti-anxiety meds. I know lying is not my norm behavior, but I didn't want any questions or peer pressure to deal with today.

Lots of things this morning to remind me of the bad effects of AL. Thanks for letting me vent my thoughts.

[treetops]

Good luck J-Vo and you will do this.
I also had a drinking dream last night. In it I found an old stale glass of gin and tonic which I tasted for old times sake (not to drink but to see what it tasted like) and then I threw it away. I also clearly recalled in my dream the agony of a hangover on a very hot day (as today will be here) after drinking far too much gin. Always good to have a reminder once in a while but it's not fear just a memory for me now. I really liked the taste of gin and tonics and lime but would always drink far too much. Friends would sit on one cocktail but not me.

Hi there to everyone else. How is Mr Elvis?
Does Red get a social treat for Christmas, Jane?

[Choices]

Hi Jvo, I think I would have maybe lied on this one myself. It's good your husband is checking in with you as well. I think you've got it too. Your doing really well. When I think if your falling down the stairs memory I feel a lot of compassion. Did your friends know this happened? Im sure they will support you, and you'll have a good time. Strangely enough, I also had a drinking dream. And in it I was fighting with hubs.... Our parents had to break it up and mediate. (Our parents don't even know each other)... I had a wicked red wine headache... And dry mouth. During the mediation. Yuck. Enjoy the weather today TT. A stale g&t hangover on a hot day would be miserable. Hello to everyone else!

[jane27]

Morning Gloamers! TT, I'm VERY into special treats (for me, Red, you guys, EVERYONE), and I like them as frequently as is possible within the parameters of not being so frequent that they no longer feel special (darn was it tough to put words to that one lol)

I have a question I thought would be fun for us each to share about. Tell about a time someone paid you a compliment and it made you feel really good (proud, special etc). Include the who, when, where, (and what, of course) as possible.

For me, its a compliment I've gotten from my Dad a handful of times in recent years. At least one time in person, and one time on the phone. He sort of teared up put a hand on my shoulder and said, "I am so farking* proud of you. Look at what you have done , ALL BY YOURSELF." One of the reasons it makes me feel so good is because I feel like he understands that it was lousy odds having no parental role models or support system. No one told me to do anything (forget about how). I remember the insinuation that I would marry, be wealthy and live happily every after...and I believed it until around the time I turned 14, 15...and kids were talking about college, and they all seemed to be riding the same automatic sidewalk, That's when I began to realize that I was NOT on an automatic sidewalk, but it was a while that people passed me by before I realized I had to do anything to create a life for myself .

My Dad has said it before, but it was only recently that I felt it for what it was. He really GETS that I had to pull rabbits out of hats, bushwack, bullshit, tapdance, and with with rolled up sleeves & extremely hurt feelings put my nose to the grindstone. I am not/ was never good at school. That made things challenging. Anyway, when he tells me with tears in his eyes that he is so fucking proud of me, I know that he gets it. That someone that really knows my circumstances gets it. That he's proud of me and sorry that things were so hard, that he couldn't of done more, that he thinks I am REALLY special- hardworking, bright and talented. And it makes me feel so good. Like warm butter on toast, hot cocoa on a chilly day, or cuddles with Red. The best kind of good.
I hope you guys will share your compliment stories too. Love to all

[NoSugar]

It made me feel genuinely good when I was told that the way I'd expressed something on MWO helped someone choose not to drink. It helps make my experience seem less awful and pointless if I can pass on what I've learned to someone else.

[j-vo]

It was a nice luncheon, and we have a gift exchange. I decided to pick the small one to avoid possible alcohol gifts, and I was right! One had a fifth of vodka with some cute accessories. Two of the four girls drank (me not the one drinking!). They drink from time to time, but it's not going to hurt their health like I was doing to myself. It was a nice, long lunch, lots of laughs and we talked about how we ended up right where we should be.

That was a nice story, Jane. Thanks for sharing. Sometimes it's good to think of times when people have paid a compliment, because too much of my time is focused on the negative. I hope the longer I'm away from alcohol, the better my self-esteem will become and maybe that'll change. I'll have to think of one and will report back.

[little beagle]

Very busy weekend. But I'm here.
Glad everyone is doing good.
Congratulations J-vo.
Jane I'll think about the compliment and get back to you.